Texas Blues

by Ashley Quinn

  “Then I think you should go for it,” Holly replied easily.

  London blinked. “Wait, what?” She asked. She was thrown off by her friend’s confident reply. “You think I should...?”

  “Go for it, London,” Holly replied in mock exasperation. “You love her. What else is there? You’ll regret it forever if you come back to Chicago and let her get away. You forget that I know you. You think you’re so good at hiding your feelings and keeping yourself locked away from everyone, but you’re not that good. I can tell from hundreds of miles away that you’re in love with her. This is what you’ve been missing, London.”

  “I don’t even recognize the person I was when I left Chicago,” London admitted. “It’s strange, I never thought I could change that quickly. Or ever. I thought about leaving yesterday. Two months ago, it wouldn’t have fazed me to up and leave and continue to keep everyone at arm’s length. But I’m...I’m not that person anymore.”

  Holly sighed. “You were never that person, London,” she replied. “The hardest thing for me has been to watch a close friend stumble and fall. Watching her believe she was unworthy, a bad person, someone who should keep others away. You’ve always been deserving of someone like Natalie. You just needed time to get rid of all that shit you’ve used to insulate yourself and rediscover the real you. And it sounds like you finally have.”

  “You don’t think I’ll be making a mistake by giving up this promotion and sacrificing my career at W.H. Young to take a chance on love?” London asked. She chewed her thumbnail nervously.

  “You don’t think you are, do you?” Holly countered. “I can tell from your voice. In those photos of you two. In that genuine smile that I haven’t seen in I don’t know how long.”

  “No, you’re right,” London replied. “I don’t think I’m making a mistake at all.”

  “Then you don’t need me to tell you that you’re not,” Holly concluded. “I could never be mad at you, London. I’m glad you’re finally living your life and letting yourself love.”

  “Me too,” London agreed. She took a deep breath. “I can’t even describe it, it’s such a different feeling. Like some big weight off my shoulders and my heart, but so much more. Natalie has helped me face myself in so many ways. It’s almost scary.”

  “It is scary,” Holly replied. “It’s love.”

  “And it’s time to grow up,” London said as she ran her fingers through her wind-blown hair. “Time to stop using the same tired defenses and shutting people out. Time to tell her what she really means to me.”

  “Good,” Holly said decisively. “That’s exactly what you need to do. Natalie is worth it. She wouldn’t have stolen your heart if she wasn’t. Don’t think about it so much, London. Just tell her exactly how you feel and what’s in your heart. Let it out without it getting caught in your mind. It’s the only right way to let her know how much you love her.”

  “I think you’re right,” she replied with a sigh.

  “Wait, can you repeat that?” Holly cut in with a laugh. “I think the line must be breaking up. Can you say that once more so I can record it this time?”

  London burst into laughter. “Oh, stop it!”

  “Oh shit, the airport crew must have just returned from hell. The baggage claim is making the most awful cranking noise, which I’m assuming means it’s going to start moving soon. Maybe I’ll actually get my bags before I’m fifty. Got to go, girl.”

  “Holly?” London tried.

  “Oh, I’ll send an e-mail to the Mr. Hansen when I get home,” Holly continued hurriedly. “I may need you to write a formal resignation letter for me, but you can just e-mail that over tomorrow.”

  “Holly!” London practically shouted.

  “What?” She asked.

  “Thank you,” London replied. “For everything. But, most of all, for being the absolute best friend I could have ever been blessed with.”

  “Hell, you’re going to make me cry,” Holly cracked. She sniffed. “You don’t have to thank me, London. Remember what I told you? People love you, you just had to learn how to let us. We’ll talk soon, okay?”

  London grinned as she hung up with her friend. It’s done she thought. She blew out her breath in a sigh of relief that she hadn’t even realized she’d been holding. Natalie and I both deserve this. A real chance.

  Her stomach twisted anxiously as she entered Dallas County. She knew there wasn’t much further and there was only one place she could think to go. She drummed her fingers against the steering wheel and picked up her phone again.

