Sins of Sarah

by Anne Styles

  Back in Los Angeles, they indulged in their joint passion for Ralph Lauren in Rodeo Drive and went to dinner with Seth Waterston - because Nick said she had to go to at least one Hollywood watering hole and he had to see Seth anyway.

  'We'll turn you into the biggest star this damn town has ever seen,' Seth promised her, his teeth clamped on his cigar after the meal, while they were drinking coffee.

  'I bet you say that to all the girls!' Sarah smiled, completely at ease with Seth now.

  'Not many are as talented as you,' Seth assured her. 'Or as beautiful.' He was excited, only too aware of the way the jaded eyes of the other diners had lit up and followed her as Nick had escorted her to his table. 'Emerald Isle is going to be a great movie for you,' he prophesied. 'And Mark Winford can't wait to work with you on Chrysalis. He went ape over Home Leave and he doesn't excite easily!'

  'He's gorgeous.' Sarah glared at Nick. Even after seeing him in Vegas, she'd had no idea that he was the star of the film Seth had promised her. Nick had kept that little gem from her! 'As actors go, of course. I can certainly live with him as a co-star, I suppose - until I get a job with Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt of course!'

  Nick winced, and Seth laughed.

  'Sweetheart, they'll soon be begging you to work with them, believe me,' Seth returned. 'And that's a promise I'll happily make to you!'

  CHAPTER 21

  'You're not going to mope,' James told her firmly, when he found her in her room at the Shelboume in tears. 'Come on, we'll drown our sorrows together.'

  'I don't think I feel like a drink,' Sarah admitted. 'I don't feel very well, frankly.' For weeks she had occasionally felt sick, though she had hidden it from Nick. Deep down she knew exactly what was wrong with her.

  'Then get into bed, sweetie,' he said, concerned. 'I'll get us some tea sent up instead. It's probably just jet-lag. There's a good movie on, we'll watch that.' He insisted she got into bed, and sprawled on the bed with her, watching the film and catching up on the gossip until Sarah finally fell asleep.

  In some ways, James was as familiar with Sarah as Nick was, and he soon realized there was something wrong with her as the last few weeks of the shoot went on. They were, thankfully, back in the studio at Ardmore when she really began to feel sick one day, completely unable to face the breakfast she normally ate with gusto. Worried, James threw a coat over her shoulders and took her out into the cold fresh air which revived her a little.

  'This has been going on for weeks, Sarah,' he accused. 'You must see a doctor.'

  'I don't need a doctor,' she insisted. James swung her round to face him. The concern in his brown eyes was obvious.

  'You're pregnant, Sarah, aren't you?' he ask, and immediately saw his answer in hers.

  'Yes,' she said, hesitantly. 'I think I may well be. I'd only just gone back on the pill when Nick first came back. I obviously hadn't been on it long enough. Oh, James, what am I going to do? He's going to be furious!'

  'Well, you had better see a doctor first,' he said sensibly. 'No use panicking till you know for certain. There must be one on the unit list.' 'I suppose you're right,' she sighed, hugging the coat round her as she shivered.

  'Leave it to me,' he told her. 'We've got the afternoon off so I'll make an appointment for you.' 'They'll think it's yours!' she laughed.

  'I wish!' he said bitterly. 'Cress is beginning to think I can't do it! Nick certainly doesn't seem to have my problem!'

  'You've only been married a few months,' she pointed out.

  'We've been trying almost from the beginning,' James admitted ruefully. 'How do you think I knew you were pregnant? I've had the signs written on my heart for months! Don't worry, Sarah, I'll look after you.'

  He was as good as his word. Between them, they found the doctor's surgery, in a sweeping Georgian terrace. 'I'll wait outside if you like,' he offered.

  'No, come in. I'll probably be ages,' she said, sighing and she was. The doctor was brisk and polite, but obviously suspicious of the girl sitting in front of him. He asked a lot of questions, and finally nodded at her.

  'I think it more than likely that you are pregnant. Miss Campbell, but we'll take a look first, shall we?' Suddenly he smiled at her, and Sarah felt better, he seemed friendlier then. 'Don't worry, I won't hurt you!'

