Sins of Sarah

by Anne Styles

  Seeing her in the delicate, clinging Regency costumes, with constant close-ups of her wide, trembling mouth speaking lines that they had laughed over in bed together several times in France, only made Nick feel his usual incredible lust for her, and he wriggled constantly.

  Charlotte, tactless as ever, didn't help. 'Isn't she gorgeous, Granddad? You should see her in Daddy's new film, though, without her clothes on! She's got fantastic boobs, hasn't she Daddy?'

  'I'm going to strangle her!' Nick hissed at Diana, who, despite herself, began to laugh, as her mother looked askance at both of them.

  'Actually, the hero's a bit like you. Daddy,' Charlotte added. 'All black hair and frowning, like you are now.'

  'That's it! Fancy a cigar, Alistair?' Nick got up. 'I'm going to have one ... in the study,' he added, as both mothers glared.

  'Don't mind if I do.' Alistair Mackenzie joined him with alacrity.

  Nick passed the cigars to him, and poured large malts for both of them. It was one of the few things they agreed on. 'Damn pretty girl, that Sarah Campbell.' Alistair drew luxuriantly on his cigar. 'I hear you've been seeing a lot of her recently.'

  'No more than the star of any film I've made,' Nick said carefully. 'The papers have gone to town on her a bit, since she came from a children's programme that was very popular.' He was ever wary of Alistair's protective attitude over Diana.

  'Saw your new film the other day,' Alistair admitted then, shocking Nick to the core. Alistair never normally took any notice of his work, and the Mackenzies never replied to invitations to showings. 'Popped along one afternoon. Wouldn't say so in front of Dorothy, but young Lotte is right! I must admit, I wouldn't mind a night of her company!' The thought of Sarah in Alistair's arms made Nick want to throw up, but he managed to smile.

  'I think she would prove your undoing, Alistair! Poor old Charlie Hastings is finding her a handful, and he's got thirty-odd years on you!'

  'Seeing Charlie, is she? I'm glad to hear it - especially after some of the hints in the papers.' 'Never believe gossip in newspapers,' Nick assured him, thankful for Charles's devotion to Sarah. 'Diana and I agree on that score.' '

  Time you and Diana got your acts together,' Alistair said, quietly. 'Living like you two do isn't exactly an ideal marriage.'

  'My business is in London,' Nick pointed out, 'and Diana's is here. She doesn't have to work. It is her choice. The arrangement suits us, Alistair.'

  'It suits you more to the point.'

  'I have to work,' Nick told him. It was the same old argument. 'I asked Diana to come back to London five years ago, but she prefers it here. I don't think you'll find her complaining.'

  'Unlike her mother.' He gave Nick a conspiratorial wink. 'Who never stops where you are concerned, young man.'

  'I haven't been a young man for some years now,' Nick reminded him drily. 'And you may assure Dorothy that Diana and I are fine, thank you.' We are fine, he thought, ruefully, as fine as we'll ever be. But he still wanted Sarah, wanted her even more after seeing the TV play. Cautiously he glanced at his watch. The play would be over soon. Somehow he sat through another half-hour of Alistair's company, then he rose, saying he would walk the dogs. Poor Boots was getting blisters with so much exercise.

  Throwing on his Barbour and whistling to Boots and the Mackenzies' retriever, he strode out into the night. The frosty air cleared the cigar smoke from his lungs as he walked down the lane, well away from the house, before he pulled his mobile from his pocket. Thank goodness for modern technology, he thought as he dialled.

  Sarah herself answered the call.

  .'I lusted after you far too much to watch a great deal of the play. I was giving myself away,' he admitted. 'Do you mind?'

  'Not at all. It was total tripe,' she replied cheerfully. 'I hate watching myself anyway, but at least Maggie approved of it! I do miss you. Nick. Seeing the play re-minded me of France.'

  'It did me. And I miss you too,' he said softly. 'Look, could you get up to town tomorrow? I have to drive my mother home. I could meet you at your flat for a few hours?'

  'What sort of time?' 'About one?' 'I'll be there - somehow. Maggie will go mad if I disappear, but I'll manage,' she promised, feeling the sudden glow of expectation rushing through her. What should have been a fortnight's separation had turned into a week.

