The Wolf Within Me

by Cheree Alsop

  “You want us to p-put our hands in there?” Alden said.

  Mercer replied this time. “You don’t want your first encounter with demon fire to come when you’re trying to protect someone.”

  Alden shook his head, his eyes wide.

  “You first, Mr. Grim,” Professor Briggs told him.

  Alden swallowed and rose from his seat. He reached the professor’s side and stared at the flames. The green fire reflected in his light blue eyes.

  “Go ahead,” Briggs urged. “Just leave it there as long as you can.”

  “And it won’t burn me?” Alden asked.

  “Don’t be afraid of a little burn,” Mercer replied gruffly. He sat back in his seat and crossed his beefy arms in front of his chest.

  “You’ll feel the heat as if it’s a normal flame, but it can’t actually damage your skin. You’ll think it is; that’s the power of demon fire. It gets in your head.” Briggs gave the boy a reassuring smile that came across as feral with his scar. “Your job is to try not to give in to that power.”

  Alden glanced at me as if looking for a way out. I lifted my shoulders to let him know it was his own choice. Alden nodded.

  He held out a thin, pale hand toward the flame. His fingers shook. I thought for a moment that he would refuse to do it, but he sucked in a breath and shoved his hand into the fire the way Professor Briggs had.

  “Ahhh!” a shout escaped Alden and he pulled his hand back again.

  Vicken and the other vampires laughed while Alden examined his fingers as if sure they would be blistered.

  “Nothing,” he said in awe. “But-but I felt them burning.” He blinked and I thought I saw tears in his eyes. “It really hurt.”

  “It does hurt,” Professor Briggs said, patting his shoulder. “You did well. Go ahead and sit back down.”

  Alden sat next to Brack again. He still examined his fingers as though sure there should have been some damage.

  “Are you alright?” Brack asked, his deep voice belying his efforts to be quiet.

  Alden nodded, but his expression was unsure.

  “Who chooses to go next?” Professor Briggs asked.

  “I’ll go,” Brack volunteered. He pushed his chair back with a noisy screech. “If my little buddy can do it, I can, too.”

  He crossed to the candle and put his large hand in the flame without preamble. Brack’s eyes narrowed in concentration. I heard him suck in a breath and his other hand clenched into a fist at his side. A moment later, he pulled his hand back. Relief showed in his gaze when he saw that it was unscathed.

  “You did well,” Professor Briggs told him.

  “That’s not fun,” Brack said. He shook his head and made his way back to his chair. “Not fun at all.”

  “My turn,” Dara said a little quickly as if she would rather volunteer than be forced to do it.

  She bit her lip and stuck her hand in the flame. At the pain, she closed her eyes. Her eyebrows pulled together. A few seconds later, she pulled her hand out and clutched it in her other one.

  “Are you okay?” Lyris asked when Dara made her way back to her seat.

  “I’m fine,” Dara snapped. She slid into her seat and looked at her hand. She glanced at me and found me watching her. “What?” she demanded.

  “Nothing,” I said. “You kept it there for a long time.”

  She shook her head and turned away from me.

  Lyris rose. She had an uneasy smile on her face. “I guess I should go next.”

  She put her black fingernailed hand into the flame. A small squeak escaped her. “It hurts,” she said to no one in particular.

  “Try to keep it in as long as you can,” Briggs encouraged.

  Less than a second later, Lyris pulled her hand back out. She shook it and then examined it. “Brack’s right,” she said, her smile gone. “That’s not fun at all.”

  She slid into the seat and rested her head in her hand while she studied the one she had held in the flame.

  “Vicken?” Professor Briggs asked.

  The vampire shook his head quickly. “Not me. I’m not dumb enough to put my hand in some flame, fake demon fire or not.”

  “Don’t act like this is some stupid joke,” Mercer demanded from his chair.

