The Wolf Within Me

by Cheree Alsop

  I stood in the middle of a cemetery. It was night; the cool breeze made the hair stand up on my arms. I blinked and looked around, trying to figure out if I was still in a dream. The scent of crushed grass beneath my bare feet touched my nose. I wiggled my toes and glanced down. The feeling of the cold grass was definitely real, which meant that everything else was real. But how had I gotten there?

  I turned in a slow circle. Tombstones of every shape and size surrounded me. The cemetery was old, the gravestones covered in moss and overgrown. The words on the stone in front of me were illegible, weathered and aged until nothing decipherable was left.

  Turning around, I saw the school behind me, its towers illuminated by the moonlight that blanketed my back and arms. But that made no sense. The school was in the middle of the city. There was no place for an ancient cemetery surrounded by trees. I had to be sleeping. I took a step toward the school.

  “Ouch!”

  I lifted my foot and stared at the twig that protruded from the bottom of it. Gritting my teeth, I pulled the twig free. A small dark spot of blood filled the hole it had left. Either it was the most realistic dream I had ever had, or I was awake. The thought terrified me.

  “Why are you here?”

  I spun around, but there was nobody in sight. The voice had been feminine and faint.

  “I don’t know,” I replied. I felt stupid saying the words aloud, but talking to myself was the least of my problems at that moment.

  “Nobody comes here except the Headmaster.”

  The voice was behind me. I turned, but again saw nothing.

  “I-I’m new to the school. I’m supposed to be sleeping in my room,” I said for lack of any other explanation.

  A tremble ran through me. I could feel the way my body wanted to respond to the moonlight. The wolf was stronger here; instincts whispered that it would be easier to protect myself in this unknown place as a wolf. I fought back against the urge to change form and pain rolled through me. I hunched over and my breath caught in my throat.

  “Are you alright?”

  Colors caught the corner of my eye. I glanced to the left and saw a form standing near a tombstone. My heartbeat slowed and I rose, the pain pushed to the background at the sight.

  “A-are you a ghost?” The words escaped my lips before I could stop them.

  A look of disdain crossed her face. “I’m a girl,” she replied.

  Her voice cut through me with the force of a winter wind. I took a step back in the face of her anger.

  “I’m sorry,” I quickly replied. “I was mistaken. I-I think I’ve been sleepwalking.”

  She nodded. “You must have been to be out here.” She looked around as if just realizing where we were. A slight crease formed on her brow. “To be honest, I’m not really sure why I’m here, either.”

  “How did you get here?” I asked.

  She shook her head with a small lift of her shoulders. It was then I noticed why she appeared so strange. Instead of settling on her shoulders, her hair floated around her as though she was caught underwater. When she shook her head, the strands drifted back and forth like seaweed. It was unsettling and beautiful in the same time as though the moonlight that haunted me held her in a watery embrace.

  “What’s your name?” I asked to distract her from the worry I read on her face.

  “Mezania Brown,” she replied. She dropped into a curtsey like I had seen on old movies. “And who are you?”

  “Finnley Briscoe, but most people call me Finn,” I replied. I gave a little bow. It felt ridiculous. Bowing definitely wasn’t my thing. I had never done it before, and given the humored expression on her face, I wouldn’t be doing it again.

  “It’s good to meet you, Finn,” she said.

  “You, too.” I wasn’t sure what else to say to her. I was about to comment on something mundane like the weather when another surge of pain tore through me. I gasped and wrapped my arms around my stomach in an effort to stop it.

  “Are you alright?” she asked.

  I looked up to see that she had stepped closer, though when I looked at her feet, they were a few inches from even sweeping the tops of the grass in which I stood. I tried to make sense of it, but another surge of agony brought me to my knees. A cry escaped my lips as I fought back the need to phase.

  Her voice was close to panic when she asked, “What’s wrong?”

  I shook my head, unable to speak past my clenched jaw. Anything I did hurt. I closed my eyes tight, willing the pounding in my head to slow. Every surge of my racing heart sent more agony through me until I thought I would black out.

  I couldn’t fight it any longer. I released my control as tears squeezed from my closed eyes. The moment I gave in, the phase took over. My limbs pulled and changed, tearing my clothes away as they did so. I felt my chest deepen and my face change. The fur ran along my arms and back in a prickling sensation. I felt a tingling at the base of my spine as my tail grew. My fingers pulled into paws and fangs took over where my flat teeth had been, protruding further from my gums. My ears moved higher and my neck thickened.

  I had no idea how long it took, but it felt as though only seconds had passed to leave me gasping on four feet instead of two, my head hung low and my bigger lungs pulling in massive breaths as I struggled to come to terms with the fact that I had changed form again.

  A sound caught my ear. I took a breath through my elongated nose and let it out through my mouth; as I did so, I counted slowly to ten in my mind the way my stepmother had taught me to calm down. When I reached ten, I felt more centered and in control despite the fact that I was completely out of anything even remotely related to control at that moment. I lifted my head slowly and met Mezania’s gaze.

  She screamed.

