by Ashley Quinn
“I understand,” Vince nodded. “I hope you take everything into careful consideration. I don’t want you to repeat the same cycle as your old man. If Natalie is the one, put that stubborn Foster pride aside and work it out.”
“Okay, Dad,” London replied. She grabbed her wallet and keys from the breakfast bar and turned toward the foyer. Her quick stride was far more confident than she felt.
“Where are you going, anyway?” Vince asked as he furrowed his brow.
London half-smiled and shrugged one shoulder. “I’ll let you know when I get there.”
With that, she shut the door resolutely behind her and strode down the driveway. She took a deep breath as she eased herself back into the rental car and tapped her thumb against the steering wheel in thought.
Could I leave? She wondered. It wouldn’t be difficult. I could send for the rest of my things, return the car to an Enterprise in Chicago. I’d check in with Tiff regularly on the phone to make sure she’s doing okay. Then I could slip back into my life like nothing ever happened. Everyone would be better off.
She paused as her father’s advice rang in her head. But I’d be different she realized ruefully. I already am. Dad said he couldn’t take his eyes off Mom if he’d tried. Well, I wouldn’t be able to forget Natalie if I tried.
London started the Audi and smiled absent-mindedly at the low purr of the engine as she cranked the stereo’s volume. With a deep breath, she backed the car out of the driveway with only her wallet and cell phone and not the slightest clue where she was going.
CHAPTER 27
“So that’s that,” Natalie concluded miserably. She took another pull of the half-bottle of beer in her hand and watched silently as Isabella ran wide circles around the backyard. Her excited shrieks were punctuated by high-pitched yips as Nico chased her back and forth. Paula had been listening to Natalie lament in the private yard that she shared with Celia and Jane for what seemed like hours. The sun was quickly setting into the horizon and Natalie was nursing her third beer. She grimaced inwardly as she noticed how warm the beer had become.
“That’s that?” Paula repeated dubiously. She leaned back in the lawn chair and shaded her eyes as she glanced at Isabella and Nico. “I don’t believe it. You and London can’t be through already. Even Isabella could see that you two were made for each other. All she could talk about on the way home from Haskell was how happy you seemed.”
Natalie sighed. Why does it feel like there’s a knife slowly sinking deeper into my chest? She wondered. I forget about the sting for a while, but then someone says something like that. And then I feel it all over again.
“I knew I shouldn’t have fallen so quickly,” she replied. She tapped the beer bottle against her knee in thought. “Look at me, I don’t even drink. I knew I shouldn’t have fallen in love with another outsider. But what I felt was so real that I just...didn’t think twice.”
She glanced at Paula and did a double-take when she noticed her friend giving her a slanted side eye. “What?”
“Maybe if you stopped referring to her as an outsider, like she’s some kind of martian creature, then you could try to put yourself in her shoes. I’d be upset too if someone I loved called me that,” Paula tried to gently explain.
Natalie took another sip of the smooth lager and turned the bottle over in her hands. Rays of setting sun glinted off the thick, dark green glass. “I tried to apologize,” she started defensively. “It slipped out. I didn’t know it would upset her so much. You should have seen her face after I said that. It was, like...” Natalie paused and snapped her fingers. “Instant. All of the sudden, the woman I fell in love with was gone. Her face just went blank. Like the London I knew disappeared.”
Paula sighed as Nico bounded up to them. He nudged Natalie’s hard, forcing her to scratch behind his ears, and licked her palm appreciatively.
“Na, na, na, Nicooo!” Isabella called in a singsong voice from a corner of the yard. Instantly, his ears perked up and he shot across patches of dry grass for another chase.
“Her wall went back up,” Paula finally replied. “Can you blame her? You said she was pretty tightly wound; it’s no wonder that a comment like that would make her close up again. If you give her some time to get over it, I think she’ll be okay.”