  “This is a stupid joke,” Vicken replied, rising. “I think you’re getting kicks from seeing kids in pain.” He waved an arm around to indicate the room. “You invite us to some creepy lair, impress us with your green fire, and expect us to fight for some sort of status through pain initiations. I’m not falling for it.”

  I would have believed his anger if it wasn’t for the flicker of fear that showed in his yellow gaze when he looked at the fire. Vicken’s anger came from something far deeper than a fear of being made to look foolish. He was afraid of fire. The other vampires with him, which included his sister Amryn, Lorne, who I had accidentally showed the memory to when he was teasing me about the fox, and another vampire, a boy with blue hair that I hadn’t met before, had risen with him. None of them looked thrilled at the prospect of sticking their hands in the flame.

  “Don’t play into the vampires and fire cliché,” Mercer said with bite to his tone.

  “If your ancestors were burned at the stake, you’d have a healthy respect for fire as well,” Vicken shot back. “It’s survival.”

  “Is it?” Mercer replied, sitting forward on his seat. “Or is it some foolish fear from the past that’s going to get you and your little friends killed? Don’t let someone else’s past control who you are.”

  A heavy silence filled the room. I could hear Vicken’s heart racing. The sound made him seem unexpectedly human. I didn’t like it at all. Yet a glance at the vampires behind him, all just students trying to make it through school, filled me with a strange protectiveness I couldn’t understand. They, excluding Amryn, had beaten me and left me for dead. I couldn’t understand why I had any sympathy for them. If that was some facet of being an Alpha I didn’t understand, I didn’t enjoy it at all.

  “Don’t put all your hopes into this team,” Mercer was saying to Briggs. “I haven’t seen much to be impressed with.”

  “I’m not seeing volunteers of mythics lining up at our gate to protect the students,” Professor Briggs replied. “We’re out of options.”

  “If the vampires can’t even face the flame, what do you think is going to happen when the real demons show up?” Mercer asked heatedly.

  “I’ll do it,” I said.

  I wouldn’t exactly say there was gratitude in Vicken’s eyes when his gaze flicked to me, but he didn’t mention anything about my werewolf heritage or my questionable acceptance at the school. I took that as enough support to change the focus to me.

  I rose and walked to the candle.

  “Why is it so important that we withstand the flame?” I asked, studying the flickering light. It appeared thicker than a mere candle would, its light lapping hungrily nearly a foot from the wick. I thought I saw small claws, like those I had seen reaching across the ceiling. I shook my head to chase away the image.

  “Because demons’ powers rely on fear. If they can get in your head, they’ll tear you apart mentally and physically,” Briggs explained.

  “Don’t blame the fire if you fail,” Mercer said sullenly. “I don’t have much faith in the self-control of werewolves.” He had taken a seat in his chair again. His stone-like face rested on his hands, his gaze impassive.

  “Give me a chance,” I told him. “I won’t let you down.” They were brash words, but the last thing I wanted was to be sent back up the passage with an angry and humiliated Vicken behind me and no prospects of the school year looking any better.

  Mercer waved toward the flame with merely a grunt of approval.

  I glanced at Briggs. He didn’t look much more hopeful. I gritted my teeth, determined to prove to them that I had something to offer.

  “It might help to close your eyes,” Lyris whispered.

  I shook my head. “If demons come, I
won’t be able to do that.”

  I let out a slow breath and put my right hand in the flame.

  The pain was excruciating. Instincts bade me to jerk my hand back out before it was ruined completely. It took every ounce of concentration to keep it there. Fortunately, in contradiction to Mercer’s doubts, battling my wolf had given me a lot of practice with self-control.

  To my horror, I could feel my flesh bubble and boil. I watched with a sickening fascination as the skin of my palm peeled away. The scent of my own charring flesh filled my nose. The voice in the back of my mind warned that there would be nothing salvageable left if I didn’t pull back. I clenched my left hand into a fist and willed myself to keep still.