  Feeling better. Nick turned back to the house after a few more minutes, and went back in to play the host and reassure his parents-in-law that everything between him and Diana was going beautifully.

  * * *

  The flat was cold when Sarah got in, just before twelve. Shivering, she ran round turning up the heating, even switching on the electric blanket. Since she had raced around that morning helping a harassed Maggie with her dinner party preparations before she went out, she decided to have a bath to get rid of the cooking smells. Maggie had been furious, since she had expected Sarah to look after Becky for the afternoon. She'd been in a bigger state than usual, since she had invited Charles to dinner - to Sarah's fury. Thankfully, George had stepped in. 'I'll take Becky out,' he offered. 'It must be important for Sarah to need to go up to town today.'

  Not bothering to dress, she dried her hair quickly, and was just spraying herself with Chanel when she heard Nick's key in the door. With a cry of joy she ran to him, throwing her arms around his neck as he lifted her up.

  'God! How I've wanted you,' he sighed, and carried her into the bedroom as her hands went to his jacket buttons.

  Nick took her cue, and threw off the rest of his clothes, taking her eagerly into his arms and sinking back, only to cry out in astonishment. 'This bloody bed is hot?'

  'Oh, heck! I put the blanket on!' Sarah giggled. Holding her against him. Nick began to laugh too. She kissed him, playing her own fingers against his chest as his fingers explored her before he gently made love to her. 'We really should try and do other things,' she sighed then. 'It seems all we want to do is make love.'

  'Not so,' he corrected. 'I seem to remember trekking all around the Louvre when we were in Paris a while back - not to mention Versailles - and being made to ride all day on Dartmoor not so long ago!' They had managed a few precious days at the Devon cottage just a week or so before Christmas.

  'Yes, and I had to spend all night massaging your back!'

  'That was because I hadn't ridden for a long time!' he defended.' That bit was fun! What's brought this mood on suddenly? Come on, tell me. Something's bothering you.'

  'How would you know?' she slid against his shoulder so that he couldn't see her face, buried as it was by her hair.

  'Because over the last seven months or so I've learnt all your moods.' He smiled. 'I know when you're unhappy, I know when you're covering things up -1 even know when your period's due. You can't hide anything from me, darling.'

  'How do you know that?' She was astonished.

  He laughed. 'Because the day before it starts you're as scratchy as hell! Now what's the matter?' Trying to be casual, she told him about Cress and James. Nick knew at once how much it had hurt her, and he cuddled her gently. 'Cress is a lot older than you,' he pointed out. 'By the time you get to thirty-two, you'll probably be married to some wonderful man and thinking of babies of your own.' 'Oh, are you thinking of making me pregnant, then?' she enquired cheekily.

  'God forbid! It's the last thing I want.' Nick shuddered, and Sarah stared in surprise at the vehemence in his tone. 'I don't ever want any more children.'

  'Never?'

  'No! I'd never knowingly put any woman through the purgatory Diana went through having Charlotte.'

  'Maybe she was just unlucky,' Sarah suggested, horrified.

  'Maybe, but I still wouldn't do it. Don't even think about it, my darling!'

  'Well, not for a while anyway!' She sighed, since there was only one man she really wanted to have a child with. Nick, she decided, would simply have to be talked into it once the time was more appropriate. She certainly refused to take him seriously - every man on earth wanted a son, didn't t
hey? 'I shall just have to settle for being rich and famous instead.'

  'Is that so bad?'

  'At the moment, I'm not sure. I'm afraid of what's happening to me. It's all so sudden.'

  'You've been fighting off fans for almost two years,' he said. 'It's not quite so sudden.'

  'Not like this,' she said. 'I'm beginning to feel hunted every time I go anywhere, and some of the mail I get is frightening. The children never wrote things like that!'

  'Throw it away and forget it!' Nick advised, remembering Alistair Mackenzie's comment. 'I must admit, though, even my awful father-in-law fancies spending the night with you!'

  'I bet that gave you a fright!'

  'It certainly didn't make me feel too comfortable,' he confessed. 'Forget it, darling. Shall I make some tea? I shall have to go soon.'