Natalie scoffed. “Give her time? She walked out on me, Paula,” she replied. The hurt filled her heart all over again. “Maybe I don’t want to chase after someone whose first instinct after every argument or bad day is to run. She’s probably halfway...” she paused and waited for the tremor in her voice to disappear. “You know, probably halfway back to Chicago by now.”
Paula grabbed Natalie’s hand across the lawn chairs. “She won’t do it,” she replied confidently. “I saw the way she looked at you, just like I saw the way you looked at her. Promotion or not, she won’t go back.”
“I know I made a huge mistake by not being forthcoming with her about Tiffany,” Natalie continued with a heavy sigh. “I know I broke her trust, but she wasn’t completely honest with me either. Do you think it’s too late?” She cocked her head and looked at Paula imploringly.
Paula has been through everything and back with Rudy she thought. If anyone can give me good advice, it’s her. They’ve been through so many hardships and trials, and they always come out stronger on the other side...Even if it’s rough-going in the meantime. They give me faith. That’s the type of relationship I want.
Her friend gazed at a point somewhere at the horizon. “No, I don’t think it’s too late,” she answered after a moment. “You know, Natalie. We’ve been friends for years and we keep it real with each other. I was honest with you when I told you I didn’t like that girl from L.A. much, right?”
Natalie rolled her eyes but managed a small smile. “You were very honest about that.”
Paula nodded and pursed her lips. “I wouldn’t tell you that it’s not too late if I didn’t believe it,” she continued. “I wouldn’t get your hopes up like that. You can’t fake the way she looks at you.”
Natalie’s eyes fell to her lap. “I love the way she looks at me,” she admitted. “Except that moment at the hospital. The look on her face after I called her an outsider...” she sighed. “It made my blood run cold. I was terrified that, in that moment, I’d lost her and there was nothing I could do to take it back.”
Paula reached over and patted her arm. “Hey, don’t dwell on that one moment,” she reassured her. “Think about all the good things. Those far outweigh that single moment, right?”
Natalie nodded silently as she drained the last of her beer.
“Then she’s not going anywhere,” Paula finished simply. “You both are too hard-headed to be the first to budge, but once you get past all that stubbornness? Watch out, world.” She sat back and smiled satisfactorily. “Because you two will be an unbeatable force and neither of you will ever give up on the other.”
For the first time since leaving the hospital, Natalie began to feel a tiny glimmer of hope. Paula tells it like it is she thought confidently. She’s usually spot on with things. Maybe she’s right. Maybe if London and I talk, really talk, then we can put this behind us. I’ll give her some time, but I’m not ready to let her go just yet.
Isabella sprinted to them and ducked behind Natalie’s lawn chair with a giggle. Nico loped around the backs of the chairs before covering her face with kisses and slobber.
“You ready to head home soon, monita?” Paula twisted in her chair and playfully tugged a lock of Isabella’s dark hair.
Isabella groaned but nodded. “Okay, Mom.”
“Say good-bye to Natalie then,” Paula instructed. Natalie smiled inwardly at her friend’s Strict Mom voice. “I’m going to get Nico secured in the car.”
Paula stood and gathered the wriggling puppy in her arms. She paused and fixed Natalie with a knowing look. “And you stay positive, okay? I’ll check in with you tomorrow.”
Natalie started to nod and then thought for a moment. “Wai
t, tomorrow is the Fourth of July,” she replied. “I’m going to see the fireworks at Boomtown out in Addison with Celia and Jane. You know, our annual tradition.”
“That’s right, I forgot,” Paula said. “I’ll stop by the bakery to drop off those boxes of Gansitos that my parents brought back from their last visit to Mexico.”
Natalie perked up at this. “They wouldn’t happen to be the special edition red velvet Gansitos, would they?”
Paula grinned. “Of course they are,” she confirmed. “I know how badly you’ve been trying to recreate those cakes at Mission. I’ll see you later.”