  I was sure there would be nothing left. Professor Briggs was wrong. The demon fire was real. It was destroying my hand. I would have nothing left. Why did I choose my right hand instead of my left? Bravado would leave me with nothing but a charred stump. The pain was so excruciating it numbed my thoughts, making it harder to push the fear aside. The wolf lashed out, growling that I would destroy my ability to defend myself, and all for people who didn’t care about me, some of whom had even tried to kill me.

  Everything was against me, but the flicker of strength I held onto was that I had been underestimated ever since my arrival at the Academy. This was my chance to finally prove their doubts wrong. It was a thread, a weak one at that, but I grabbed onto it with every ounce of mental strength I had left.

  My fingers shook despite my concentration. My stomach knotted at the sight of the flames lapping through my hand to the other side, charring the bones black in the process. The skin melted away. My fingers turned red and then black. I sucked in a breath through my nose, counted to ten, and let it out through my mouth. The smell was nearly overpowering.

  “How is he doing that?” I heard Vicken whisper in horror.

  “Maybe he doesn’t feel it,” Brack replied.

  A hand touched my left arm.

  Dara sucked in a breath. “It feels like your entire hand is on fire,” she said. “You’ve got to stop! You’ll go into shock!”

  “Let him be,” Briggs told her.

  The hand fell away.

  I sucked in one more breath, counted to ten, and let it out. The pain was too much. I had to give in.

  I pulled my hand back with the fear that it was destroyed. Yet the moment it left the flames, the flesh returned. I opened and closed it again in awe and relief that it was unharmed.

  “That was amazing.”

  I looked over to see Professor Briggs watching me with an approving expression.

  “I’ve never seen anyone last that long,” he said.

  “Don’t praise him too much,” Mercer growled. He met my gaze. “You’re going to need to last longer than that.”

  Sometime during the brief moments my hand had been in the flames, he had risen and crossed to the other side of the table so he could watch me. I wasn’t sure, but I thought I saw a faint glimmer of relief on his face.

  “I’ll practice,” I told him. “I can go longer.” I wasn’t sure how, but I would find a way.

  “You’re insane!” Alden said, but the way he stated it made it sound like a good thing.

  “We have a start,” Briggs said.

  “Do we have enough strength?” Mercer asked.

  Briggs nodded as I took my place back at the table. Lyris patted my shoulder. I glanced at Dara, but couldn’t read the expression on the empath’s face.

  “The fangs will be our defense,” the professor said, indicating the vampires. “And Brack.” He looked at me. “You brought an interesting group.”

  I didn’t want to tell him they were the only students I knew well enough ask. Instead, I went with, “I didn’t know what we were getting into, so I went with diversity.”

  Briggs gave a nod of approval. “A werewolf, a witch, an empath, a warlock, a Grim, and four vampires. It’s a unique team.” He turned to Mercer. “What do you think?”

  The man looked at each of us in turn. Everyone appeared uncomfortable under his intense examination. Lyris attempted a smile when he looked at her; Vicken lowered his head and wouldn’t meet the man’s eyes. His scrutiny fell on me last. The Alpha in me refused to be cowed by someone who had yet to show me a reason to fear him. I held his gaze until he looked away.

  “It’s a start,” he acknowledged.

  Professor Briggs nodded. “We’ll see you here tomorrow night. We’ve got a lot of work to do.” He paused, then said, “Unless any of you want out.” His voice was quiet when he continued with, “It’s honorable to want to protect your school and classmates, but we can’t ask you to take this risk. You must choose to do it on your own. You won’t be thought of as less if you leave now. Just know that continuing past this point means you will be depended upon to uphold your place on this team. The choice is up to you.”

  An expectant silence filled the air. I followed the professor’s gaze to the vampires. To my surprise, Vicken was already watching me. When our eyes met, the vampire’s jaw tightened so that a muscle twitched in his cheek. But instead of saying anything, he lifted one shoulder. I realized with a start that it was a question.