  With a feeling of resignation, she went with the nurse and put on the gown she was given. Lying on the examination couch, she concentrated her attention on the flower picture on the wall in front of her as the doctor probed inside her, putting pressure on her stomach until she wanted to scream.

  'No mistake about it,' he said at last, discarding the gloves he had used. 'I'd say you were three months pregnant at least, possibly more. I hope it's good news?'

  Sarah pulled the robe around her and moved cautiously. 'I think so,' she said slowly. 'A little unexpected, but. . .' She shrugged.

  'You're a healthy girl.' He smiled. 'You'll be fine. I'll write a letter to your own doctor while you get dressed.' Shaking with shock, Sarah struggled into her clothes, her fingers trembling on her jeans zip, but she had regained her composure by the time she went back into his office. 'The young man with you, is he the father?' the doctor asked casually as he waited for the letter to be typed.

  Sarah laughed at last. 'Good heavens, no! His wife is my best friend. They have the opposite problem to me.'

  'Well, I hope it all works out for you,' he said. 'And don't stop making films, Miss Campbell.'

  'I can't afford to stop,' she assured him. 'Thank you, Dr Clare.'

  James was looking anxious as she appeared. 'Just let's go!' she said urgently, and caught his arm, almost dragging him out.

  'Well?' he enquired as they reached the car. Sarah slid into her seat without waiting for him to help her. 'You are - aren't you?'

  'Yes.' She nodded miserably. Her distress saddened James - he knew just how much Cress would have given to be in the same position - but he was generous enough to see it from Sarah's point of view. He knew Nick's attitude to babies.

  'You could have a termination,' he suggested as he sought to comfort her. Sarah looked up at him in horror.

  'No, never!' she cried. 'Don't even talk about it, James! This is my baby and I want to keep it.' Sarah was mutinous. 'I just don't know how on earth I'm going to tell Nick. He has always said he doesn't want any more children, not after what happened with Diana. For heaven's sake, James, don't mention this to anyone - not even Cress.'

  'Especially not Cress,' James said grimly. 'I wouldn't dream of it. We've only got another week left here. Are you going to be OK?'

  'Of course I will. Most of the difficult stuff is done. Oh, come on, I need a drink. Let's go to O'Malleys.'

  'It'd better be orange juice, then,' he laughed. 'No more booze.'

  'Rubbish!' she said crisply. 'I'm going to have to give up enough as it is!'

  'I can see this child arriving with hiccups and alcoholic poisoning,' he teased. 'Well, at least you've already given up the fags!' Somehow James had always had the power to cheer her up, she thought gratefully as they made their way to O'Malleys Bar.

  Once he knew that she was serious about keeping the baby he was in fact a tower of strength during the last week of filming, and when she slipped in the mud on a mountain track one day he was full of concern.

  'Give over, James!' Alex chided, brushing Sarah down. 'She's not a bit of china!'

  'How would you know?' James snapped, and Sarah had to calm them both down.

  * * *

  Cress met them at Heathrow when they arrived back from Dublin. Sarah knew Nick was casting in Los Angeles, and she was quite happy to go back with Cress and James for supper when Cress suggested it. 'You don't mind, do you darling?' she asked James apologetically. James hugged her.

  'Of course I don't,' he said. 'Sarah needs us at the moment, more than you know.'

  'What's the matter?' Cress was immediately wary.

  'I'll tell you later - just look after her.'

  Sarah tried to eat, but it
was obviously an effort, and she drank only mineral water, to Cressida's astonishment.

  'OK, you two!' she said at last. 'What's going on?'

  James looked at Sarah. 'It's no good, Sarah, you'll have to tell her. She's got a bloodhound instinct built in!' Cress was looking bewildered, and getting angry.

  'It's OK, Cress,' Sarah said. 'It's nothing to do with James, I promise!' She broke the news and typically Cress was more concerned for Sarah than jealous of her pregnancy.

  'You're right,' she exclaimed. 'Nick is not going to be amused. He's really going to blow his top!'

  'Don't I know it!'