Natalie waved as Paula trudged around the house with Nico in her arms. She was momentarily surprised as Isabella stood in a flash and wrapped her arms tightly around her middle.
“Bye, Bella,” she said with a laugh as she returned the hug.
Isabella stood on her tiptoes and cupped her hand around her mouth. “Don’t worry, Natalie,” she whispered. “London will be right back. Remember, she’s your Princess Charming like in the Disney movies. She probably just has to go slay some dragons first. She’s a tough princess.”
Natalie took a deep breath and mustered a smile. “You’re so right,” she told her. “She’ll be back soon.”
She listened as Paula sounded the car horn. Isabella grinned and bounded for the front of the house. Maybe she’s onto something she mused. I know, deep down, that London and I could have our very own happily-ever-after.
“But how do you explain to a kid that sometimes the scariest dragons to slay are the ones inside ourselves?” Natalie murmured. She closed her eyes. “I know you want to work it out with me too, London.”
---
London rubbed at her eyes tiredly. The highway stretched before her. What had begun as a busy, five-lane interstate that criss-crossed through Dallas was now reduced to two long, straight lanes into darkness. She had circled once or twice around the tall, intersecting tollways that surrounded the Dallas-Fort Worth area and then picked up Interstate 35 somewhere around the airport.
How long have I been driving? She wondered. The high afternoon sun had given way to a brilliant sunset and now it was twilight. The big sky was a deep navy blue as the Audi sped over well-traveled highway.
London shifted uncomfortably in the seat and looked around. The two flat lanes of interstate were surrounded by neat squares of farm land as far as the eye could see. So weird that there are hardly any trees here she thought absent-mindedly. She sped past a filling station with a small diner attached. A large sign that London was sure was older than her advertised that it had the best fried pies in Texas.
“What the hell is a fried pie?” She mused aloud. For a moment, she debated if it was worth making a pit stop. It does say the best fried pies in all of Texas she thought. As curious as she was, the general sense of discontent that had followed her from her father’s house stopped her from veering toward the exit.
I haven’t been hungry all day. Let’s be honest, I’ve had zero appetite since... She sighed and tried not to remember the stricken look across Natalie’s face.
London forced a smile and slowed the sleek Audi long enough to quickly snap a photo of the ramshackle fried pie sign with her phone. Her smile faded as her thumb automatically hit an icon to upload the photo to Instagram. All those photos, all those adventures she thought wistfully. Isn’t it funny that we never realize these amazing moments are actually adventures until after the fact?
Disappointment crept into her veins and London knew it was aimed solely at herself this time. Why is my first defense mechanism to shut down and push her away? The first sign of trouble, and I told her I didn’t know anything anymore. Why did I say that?
London remembered the ice in Natalie’s voice as she made her comment about falling for an outsider. Did I deserve that? She mused. No, probably not. But Natalie didn’t deserve my backing away and questioning everything I felt about us either.
She sighed heavily as night fell around her. The insulated blanket of darkness only seemed to make the questions that swirled inside grow louder and more pronounced. “I miss her,” she muttered to herself. “We’re both stubborn and we both push people away. Natalie and I are equally to blame for this.”
London continued to wallow in her endless circle of thoughts for another moment. They quickly came screeching to a halt at the moment she passed a tall sign on the shoulder of the interstate. Her mouth dropped open and her heart rate kicked up a notch as it dawned on her just how far she had blindly driven.
“Welcome to Oklahoma,” she read slowly. “I am definitely not in Kansas. Or Chicago. Or, hell, even Texas anymore.”
CHAPTER 28
London had only a short minute of realization after the shock of having driven all the way into Oklahoma subsided. In a split second, she was suddenly surrounded by bright, dancing lights as she drove beneath a flashing sign so large that it almost gave the nearby area the appearance of daytime.
“Winstar World Casino,” London read as she squinted at the wide sign. Its colors flashed wildly along the otherwise dark, deserted interstate. She slowed and was momentarily stunned into silence by the sudden energy of the casino. Its sprawling size ate up miles along the highway.
