Texas Blues

by Ashley Quinn

  “Here’s a piece of advice,” Natalie finished coldly. “If you’re fixin’ to have that conversation with Holly, you ought to do it sooner than later. Because she’s here. I ran into her at your father’s house.”

  London closed her eyes. “Shit, the client meeting in Dallas,” she muttered. “I completely forgot, with everything that’s been going on.” She shook her head. “You know, not saying anything about Tiffany was keeping something really important from me, Natalie. I...I don’t know anything anymore.”

  After a moment of tense silence, London finally met Natalie’s eyes. She looked as though she had been slapped and the expression on her face wrenched London’s gut. There’s so much ice between us London thought. I hate this.

  Natalie finally nodded slowly. “I guess that’s what I get for falling for another outsider.”

  The word hit London in slow motion. She blinked and felt as though she had been sacked in the stomach with a ton of bricks. Her eyes filled with tears at the word’s sting. Natalie’s gaze pierced through her.

  That’s what the problem is she realized grimly. I’m an outsider. I have been since the day I was born. I was never supposed to be a Foster. Diane despised me, my father never wanted me and I was never meant for anyone. Even Natalie finally realizes I don’t fit in.

  “You know,” London started. Her voice was thick with tears. “I have never fit in anywhere in my entire life. I’ve always been the outsider who never quite blended. Thank you for that reminder. I’m sorry that you ever met me.”

  Natalie’s mouth dropped open and she began to protest, but London was still reeling from the sting. She turned stiffly as the pangs in her heart nearly knocked her off-balance. She walked out of the side exit door without a second glance. The rest of the world was blocked out by the pounding in her ears and the simmering heat just beneath her skin. Somewhere, in the distance, she could hear Natalie calling after her, the whirring of intricate hospital machines and even the frosty air conditioning blowing through the vents, but there was only one thought on her mind.

  It’s time to leave she decided firmly.

  ---

  London pulled into the driveway of her father’s home. In the stillness of the vehicle, she sat back against the cool leather seats and took a deep breath. She stared at the oversized garage, the shaded porch and the lush brick walkway lined with imported tropical plants.

  This has never been my home she thought bitterly. My home was a beautiful brownstone in Chicago, where Mom rented out the basement unit and I went to sleep at night listening to the sounds of the city. This was never me.

  London pulled her phone from her pocket and dialed Holly. Her friend picked up on the first ring.

  “There you are! I’ve been worried sick. How are you? How is your sister?” Holly’s questions tumbled out, one on top of the other.

  “She’s doing okay,” London replied slowly. “She’s awake. Conscious and making progress. So far, there have been no long-term problems discovered. It could have been much worse, so I’m...I’m grateful for that.”

  “Good,” Holly replied. “I’m glad to hear that. Goodness London, I’ve been so worried about you! It’s not like you to ignore calls or texts for long periods of time. You’re one of my best friends, you know? And then I heard about your sister and I was so worried...”

  London felt about two inches tall as Holly continued. What kind of friend am I? She wondered. What sort of person avoids someone that loves them because they’re too scared to tell them how they really feel? God, I am an awful person.

  “I’m sorry,” she interrupted quickly. “I really am.”

  There was a short pause. “Christ, London. Don’t be sorry,” Holly finally replied. “Just don’t be a stranger on me, okay?”

  London nodded, even though she knew Holly couldn’t see her. “Of course. You got it.”

  Holly sighed in relief. “Look, I know there’s no way you’ll make the client meeting tomorrow. I’ve already briefed the C.E.O. as to what’s going on. I’m flying out of Love Field tomorrow evening, so give me a call in a couple of days. I’ll go over the meeting with you then. We’ll talk more when I’m back in Chicago.”

  “Great,” London replied as she lamely tried to muster up an ounce of enthusiasm. “Looking forward to it.”

  There was another short pause as London listened to Holly take a deep breath. “All right. We’ll talk soon. Take care.” Her voice was tinged with a strange tone akin to disappointment as she said good-bye.