  I didn’t want to work with the vampire. My ribs ached and my instincts screamed against trusting him to protect my back. Yet Briggs had listed the vampires as our strength. His statement that there weren’t any mythics lining up to defend the school let me know how much trouble we were really in. It was up to us to keep the Academy safe. The Alpha side of me knew I had to put pride beneath my ability to protect those I cared about. But did that also include trusting the one who had nearly killed me?

  I realized everyone was waiting for me to respond. We needed strength, but at what cost? Did I have to defend myself against the vampire after school as well as during? But again, I was putting myself above the faith the Headmistress and the rest of the school were placing on us. I had to be bigger than my own problems. Why was that so hard? It definitely would have been easier if the bruises didn’t ache quite so much.

  I nodded before I even realized I had done it. Before I had time to regret the motion, Vicken nodded as well.

  “I’m in,” he said.

  Lorne and the vampire with blue hair quickly added their agreement.

  Amryn smiled at me from behind her brother. “I’m in,” she said.

  I wished her smile could chase away the tension that tightened my aching muscles.

  “Count me in,” Lyris said.

  “Me, too,” Brack seconded. “As long as I don’t have to do the fire thing again.”

  Everyone laughed.

  Briggs held out a small, leather-bound book. “Both of you start practicing these chants. They won’t fight the demon fire, but they can create a shield for a short time. It’ll help.”

  “Will do,” Brack said.

  Lyris nodded and turned to Dara. The empath didn’t look happy.

  I gave her what I hoped was an encouraging smile. “What about you?” I asked her. “We could use you.”

  “For what?” she replied quietly. “I didn’t do anything.”

  Mercer spoke up. “If the werewolf is going to learn to withstand the demon flame, an empath could be vital in helping him increase the time he can last.”

  Dara didn’t look swayed by his words.

  I gave her my most winning smile. “Please?” I said. “I could really use you on my side.”

  “How can you say no to that face?” Lyris asked from her other side. “He could ask me to help clean toilets and I’d follow him to the end of the world.”

  That finally brought a reluctant answering smile from her. “Fine,” Dara said. “I’m in.”

  I turned back to Mercer and Professor Briggs. “You have a team to protect the school.”

  Mercer let out a breath. “It’s a start, I guess.”

  Professor Briggs smiled at us. “It’s a good start.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  I was about to follow the others back
up the passageway when Professor Briggs’ voice stopped me.

  “Ready to return to the cemetery?”

  Weariness at hitting my second night without sleep made me hesitate. I was afraid of entering the moonlight without enough strength to withstand phasing. Yet I had promised. It took only one look at the professor’s face to see how hard waiting through the day had been on him. I nodded.

  “I’m ready.”

  A strange reluctance showed in the professor’s expression. “Alright, let’s go,” he said. “It’ll be alright.”

  I had the distinct impression that he was talking to himself instead of me.

  He turned to Mercer who was busy carrying the demon candle back to the box with the tongs. “Don’t drop that,” he said.

  Mercer’s eyes tightened, but his gaze never left the flame. “Don’t tell me what to do, warlock.”

  A small smile pulled at the scar on Brigg’s face when he said, “Then be careful, sweeper.”

  Mercer muttered something in a language I didn’t recognize.

  The professor’s eyebrows lifted. “Where did you hear that?”

  Mercer set the candle in the box and breathed out a sigh of relief as he closed the lid. “An ogre my last trip north,” he replied. “I made a mental note in case we had to work together again.”

  Briggs chuckled. “Good to know. I’ll have to come up with an appropriately filthy response.”

  He motioned for me to start up the passage. I kept my steps slow, aware of the way he struggled to limp up the stairs. There was a footfall, then the sound of the cane on the step followed by the drag of his other foot. The professor took a breath, followed by another step.

  I finally voiced the thought that was bothering me. “I’m missing something, aren’t I?”

  The professor’s steps paused. “What do you mean?”

  “If werewolves were the only threat to the school back when my uncle attacked, I wouldn’t be here. There’s no way the same threat would be let back in. There was more to it than that, wasn’t there?” I looked back at him, refusing to move until he answered.