  Cress sprang from her chair and threw her arms around Sarah. 'Stay here with us tonight,' she suggested. 'You can't go home to an empty flat.' She felt Sarah shudder as she held her. 'He'll calm down eventually,' she comforted. 'I'm sure he will. He loves you very much, Sarah.'

  'You have more faith in him than I have,' Sarah said flatly, but she went to bed feeling slightly better.

  It didn't stop her tossing around half the night, how-ever, and she looked dreadful when James took her home in the morning when she insisted. 'I'm going to see Richard Archibald,' she announced. 'I've already made an appointment. I'll be fine on my own.'

  'He's not going to tell you anything different from the guy in Dublin,' James argued.

  'Perhaps not,' she agreed. 'But I'd rather have his opinion.' She trusted Richard Archibald, and he did indeed confirm the Dublin doctor's opinion. He was at least gentle, making jokes as he examined her, and Sarah put her faith in him.

  He was matter-of-fact and practical, and Sarah began to discover just how complicated it appeared to be to have a baby. She left his surgery in a daze, hardly knowing how she drove back to the flat. She was past crying about it by then, just battling with herself to get things into perspective. Deep down she had guessed about the pregnancy weeks ago, but had hoped all the time that it was her new pills that were making her body play up.

  Sitting on the sofa, hugging her already precious secret, she knew she couldn't ever bring herself to terminate a pregnancy. To Sarah the baby was alive already and she wanted it without question. How she was going to cope with Nick's reaction was another matter entirely.

  Yet when he arrived, late one Saturday evening, astonishingly she was completely unable to relax with him and tell him. To her horror she found herself barely able to talk to him at all without starting to cry.

  'What the hell's the matter, darling?' he demanded, bewildered - this was so unlike her. But Sarah wouldn't answer, she simply crept into his arms, desperate for comfort.

  'Nothing, I promise. I just want you to hold me, Nick, please,' she begged.

  'If I've done something to upset you, Sarah, you only have to say,' he soothed her gently. 'I'd never deliberately hurt you.'

  'I know, I know. Let's go to bed. I'm tired and I'm sure you are.' Shrugging, Nick put her strange mood down to depression at the film ending; she was often like that for a few days after shooting finished. 'Ireland did you good, though,' he commented later as he watched her brush her hair, something she knew he loved to see her do. 'All that location catering. I'm sure you've put on weight! You certainly haven't been pining for me!' Sarah felt the shock of his comment and struggled not to show it.

  'I certainly hope I haven't,' she said quickly. 'I'm working on Monday and they wouldn't appreciate it if the frocks didn't fit. Polka Dot are as mean as NGA when it comes to clothes.'

  'Working for the opposition, are we?' he teased. 'Do you ever stop?'

  'It's only a two-day job. I like working for Rob; he's gentle and he doesn't yell like you do.' Nick came up behind her, curving his palms caressingly over her naked breasts, making her ache with pleasure.

  'Yelling at you and being violent!' he commented softly. 'Is this a time for pointing out my faults?'

  'Could be. It may be important.'

  'As important as this?' He swept aside the swathe of her hair and slowly kissed the curve of her neck. 'God, Sarah, I've missed you these last few weeks! Why don't you forget all the work here and come out to LA now? I really don't want to live without you any longer. I don't care what Diana or the Press think. I want you now - you're mine and I want the world to know it!' Sarah turned in his arms. It was all she wanted, and yet she knew she couldn't do it - yet.

  'Nick, I can't let people down,' she protested. 'I start the new Barbara Bentley in a couple of weeks. And anyway you'll be in South America or wherever for months, and you've already said you can't take me with you.' She could just see herself giving birth somewhere in the depths of the jungle where she knew his film was set!

  'I know,' he sighed. 'I know all the sensible reasons. Well, at least put the flat on the market soon and start cutting the work down, then you'll be ready to slip away to the States the moment I get back from Brazil. Let Oscar and Seth work out all the ramifications of Green cards and stuff for you - that's what Oscar is paid for, after all.' His hands were slowly driving her wild, to the point where her legs were trembling so much she could hardly stand, and she was finally clinging to him just to stay upright.

  'I want to be with you too. Nick,' she whispered. 'Every day and every night.'