  I should have expected it, but for some reason I had hoped it would be different. I was standing in a cemetery that shouldn’t exist behind a school that was apparently haunted; I had hoped I was still in a dream given all of the ridiculous facts, including the girl whose hair seemed caught in an ocean current and whose feet didn’t touch the ground. Yet fear filled her blue gaze and made her hands tremble as she took several floating steps backward.

  I wanted to tell her that I wouldn’t hurt her, but the sharp whine that came out seemed to fuel her fear instead.

  “D-don’t touch me,” she said, her voice shaking. “S-stay where you are.”

  I sunk to my stomach in an effort to show her that I wouldn’t hurt her, but she continued to back away until she reached the closest headstone. When her back touched it, she spun around as if in fear that another wolf stood behind her. Her hair flowed with the movement, the black locks showing the purple of a raven’s wing in the moonlight when she paused.

  I thought she would feel better when she saw it wasn’t another beast. There was a moment of pure silence in which even the crickets that had filled the cemetery with their night song kept quiet. But the stillness was broken by the tiniest catch in the girl’s breath. She reached out a trembling hand toward the tombstone, then pulled it back before she actually touched it. A sob escaped her and she ran past the stone deeper into the cemetery. I watched her until she was out of sight. I couldn’t hear her footsteps in the darkness. The thought made me wonder if her flight had made a sound at all.

  I rose and padded slowly to the tombstone. It amazed me how natural it felt to walk on four feet. The feeling of the grass beneath my paws and the whisper of the breeze along my fur sent a thrill through me that I knew came more from the wolf than myself. I fought back the urge to bare my teeth and focused on the stone.

  Maybe I should have been surprised to see the name Mezania Brown carved into the face of the gravestone that was nearly as tall as I was in my wolf form, but given the circumstances of the night, I think I expected something melodramatic like a flash of lightning or the howl of a wolf to coincide with the reading of her name. The silence that followed felt expectant, hollow, as if the lack of such heralds was almost a disappointment to whatev
er fate had led me to that moment. It almost made me lift my head and be the wolf who howled and sent shivers down the spines of any listening ears.

  But I was the least dramatic person I knew. I had another urge, one nearly as ridiculous as the clichéd howling at the moon. I hesitated, humor lifting my lips in an expression I’m sure would have terrified anyone who saw it. I snorted and turned my back on the tombstone without peeing on it as the droll voice in the back of my mind had urged me to do. I wouldn’t have appreciated a wolf or dog or anyone, for that matter, peeing on my grave, so I gave the girl the same respect. Whether this was a real situation or one my mind had conjured up during some very realistic dream, I was determined to maintain some semblance of humanity.

  I turned toward the school just visible through the trees. It was the only familiar thing in the strange land. Even the scent of the trees and the moss beneath them didn’t strike me as similar to anything I had ever seen. I had the strange feeling that even though I could see the school, I was further away than I knew. I broke into a run, pushing my wolven body far faster than I could run as a human. The unfamiliar form responded, stretching out and practically flying over the ground. It would have been euphoric if I hadn’t been so terrified about where I was and the wolf form itself. Though I loved to run, I forbade myself from finding any enjoyment at doing so in such an effortless form.

  I had no idea how I would open a door if the one to the Academy was closed. Fortunately, I reached the end of the trees and crossed the grass between the tree line and the school to find that the only door in sight was ajar. I nudged it open with my nose and padded inside. The thought that my wolf body wasn’t even tired given the distance of the run pushed against my mind. I took a few steps forward and stared at the room in which I found myself.

  Doors lined the wall on either side of the long room. There were at least thirty of them. Strange scents drifted from the cracks beneath them, tangling in my nose like an alluring tapestry that promised other strange locations. They stood tightly shut unlike the one I had just entered. As soon as the thought crossed my mind, the door behind me slammed shut with a bang loud enough to make me jump.

  I loped through the room and out of the door at the end with my heart pounding in my chest. My tail had just cleared it when that door slammed closed as well. This time I turned with a snarl, hoping to tell whoever was doing it that I wasn’t in any mood to be messed with.

  Nobody was there, but when I glanced to the right, I realized I wasn’t alone in the long, dark hallway.

  A girl with pale skin and midnight black hair that fell past her waist stood near a small, winding staircase. She had her hand raised to her mouth and there was an expression of pure fear on her face as she stared at me.

  I immediately dropped to my belly the way I had done with the ghost girl in the hopes of appearing less intimidating, but it was clear by her wide eyes that it didn’t help. I could actually smell the sour tang of fear wafting from her. I stored the thought that emotions had scents in the back of my mind. I couldn’t blame her for being afraid of my snarl. The ferocity had surprised me as well. I gave a soft whine for lack of anything else I could do and wagged my tail slowly.

  To my shock, the girl’s lips pulled back in a chilling rictus and a hiss escaped her. My heartbeat sped up at the sight of her elongated canine teeth. Along with the fear, I smelled a copper scent coming from her; my mind categorized it as blood.

  Be afraid. The words of instinct whispered in my mind and sent a tremor racing across my skin. I backed up several steps, my muscles tense in case she attacked. Instead, she turned and fled up the stairs. Her feet barely gave a sound when she reached the top and disappeared out of sight.