As she sized up the massive casino, London suddenly felt drained. Maybe it’s all the driving that I didn’t even realize I did she thought wryly. Or maybe it’s because I have so many things to think about and I feel no closer to clarity than before.
“It has to be at least two hours back to Fort Worth,” she murmured. Without a second thought, she jerked the Audi into an exit lane and pulled off the interstate. She paused on the side of the desolate single-lane road that led to the casino. “There’s no way I can drive all that way again. I’m exhausted.”
London gazed again at the huge resort as its bright lights created flashing patterns along the dashboard. “I could get some shut-eye and head back to Fort Worth first thing in the morning,” she cajoled herself. She took a deep breath. “Or I could get some sleep and continue heading north back to Chicago tomorrow.”
Her heart pounded nervously at the prospect and she desperately wished for a moment of confidence in either decision. She felt as though she was standing on a crowded cliff, leaning over the jagged edge with her face against the wind, and staring into a long free fall to a murky abyss.
“Is this what freedom feels like?” London asked herself as she wrinkled her nose. “I could do anything right now. Go anywhere. The choice is in my hands this time.”
London had expected to relish the feeling of total freedom, without expectations or responsibility. Instead, on a narrow, deserted frontage road somewhere in Oklahoma, the overwhelming realization that she was at one of the most important turning points so far in her life took the air right from her lungs.
“I’m completely in love with Natalie Silva,” she stated in wonderment. Her voice sounded strange and loud in the silent car.
But first you need to sleep her inner voice warned her. Before you can do anything. Besides, things always look brighter and clearer in the morning.
“At least I can make one decision now,” London murmured to herself. She pulled the car back onto the frontage road and made a right into the casino parking lot. “And that is that I will positively drive myself crazy if I don’t force myself to get some sleep.”
London couldn’t quite put her finger on why, but she felt strangely lucky as she walked across the large parking lot and beneath a massive globe lit in light blue. She took a deep breath and pushed open the doors of the front entrance. Her senses were immediately assaulted with computerized music from rows upon rows of machines. Loud pings from the slot machines, excited shouts and the stench of stale cigarette smoke surrounded her.
The lobby was brightly lit and a row of uniformed casino staff stood eagerly waiting to help guests. After a moment, London turned her back to the frenetic casino floor and its blinking neon to request a room for the night.
Her eyes felt
like sandbags as she stepped up to a smooth oak desk. I can’t wait to slip between the sheets and let my head hit those pillows she thought in anticipation as she gave her mind and body over to exhaustion. Tomorrow is going to be a big day. I know in my heart that whatever happens will be the right thing.
---
London blinked at the bright mid-morning sunlight that streamed through a large picture window overlooking Winstar’s swimming pool. She groaned and tried to flop onto her stomach, but realized the sheets were twisted and mangled around her limbs.
I must have really knocked out last night she thought. And I must have been tossing and turning too. She sighed and let her eyes adjust to the light.
“Effing sun,” she muttered without animosity. She smiled despite herself. My love and hate relationship with the sun is quickly tipping to love she realized. I’m actually growing accustomed to the constant bright light.
A slow glance at the bedside alarm clock made her do a double-take as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes. “Oh my God, it’s eleven,” she said in disbelief. “I really was as exhausted as I felt.”
She settled back against the pillows and unplugged her phone from its charger. Her eyes widened as she reviewed the five missed calls reflected on its screen. Two from Dad she thought. He probably wants to check in and make sure I’m okay, since I didn’t come home last night. Guilt tugged at her stomach. Three from Tiffany she read silently as she bit her lip. And a voicemail.
London couldn’t help but feel slightly hurt that there wasn’t also a call or text from Natalie. But why would there be? She wondered grimly. I made it clear that I didn’t want to hear from her. I walked out of the hospital without a second glance. She probably thinks I’m halfway back to Chicago by now.
