Torn Hearts

by M. E. Gordon

  Stepping out, I turned on a little lamp that I used to have for keeping the boogey man away.

  “Oh, intimate lighting,” he said, wiggling his eyebrows.

  I watched him as he raised his camera to his face. I stood maybe six feet away from him, and finally smiled for the camera.

  “Hey, what happened to just one?” I asked as he pushed the button for the fourth time in a row.

  “When you look this good, I can’t take just one.”

  Shaking my head, I smiled at him, my face heating up from his compliment.

  All right he wants a show, I’ll give him a show. As he continued to click away, I took my sweatshirt off and tossed it on the floor. The clicking immediately stopped and he lowered his camera. I saw that sly smile fade as desire took over.

  Raising my hands, I ran them through my hair and down my body. Latching them in my pants, I wiggled then stepped out of them. I can’t believe I’m doing this but the danger of him taking picture of me at my most vulnerable brings on a new excitement. Standing in front of his camera, in only my bra and panties was liberating. Why shouldn’t I feel this good? I had a man who clearly adored me and wasn’t here to judge me. I felt amazing.

  Plus there’s a delete button. I already checked!

  I flipped my head back. My hair fell perfectly around my face and body. It was long enough to reach the bottom of my back and, with its natural blonde highlights and thickness, it was by far my favorite asset.

  “So is this what happens on a photo shoot?” I asked while doing my best impression of a model.

  “Umm, no. I have never done this before. You’re going to have to go easy on me. I’m a virgin,” he said, smiling before bringing the camera back up.

  “Oh, really?” I watched as he swallowed and nodded his answer. “Well, you should always make sure that the model feels comfortable,” I said, rubbing hand over my hips.

  “And what would make my model more comfortable?” he asked.

  “Strip.” That was all I said and it didn’t take him long to put the camera down and drop his pants.

  He rushed over, and I was all but knocked down as he knelt down before me. His arms wrapped around my ass. He kissed my stomach and gripped my hips tightly before letting go and snapping another picture up at me.

  “There’s really good light down here you should join me”

  “Simon, there’s no light down there.”

  Taking the lamp from the table he placed it on the floor next to him. “Look, light,” he said smugly.

  I knelt down on the ground with him and he kissed me. Finally letting the camera go, he used both his hands to undo the clasp on my bra.

  Freed from its wires, I arched into the hand that was caressing me. His other hand wrapped around my neck, urging me to lie down. His lips felt like warm sunlight as he made his way down my neck and over my chest.

  A hand ran up my leg, halting just over the edge of my underwear. Closing my eyes, I waited for him to slip a finger in but was disappointed when I felt the sudden distance between us.

  I opened my eyes just in time to see the camera cover his face as he began taking pictures of me again. I wanted to be upset or disgusted, but I wasn’t. I was turned on. Like really turned on. I didn’t want him to put it down. I watched him as he took picture after picture of me. Sitting up on one elbow, I beckoned him with a finger.

  “My turn,” I said, reaching for the camera.

  Lowering it, he raised an eyebrow at me. If I could trust him to take a picture of me basically naked, he sure as hell better let me take one of him.

  “Hand it over,” I said seductively.

  “Okay, just push this button.”

  Taking the camera from him, I looked through the window and zoomed in on his perfectly sculpted face. I then zoomed out and admired his body, strong and thick and--What the heck? He looked shy and awkward as if he didn’t know what to do with himself.

  “Come on you can do better than that,” I said, trying to encourage him. A few more snaps and he began to relax. “Ah that’s more like it. You’re a natural. Have you done this before?” I asked, moving the camera from my face.

  “No, now hand it back over,” he said, holding his hand out.

  “Not so fun on the others side, is it?” I asked, laughing.

  “Oh it’s fun, but I want to fuck you right now and I’d rather both of us have our hands free.”

  Oh, shit! I put the camera down next to me just as he covered me with his body.

