by Ashley Quinn
The irony that she did, in fact, make it all the way to Oklahoma was not lost on London. She quickly listened to her sister’s voicemail. Her heart twisted at the sadness in her tone.
“Hey, London,” Tiffany started uncertainly. “Umm, Dad stopped by the hospital last night. He mentioned that you might be heading back to Chicago pretty soon. I, uh, I know you’re mad. You have every right to be. So I understand if I don’t at least deserve a good-bye, but just know that I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to lose what we’ve been able to gain during your time here. I love you and I hope everything is okay. The doctor said I should be out of here by the end of the week or early next week. That’s cool, right? I’ve been talking to Dad about some kind of rehab. I mean, I feel good but I want to feel strong. Strong like you, London. We’ll see what happens, but we can talk more when I hear from you. I hope everything’s okay and that you’re finding what you’re looking for. Love you. Later, sister.”
A lump formed in London’s throat as she set her phone in her lap and stared up at the off-white popcorn ceiling. Strong like me? She thought in confusion as she contemplated Tiffany’s message. How can she say that? I’m not strong at all. I compartmentalize and run away from everything, rather than deal with it head on. I bolted at the first sign of conflict from the one person that has understood and helped me to understand myself. That’s not strength. That’s...That’s immaturity. Stubbornness. That’s being hard-headed and non-compromising. That’s not who I want to be.
London picked up her phone and idly tapped the Instagram icon. She chewed the inside of her cheek thoughtfully as she scrolled through each square filtered photo from the beginning of her account to present. Each tiny picture held a memory that replayed over in her head as soon as she glanced at it.
These pictures aren’t just small memories or documentation of an extended trip she realized as she watched the short video of Natalie line-dancing. These photos are of my journey as it unfolded before me. All of these represent one of the small steps that’s led me here. She paused over a candid shot of Natalie. The exhilarated smile that lit her face caused London’s heart to beat in double-time. God, she’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met.
London studied the first picture they had taken together by the duck pond. Natalie relaxed comfortably in her arms. The sun glinted off her hair and highlighted deep golden streaks across swaths of dark brown. They both wore easy smiles and, although they hadn’t yet shared their first kiss, their body language read perfectly content with one another.
She recalled a specific part of her sister’s voicemail as she scrolled through dozens of photos. “This was what I was looking for,” she murmured. “Not just Natalie, but everything. I’d found it and I didn’t even realize it.”
London returned to her and Natalie’s first photo as her eyes fell on her jeans. In her late-night exhaustion, she had stripped her pants off and dumped them onto a small corner desk. The contents of her front pocket had spilled halfway across the smooth wood and the photo of her parents faced her.
London looked at their photo for a long moment and then glanced back at the photo of her and Natalie still displayed on her phone. She swallowed and looked back at her parents’ photograph before glancing again at her own picture.
She’s the one London thought with sureness that she felt deep in her veins. She was more positive of this than anything she’d realized before. Natalie is the one and I am totally, hopelessly in love with her. London blinked as realization washed over her in waves. I’m going to be making the exact same mistake with Natalie that Dad made with Mom if I go back to Chicago and force myself to place her in the past.
In that moment, London knew that returning to Chicago without Natalie was no longer an option. Was it ever, really? She wondered.
She took a deep breath and thought of her high-rise apartment, her comfortable job and the familiar sights and sounds of the city she had been raised in. It’s bittersweet she decided. I’ll miss it.
But London also thought of the crushing sadness, the dreams that had slowly been pushed into a corner until they turned to dust, the jade that had seeped deep into her heart and the underlying anger that had come very close to searing her soul. She recalled the cloak of anonymity that only a big city allows, which she had been all too eager to use as a buffer to keep everyone away. But I won’t miss it too she thought with a wry smile.
London’s gaze fell on the small bathroom across the room. She pushed back the blankets and swung her bare legs over the edge of the bed. “First things first,” she murmured to herself. “Shower. And then there’s one more person that I need to speak to.” She glanced down at her phone as a momentary shot of melancholy coursed through her at the thought of Holly.