  “Siri, take me to Natalie’s house,” she spoke loudly. “Before I run out of road with these nerves.”

  CHAPTER 30

  London’s heart was beating so fast that she was sure its pounding was audible throughout the car. She slowly pulled down Natalie’s street and bit her lip.

  “You have arrived at your destination. Your destination is on the left,” the robotic female voice of her phone’s built-in G.P.S. informed her.

  She eased to a stop against the curb and blinked at the small house. No choice but to ring that doorbell she told herself. You didn’t drive all this way to park outside like a creep.

  London slowly opened the door and stood on shaking legs. One step at a time she reminded herself gently. She thought of all the small steps she had taken, the photographic reminders displayed on her Instagram account, to become who she was now. She remembered each step as she took another and her slow but steady walk up the driveway felt as though it was taking hours.

  London had nearly reached the wide porch when she heard a car pull into the driveway behind her. She jerked around and watched as Paula parked. Isabella swung open the back door and raced up the walkway. She immediately threw her skinny arms around London.

  “London!” She screeched. “I knew it! I knew you’d come back. I tried to tell Natalie that you were slaying the dragons, but I think she already knew. I’m so happy to see you!”

  London glanced nervously at the front door and then back at Isabella. She hugged the little girl tightly.

  “Of course I’m back,” she replied with a smile. “I’m happy to see you too.”

  Paula cleared her throat pointedly. “Isabella, sweetheart, can you bring the Gansitos inside and leave them on the kitchen counter? Remember we promised Natalie we would drop them off today?”

  Isabella nodded and grabbed a few boxes of what London could glean were pastries. She plucked a key from Paula’s open palm and skipped up the rest of the walkway.

  “Look, I know you probably don’t want to see me...” London started shyly.

  Paula’s hard stare morphed into a friendly smile. “Of course we want to see you,” she replied. “You’re family now. It’s about time you made an appearance.”

  London blushed. A rush of warmth and familiarity coursed through her as Paula’s words sank in. So that’s how it feels she thought satisfactorily. To have family.

  “I...I’m sorry,” she stammered, unsure of what to say.

  “Don’t be sorry,” Paula replied quickly. “Natalie is like the sister I never had. I know that she can be stubborn. I know that she sometimes lets words spill that she doesn’t mean when she’s upset. She misses you. More than I’ve ever seen her miss anyone.”

  “Where is she?” London asked. She glanced uncertainly at the nondescript home.

  “Kaboomtown,” Paula replied.

  London realized her face must have betrayed her confusion as Paula blinked and then continued. “In Addison. It’s the biggest annual fireworks show in the Dallas-Fort Worth area. Natalie loves it. She goes every year with her aunts.”

  “That’s where she is?” London asked. “Okay. Then that’s where I have to go. Thank you.” She started quickly down the driveway, but then turned halfway and cocked her head. “Um, do you know where Addison is?”

  Paula rolled her eyes with a heavy sigh but grinned. “Come on. We’ll take your car.”

  Isabella loped out of the house a
nd handed the key back to her mother. “Where are we going?”

  “Kaboomtown,” Paula answered as she met London’s eyes knowingly. “To see Natalie, Celia, Jane and the fireworks.”

  Isabella pumped her fist in the air excitedly. “Yes!” She shouted. “Let’s go!”

  ---

  Exactly one hour later, London groaned as she slowly circled the parking lot. “You didn’t tell me Kaboomtown was this big,” she complained. “There must be a hundred thousand people here already.”

  Paula nodded seriously from the passenger’s seat. “Probably,” she replied matter-of-factly. “Everything is bigger in Texas.”

  “I’m never going to find them in this crowd,” London replied, hating the whine in her voice. “We’ll be walking around forever and we won’t find them.”

  “Are you stressed?” Isabella piped up imploringly from the backseat.

