Sins of Sarah

by Anne Styles

  'Don't give me such garbage!' Nick snapped. 'Your marriage was difficult because you were so obsessed with controlling everything Tasha did or said, and you were going to try and do the same thing with Sarah, weren't you? You don't want a wife, Charles, you want a puppet to manipulate.'

  'All I wanted for Sarah was to keep her away from you!' Charles replied. 'To make.you suffer like I did. Tasha was pregnant when she died - trying to get to you. I didn't just lose my wife, I lost my child too - and now I'm going to take yours!'

  'Oh, my God! You never told anyone?' Nick stared at him.

  'That was my grief, not yours. You of course, already had the perfect wife and an adorable baby to complete the picture of domestic bliss. Why should you have been worried about mine wanting you back?'

  'Only after a row with you!'

  I hate you, Nicholas. I've hated you ever since the night she died, and I've waited all these years to get even with you! Sat back and waited for you to want something so badly that you were going crazy with wanting, and then I planned to take it from you! I really thought it would be the company, but when Sarah came along it was even better - especially when I found out you'd left her pregnant. Typical of you, I suppose! So touching those letters of yours were! Literary to the end! I really enjoyed burning those.'

  'You burnt my letters to Sarah?' Nick roared at him. It was all he could do not to throttle him as he smiled smugly.

  'And hers to you! Of course I did! She thought you'd deserted her. That's what I wanted her to think, and to make you suffer.'

  'You hate me that much? I don't believe what I'm hearing!' Bewildered, Nick clutched at the table for support. 'All this time I thought we were friends, and you've hated me?'

  'That's about the size of it! Oh, maybe sometimes the old childhood memories came back, but then I remembered Tasha and I hated you again. Since then, hating you has dominated my life. I've spent years trying to be like you, trying to be equal, and it never worked. Now, finally, I have something you want!'

  'And I'm taking her back! Have no doubt about that, Charles.' Nick's voice had a dangerous edge to it. 'From now on leave Sarah alone. I never want to see you again, ever! I still can't believe you feel this way about our friendship, but I will never trust you again.'

  'Don't think your threats can frighten me, Nick,' Charles said. 'I'll kill her rather than let you have her.'

  'Keep away from her! I warn you, Charles, I warn you now. I won't tolerate you anywhere near her from now on. You so much as breathe a threat to Sarah and you will be the one in fear for your life. Remember that!' He walked away before Charles could retaliate, striding into the hall as Sarah came down the tiny stairway.

  Quickly he reached for her bag and thrust her haversack at her. 'Let's go!' he said, more harshly than he had intended, shaken to the core by Charles's revelations and the fear that he would try and harm Sarah there and then.

  'Nick . . . I . . .' Sarah hesitated momentarily.

  'I want to get you out of here now, Sarah,' he reiterated, grabbing at her arm.

  'I told you - stop ordering me around!' Sarah pulled herself away from him. She still had some pride.

  'We'll argue about it later. You can shout all you want in the car,' he told her. 'Now, get in!' Bewildered, she obeyed him, numb until he reached over for the seat belt, then she shook her head. 'It's uncomfortable,' she complained.

  'Put it on!' He brooked no argument and did it for her.

  For twenty minutes or so he drove without speaking, concentrating on getting his emotions under control before he could trust himself to speak, and in getting a fair distance between them and Charles before he felt safe. Finally judging that they were a far enough distance from the villa, he noticed a small bar/restaurant. On slowing down, he liked what he saw and pulled into the car park behind it.

  'OK.' He turned to Sarah, still huddled in her seat. 'We need to talk, you and I.' Leaning across, he caught her face in his hands and kissed her, hard. 'I ought to strangle you for deceiving me like this, but instead I'm going to find out why! Come on.' He led her to a vine-covered patio at the back of the inn, politely pulling out a chair for her before throwing himself into the opposite one. Briefly he acknowledged the young waiter who had followed them out and ordered a carafe of white wine, and then mineral water when Sarah grimaced.

  'Hungry?' Sarah, not really caring, shrugged, but he turned back to the waiter. 'Omelettes - fines herbes,' he decided. 'And salad, please,' he added. 'OK! Now we talk. Give, Sarah – everything.'

