Sins of Sarah

by Anne Styles

  It was not simple at all in her book, but she had to be content with it. Nick was not going to be manipulated or charmed into changing the scene, and she was too much in love with him to quarrel with him any more.

  * * *

  The Saunders did indeed seem delighted to meet her. They were jolly and welcoming, and Sarah felt she had known them for years in a few minutes. Both Charles and Nick had known them since childhood, and all three men were a similar age, with Liz just a year or two younger.

  Broad-hipped and rosy-cheeked, her dark hair held back in an Alice band, she had a booming laugh that rang out frequently, and a wicked tongue when she let fly. Rupert, almost as tall as Nick, had the chunky build and healthy outdoor glow of the farmer he was. His main occupation now was breeding horses, at which he was very successful, and naturally he and Charles soon fell into a horse-orientated conversation over pre-lunch drinks.

  Their ten-year-old son Jonty sat gazing at Sarah with eyes full of hero-worship while they talked - until she noticed him. And then Nick watched with pleasure as she drew him out until he was chattering furiously, dragging her off to see his new puppies. There were always new animals to see in the Saunders house.

  They all laughed when Jonty brought Sarah back and announced, 'I'm going to marry Sarah when I grow up!'

  'Join the queue!' said the three men in unison.

  * * *

  'Nick is outrageous!' declared Liz as Charles's Range Rover disappeared down the drive some hours later. 'He could barely keep his hands off that child for five minutes. I don't know why Diana lets him get away with it.'

  'If Diana punts off with Mummy and Daddy for two months at a time she only has herself to blame,' said Rupert. 'You know as well as I do that Diana only wants Nick around for his money these days. And you can't blame Nick for fancying Sarah Campbell! I'd have a crack at her myself given half a chance!'

  'If you did you would have nothing left to fancy her with,' Liz responded quickly.

  'Charlie didn't like it either. She must be something to have both of them panting after her.' Rupert sighed. 'Sounds like the Natasha saga all over again.'

  'I certainly hope not,' Liz said grimly. 'I wouldn't want to live through that again. Charlie had a heart attack over that woman. Another one would really finish him!'

  'Natasha was unstable and delicate, not to mention being a total bitch!' Rupert pointed out. 'And Sarah Campbell is certainly none of those. She rides like a dream as well. I'm afraid I only remember the rows those two had over Natasha.'

  'Do you remember how she set fire to her dress at the Hunt Ball once, when she'd had a row with Nick?'

  'Yep, and the callous bastard threw her in the lily pond and told Charles to get her out,' Rupert reminded her.

  'I suppose Nick was a bit of a swine in those days,' Liz sighed.

  'He still is at times,' Rupert said. 'But I must admit he was a damn sight more relaxed today than I've known him be in a long time.'

  'I wonder how long it will take Diana to catch on to this one?'

  'If he's as indiscreet everywhere else as he was here, not long.' Rupert grinned. 'And there are enough people around that he's been foul to over the years to make sure she does find out.'

  * * *

  But Nick Grey was a seasoned veteran at the secrecy game. In the past his few indiscretions had mostly gone undiscovered, and, relaxed as he had been with the Saunders, he was determined to protect Sarah from gossip and the Press.

  At work, he was his usual self, critical and arrogant as ever, pushing her to the limit in the ever more difficult scenes they were doing. Occasionally she yelled back at him, when he really tried her patience, but most of the time she shrugged it off. Rarely during the day did he touch her, or spend more than a few minutes in conversation with her in front of the crew, though she soon realized that he hated to see her joking and larking about with them and the other actors.

  She was quickly getting used to long drives in the Porsche, and the luxury of his expensive way of life. Nick's lifestyle was totally different from hers and he lived well - to the limit of his income most of the time. Sarah was soon rushing out to buy new clothes to keep up with it all, finally enjoying the pleasures of clothes-buying, and always trying to find new ways of doing her hair to disguise her appearance when they were out in public.

  Her whole life had changed. It revolved completely around Nick and his demands on her time and energies.