  “Isabella!” Paula started warningly. “Let London and I find a parking spot.” She turned back to London. “I should have remembered when I tried to call her that she usually leaves her phone in the car for the fireworks. She’s like a little kid with them; she loves them. Always has.”

  London sat back against the driver’s seat and sighed. “I’m sorry,” she apologized. “I’m just worried that I won’t find her in time.”

  Paula perked up as they crept past the main entrance again. “London, how much do you trust me?”

  London shot her a sidelong glance. “Why?”

  “How about you get out here and start looking for Natalie?” Paula asked. “I’ll find a parking space and then Isabella and I can catch up with you.”

  London chewed the inside of her cheek as she thought it over. She wasn’t keen on someone else driving the rental, but she knew her options were limited. “Okay,” she finally agreed. “Fine. Nighttime is chasing us and I’ll really never find her in the dark. If that’s what I have to do to have a shot at finding Natalie, then I’ll leave the car with you.”

  Paula grinned and shooed her out the door. “Don’t worry, London,” she called out the window as she scooted over the middle console. “I’ll find a good spot. You go find your girl.”

  “Bye, London!” Isabella called from the backseat with a wave.

  London waved back and then turned toward the entrance. Okay she thought as she set her shoulders back determinedly. I can do this. One hundred thousand people, and more filtering in every minute. I can find Natalie.

  ---

  After nearly a half-hour of walking the perimeter of a big, grassy field and squinting at anyone with dark hair, London was ready to give up. She hadn’t heard from Paula yet and hadn’t spotted Natalie, Celia or Jane. Darkness had all but closed in and recognizing faces was growing more difficult as each second ticked by.

  London leaned against the trunk of a tall, thick tree and sighed. She scanned nearby small groups that had spread out on blankets before her. A strong stench in the breeze caused her to grimace before looking around. She quickly recognized where the offending odor had originated and smiled despite herself at the neat row of blue Porta-Potties set up a few yards behind the tree.

  Porta-Potties she thought. Disgusting no matter where you go. At least some things never change.

  She turned back toward the crowd as a single firework was shot into the velvety evening sky. It exploded in a burst of white as the crowd oohed and aahed. A smattering of applause rose from the field. Great London thought. The fireworks are going to start any minute. I’ll never find Natalie.

  London turned back to the line of Porta-Potties and then glanced at her phone for word from Paula for what felt like the hundredth time. Still nothing she thought. This was a bust, wasn’t it?

  She raised her eyes from the ground and immediately went stock-still as a Porta-Pottie door swung open. Natalie gingerly stepped out of the tiny restroom. Her face read disgust as she squeezed hand sanitizer onto her palms and then quickly pocketed the small bottle. Despite the expression on her face, London thought she never looked more beautiful.

  She stood, frozen, as Natalie took a few steps away and pulled her phone from her other pocket. London watched as she glanced at it, shaking her head in disappointment, and then pushing it back into her shorts.

  Paula said she didn’t answer her call because she leaves her phone in the car during the fireworks show London thought, perplexed. She ignored her friend’s call, but brought her phone with her? She looks...sad. London wondered for a split second if Natalie had brought her phone this time in hopes of hearing from her, but chose not to dwell on it.

  It’s now or never she told herself as she straightened her spine. This is everything I want. She is everything I want.

  “Natalie!” She called as she stepped around the thick wooden trunk.

  Natalie stopped short and looked around in surprise.

  “Natalie, it’s me,” London tried again. She took a few tentative steps closer.

  Natalie craned her neck and glanced around as her eyes finally found London. She crossed her arms protectively around herself.

  I miss when we used to throw ourselves into each other’s arms the second we saw each other London thought as she tried to ignore the strange pressure on her chest. We can make this right.

  “I...I...” London stammered and then closed her eyes for a moment. She recalled her earlier conversation with Holly. Tell her exactly how you feel and what’s in your heart. Let it out without it getting caught in my head. It’s the only way to truly tell her how I feel.