  'Such as?' Sarah feigned nonchalance. 'Why you deserted me for another woman the moment I went back to England?'

  'What woman?' he demanded. 'I did no such thing! There has been no other woman in my life since I met you - you know that!'

  'So why were you photographed carrying Madeleine along the beach? Why did the papers say that you and she were lovers? That she left her husband for you?'

  'Madeleine? That's rubbish, Sarah, as you should know it is. Madeleine took over as my assistant since Jane didn't want to come out to Brazil. She left her husband for her own reasons, and it was nothing to do with me, I assure you. The only surprise was that it took her so long to realize what a boring old sod he was!'

  'But the photographs,' Sarah protested. "They were very - intimate. Neither of you had much on!'

  'On the beach, you say?' Nick frowned. 'The only time I carried Maddy on the beach was at a unit party in Rio. We were having a race, if I remember rightly. There were probably eight or ten of us competing.'

  'A race?' 'A race,' he confirmed, beginning to laugh with relief. 'Just a bit of fun, darling. That's all - I promise. Madeleine contacted me a day or so after you went home and I offered her a job since I couldn't persuade Jane to come out with me. Madeleine comes from LA, so of course she came home when her marriage broke up. Since she'd worked for me in London, it was natural that she should get in touch. And Jane knew I would prefer someone I knew rather than a stranger. She was my PA, and nothing else - except that she probably saved my life when I got sick.' He gave her the briefest outline of his illness, and Sarah listened in horrified silence, realizing how close she had come to losing him altogether.

  'Charles,' she said at last. 'He told me it was all true, about Madeleine.'

  'Charles, I'm afraid, has deceived us both very badly for his own ends. I never realized just how much he wanted revenge for Natasha's death. He only told me today that she was pregnant when she died, though I'm not sure Tash knew herself. I think she'd have told me if she'd known.'

  'But it was an accident, wasn't it?' Suddenly she was hesitant.

  'Yes, it was. But Charles has always thought that she was on her way to see me. She rang me in a dreadful state that morning and I told her that no, I didn't want to get involved in any quarrel between her and Charles. By that time I was married to Diana, and Charlotte was a baby. It broke my heart to refuse her, because I still loved her, but - well, my loyalties were to Diana. They had to be. I'd made my choice, wrong though it was.'

  'And all this time Charles has waited for revenge? But I thought you were such good friends!'

  'I did too, Sarah, and I'm still sure that a lot of the time we were.' He sank back into his chair in defeat. 'I've known Charlie all my life, I just can't believe he could hate me so much!'

  'I think I can,' Sarah said quietly. Things were beginning to click into place. 'I think it was only when I came along that things really changed between you. You were like brothers, almost. After all, you knew he was in love with me long before I did. Perhaps it triggered his memory about Natasha when you and I became involved?'

  'It's certainly possible, and easier to believe,' he agreed. 'I always knew he could be obsessive about things, but I really thought he had accepted us. How wrong I was.'

  'Maybe, but then remember. Nick, Charles resents the way so many things came easily to you - sports prizes at school, for instance. You even got the school captaincy that he coveted. I certainly know that from conversatio
ns with him recently in the last week or two. He can be quite frightening at times. Natasha was the only thing he won that you wanted, and in the end even she wanted you back. That's what he can't forgive.'

  'Poor Charlie,' Nick sighed. 'I never meant it to be like that. I even tried to help him when his Lloyds syndicate got into financial problems.'

  'Even that gesture probably rubbed salt into the wound!' Sarah picked an olive from her salad and chewed at it thoughtfully. 'Hastings is an expensive house, and he sinks every penny into it. Without that to drain him he d be a very wealthy man.'

  'And probably a great deal happier. But you're right, darling, the estate is at the bottom of it - his sudden obsessive need for a wife, for an heir just for Hastings.

  Sarah shuddered. 'And I was coming very close to giving in to him. I was feeling very vulnerable, and he was very persuasive. Nick.'

  'I bet he was! Do you love him, Sarah? Because if you do . . .'

  'No ... no, I don't! And certainly not now - not after what he tried to do to us.'

  'Us? So there is still an us?' 'You want there to be?'

  'Would I be here if I didn't? Of course I want there to be an us! And you?' .