  Once away from the set, and the eyes of the unit. Nick was relaxed and loving, wanting to show his feelings in a way that was totally new to him. Though previously inexperienced where sex was concerned, Sarah had quickly blossomed, now as eager to make love as he was, and ready to learn and experiment, confident of her ability to please him. Drawing her out was a complete pleasure to Nick. He found himself longing for the week-ends, when she would belong to him and not be shared with the devoted crew.

  But it was the crew who rose to her defence when the Unicorn printed a piece of sly innuendo after a week or so of skirmishing with their reporters.

  The Unicorn had finally been given the photographs Nick had taken on set in the morning scenes of James and Sarah, carefully chosen to reveal very little, but Max Moreton had made the most of it in almost a full-page piece, hinting at Sarah's lust for her co-star, despite his new girlfriend, and commenting on the reality of their love scenes. Sarah and James laughed at that, but it was the last paragraph that really shook Sarah.

  For once discretion got the better of her, and she flew to Nick almost in hysterics.

  'Look at that! They can't print that, can they?' Nick read with growing fury.

  Rumours of ill feeling and arguments abound on the set of Home Leave however, between Nick Grey and his new young protegee. They apparently spend much of their time fighting furiously and further developments are awaited eagerly!

  'The whole thing makes me sound so awful,' wailed Sarah. 'And it's not even true. Okay, Nick shouted at me and I was upset, but that's all . . what can we do?' Alex was appalled. 'Leave it to us!' he declared firmly, and within an hour a letter signed by the entire crew, supporting and defending Sarah, was emailed to the Unicorn. The gesture touched Sarah deeply, especially as she hadn't spent so much time with them lately, so wrapped up had she been in Nick.

  'I just hope they don't go too far the other way now,' Nick said in trepidation, when the Unicorn printed the letter in full. 'We'll have to be bloody careful in Chagford.' They had spent several weekends in a cottage owned by a friend of his on Dartmoor.

  'We never get out of bed in Devon,' Sarah pointed out, laughing. 'But maybe we'd better not go out to eat.'

  'I said be careful, not starve to death!' Eating out was a pleasure to Nick, even after many years of doing so and he still delighted in finding new restaurants. Chagford was particularly well served by several of his favourites.

  Sarah loved the tiny cottage, though they were both in permanent danger of cracking their heads on the low doorways.

  The Friday night drive to Dartmoor quickly became an integral part of her life, even if she and Nick did differ violently in the choice of cassettes in the car stereo. A meal in the pub was a weekly ritual on their arrival, before they retired to the huge brass bed in the tiny dormer-windowed bedroom. On Saturday mornings Sarah was trusted enough to take the Porsche into Chagford to shop while Nick worked on a new script.

  'Definitely a measure of my love,' he'd joked, the first time he'd let her take it. 'But just try denting it, and our last row will be a conversation in comparison!'

  'That would really give the Unicorn something to print!' Sarah giggled. She had bought a tapestry to occupy herself while Nick worked, but somehow very little of it got done. By the time they had eaten lunch they were always both ready to return to their bed for the afternoon, only rising to go out and eat.

  It was precious time. Lying in each other's arms, making love when the mood took them, they talked for hours, probing deep into each other's memories and thoughts. Ni
ck smiled at the revelations of the little Guildford schoolgirl, secure with her ponies and ballet classes, and Sarah learnt a great deal about Nick's lonely childhood, about the solitary Army child travelling between school and the bases all over the world where his father had commanded during his career.

  Nick found he was telling her things he had never spoken of before, much to his own surprise, and bringing to light the close if volatile relationship between him and Charles.

  The only person he never talked about was the mysterious Natasha. Sarah was wild with curiosity about the beautiful girl in the portrait, but however often she tried to bring the subject up. Nick skilfully avoided it.

  It was her turn to surprise him one Sunday morning, when she announced that she was going to early-morning communion. 'It's the anniversary of my parents' death,' she told him. 'I make a point of going then.' Nick took one look at her unhappy face and elected to go with her. Being married to a Catholic, he rarely went to an Anglican service nowadays.

  She was astonished to find he knew the words of the service by heart. He hadn't seemed to her to be a church- going person.