  I let out the breath I hadn’t realized I had been holding. My muscles were so tight I had to will them to relax. I rose from my crouch with the awareness that my fur stood up on my shoulders and neck to make me look even bigger. I shook and felt the fur settle. The last thing I needed was to run into another student looking like some crazed animal from a nightmare.

  I paused at the thought that I had no idea where to go. I could follow the path the girl had taken, but something told me that would be hazardous to my health. The scent of students filled the halls, some human, others something else entirely. They crossed every which way in a massive, confusing mess.

  The unknown smells were concerning, but what worried me the most was that I couldn’t locate my own scent. I had to have come that way given the single entrance to the forest. The fact that my trail was nowhere to be found made me feel entirely lost. I had to find my room. I couldn’t exactly wander the halls spooking everyone I saw, and if my body decided to sudden change back to human form, I would be doing the wandering naked. I figured that would make me even less welcome at the Academy than I already felt.

  At a loss as to where else to go, I padded slowly up the stairs. Silence met me on the second floor. The smell of highlighters, pencil lead, and the woodgrain of paper clued me in that classrooms occupied the majority of the floor. I turned and followed the girl’s scent to the next level. The sound of snores and steady breathing met my ears. Relief that I had at least found some of the dorm rooms gave me the courage to walk down the hall. I hoped I could find which room was supposed to be my temporary one. The thought of spending the rest of the night in the hall made me pace faster.

  I was almost to the end when the sound of footsteps made me pause. The slight rusted spring sound of a doorknob turning sent ice through my veins. I glanced around quickly, but there was nowhere to hide. I crouched in the hopes that whoever it was wouldn’t see me, but missing the massive wolf in the middle of the hall would be nearly impossible.

  A boy close to my age stepped out from a room three doors from where I waited. Stark white, mussed hair hung in front of his eyes and when he turned my way, he blinked and then shoved the hair out of the way as if it could have been at fault for the creature he saw.

  “A-are you real?”

  I couldn’t say yes, and snarling hadn’t exactly worked out well. Wagging my tail was apparently fear-provoking, and I doubted a howl would go over much better. I settled for the most innocuous sound I could think of. I gave a snort.

  The barest hint of a smile touched the boy’s lips and his pale eyebrows pulled together, creating a furrow between them.

  “They said there would be a werewolf student coming. It created a bit of an uproar.” His smile faded into an apologetic expression. “You are intimidating, but I suppose you can’t help it.”

  I sat up, careful to keep my movements slow to avoid scaring him. I figured the fact that he hadn’t bolted was a good sign.

  “So why are you sitting in the middle of the hallway?” he asked.

  I refused to whine. The sound would have been pathetic and the last thing I needed was pity. Instead, I just held his gaze with what I hoped was a not-so-intimidating stare.

  “Oh, right. Wolf. I guess you can’t exactly carry on a conversation,” he said. A hint of red touched his cheeks. “Sometimes I can be an idiot.” He paused, then said, “But maybe I can guess what’s wrong. I don’t know much about werewolves except….” His eyes lit up. “Moonlight! You’re a wolf because of the moonlight, aren’t you? You’re stuck like that and you’re trying to make it back to your room.”

  I snorted again and a grin spread across his face.

  “Alright, I suppose opening a door is beyond your current pawed state, so show me to your room and I’ll open the door for you.”

  I let my head hang with the dejection that filled me. I could only guess that I was the first student to ever get lost inside the Academy. Who misplaces their own room? It was ridiculous and embarrassing.

  “You don’t know where it is?” the boy asked.

  I let out a breath.

  “Well, you can’t stay out here.”

  I wanted to point out that his ability to state the obvious was astounding. Luckily, my wolven state forbade me from completely destroying the only shred
of friendship I had found so far at the school.

  “There’s an extra bed in my room.”

  I looked back at him.

  He swallowed and said, “All of the rooms are doubles, but I have a hard time keeping a roommate.”

  The offer of a bed was more generous than I could have hoped for. Phasing into wolf form took a toll. Sitting there in the middle of the hallway, I found I was having a hard time keeping my eyes open. Despite the fact that he was a complete stranger, something told me that I could trust him. My other option was to try to get back out to the forest, but the thought of the slamming doors and strange corridors wasn’t a welcome one.

  I rose and walked toward him.

  “Oh, okay,” he said, backing up slightly. “Does that mean yes?”

  I paused and gave a short nod.

  “Ha!” he said. “If my parents could see me now; I’m communicating with a wolf! They might even be impressed.”

  He opened the door and stepped inside, holding it open behind him.

  I followed him into the room, aware of how he took an additional step to place himself behind the door when I passed by.

  It was clear by the crumpled blankets which bed was his. I climbed onto the other one and fell heavily on my side. The trickle of moonlight through the window brushed my paws. I pulled them in so the light couldn’t touch them and glanced at the boy.

  “The moonlight reveals our truth,” he replied, giving the light a knowing look. He held out his hand so that it fell on his palm. To my surprise, his flesh disappeared to leave gray bones. He shut his hand and the bones curled inward. He pulled the limb back out of the moonlight and the flesh returned.