Love in All the Wrong Places

by Audrey Harte

  The knot in her belly was still there when she woke a few hours later, feeling like absolute hell, barely able to keep her eyes open. She thought briefly about calling in sick, but she had told a couple of her friends at work about the Phoenix trip and they would assume she was just playing hooky. Although she liked both of the girls well enough, she wouldn’t put it past them to blab to their boss — they were a tight, close knit group and interoffice gossip was a given.

  Making her coffee extra strong, Annie was determined to get through the day and not let her bad mood and lack of sleep affect her performance at work too much.

  The day dragged by, typical of a Monday, and she felt like throwing in the towel and asking to leave early by the time noon rolled around. Having no appetite, she decided to take a power nap in her car during lunch. She sat staring at the phone in her hand, debating whether she should send him another text. As she started to type out another text to Gabe, her phone rang and it was him. With a relieved smile on her face, she quickly answered his call.

  “Hey baby,” she said.

  “Ah…hi.”

  “Is something wrong? You sound funny.”

  Gabe sighed. “Um, we need to talk, but I don’t want to do it over the phone. Can I come by after you get off work tonight?”

  Annie’s heart sank. “Yes, of course, but what’s wrong? Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m fine. Well, not really, but…I can’t talk about it right now. We’ll talk about it tonight. I’m sorry to do this to you during the day while you’re still at work, but I just need to talk to you in person.”

  “Sure, I understand,” she said. “I should be home a little after six.”

  “Okay. See you then.”

  “See you.”

  Staring at her phone again, Annie just sat there for a moment, her heart in her throat. She was dreading what pretty much sounded like having “the talk” with him, but she still hung onto the hope that it was something else completely. She prayed that he would turn out to be different and prove her wrong, but the nagging feeling she had felt since she had first started seeing him was becoming increasingly harder to ignore. So much for grabbing a power nap.

  The rest of the afternoon flew by and Annie could have cried with frustration at the irony of it all. When she couldn’t wait to get home, the minutes dragged by slower than a snail, but when she was dreading the inevitable — which was surely going to turn out to be the worst night of her life — the day sped by like nobody’s business. She was being pushed along in fast forward motion to her confrontation with Gabe, but she wanted to dig her heels in and demand time to allow her to take back control of the situation.

  Her heart was beating too fast and her palms were sweating when the doorbell to her apartment rang, but she took a deep breath and forced herself to walk normally to unlock and open the door for Gabe. She gave him a hesitant smile as she stepped back to let him in.

  “Hey,” he said, just standing there frozen on her doorstep for a moment. He wasn’t smiling and looked slightly shell shocked. His face looked haggard, like he hadn’t gotten any sleep in days, but she had just seen him yesterday morning before she left Phoenix and he looked fine then.

  “Hey…um, are you okay?” she asked, her eyebrows knitting together in a frown as she noticed how pale he was.

  Shaking his head, he looked down at the ground and slowly walked into the living room, sitting down on the couch. He just stared at the coffee table for a minute and then leaned forward, putting his head in his hands as he raked his fingers through his hair. Her hand trembling, she closed the door and joined him on the couch, sitting down with her body angled to face him.

  “Annie, I don’t know how to tell you this in a way that’s not fucked up and going to hurt you. All I can say in my defense is that I genuinely care about you and never intended for this to happen. You have to believe me when I say this.”

  “Gabe, what’s wrong? You’re really scaring me right now.”

  “I’m sorry, I’m probably not saying the right things or going about this the right way. Fuck, I don’t know what to say. You’re such a great person and a beautiful woman inside and out. I wish things were different, because I really care about you and love spending time with you.”

  “Just talk to me and tell me what’s going on. We’ll figure it out together.”

  “There’s nothing to figure out, it’s already been decided.”

  “What do you mean? What’s already been decided?”

  “Look, um…okay. So, I told you I got out of a serious relationship about a year and a half ago, right?”

  She nodded slowly, feeling a sinking sensation in the pit of her stomach.

  “Well, Genevieve and I stopped officially dating each other back then, but we would still hook up once in a while, you know. It was easy and comfortable when we both had to scratch an itch.”

  “Okay,” she said. “I get that…but why are you telling me this? Are you getting back together with her now?”

  He was silent for a long moment before finally answering, “Not because I want to.”

  Her heart dropped at his words and she shook her head, not sure she had heard him correctly. She had sort of been joking when she asked if they were getting back together. “What?” she whispered incredulously.

  “Annie, she’s pregnant.”

  “What!?” Annie couldn’t keep herself from screeching the word somewhat hysterically as she felt her heart being ripped out of her chest by this gorgeous man who had just given her the most amazing weekend of her life, just to tell her the next day that his ex was pregnant and they were getting back together.

  “I’m so sorry, Annie. I never meant for any of this to happen. But Genevieve is Catholic and her family doesn’t believe in abortion and neither does my family. She’s going to be moving back in with me so I can help take care of the baby.”

  She couldn’t breathe — she didn’t know what to do, but she had to say something. “But does that mean that you have to get back together? You said your place is huge, so she could have her own bedroom for herself and the baby, right?” Annie knew she was grasping at straws, but she wasn’t ready to give up and lose him and the best sex of her life without a fight.