  'Yes - yes, I do. Nick. But ... well . .. there is something else to consider. I want this baby and I intend to keep it.'

  'You knew you were pregnant when we went to Palm Springs, didn't you?' he accused. 'You must have been - what - four months? Dammit, Sarah, why didn't you tell me then?'

  'You know exactly why I didn't tell you!' Sarah jerked herself awkwardly from the low chair. 'All those stupid phobias about Charlotte's birth and never wanting any other children. You made it quite clear what your feelings were - and probably still are, for all I know. It was impossible to find the right time to tell you, and I did try - several times! I began to think there was something wrong with our relationship. If I couldn't be honest with you over that what chance had we?'

  'Meaning I was so bigoted about it!' Nick sank his head in his hands. 'God! If ever a man's had his past come back to-haunt him I have today! First Natasha, and now this! I've been such a fool! Oh, Sarah, you could at least have tried.'

  'And let you worry yourself stupid over me while you were in Brazil?'

  'I probably wouldn't have gone at all if I'd known! I had the right to know!' He grabbed at her arm as she swung away and Sarah immediately jerked free, aiming herself at a gate that led to an open, flower-filled meadow.

  'You had no automatic rights!' she returned, swiftly. 'You would probably have told me to have an abortion, knowing you!'

  'The hell I would! Sarah, come back!' Nick sprang after her, then remembered the waiter. Hastily he threw some notes onto the table and then raced after her. Despite his illness he was a great deal more agile than she was, and he caught up with her in seconds, grabbing her by the shoulders in a painful grip.

  'My child!' he grated as he clutched at her. 'And my responsibility! Much as it terrifies me. I love you - you stupid woman. Can't you get that into your head? I love you whatever you do to me, and you seem to be doing quite a lot at the moment.' Sarah bit her lip, then finally met his eyes.

  'Even when I'm making you a father against your will?'

  'It does take two,' he reminded her, smiling at the memory of their reunion that October day. 'And I do seem to remember enjoying every minute of it! Diana will have to divorce me now, with this evidence.' Slowly, hesitantly, he put his hand over the bulge of the baby, and as if on cue the baby kicked, bringing an involuntary cry of surprise from him. 'It's moving!' he said, and Sarah smiled at the awe in his voice.

  'Babies do - frequently,' she told him. 'It feels as if I have a rugby team in there sometimes!' Bolder now, she put her hand over his, guiding him. 'Feel, Nick. You can feel an elbow, and a foot.' In complete wonderment. Nick stood very still, his sensitive hands absorbing the movements of his child. It was the wisest thing Sarah could have done.

  'I've never felt that before,' he breathed at last.

  'Not with Charlotte?' She was astonished.

  'Good heavens, no! From the moment of conception, practically, I wasn't allowed near Diana in case it hurt the baby. The whole nine months was a complete nightmare.' No wonder he was so anti-childbirth, she thought suddenly. His one experience of it had certainly not been a joyful one.

  'This is different. Nick. I'm different. Our baby is perfectly healthy, and so am I. I can even show you the scan pictures.'

  'Our baby!' Nick couldn't help the shiver of apprehension that ran through him. 'It's not at all what I wanted, but. . .'

  'You still have the chance to walk away, Nicholas,' Sarah said quietly. 'I would never try to make you stay with me unless you wanted to.'

  'But it is what I want - to be with you! Do you think I could leave you now?' he demanded. 'When I was ill, apparently the only comprehensible word I said for two weeks was "Sarah". You were the only thing that kept me fighting. And wanting this . ..' He kissed her then, with all the pent-up need that had been imprisoned inside him for months, and Sarah felt his urgency as she responded to the hot, hard force of his mouth on hers, her arms tight around his neck as she clung to him. Every loving word he had wanted to say in those long months without her came tumbling out when he finally released her, until he felt the warm spill of her tears running over his fingers as he cupped her face in fiercely possessive hands.

  'Don't cry, darling. I can't bear it when you cry,' he whispered. 'Whatever happens, we'll face it together.'

  'I'm happy. Nick. That's all!' She smiled up at him as he wiped her tears away with his fingertips. 'But now you've effectively kidnapped me, what are you going to do with me? I can't fly to the States, the airlines wouldn't let me fly.'