  “Natalie, I love you,” the words tumbled out of her mouth, falling clumsily on top of each other, as she met her guarded eyes. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. I promise you, from the bottom of my heart. I’m not going back to Chicago. I can’t...I can’t imagine leaving without you. I won five hundred dollars from an old man at a gas station in...in...Gainesville and I’m going to use it to buy out the little bit left on my lease and get an apartment here. Well, maybe not here in Addison, but somewhere around here. I...”

  “London...” Natalie started and then faltered. She bit her lip.

  London forged ahead again. Time to put it all on the line. “I love you, I really do. I know, with everything I am, that we can make this work. Where will we end up, where will life take us? Who knows? I don’t know. For once in my life, I don’t know and I’m completely at peace with that. Because, Natalie, as long as we have each other then we’ll be okay.”

  The first two firecrackers lit up the sky and exploded with loud booms. Shit London thought. I’m making her miss her favorite part of the Fourth of July.

  Three firecrackers followed in short succession as London opened her mouth and then closed it. “You kept asking me if I believed that everything happened for a reason. Looking at you right now, I can answer that yes. Yes, I believe that everything happens for a reason and yes, I believe that I was led here. I didn’t understand it in the beginning, but I do now. Maybe our paths were always meant to cross and maybe I had to get to that point where I could be the right person...”

  London’s voice grew louder as the fireworks continued popping and exploding high in the sky above. The occasional burst of color lit Natalie’s face in hues of blue, red and white as London trampled on. She swallowed. “You’re...You’re so beautiful. I just wanted to tell you that I love you. Very much.”

  “London,” Natalie repeated her name with more insistence this time. She stepped closer and gently laid her hand on her forearm. “London, hey...Hey,” she repeated as she wrapped her into an enveloping hug.

  They held each other tightly for a few long moments as the firecrackers’ loud booms shook the nearby tree. Natalie pulled back slightly and ran her fingers along London’s face. “London, all you had to do was say that you love me and you’re not going anywhere,” she said. A wide smile spread across her features. “But everything else was really nice to hear too,” she finished shyly.

  London looked into her eyes and felt an immense rush of relief. She didn’t
recognize sadness in her face anymore. It was lit with the same playful sparkle that she had come to fall in love with. “I’ll say it,” she replied shakily. “I’m not scared anymore. I’ll keep saying it if it means you won’t be sad anymore. I’m so sorry for everything.”

  Natalie leaned in and rested her cheek against London’s shoulder. “I’m sorry too,” she said with a deep breath. “I missed you.”

  “I missed you too,” London murmured as she rested her lips against the tip of Natalie’s ear. “I’m not going anywhere.”

  Natalie looked up as another round of firecrackers exploded in a rainbow of color overhead. “So, tell me again. You won five hundred dollars how? Start from the beginning and tell me all about this old man at the gas station. And why were you all the way in Gainesville?”

  London laughed and followed Natalie across the field as their joined hands swung casually between them. “It’s a long story,” she replied warningly. “But I think it’s a good one.”

  “You think so?” Natalie teased as she met her eyes.

  London grinned. “I know so.”

  “By the way,” Natalie whispered as she stepped closer. “You just made my dream date come true. Remember?”

  They paused at the trunk of a smaller tree and gazed at each other for a long moment. There’s so many things to say London thought. But sometimes putting it all into a kiss is enough.

  She leaned forward and met Natalie’s waiting lips. The tree shook as firecrackers thundered above. All other eyes were directed at the magnificent sparkling display overhead and allowed them a few moments of privacy. She and Natalie kissed and the world spun around them as the lingering moments transitioned from desperate to playful to content and back again. London smiled as she realized that she was home.

  EPILOGUE - TEN MONTHS LATER

  The door of the house swung open and the smell of fresh paint floated onto the porch. London stepped aside to let Natalie walk into the new home. She grinned at her and followed before setting a heavy armload of boxes onto the clean ceramic tile of the foyer.