  “Well, we actually did talk about trying to remain friends and just raise the baby together, but the longer we talked, the more I felt like this is something I need to do…something I want to do. I owe it to my kid to give it another shot with his or her mom.”

  “What about me? What do you owe me?” She cringed at how pathetic and whiny her voice sounded.

  “The biggest apology ever. I don’t know what else to say…you deserve so much better and I’m so sorry I hurt you.” He patted her knee and pulled her into a tight hug. “But you’re going to be okay. I just know it.”

  Annie pushed away from him at that, her head spinning and her mind reeling as she tried to process the devastating news. Maybe eventually she would feel more forgiving and they would be able to be friends, but right now, she didn’t want him to touch her.

  He’d just blown into her life, sweeping her off her feet over the past two weeks, wrapping her heart around his little finger just to turn around and cruelly rip her happiness away from her. Who knew how long it would take her to recover from this, to pick up the pieces of her shattered dreams and move on with her life? She was starting to feel like she was incapable of being happy. It seemed like every time love was within her reach, no matter what she did, it eluded her and she was left with her heart broken once again.

  “Just get out. Just go. Please leave now,” Annie pleaded, not able to even look at him.

  Not knowing what else he could say or do, Gabe mumbled another apology and got up to leave. She didn’t walk him to the door, didn’t even look up at him as he turned back at the door to look beseechingly at her, willing her to understand and forgive him. She wasn’t anywhere near ready to do that just so he could have peace of mind. Right now, she wanted – she needed him to feel
just as shitty as she did.

  When he left, she sat there on her couch, just staring blankly into space. Slowly, a hot tear trickled and burned its way down her cheek followed by another and then another, and then suddenly she couldn’t hold it in any longer and a torrent of tears fell freely, streaking the make-up on her face.

  Annie cried her heart out into the pillow on her couch, her slim shoulders convulsing with each sob as she grieved for her loss. She berated herself for being duped into thinking he was falling in love with her, lectured herself for believing they shared something special, and continued to weep her tears of pain and regret as she felt something inside herself wither up and die. How many more times could she survive complete and utter heartbreak like this? She felt rejected and broken, left with no will to fight.

  Her brain told her she’d be okay again eventually and she knew deep down inside that was probably true. For now she cried as if her world had just ended, until there were no more tears left, willing exhaustion to overcome her so she could just pass out into a deep dreamless sleep.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  Annie awoke feeling like death the next morning. Her mouth was parched with thirst, her eyes puffy from crying, and she purposely avoided the bathroom mirror so she wouldn’t have to see just how terrible she looked. Instead, she headed straight into the shower and did her best to wash away the evidence of her self-pity session.

  Fortifying herself with caffeine first, she finally braved a look in the bathroom mirror and almost broke down crying again. Her eyes were indeed as puffy and swollen as they felt, and she looked like someone had used her face as a punching bag. Reaching for her phone, she sent a text to her boss, letting her know that she wasn’t feeling well and wouldn’t be able to make it into the office.

  She padded into the bedroom to get her down comforter and favorite pillow and headed back into the living room where she curled up on the couch and flipped on the TV and her Blu-Ray player. Deciding to have a romantic comedy movie-thon, she started with her all-time favorite, While You Were Sleeping.

  She started sniffling and wiped at her eyes when Lucy almost married Peter in the hospital chapel after he awoke from a coma, just to have his brother Jack object to them marrying because he’d fallen in love with her during Peter’s coma and wanted to marry Lucy himself. Where’s my Jack to fight for me? Swiping the tears away, she sighed and told herself he was out there somewhere — that there had to be someone who wouldn’t hesitate to put her first.

  Next up was Notting Hill, which brought a fresh round of tears when Will ran off to find Anna at her press conference and told her he’d been a “daft prick” and asked if she’d reconsider staying in London. In that moment, she couldn’t help squeezing her eyes shut and wishing for Gabe to magically show up at her doorstep, telling her he’d been a “daft prick” and that he wasn’t going to get back together with Genevieve. But knowing her luck, that was never going to happen.

  The Wedding Singer wrapped up her movie-thon, and she cried yet again when Robbie followed Julia to Las Vegas and serenaded her on the airplane with Billy Idol, singing that he just wanted to grow old with her. It reminded her of Gabe singing to her in the outdoor bathtub in Phoenix and her heart ached at the memory. She still sharply felt the loss of the man who, until yesterday, had the potential to be the love of her life. Her phone suddenly beeped to alert her that she had an incoming text message and she reluctantly reached for it to see who it was from.

  Alex: Hooker, where the hell are you? I haven’t seen you on IM all day. Did you run off to Salt Lake City or somewhere else equally uninteresting this time?

  Crap. In her wallowing and self-despair, she had completely forgotten to keep Alex looped in on the latest Gabe news.

  Annie: No, I’m at home…playing hooky…Gabe has unfortunately gone the way of Pilates boy.

  Alex: What?! STFU! After that super romantic weekend??

  Annie: It’s a long story.

  Alex: I’m all ears.