  Lying on the floor of my closet, damp with sweat, I felt chilled. Sitting up, I straddled him. His hardness twitched back to life as he reached over to grab the camera again.

  “Damn, you look good after sex,” he said as he took a few more.

  “Now you know you have to delete these,” I said, covering the lens.

  “Why is that?” he asked, moving me so he could turn on his side to face me.

  “Because I don’t need to see naked pictures of myself.”

  “I got bad news for you then, because I do. I need to see these naked pictures of you every night that I’m away from you.” I slapped his chest, making him fall onto his back, laughing. “Seriously, we’ll both go through them. I’ll only keep the ones you let me.”

  Ha, fine by me. They will all be bad in my eyes so problem solved. Control+A+Del--done!

  Sitting in bed with the covers pulled up around us, Simon loaded the memory card into his laptop and we began the easy process of deleting everything. We went through the family pictures first and there were quite a few that I thought Gran would like so that was a surprise. Placing those in a folder, he went on to the more risqué ones.

  Of course, he was perfect in all of the ones I took. Maybe I should look in to photography as a second career. Or maybe not. I was mortified as I watched him click through my strip tease frame by frame. I might have been mortified but he sure wasn’t. I didn’t know what to watch--the photos or the sheet growing off his lap.

  “Okay, well delete all those except for the first few where I’m fully clothed,” I said, pointing to the screen.

  “What are you talking about? Look at this,” he said, blowing up a picture of me with my arms raised above my head. I was looking dead on into camera in only my bra and underwear, and, damn it, it looked okay. Thank God, for soft lighting.

  Okay, on to the hard core stuff. I closed my eyes and covered them for extra resistance not to look.

  “Will you put your hands down and just look. You’re beautiful, just open your eyes,” he said, taking my hands away from my face.

  Opening my eyes slowly, I watched the pictures change every few seconds. I was amazed at what I saw. It wasn’t gross, or disgusting. It was art. It was beautiful--it was me! First was a picture of my lips, then my eyes, my hand covering my breast, the curve of my waist, the crook of my neck where his hand caressed it. It was tasteful and stunning. There was one of my bare chest as I lay on the floor, looking up at him, and I knew that that was how he saw me.

  He saw the beauty in me, the curve of my body, the roundness of my hips, the rolls on my side as I twisted beneath him. And even though I saw those imperfections--for the first time, I didn’t mind, because he didn’t mind.

  He had always told me the truth and I had a feeling he always would.

  Okay, so they weren’t all perfect. But the ones that were, I let him keep. Placing the laptop on the night stand, we settled down in the bed, looking at one another.

  There was obviously something on his mind as he played with a strand of my hair.

  “I want to ask you something,” he finally said. I nodded for him to go on. “I’ve been working on opening a gallery, to showcase my work. I guess what I’m asking is, I want to use the pictures we took tonight, the ones of you.”

  I think my jaw just hit the mattress. He wanted to use naked pictures of me in a gallery for the world to see. Oh the fucking paparazzi and media would have a field day with that. I can hear it now. Elizabeth Monroe turned porn s
tar after being dumped by hottest man alive. Yeah, I don’t know about all that. How do I politely say no, and tell him if he does, then I’m going to chop his balls off.

  “Simon, I don’t know. I mean, what would everyone say?”

  Frowning at my answer he leaned over and kissed my lips tenderly. “They’d say, ‘Damn that photographer is one lucky bastard.’ That’s what they’d say.”

  Caressing his cheek, I shook my head, smiling.

  “You are beautiful, those pictures are beautiful, and the world deserves to see them. Let me show the world what I see every time that I’m with you. Please.”

  Should I trust him? I do trust him, but these are naked pictures of me. Well, not really. I mean, there was maybe two that showed my boobs but the rest were tasteful. Ahh, what the hell? I’m sure I’m going to regret this but--

  “Okay, fine. You can use them but only the ones I said. Nothing else, got it? And you better have deleted them and not just put them in a different file.”