  'My! You have got into the domestic routine suddenly!' she laughed. 'But you may. I even remembered to bring some milk - and some of Maggie's cake.' Nick was as good as his word and made tea. Then, even though he knew he should be leaving, he reached for her again, finding he couldn't bear to leave her so soon. It was six o'clock before they reluctantly drew apart, knowing they had to leave, and dressed hurriedly. Kissing her fervently as they reached their two cars in the garage, he still held her.

  'If Charlie tries to propose under the mistletoe what will you tell him?' he asked her sadly, his face buried in her hair.

  'That I'm totally and absolutely satisfied, for the foreseeable future,' she replied firmly.

  'I hope so!' He kissed her again, and bundled her into her car. 'Go on, before I take you again on the back seat,' he ordered her, laughing.

  'After this afternoon I doubt that even you could manage that,' she challenged, her eyes bright with tears. 'I love you. Nick. I really love you.' He couldn't trust himself to speak then, just touched her cheek gently and blew her a kiss as she drove out of the garage then swung into his own car to follow her up the ramp out into the deserted streets, his eyes too, surprisingly, also blurred by tears.

  * * *

  Later that week, Charles and Nick had yet another a sharp exchange on the subject of - in Charles's opinion '- Nick s cavalier treatment of Sarah. But to Charles's intense annoyance. Nick laughed at him. 'I've never heard Sarah complain about the way I treat her,' he told Charles firmly. 'And until she does, I suggest you mind your own business! I told you months ago she wasn't right for you, and I mean it even more now I know her better.' Frustrated, Charles had to swallow his worries, biding his time until Nick went off to America in January for several weeks and he could safely invite Sarah down to Hastings.

  He knew she loved to come at weekends, to ride for hours with him in all weathers. She had earned the respect of his more down-to-earth friends for her resilience in the often appalling conditions that winter, and amid the noisy group of riders gathered in the pub, or the Hastings Court kitchen after riding, Sarah was relaxed. Her being an actress mattered little to them, the way she took a fence or sat her horse meant far more. No one watched much TV in that crowd, and they certainly didn't go to the cinema.

  Nick, Sarah knew, hated her going to Hastings, especially since the atmosphere between him and Charles had cooled, but Sarah shrugged off his sarcasm. In fact she was terribly lonely, and Charles filled a large gap. Over the months he had carefully and unobtrusively become a fixture in her life, as indispensable in his way as Nick was, but for completely different reasons. Otherwise, apart from work, she spent her free time alone in her flat, working on her tapestries, or with George and Maggie in Guildford. Cressida, apart from being totally wrapped up in her love for James, was busy on her new film and could only manage the odd hurried lunch. Away in Los Angeles, Nick longed for her, phoning her whenever he could, worrying as Sarah grew more and more involved with Charles and her visits to Hastings. Yet when he returned, towards the end of February, going straight to her before he went home to Diana, she was ecstatic to see him and he was reassured within minutes of arriving.

  She was a bundle of nerves over her impending first night. Even the announcement of the BAFTA nominations soon after Nick got back from Los Angeles failed to cheer her very much. Being nominated for best actress meant very little when she was having trouble remembering her lines, as she was then. Nick, however, was delighted with their five nominations; best film, director, actor, actress and editor. All it did for Sarah was increase her interview load.

  In vain Nick tried to buoy up her spirits, but as the dress rehearsal approached she grew more and more depressed.

  'I haven't done stage work since Cats,' she wailed one evening. 'I'm out of practice. I want to quit.'

  'Don't be ridiculous,' he chided. 'You always want out when the going gets rough. You know perfectly well you can do it.' But the dress rehearsal did, indeed, turn out to be a nightmare for her. In a totally black mood of despair she drove home, refusing a drink with the other actors, nice as they were. The sight of Nick's Porsche, parked in the garage, lifted her spirits enormously, since he had been back in Los Angeles again for several days. Parking her own car haphazardly, she raced up the stairs to her flat, throwing herself at him as he opened the door to the sound of her flying feet.

  'Oh. Nick, it was awful!' she cried, her head burrowing into his shoulder. 'I forgot all my lines, and my nightdress fell off, and Tim slipped on the balcony . . .'

  'It sounds like a typical dress rehearsal to me,' Nick said drily. 'I've just spoken to Barry - he says everything is fine. Come on. I ran a bath for you and I made supper.' Despite his own fatigue, he fussed over her, bringing her a drink in the bath, making her eat, listening to her pouring out the problems of the rehearsal. Sarah ended up on his lap, laughing, and ready for bed.