  'So you will be, darling.' Nick lifted her into the bed, his own body eager for her, and Sarah pulled him down, her arms tight around his neck.

  'Now, Nick,' she pleaded 'I can't wait ~ please, I want you now!' He was only too eager to acquiesce to her demands.

  'At least come back out to LA for a few days after the Polka Dot shoot,' he suggested some time later, when all their pent-up needs had finally been met. 'A friend of mine is selling a property over in Palm Springs, I'd like you to see it.'

  'Palm Springs? That's the desert, isn't it?' 'Partly.' He smiled. 'But it's also a luscious green oasis, and the house is in a stunning location with three acres of garden - far more space than Malibu. It would give us a chance for real privacy. At least let's look at it?'

  'It sounds expensive,' she said, worried.

  'So? You don't ever have to worry about money! It will be my wedding gift to you, darling.' It all seemed so perfect. She agonized about the wisdom of the trip, knowing that in a week's time she would be four months pregnant. It would be impossible to hide her condition from him much longer, she was sure. But finally she decided she would take a chance and go, and sighing with contentment she wriggled herself into the warm comfort of his body.

  Even in sleep Nick always held onto her, as if he couldn't bear to let her go, and she smiled happily to herself.

  Tomorrow, perhaps, she decided. Tomorrow she would tell him about the baby. She lay awake as Nick slept peacefully, his hand possessively about her breast, and she fantasised about living with him and their son - or daughter. In her dreams Nick welcomed and loved his new child, as he loved Charlotte - it would work out, she promised herself - it had to!

  CHAPTER 22

  But still she couldn't bring herself to tell him. She cursed herself for being so cautious, but Nick didn't notice anything different about her figure, apart from teasing her that she had put on a certain amount of weight. Now she was into her fourth month, the sickness had quite disappeared, and even she actually found it quite difficult to believe she was pregnant. Certainly no one else guessed, and she flew to LA with Nick thinking that perhaps that was the place to tell him, when they were relaxed in the sunshine of Malibu.

  However, even that plan came unstuck. Nick was busy with the planning on his Brazilian film, and for the first few days he rushed off to the Waterston offices in Burbank every morning. There was very little time to relax together, and in the evenings they went out, as he seemed determined to proudly introduce her to most of Hollywood. In England they were still very careful not to attract attention, but in LA Nick didn't seem to care who knew about their relationship, much to Sarah's surprise.

  She'd thought she would be lonely during the day, and half wished she hadn't come as she'd waved him off that first morning, but within a few minute
s of his departure Miriam Waterston had arrived to whisk her off in her chauffeur-driven Mercedes for a day's shopping. She had finally persuaded Seth into marriage the previous autumn, and it was a state she highly recommended to an amused Sarah.

  Enveloped in Miriam's warm friendliness, she had no time to think about much. She shopped and lunched as she was directed, and spent hours being pampered in Miriam's favourite health club before being returned to Malibu for the evenings with Nick.

  'This is exhausting!' she complained a few days later as they dressed for the premiere of a Waterston film that Nick had felt obliged to go to. 'I thought we'd get a rest!'

  'Not yet!' he laughed. 'Not just before a picture is due to start! God knows, I didn't want to do it, but now I am I have to give it my best shot. However, I have wangled a couple of days off. Tomorrow we'll drive over to Palm Springs to look at the house, as I promised we would, and we'll stay the night. Would that make up for it?'

  'Yes, of course it would!' She sighed. 'I don't mean to sound whingey. Nick, really I don't.'

  'I know, darling!' Nick hugged her. 'All I want is to spend time with you! I certainly don't want to spend the next three months in Brazil. Damn Seth and his silver tongue! I should have stuck to my guns and said no to him.'

  'Well it's too late now; you're stuck with it. Maybe you'll win another Oscar,' she suggested. 'That will more than make up for it.'

  'More likely I'll fall flat on my face! I'm about due for a flop, and this movie has disaster written all over it, I'm afraid. Seth has a mania for finding film scripts in turn-around and then expecting me to come up with a bloody miracle!'

  'It happened with King's Daughter,' Sarah reminded him.