  “Really? I can use them?” he said, surprised.

  “You want me to change my mind?” I asked, cocking my head.

  “No. No. Thank you. I will only use the ones you just approved, promise.”

  Chapter 28

  Our few days away from reality were amazing, but here we were, back to the daily grind. Teddy and Simon had dropped us girls off at home and went on their way, both having been called into work.

  There I was, once again staring at the bottom of my suitcase. Still wrapped in the delicate tissue paper, to protect the stunning bead work, sat the dress Spencer had given me. Reaching for a hanger from my closet, I carefully hung the dress up.

  It’s disgusting. Not the dress, the dress is gorgeous. The fact that I was so affected by him was sickening. Just when I felt that I was free, he dangled himself in front of me like a carrot to a reindeer. I was tired of it. I was tired of feeling so torn. In a few days it was going to be over. I just had to keep reminding myself that.

  ***

  The week went by faster than I had anticipated. I was making sure to steer clear of anything that might involve seeing or even being in the same vicinity as Spencer. I even gave up the opportunity to be in pictures with my brothers at the club. They had hired Simon to take a few for publicity purposes. Not that it needed any. Between Spencer and my break up and now Teddy and Gia’s love story on blast, I was positive there wasn’t a person alive who hadn’t heard of us or the club.

  I had been stressing about it all week, and the day had finally come. I sat anxiously on the couch, waiting for Simon to arrive. How perfect would it be if Spencer tried to call him out or they got into some sort of ‘my cocks bigger than yours’ fight. Now that I thought about it, seeing them both all hot and aggressive might have been a hell of a turn on. Ugh what am I thinking? That would be horrible--kind of.

  “How was your day?” I tried to act nonchalant, but from the look on Simon’s, face it didn’t come across that way. I watched him carry our Chinese over and place it on the coffee table.

  “It was good. You should have come.”

  Ha, I don’t think so. I was not going to take the chance of being caught between the two of them--literally. “We ended up sitting around bullshitting for an hour while we waited.”

  “What were you waiting for? Did Gia come by? I haven’t talked to her today. Was it Charles that was late? Charles is always late. He’s going to be late for his own funeral, I swear it. What was his excuse?” I asked, while he sat down next to me.

  “That’s a lot of questions. Are you okay? Is something bothering you?” he asked.

  I shook my head quickly and tried to play it off.

  “It was Salvatore we were waiting for,” he said, and I knew there was no color in my face.

  “Oh...umm.” I was speechless. “Did he--I mean was he--”

  “It was fine, Beth. He didn’t say anything to me, and I didn’t say anything to him. Although I wanted to punch him in the face for treating you like shit, I let it roll off my shoulders, because I’m professional like that. I don’t go around clocking my clients.”

  All I could do was nod.

  “Relax, babe, it’s over. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere, even Mr. Billionaire himself couldn’t get me to leave you.”

  Smiling up at him, I kissed his lips.

  “Can we eat now? Your cheap brothers didn’t feed me.”

  Laughing, we pulled out our food and began eating out dinner.

  During dinner Gia arrived back home and, by the time we had finished, she was all dressed up and getting ready to leave again.

  We watched as she tied a scarf around her neck and pulled her jacket on. “Where are you going all dressed up?” I asked.

  “I’m meeting up with some friends from work. We’re just going to Notty’s for a few drinks, very low key,” she said, shrugging her shoulders.

  Notty’s was a local bar around the corner. It was small and only locals went.

  “Well, watch out. The hounds are out to get you and Teddy. Make sure you go out the back.”

  Ever since our trip to New York, Gia, Teddy, and Charles had been dragged into the wonderful world of being chased down by grown men with cameras.

  “Will do,” she said, saluting me.

  “Be careful. Call me if you need anything.”

  “You got it,” she called back just as the door closed.

  An hour later I was comfortably sleeping in Simons arms on the couch as he watched some action movie. I felt his phone vibrate before it rang. Sitting up, he reached in his pocket to answer. Checking the screen, he cursed to himself.