I know she’ll be happy for me London reasoned as she padded into the bathroom. But she’s the only true friend I’ve had. I know, out of all things Chicago, I’ll miss her the most.
As she stepped under the warm shower, her mind returned to Natalie and a decision was made.
It’s time to grow up and stop hiding.
CHAPTER 29
The high afternoon sun beat down in heat waves as Natalie hauled sacks of sugar into Mission Bakery’s food truck. It was parked at the back of the bakery in a tiny slice of shade, but it was still impossibly hot. She stopped for a moment and rested her hand on her hip before swiping at her brow with the back of her palm. The familiar honk of a car horn caused her to turn expectantly.
Natalie forced a smile at the sight of Celia and Jane in their tiny Hyundai Accent. Celia waved a hand excitedly out of the open driver’s side window. Why was I expecting anyone else? She thought dejectedly. Disappointment filled her heart, but she didn’t want her aunts to think she wasn’t happy to see them.
“What are you waiting for?” Celia called as she pulled the vehicle alongside the truck. “If we want to have any hope of finding a place at Kaboomtown, we’d better head toward Dallas now.”
Natalie wrinkled her nose. “I thought we were taking the food truck?”
Celia paused and then shook her head. “Nah,” she replied laconically. “I know we tossed around the idea, but I thought it’d be good to take a night off. Hang out just the three of us, no work allowed.”
Natalie blinked in surprise and turned to Jane. “Who is she and what happened to my tia?”
Jane laughed and gestured for Natalie to hop in the car. “Oh, come on,” she coaxed. “Take a night from that busy social life and that new girlfriend of yours and hang out with your favorite aunts.”
Natalie’s heart stopped and she was sure that her face went white. Celia quickly leaned over the middle console and whispered something to Jane. Natalie swallowed hard as Jane’s face instantly lost all its color.
“Oh, I’m so sorry,” she continued hurriedly. “I know there was a, uh, tiff but I had assumed it was all worked out now. I’m sorry, sweetheart. Now you have to come with us and get your mind off things.”
Natalie shoved her hands into her pockets and kicked the toe of her sneaker through the brown dirt. “Yeah, that sounds good,” she admitted. “I’ve never missed Kaboomtown’s fireworks. Don’t want to start now.”
Fourth of July is my favorite holiday she reminded herself silently. No use in letting your favorite holiday get ruined because of everything. Try to make the best of it. That’s why you have your family.
Jane smiled broadly. “That’s our girl,” she replied. “Why don’t you hop in and talk to Celia, and I’ll get the truck locked up? We’ll be on our way in just a few minutes.”
---
As London sped straight down I-35 with the windows down and the warm breeze ruffling through her hair, she began to appreciate the possibilities that the open road offered. Without thinking, she stuck her hand out the window and let the rushing wind guide it up and down along the weather strip. She grinned as she passed the “Welcome to Texas” sign that was planted staunchly along the shoulder of the interstate.
An abrupt ding from the dashboard caught London’s attention. She squinted as the neon orange gas alert flashed twice.
So much for the open road she thought ruefully. I didn’t even think about how low on gas I would be this morning.
London knew she was still in close vicinity of the casino as she pulled off the highway at the nearest exit. The gas station advertised slot machines among its offerings of soda, beer, snacks and ice. She pulled alongside an empty pump and quickly snapped a photo of the sign to upload to Instagram.
Who can resist? She thought with a grin. She pocked her phone with a sigh as she filled up the shining Audi. As the pump shook and clicked with each release of gasoline, London briefly wondered if the station had been there since the beginning of time.
She sidestepped a tumbleweed that bounced across the parking lot as she jogged into the station. An elderly cashier who looked bored out of his mind sat on a stool in front of the old cash register. He barely acknowledged London’s presence.