  Annie: Later and in person, when I’m not wallowing and don’t look like I just had Botox injections all over my face.

  Alex: Aww, honey. Whatever happened, he’s not worth it.

  Annie: Thanks. I just need a few days to grieve and get my head straight. I’ll call you as soon as I feel up to company.

  Alex: Love you, girl. Everything will be okay. Remember, no regrets.

  Annie: Yeah, love you, too. Call you soon.

  After ordering some Chinese take-out, she decided to self-medicate and smoked a big fat bowl, sighing with relief as she finally felt herself begin to unwind and relax. When her food arrived, she was mildly surprised at her ravenous appetite, considering that she was currently nursing a broken heart. She managed to put away half a container of Sesame Chicken, two egg rolls and a small carton of fried rice before she stopped.

  Between her full stomach and slight buzz from the weed, she finally felt tired enough to pass out. Thankfully, she was able to sleep through the entire night and felt much better when the alarm went off the next morning. It was amazing the difference a good night’s sleep could make.

  Through the next few weeks, Annie went through all the motions at work, doing her job, getting things done, but inside she felt empty and numb. Christmas came and went with her barely noticing. While spending time with her family at her parents’ house, she put on a fake smile and tried to enjoy their company, not wanting to ruin the holiday for anyone else. But when she was back in her apartment, the fake smile was gone and she felt lonely and sad.

  During the work week, she found herself staring at the clock more frequently, willing the time to pass by quickly so she could leave the office again. The evenings at home were long and lonely and she began to scroll through the Craigslist listings again, looking for someone to keep her company.

  One night, she even resorted to posting in the Casual Encounters section; she was so desperate to find someone to be with her and love her. It hadn’t been difficult to convince herself that maybe eventually, one of these random guys she was thinking about hooking up with was going to turn out to be a really good guy. She imagined that he would look at her and actually see her, the wonderfully good person she was inside, instead of just another piece of ass. Even though he was just looking for a good time and a casual fling, he would somehow decide to want to be with her only because she was so amazing.

  In reality, she was completely delusional and spiraling further and further out of control. Researching the ads other women had posted before writing her first Casual Encounters ad didn’t make her feel any better about her prospects.

  Let Me Suck Your Cock, Dirty Old Man - 22

  Cream My Hungry Hole - 25

  Submissive Swallowing Slut Likes a Lengthy Hot Time - 34

  Where Have All the Cowboys Gone? - 45

  Why couldn’t someone just want to have a fun, casual, somewhat romantic time without having to make it sound so dirty and crass? Scrolling past the headers with disdain, she clicked on the link to create a new posting and got ready to type. Trolling the Craigslist Casual Encounters section for men may be stooping to a new all-time low for her, but at least she could be more original about it.

  Half-Baked, Dave Matthews, Dexter, Doggy Style - 25

  What do these four things have in common, you ask? They’re just some of my favorite things. If perhaps you share similar interests with me, send me a picture of yourself and name four of your favorite things in return. I’m a fan of kicking it with someone I am comfortable around who can also make me laugh…let’s be friends who like to have fun together. ;) I’m half Asian, 5’8”, toned and in my mid-twenties. My type is a tall guy with strong arms, great eyes, nice abs and a killer smile, who can preferably dance. We’d meet first at a club and dance together – partially so I can make sure you’re not a crazy person and look like your picture, and partially so you can convince me with your smooth moves that I want to come home with you. Are you up for the challenge?

  Annie didn’t have to w
ait long before emails started flooding into her inbox. Most were very short and to the point, indicating to her that the guys hadn’t really read her ad and must not have thought it worthwhile to put much effort into their responses. What was wrong with men these days? It was becoming rare to find men who knew the meaning of foreplay, both verbal and physical. However, there was one email that caught her eye.

  From: Nate Skyles

  Subject: Rock climbing, Art, Con Air, Doggystyle (stole yours)

  Date: January 5, 2013 18:15

  To: vbr2f-2725549819@pers.craigslist.org

  Hey! My name is Nate and I saw your ad on Craigslist and thought I would respond. To tell you a little about me, I am 23, 6', 195 lbs. I have been dancing ballet for about eleven years as often as I can. When people ask me what I am, I say a dancer, even though I'm not professional or anything. And I can hold my own in a club no problem as well. Dance is pretty universal, lol. Another hobby of mine is rock climbing, which is a good, fun way to stay in shape. I love to draw and paint and I dabble in a bit of free-lance photography as well. And I am a bit of a Dom in bed…nothing too severe, but I do love to put a woman where I like her, and where I like her the most is on her hands and knees. I am also extremely oral; nothing would make me happier than to pin you down and eat you out until you come. Anyway, you seem pretty great and I would love to get to know you. I greatly look forward to hearing from you. :)

  Attached were several pictures of a good looking guy with wavy blonde hair; one was of him performing in a ballet. He looked like he was very physically fit and strong and he had a lazy grin that made her toes curl. She was definitely responding to him. If there was one thing she had a huge weakness for when it came to men, it was a guy who could dance. The second weakness would be an accent, preferably British. Put the two together and wow, what a combo you had. But beggars couldn’t be choosers, so she’d take one out of the two any day.