  “Goddamn it. Can’t she do anything on her own?”

  I watched as he got up from the couch.

  “I got to get this,” he said, turning to walk in the kitchen.

  This definitely wasn’t something new. I had almost come to expect it. It was what he did. He was at the beck and call of his boss and, until he had saved up enough to open his gallery, he was stuck.

  “I have to go,” he said, sighing from the kitchen table where he was currently putting his jacket on.

  I went to meet him at the door. “Simon, its fine. I’m just going to go to bed.”

  “I know. I just hate leaving you.”

  Perfect, this man is freaking perfect. “You have to work. It might not be what you want to do now, but just think about opening your gallery, and that it’s all going to be worth it in the end.”

  He turned away from me, huffing in frustration. “I don’t know, Beth, I think after the club, I’m going to quit. I just can’t do it anymore. It’s not who I want to be anymore. I want to be with you and, if I keep doing this, there’s no way I can keep it up.”

  He brushed a strand of hair out of my face. There was a hurt in his warm brown eyes.

  “Well, you have to do what’s right for you. I’m not going anywhere.” There was more to this than he was telling me, but I trusted him, and I wasn’t going to let him down. I would be there for him through it all.

  Kissing my lips, he turned to leave.

  “Call me tomorrow,” I said, holding on tightly to his thick bicep.

  Kissing me again, he rested his forehead on mine. “You know I will. I love you.”

  That was the moment. I wanted to say it back to him. I didn’t feel pressured or guilty. I loved him. After everything we’d been through, I really loved him. “I love you, too,” I said with my forehead still resting on his. “Ahh!” I screamed as he lifted me up.

  Holding me tightly around my waist, he spun me before placing me back on the ground and leaving a fierce kiss on my lips. “I needed that. You have no idea how good it feels to hear you say that.”

  It felt just as good to tell him. “All right. Well, I love you. Now get out there, go to work, and bring me that bacon,” I said, laughing and pushing him away and toward the door.

  “Oh, I’ll bring you some bacon,” he said with a wink.

  “Bye, Simon, call me tomorrow.”r />
  I kissed his cheek and closed the door slowly on him. Standing there, I felt relieved, happy, giddy even. I’d just told another human being that wasn’t part of my family that I loved them, and he loved me back.

  Jumping in bed, I grabbed a book and tried to calm myself down. An hour later, I had drifted off to sleep.

  The sound of my phone going off woke me. A new message from Simon. Immediately, I opened it.

  Hey, baby. Just remember I love you.

  That was weird. I never would have pegged him for someone who wasn’t confident in a relationship, but throughout all of this, even before he-who-won’t-be-named, Simon was fighting something inside of himself. The first few times when we hung out, he was cocky and confident. Then once we spent more time together, once he got to know me, he acted differently. I didn't know where any of this was coming from and the last thing I wanted to do was give him any reason to think that I had forgotten how he felt. I made that mistake once but I wasn't going to make it again. I texted him back. How could I ever forget? I love you, too!

  ***

  Is that hammering? I sat up in bed just as Gia came barreling through my bedroom door.

  “Beth, wake up! Now!” she said, walking in and making herself comfortable on my bed. Her laptop was in her arms, the light from the screen was blinding.

  “What the hell, Gia? It’s 6:40 in the morning. What could possibly be that important that you have to wake me up?” I said, rubbing my eyes.

  “Look at this,” she said, putting the computer in my lap. I let my eyes adjust to the brightness. “Well?” she asked.

  “Hold on. I can’t see anything. Let my eyes focus for a minute--geeze, if this is a picture of me, I really--” I choked on my words as I realized what I was looking at. It was a picture on Fame and it wasn’t me. It was Gia and Charles kissing outside of Nottys! “What the fuck is going on, Gia?” I asked, still looking through all the pictures that were posted. Scrolling down I read the caption.