  'You forget - Canterbury Cathedral was my school chapel,' he reminded her as they walked back to the cottage afterwards. 'I'd forgotten how nice it is to go to church.'

  'I felt a little guilty kneeling at the altar with you,' she confessed.

  Nick laughed. 'Adultery being blessed!'

  'I certainly hope the vicar didn't know who you were,' Sarah commented.

  'Does it bother you very much? My being married?' He sounded worried suddenly.

  'Not as much as it should,' Sarah admitted. 'But my mother would have been furious with me and Daddy would have taken you apart!'

  'I'd better keep away from your big brother, then,' he smiled. 'In case he feels the same way.'

  'I think George would like you nearly as much as I do. At least I hope he would.' Nick suddenly realized that it mattered to her that her brother approved; he knew how much Sarah relied on the only father figure she had left.

  'For the moment, my darling, I think it's better that your brother doesn't know about us.'

  'Rather like your wife?'

  'Especially like my wife!' Nick decided the time had come to tell Sarah his news. 'Look, I've asked Diana to bring Charlotte over to France for the first two weeks we're out there while you have two weeks off. It seemed the safest option. I actually prefer that you two don't meet again.'

  Sarah thought of the cool, dark-haired lady she had met briefly. 'I'd prefer not to meet her again too,' she said slowly. 'Though I loved Charlotte.'

  'Charlotte thinks you're snaring James away from her.' Nick grinned. 'She'll think he's really fickle when she finds out about Cress.'

  'He's certainly not fickle about Cress, that's for sure.'

  'I'm glad,' Nick said softly. 'Cress deserves to be happy. She's had a bad time with men, generally.'

  'Like you, for instance?'

  'How on earth did you find that out? Not from Cress, I'll bet!'

  'No, Ronnie - who else?'

  'I might have known! Embroidered like crazy as well, if I know Ronnie!' Nick raised his eyes to heaven. 'I've never slept with Cress, Sarah, I can assure you, but I've always been very fond of her. Do you mind?'

  'Good gracious no - why should I? Anyway, I suppose I'll be an ex sooner or later, when Diana finds out.'

  'If we're careful, not for a long time, I hope.' His face was serious. 'You will get tired of me eventually, Sarah. I'm far too old for you.'

  'Not now. Nick. I don't want to think about it!' They had reached the cottage and she threw her arms around him, hugging him tightly to her. 'I don't want to talk about your wife or your age.'

  'As long as you know I'm not going to leave her,' Nick said slowly, painfully aware that by stating the fact he could lose Sarah there and then. But Sarah clung round his neck, her face buried in his shoulder.

  'I know, I know,' she murmured. 'It doesn't make it any easier, but I'll accept anything to stay with you.' She found it incredibly hard to understand how he could be so loyal to his wife that he wouldn't leave her, and yet still profess to love her at the same time, but it was not a question she dared put to him: She simply had to believe that he could. Her other problem was how to break it to Peter that it was all between them over. He was due back from Queensland that week, and she dreaded it.

  'Don't tell him for a while,' Nick suggested when she voiced her fears. 'You have enough excuses to be too busy to see him for a bit.' 'No, that's not kind,' she reasoned. 'I have to tell him, it's only fair.' 'Well, don't tell him it's over because of me,' he said. Tell him that, and the Press will soon know.'

  'Peter's not like that.'

  'It depends on how much he loves you,' Nick said wisely.

  'I'll wait until I'm back in London,' she decided. 'Then I'll have to tell him. Unlike you. Nick Grey, I find one lover quite enough to cope with!'

  CHAPTER 11

  Are we keeping you up Sarah?' James enquired on the last day of shooting at Hastings. 'You'll never make it through the party at this rate.' She looked and felt shattered. 'What does Nick have that I haven't?'

  'Shut up, James,' she snapped. 'I'm tired, that's all!'

  'Sorry, sweetheart. Look, I've got something to tell you - or rather Cress has.'

  'Don't tell me she's pregnant!' Sarah said, winding him up.

  'Not yet!' he laughed. 'But she's moving in with me as soon as we get back from France.' Laughing with delight, Sarah hugged him. 'It's the thing that's happened to me in a long time.'