  'I realize that.' He smiled back. 'But Seth's jet is available, I only have to ask - I'm part of the company now. However, for the moment we'll go to Cap Ferrat and work out what we're going to do. I must admit my intentions were to whisk you away and spend weeks ravishing you, but in the circumstances . . .'

  'Will you really stay with me?' she asked hesitantly. 'When the baby is born, I mean?'

  Nick laughed. 'I'll probably do something totally stupid, like faint! But, yes, darling I'll be there if that's what you want.'

  'It is! Oh, Nick, I thought I'd have to face that alone.'

  'One thing . . .' Nick hesitated. 'No classes. I don't think I could stomach that!'

  'Shame on you, Nicholas.' Sarah giggled. 'I've got a really nice teacher too - you'd like her.'

  'Over my dead body!' he threatened. 'I'll read a book to get up to date.'

  'Oh, I've got lots of those! Charles never stops buying . . . Oh!' Nick had put a hand over her mouth.

  'I never want to hear about Charles again!' he said quietly. 'From now on he simply doesn't exist.' Sarah could hear the firm resolve in his voice and she shivered. That such a long friendship could come to an end so abruptly saddened her.

  'I still have all my stuff at Hastings,' she reminded him tentatively. 'I must get that back. It's all my parent's things.'

  'Your brother would help over that, wouldn't he? Nick knew how attached she was to the mementoes of her family.

  'Yes, I guess so. I'll phone him this evening. And, whatever you say. Nick, I will phone Charles too.' She was standing firm on that. 'Whatever you think, he was very kind to me - I owe him that courtesy at least.'

  'Knowing you, I rather expected you might.' He smiled. 'I'm being very selfish - of course you must. I just want you to myself now I've found you again.' He curved an arm around her waist to lead her back to the car. 'At least we have time to be together. You are obviously free to do as you please, and I'm under orders to rest.'

  'Then I'll take care of you,' Sarah decided. 'You've certainly lost a lot of weight, Nick.'

  'Almost a stone,' he admitted ruefully. 'But I dare say with your company to cheer me and Miriam's constant chivvying to eat I'll soon put it back.'

  'Is Miriam at Cap Ferrat, then?'

  'Yes. I was
meant to join her for a few days. After she and Seth realized that I intended to come to England they insisted I went there for a rest. It was sweet of Miriam to come over, but I couldn't start to relax until I'd sorted things out with you. So now she'll have both of us to fuss over. Maybe Monte Carlo would be a good place to have the baby? Much safer than London as far as the Press are concerned.'

  'More expensive, though.'

  'The least of our worries! And from what little I know of the procedure, France is a pretty enlightened place to have a baby in.'

  'So I've read! But don't let's worry about it yet. Nick. There's almost a month to go:'

  'A month to really worry over you,' he sighed. 'Maybe it was just as well I didn't know!' He handed her into the car with such care that Sarah laughed out loud.

  'I'll make the most of it, I think.' She grinned at him. 'I certainly need some help rubbing all the oil into my skin.'

  'That I will enjoy!' Nick picked up the phone to ring Miriam. 'We'll be there in about three hours, I hope.' The Porsche had a hard suspension and, aware of it, Nick drove with a great deal more care than usual, reaching out occasionally to close his hand over hers as if to reassure himself she was there. Sarah smiled at his apparent insecurity, so unusual for the normally arrogant and self-assured Nicholas Grey!

  To her surprise she grew increasingly uncomfortable. She had driven miles with Charles - albeit in the slightly more comfortable Jaguar - but this journey was causing a real ache in her back, and then her stomach. She twisted around frequently, enough to bring a concerned question from Nick several times. 'I'm OK,' she tried to calm him.

  'Must have been something I ate at lunch. I keep getting the odd twinge, that's all.'

  'You hardly ate any lunch,' he pointed out. 'Except olives, and you've always eaten loads of those. They're hardly likely to upset you. Perhaps it will be a bit easier on the motorway, we'll be on the A8 in a minute.'

  'The Autoroute du Soleil - it always sounds so exotic somehow.' Sarah sighed. 'Do you remember going to Beaulieu?'