“Um, thirty on pump two,” she spoke hesitantly. She slid a twenty and a ten across the dusty counter.
The elderly man grunted, picked up her bills and pressed a few buttons on the cash register. “Thank you.”
London smiled. “You’re welcome,” she replied. She turned awkwardly and then turned back. Three sleek slot machines were lit up along the back of the old gas station and stuffed between the slushy machine and a tall rack selling B.B. gun ammo.
Again, who can resist? She thought. Why not waste a dollar?
She nodded once at the slot machines. “I’m just going to...Yeah,” she trailed off lamely. She had a feeling that the cashier thought she was as big of an idiot as she felt. Screw it. “I’m going to try one of those machines. I’m feeling lucky.”
London was almost positive the old man rolled his eyes at her, but he nodded and waved at the machines. “All right, then.”
Man of few words London thought with a grin. That’s okay. I am feeling lucky. What the hell?
She realized how silly she looked as she slid four quarters into the shiny chrome coin slot. Oh London, what on Earth are you doing? She wondered. You have more important things to attend to today. Namely, finding Natalie and getting her to talk to you before it’s too late.
London pulled the lever with a slight shake of her head and then turned in embarrassment. She nodded at the cashier and pushed the door open.
“Wait!” A gravelly voice croaked. London turned in confusion. The old man had hopped off his stool, a feat that she would have deemed impossible just a few moments before, and was stabbing his knarled index finger at the slot machine. “You won! Holy smokes, you won!”
London stared in disbelief as the machine flashed and loud music filled the tiny gas station. “I...I won? I don’t think I’ve ever won anything in my life.”
A wide smile stretched across the spotted, leathery skin of the old man’s face. “Dang it, girl, I’ve worked here for sixty-somethin’ years and I ain’t never seen one person win so much as the lint from the bottom of their pocket! You won $1,000!”
“I...I...Oh my God,” London replied. She wrinkled her nose as the strange realization set in. “I can’t believe it.”
“Oh, you better believe it,” the old man continued with a partially toothless smile. “Look, that machine is called ‘Home Sweet Home’. You must be in the right place then.”
London stared at the machine as her heart pounded. I barely read the name of the machine she thought. I just stuck my quarters in and pulled the lever. What are the odds?
“I...I guess I must be,” she agreed, after her voice had caught up to her gaping mouth.
“Well, I gotta’ have you fill you out some paperwork,” the old man said with a sigh. “State rules and whatnot. I’ll have to find it, but I think it’s packed away in the store room. Probably covered with dust. I’m tellin’ you, we ain’t never had a winner in over half a century. Bet you feel real lucky now!”
All London could do was nod and stare in wonderment at the machine as its bright colors danced before her.
“I got to call the owner of the filling station too, but, well, the owner was my wife and she passed away some fifteen years ago,” the old man went on. “So I’ll cash you out, but don’t you move. I’m going to look for that paperwork.”
London nodded and placed both hands on the counter as the old man stumbled into a back room. She took a deep breath and leaned onto her elbows. Granted, $1,000 isn’t much she told herself. It’s not like I won half a million or something. But what are the odds? Those crazy, faraway odds?
Images of Natalie, of herself, of her father and sister and of the rolling Texas sky flashed through her mind. “I’m exactly where I need to be,” she murmured with a knowing smile.
“What’s that you’re saying?” The old man called as he returned from the store room. He held a packet of paper in his arms. “The old ears ain’t as good as they used to be when I was your age. What are you gonna’ do with that grand, anyway?”
London shook her head slowly as she took the paperwork and a ballpoint pen from his shaking hands. I already knew I was staying in Texas she thought. But what was the plan after that?
“Getting a place in Texas,” she decided out loud. The words tumbled from her lips before she could stop them. “I’ll use it to pay off my current lease and get an apartment here somewhere. I have a lot of exploring to do.”
The old man nodded and grinned. “Ain’t that the stuff of life,” he remarked. “Good for you, ma’am. Good for you.”