  Nick interrupted them. 'I know we have an easy day but we do have to work at some point,' he said, and hauled them onto the set.

  At lunchtime Sarah intrigued Nick by disappearing with Sir John and then coming back giggling with Cress and John like conspirators. John was old enough to know better, he thought, annoyed. Sarah smiled her secret smile at his frown, making him ache for her all over again, even after making love to her most of the night and early that morning - swimming had been forgotten.

  Charles arrived back to watch the last few shots of the afternoon, joining in the laughter and inevitable practical jokes that went on, then taking Sarah aside as she finished the last scene. 'Would you do something for me, Sarah?' he asked. She looked nervously at him. She and Nick had heard him leave that morning, holding their breath in case he saw them. But it was something quite different. 'Would you consider visiting a child at the local hospital when you've changed? Apparently it's quite urgent - she's not very well.' He searched her face for reaction. 'Her mother is a friend of mine and Amy has been a fan of yours for a long time.'

  'Of course I will, Charles.' She smiled with relief. 'Just make sure Nick doesn't need me any more, and I'll get changed.'

  'That's OK, I checked. Thank you, Sarah, I'll pick you up at the hotel in ... half an hour?' The child, it turned out, was dying of leukaemia. She was seven years old, sweet-faced and serene. Fighting her tears, Sarah spent half an hour telling her about the programme, and Peter, before walking round the rest of the ward full of children - some just as sick as Amy, others cheerful and full of chatter. Despite the gratitude of the nursing staff, she was drained by the time they got back to Charles's car.

  'We'll stop off for a drink,' Charles suggested, patting her shoulder awkwardly, worried by her stricken face. 'I'm sorry, Sarah, I didn't realize quite how ill she was.'

  Sarah was doing her best not to cry. 'I felt so helpless, Charlie. She's so little.'

  'You did what you could, and that's the important thing,' he comforted.

  'I just wish I could do a little more to help,' she replied sadly.

  'You probably did more than any treatment could. Being a famous face can be a problem, Sarah, I know, especially in your situation. But your time with someone like Amy is a gift you can give. It's so important to her, and it probably stops you getting too wrapped up in your own importance.'

  'Oh, Charlie, do you think I am?' She was horrified.


  'No, not yet.' Charles pulled into the pub yard. 'But you could be if you get too insulated from real life, which is very easy to do in this business, once the work takes over.' Sarah thought about it, and was shocked to realize he was right. It was months since she had had to think for herself. Her life had become ruled by Oscar and George, and now Nick. Apart from a few swift shopping trips, she had hardly mixed with people outside the crew since the middle of May.

  Charles brought her brandy out to the garden. The late afternoon sun was still hot, and she relaxed, lifting her face to it. 'I feel as if I'm playing hookey.' She smiled. 'Aren't you drinking, Charles?'

  'I don't really,' he admitted, playing with the glass of tonic water. 'I'm driving anyway, but I had a heart attack years ago, and was told I should stop drinking so I did. I don't really miss it, I must admit, though Nick and I used to really drink ourselves stupid at college.'

  'I can't imagine not drinking at all,' Sarah confessed.

  'You'd be surprised how easy it is to give up if your life depends on it,' he commented drily.

  'Does it still?'

  'No, not now. I've had the all-clear for years - I'm even allowed to fly the helicopter - but I'm still careful.'

  'I guess you would be if you'd had a heart attack,' she said, and smiled. 'What caused it?' Charles laughed. 'I think you could call it a very unsuitable marriage.'

  'To Natasha?' she queried, suddenly realizing that here was her chance.

  'Yes,' he said, surprised. 'Have you seen her portrait in the library?' She nodded. 'She was so beautiful,' he added sadly, 'and so very sick.'

  Sarah took the plunge. She was so curious. 'What was wrong with her?'

  'She was a drug addict, Sarah, long before I married her, and I didn't know till I had. I think Nick did, but I certainly didn't.'

  'What did Nick have to do with her, then?' She wasn't sure she wanted to know, but it was the one thing Nick wouldn't tell her.