  London rested her forehead against the steering wheel and closed her eyes. “Well, that’s two for two,” she muttered. “I really have a knack for pissing people off lately.”

  She thought of Natalie and a sudden rush of hurt and sadness swelled through her chest. I put that gutted look in her eyes London thought. She felt as though a bucket of ice water had been dumped over her head. I hurt her and then she hurt me. Who wants to stay when all they are is an outsider, anyway?

  CHAPTER 26

  London stopped short halfway through the living room as she spied her father shoving half a ham sandwich into his mouth. He sat at the breakfast bar and glanced up with a smile before nodding and waving the other sandwich half at her in greeting.

  “Found a special delivery from Mission Bakery on the porch when I got home,” he called to her. “That was awfully thoughtful of Natalie to drop some things off. I hope you don’t mind, but I dug into that honey bread. It’s fantastic. With Amelia in Greece for another two weeks, I’ve been missing some of that home cooked taste. Care for a sandwich?”

  London eyed the half-loaf of honey bread but ignored her empty stomach. “No, thanks,” she replied stiffly. “I’m thinking about leaving, actually.”

  Vince shrugged and took another bite of his sandwich. “If you say so. Can’t guarantee there will be any left when you get back though. Where to, London?”

  She took a deep breath. “No, I mean I think it might be time to head back to Chicago,” she clarified. “I can’t stay here forever, Dad.” She paused and blew out her breath in frustration. Vince froze, his sandwich halfway to his mouth. “You and I both know that was never the plan, Dad. Now that we know Tiffany will be all right and, you know, I have this big promotion at work waiting for me...”

  Vince blinked. “Seems awfully sudden, London,” he replied. “If it’s time for you to go back, then it’s time. But I thought you’d give us a little more warning. Not just me, but what about Tiffany? What about Natalie? I don’t think you should just up and leave.”

  “Up and leave?” London repeated incredulously. She felt a surge of indignation at the guilt creeping through her veins. “Dad, Fort Worth isn’t my home. This was only ever supposed to be a temporary trip. Of course I can up and leave, so I can return to the life that was put on hold in Chicago to be here. My real life.” The bitterness tasted like acid in her mouth.

  Even as she spoke, London knew that the life she’d never meant to start in Fort Worth was the life she loved more. But what choice do I have? She thought angrily. I’m tired of everyone else making my life decisions for me.

  She felt her father studying her closely. He slowly shook his head. “You know that’s a lie, London,” he responded. He gestured to the stool next to him. “Sit. Please. You’re an adult and, ultimately, you’re going to do whatever you want, but there’s a few things I’d like you to know first.”

  London stared at the stool for a moment before grudgingly plopping onto it. We waited how many years to have a regular conversation? She thought. The least I can do is hear him out before I make my arrangements to head back to Chicago.

  “Like what?” She asked as she twirled to face him.

  Vince was quiet for a moment. He looked lost in the faraway expression in his eyes as he gazed at a far corner of the kitchen. He blinked and smiled. “Do you know how you got your name, London?”

  London was floored. She was torn. Part of her wanted to stand up, roll her eyes and continue her mission of g
etting the hell out of Fort Worth. The other half realized that she felt closer to her father in the last few weeks than she had in her entire life. I’m different now she realized. I’m not the jaded woman I was before. I was too angry and resentful to listen to anything he tried to say. Now I want to hear him.

  “What...What does that have to do with anything?” She finally sputtered.

  “Fleetwood Mac, live at Wembley in 1983. God, your mom loved that band,” Vince spoke. His voice was filled with passion and his eyes were still locked onto that same faraway spot. “We were both studying for a year overseas in London and we met in the exchange program. Your mom was from Eastern Illinois University and I was from Southern Methodist. What a pair we made. What a beautiful city.”

  “You and Mom met in London?” She asked hesitantly. Curiosity was getting the best of her.