  Overwhelmed by jet-lag, however, having worked a full day since landing that morning. Nick was asleep as soon as his head touched the pillow. Sarah curled herself around him, happy just to have him there. He could be so gentle and thoughtful when he chose to be. She wished he could be like that more often, but - she smiled in the darkness - it would not be Nick if he was, and she was now used to his mercurial moods. Carefully she slid her hands down his relaxed, sleeping body, and her stroking fingers quickly produced a reaction.

  'Stop molesting me, woman,' Nick said softly in her ear suddenly, surprising her.

  'I thought you were asleep,' she told him.

  Nick laughed. 'I am!'

  'Shall I stop?' She paused, but his arms went firmly round her as he arched against her.

  'No! I guess I'm awake now,' he chuckled. 'And, since I'm stuck with bringing Lotte with me tomorrow, I'd better make the most of tonight! Do your worst - but I warn you, I may fall asleep again unless you work really hard!'

  * * *

  As Sarah wasn't due at the theatre until four, they stayed in bed half the morning. Nick, being careful to keep her occupied, then took her for lunch.

  'This is taking a bit of a chance isn't it?' Sarah remarked, rather smugly looking round as people stared at them and whispered.

  'Not at all,' he assured her. 'We are celebrating your BAFTA nomination if anyone asks.' He nodded to some agency people he knew, and ordered a bottle of Chablis.

  'Do you think I should drink today?' she asked, doubtfully.

  'Why ever not? I'm not going to get you drunk, Barry would never forgive me.' He got her to the theatre in good time and in fairly high spirits. Leaning into the back of the car, he produced a bulky parcel. 'Open that when you get inside,' he instructed. 'Not now!' he added as she tried to open it.

  Sarah laughed with pleasure and leaned over to kiss him. 'I'll see you after the show,' she said. 'If I survive it.'

  'You'll be wonderful, I'm sure,' he replied, crossing his fingers. 'Just remember I'll have Charlotte with me. We'll be in the bar on the top level.'

  'I'll follow James's groupies,' she teased, and climbed out of the car, then stood waving rather forlornly as he drove away. She was thrilled to have such a large crowd of people coming, but still panic-stricken at the
thought that she might let them down. It had been quite a surprise that Nick was bringing Charlotte with him, but it was half-term, and with Diana away he was loath to let her go to her grandparents for the night. She understood only too well how much Nick valued time with Charlotte, though her slightly more wicked half wondered if Diana knew where he was taking her for the evening!

  Her dressing room was full of flowers, everything from the white roses Nick invariably sent her, to a basket of lilies-of-the-valley from Peter. She pushed those to the back to open Nick's parcel and laughed with delight. It contained a huge woolly lamb with a pink ribbon round its neck holding a card saying, 'Hug me if you need one!' written in Nick's sprawling black handwriting.

  With cast notes and last minute walk-throughs it seemed no time at all before the ASM was calling the half-hour, then the ten minutes. Sarah did not appear for several scenes, but, dressed and ready, she stood waiting in the wings, watching the first rowdy fight scene.

  The actresses playing Lady Capulet and the Nurse, paused to give her words of comfort as they took their positions to go on. Her dresser checked her dress and rebrushed her hair as she waited, setting her velvet cap more firmly, then giving her a little push as the Nurse gave her her cue. 'What, Juliet!'

  'How now! who calls?' she replied, and she ran on stage.

  It went so smoothly she was quickly at ease, her lines flowing easily. Tim Farmer, playing Romeo, was tall and athletic with dark hair and deep dark eyes, a perfect foil for her golden beauty. Their first kiss in scene five followed by their tenderly erotic balcony scene had the audience raving in the interval. 'Oh, Daddy,' sighed Charlotte as they rose. 'Isn't Sarah wonderful? She's so beautiful! I think I want to be an actress, just like her..."

  Nick laughed with relief at the obvious fervour in her voice. 'Last month you were going to be a vet,' he reminded her, thinking to himself just how good Charlotte's delicate bone structure would look on screen.

  'Well, I've changed my mind! I can't wait to meet Sarah again!'

  'I wonder if that has anything to do with her sexy co- star?' James teased her as he caught the end of their conversation.