London waited quietly as the old man punched a few keys on the register. It popped open with a jangle and he began carefully counting out twenty dollar bills. A thought occurred to her as she absent-mindedly watched his wrinkled fingers smooth each bill before adding it to the stack.
“You know what,” she spoke again before she could think twice. “How about a lucky split? Give me half. You keep five hundred.”
The old man froze. His eyes widened behind his thick bifocal glasses. “You...You don't have to do that, you know,” he started. London swore she heard a tremble in his voice. “That’s your money. You won, fair and square. You were right, you are lucky.”
London looked down at the stack of bills on the counter and then back at him. The stuff of life she thought as she recalled his words with a slight smile. It’s not always money.
“I want to,” she clarified. “I think that’s fair, don’t you? A bonus to the gas station that had the lucky machine?”
The old man appeared to consider this and then nodded slowly. “If you’re sure. I mean, I could do a lot with that bonus, ma’am. But...”
London held up a hand. “I’m glad you agree,” she cut in with a grin. “So five hundred for you and five hundred for me then.”
He nodded again and smiled back. “Well, I don’t know what to say except for thank you. That’s mighty generous.”
London glanced out the doors at her car and then back down at the counter. Today is a lucky day she realized. More importantly, it’s a good day. I just hope Natalie is willing to talk.
---
“Okay, I have to know where you’re at and what hole in Texas you’ve crawled into,” Holly’s voice cracked loudly through the phone.
It was nearly evening as London cruised through Denton and passed the large University of North Texas buildings. She had been deciding how to approach her next conversation with her friend, but Holly had beaten her to the punch and called first.
“Oh, you saw the photos?” London asked, amused.
“Hello, I’ve been following your Instagram since you left!” Holly replied. “I just got off the plane at O’Hare and I swear they must be getting our luggage from the seventh circle of hell or something, because I’ve been standing at the baggage claim for almost an hour...”
“Holly, breathe,” London cut in with a giggle.
“Right,” Holly replied. “Sorry. Anyway, I saw those new photos. I have to know where in the wo
rld you must be. Where can you find slot machines in gas stations and fried pies? What is a fried pie, anyway?”
London laughed. “I honestly don’t know,” she replied. “I only stopped for the sign. I did spend the night at a massive casino in the middle of nowhere. And then I won five hundred dollars on a slot machine named Home Sweet Home when I stopped for gas.”
“You spent the night where? Wait, you won five hundred...Did you take a quickie trip to Nevada or something?” Holly asked.
London laughed again. “Not even,” she admitted. “Evidently, this is what happens when you travel outside of the big Texas cities. Um, speaking of which...” she coughed once. Her heart pounded and her palms became clammy as her mind raced with how to broach the subject.
“What’s up?” Holly asked expectantly.
“I can’t...” London paused and took a deep breath. She hated that her trembling voice sounded so tiny through the crackling line. “I’m sorry, Hol, but I can’t take the promotion. I know you’ve been grooming me for it and I know you’re really excited about what it has meant for my career.” She paused and listened to the silence fill her ear before forging ahead. “I’d excited about it too, honestly I was. But I...I need to decline the promotion and formally give you my notice for my position at W.H. Young. Please don’t be mad at me.”
There she thought as she inhaled deeply. It’s out. No going back now.
“It’s Natalie, isn’t it?” Holly replied after a moment. London was cautiously relieved to hear no anger in her friend’s voice. Instead, she found only curiosity and understanding. “You’re in love with her?”
London swallowed. “Yes,” she replied. “I am. I can’t...I can’t go back to Chicago and leave everyone. Tiffany still needs me and my dad...God, he’ll never outright admit it but I think he does too. He’s going to be retiring soon. I can’t leave Natalie without giving what we have a real chance. She’s so different from anyone I’ve ever met, Holly. She makes me think about things in different ways. When I’m with her, it’s like we’re the only people that exist.”