  Vince nodded. “We did,” he confirmed. “Boy, my parents were livid that I’d decided to, in their words, throw away a year of college on studying abroad in the U.K. I had never been outside of Texas and I knew what was expected of me once I graduated. But it was something that I wanted to do for myself and no one else; not the Foster family, not Foster Oil & Gas, nothing. Despite their disapproval, I was an adult so I signed up for that year away. I was a twenty-one year old kid who desperately needed to open his horizons and experience life. And I sure did experience it while I was there. God, London was so different from anything I’d known.”

  London stayed quiet as she soaked up her father’s story. They were a couple of kids she thought morosely. Then the pressures of society got them. At least that’s how Mom always tried explaining it to me.

  “Anyway, it’s hard to articulate,” Vince went on. “You know when something feels like a big risk, but you have this unshakable confidence deep in your gut that it’s right? Almost like, God I don’t know, things beyond your sight and control are just aligning? You know I don’t think like that. Facts, figures, statistics and data are what drives me. Real, tangible things. But it was the only time in my life that I’ve felt something like that, so I’ve always wondered about it.”

  “Yes,” London replied softly. “I’ve felt that.” That’s exactly how I felt when I was coming to Texas.

  “Well, I went to London,” Vince replied. “I met your mom during my first month overseas and, God, there was no hope for me. I fell for her the second I laid eyes on her. She was beautiful all right, but when I started to look closer and see the things that nobody else did? I was a goner. And you know what, London? When your mom chose me too, that was the only time in my life that I’ve felt truly lucky. Not blessed because of the financial stability of our family or grateful for material comforts, but genuinely lucky.”

  London swallowed. “I don’t understand,” she replied stubbornly. “If things were so magical between you two, how did they go so awry? Why wasn’t your love enough to work things through?”

  “Your mother was the love of my life,” Vince replied seriously. “There’s no doubt in my mind about that. Things became complicated. We were young. Too young not to cave from family pressure and expectations from the outside world. The 1983 Fleetwood Mac concert at Wembley Stadium in London is when you were conceived.”

  London’s mouth dropped open. “Oh my God, Dad. Seriously?”

  Vince held up a hand and smiled. “Go with me for a second, sweetheart,” he continued. “Your mom was so excited to see them and I surprised her with tickets. We had been going together for about six months and I wanted her to have the best seats possible. The tickets were so damned expensive, even during those times. The whole concert I knew I ought to be watching the show that I’d paid a ridiculous sum of money to be up close and personal at, but I couldn’t take my eyes off your mom if I’d tried. That’s how I’ll always remember her, London. Young, free and dancing to the music with her eyes closed and a huge smile on her face. A sweet Midwestern gal in a crowd of thousands across the ocean. She was something else.”

  London blinked back tears as she thought of her mother. I never knew who she was before I was born she thought. I guess no one ever really realizes that their parents were once young and filled with youthful exuberance too.

  At that moment, she wished harder than she ever had before that her mom was still alive. “She really was,” she agreed quietly.

  “We loved each other so much that we couldn’t even wait to get back to either of the flats that we shared with schoolmates,” Vince continued. “Luckily, we parked far from the entrance. I’ll spare you the details but we were so in love. We drove around London for hours afterward, just aimlessly cruising and talking. And you were the result of that love, sweetheart.”

  “The ironic thing is,” London started with a small smile. “I love Fleetwood Mac. I always have. Mom never stopped listening to them. Somehow, it all makes sense in a strange way. Did you know Mom was going to name me London?”

  Vince sighed and rubbed his chin. A shadow flickered through his eyes. “When you were born, I was already back in Texas and your mom was in Illinois,” he answered uncomfortably. “We weren’t, ah, we weren’t much for speaking to each other then. But when I learned that you had been named London, I was overcome with this immense feeling of pride. I knew I would have given you the same name.”

  A long moment stretched between them. “That’s right,” London finally replied. “I forgot that Mom had told me you weren’t present at my birth.”

  Vince gently took London’s hand and held it. “If you can believe it, I thought I was doing the right thing by staying away,” he said quietly. “Even at twenty-one years old, I hated myself for caving to my family’s pressure to abandon you and your mother. I hated myself for not having the guts to stand up to them and live life on my own terms, even if wasn’t necessarily according to plan. And because I hated myself, I believed that you were far better off having no father than a spineless, scared boy who had no idea how to care for a baby.”

  London stared at their joined hands. “That’s not true,” she replied. “You’re my dad. I would have loved you just the same.”

  “The one thing I knew I could do was to provide for you both financially,” Vince went on. “So that’s what I did. And now I realize, looking at you all grown up, that I missed out on everything, including the love of my life. But seeing you now, I recognize so many similarities between us. I know that’s ironic, considering how little time we’ve spent together.”

  London’s head snapped up. “What similarities?”

  “You hide yourself from people because you think they’re better off not knowing the real you,” he replied with a sigh. “You try to protect the ones you love, but in the end you just push them away. Which is exactly what’s going to happen if you leave here without Natalie. You’ll lose her forever, London. Trust me on that and take it from someone who learned the long, hard way.”

  The kitchen suddenly seemed very cramped and hot. “I don't want to lose her forever, Dad,” she admitted. “But now she sees the ugliest things about me, like the fact that I’m an outsider no matter where I go. I don’t fit in anywhere. Who wants someone like that?”

  Vince frowned. “Who decides who fits in anywhere?” He asked. “You’re a good person with a big heart, and you need to stop convincing yourself otherwise. Good people are welcomed anywhere in the world.”

  London shook her head. “I heard Diane talking about that evening,” she replied.

  “Yesterday?” Vince asked, perplexed. “What did she say?”

  “No, the night before your wedding,” London blurted out. “I heard her telling you that I was an outsider and that I wasn’t meant to be there. It’s why I wasn’t a part of your wedding; I didn’t belong. I was six.”

  Vince’s mouth dropped open and he wrapped London into a hug. “I’m sorry you heard that conversation,” he replied after a moment. “There was a change in you during the Costa Rica trip after that night. I never understood what it was. Instead, I let you grow further and further from
me. I’m sorry I never stood up for you, London.”

  She took a deep breath. Oddly enough, the apology feels nice she thought. If not a little belated. But I’ll take late over never any day.

  “If there’s one redeeming piece of advice that I can give you, it’s to not make the same mistake with Natalie that I made with your mother,” Vince spoke gently. “If she’s your love, then don’t let that go so easily. Anything else can be worked out. Don’t curse yourself by pushing her away.”

  “I need to go for a drive,” London finally replied. “Think things through, clear my head and get some highway under those brand-new tires.”

  Vince breathed deeply through his nose. “All right,” he responded with a nod. “Just be safe, okay? Take a little time to think everything through. Before I forget,” he paused and took a folded photograph from his breast pocket. “I wanted to give this to you.”

  London took the photograph and immediately recognized her parents. Younger, slimmer and more Bohemian versions, but it’s certainly them she thought with a wry smile. She outlined her mother’s profile with the tip of her index finger. The young version of her mother leaned into the young version of her father and laid her hand proudly against his chest. His arms were wound loosely around her waist and they both wore huge, million-dollar smiles on their youthful, wrinkle-free faces. All those hopes and dreams in their heads she thought wistfully. Who could have predicted anything?

  Vince shoved his hands into his pocket awkwardly. “It’s one of the only photos I have of the two of us,” he went on. “Back in those days, you know, we didn’t have cell phones with the cameras and taking selfies or whatever they’re called every other hour. I kept that photo way up in the closet in a box of personal things that Diane didn’t even know I had. I think you should keep it, London. After all, that’s where we were when this was taken.”

  London couldn’t bring herself to speak as she stood slowly from the stool. Instead, she embraced her father tightly and then held the photo to her. “Thank you, Dad,” she replied. “This picture means everything to me.” She paused and then shrugged shyly. “It sounds silly, but it means I was real. I’m going to take that drive. I have a lot of...thinking to do.”