Miz Scarlet and the Bewildered Bridegroom

by Barton, Sara M.

  “You’re on.”

  “Good.”

  “Fine.”

  “Is this where you try to get the last word?” I asked, holding back a smile.

  “It might be. It depends.”

  “On what?”

  “On whether I get it.”

  “If it matters that much to you, it’s yours.”

  “And yet, you keep talking,” he pointed out.

  “Do I?”

  “You do. Let me know when you’re done.”

  “Sure.” I gave him a little shrug. “I guess I’m done now.”

  “Good, Miz Scarlet.”

  “Good is right.”

  “Most people would have stopped by now,” he informed me.

  “Yes, but I’m not most people, am I?”

  “No, you’re not. You’re Bur Wilson’s little sister and you’re programmed to be a pain in the....”

  “You know,” I said softly, stepping up and wrapping an arm around his waist, “you could just shut up and kiss me. That would probably shut me up.”

  “I don’t like the ‘probably’ part. I’d prefer something more definite.”

  “Like a commitment to drop it?” I traced his lower lip with my right index finger.

  “A commitment is only as good as the committer. Actions speak louder than words, and in your case, I’d recommend shutting up, Scarlet, before you get yourself into more hot water.”

  “Hmm....”

  Jenny coughed discreetly from the doorway and then waited for us to acknowledge her. “Sorry to bother you, but we really should get moving on that shopping trip. Don’t you have to make the wedding cake this afternoon?”

  “Yes, you should, Scarlet.” Kenny gave me a little push toward the teenager, his hand on the small of my back. “Run along and try not to get into trouble.”

  It took us the better part of two hours to gather all the ingredients for the meals we’d planned for the Pinault-Magnusdotter weekend, and another forty minutes to unload the groceries and put them away. After a quick lunch, I got started on making the chocolate cake while Jenny festooned the foyer and grand staircase with tulle. My mother busied herself creating a wedding play list for the CD player with a selection of classic favorites in the living room. I found myself humming along to Ava Maria as I dusted my pans with flour.

  Once the cakes were mixed and baking in the oven, I decided to insure the reception went smoothly by making an extra set of cake layers. They’d be in the freezer, on the off chance catastrophe struck. And if, for any reason, Captain Peacock came through for me, I’d turn those luscious layers into the best apology gift anyone ever had.

  Lacey volunteered to pick up the boxed Geneva chocolates and foil-wrapped hearts from Munson’s on her way home from her exercise class at the senior center. She was going to fold napkins and put together goodie baskets for the guest rooms after lunch.

  Even Bur got into the act, promising to bring home a selection of wines, including some Prosecco Superiore for the wedding reception toast.

  Just after three, a white van bearing the logo of Aardvark Party Rentals turned into the driveway and pulled up to the front porch. I happened to be making the beds in the Red Oak Room at the time and caught sight of it. By the time I hurried downstairs and threw open the front door, I found myself facing two rough-looking men, dressed in white jumpsuits and black caps, wheeling an assortment of electrical equipment down a ramp and up to the steps.

  “Good afternoon, ma’am. We’re ready to set up your music system.” Max gave me a wink as he glanced up at me through black-framed eyeglasses. A furry caterpillar of a moustache sat under his nose and I half-expected it to wiggle. “What room do you want this stuff in?”

  “We’re on the clock, lady, so unless you want to pay us overtime, I suggest you show us the way,” Kenny announced loudly, poking his head out from behind an amplifier. The unexpected sight of his gorgeous hair hidden beneath a scruffy wig made me gasp. Grinning, he gave me a gentle bump as he passed me. “Better close your mouth, Scarlet. You’re letting the flies in.”

  “Right this way, gentlemen,” I instructed them, trying to recover my equilibrium. “And please mind the floors.”

  I led them down the hallway to the living room. The moment we were inside, Max deposited the wheels of his handcart on the carpet and quickly closed the door to the hallway.

  “Pull all the drapes, Scarlet, but leave the front door open. We’ll take care of the rest. Just go about your business.”

  “But....”

  “Have you really forgotten that deal we have?” a rather stern Kenny demanded.

  “Deal?” My brain tried to filter the word, but I was still distracted by the sight of two grown men playing dress up in my living room. I forced myself to concentrate. “No, I haven’t.”

  “See that you don’t,” he warned me. Those gorgeous eyes were obscured by a pair of thick, tortoise shell-framed glasses. Even more shocking was the twenty pounds or so he seemed to have put on since I last saw him at breakfast.

  “What have you done to yourself?” I demanded. It must be padding, I decided, but just to be certain, I reached out to check. I gave him a light poke.

  “Hey, watch it, lady! That’s kind of personal, don’t you think?”

  “Why don’t you two save the flirting for later? We’ve got work to do,” Max reminded us.

  “Okay,” I shrugged. “I just hope you guys know what you’re doing, because if you don’t, you might just have to hire out as workmen and those jumpsuits don’t do much for you.”

  “Everybody’s a critic,” Max remarked sardonically. “Personally, I think I look quite dashing.”

  “Has Larry seen you in this get-up?” I inquired, knowing that the homicide investigator had a good sense of humor. She was likely to split a gut at the sight of her significant other posing as an Aardvark Party Rentals employee.

  “As a matter of fact, she hasn’t. But I may give her a thrill when this case wraps up.”

  “Oh, please allow me to capture the moment with my camera!”

  I left them to their charade and headed back upstairs to finish preparing the rooms for the wedding guests. By the time I stopped just after five, we were almost set for tomorrow. Once Jenny and I vacated our third floor suite and Kenny vacated the Red Oak Room, it would just be a matter of changing the linens and towels.

  Shark Boy stopped off after work to see if we needed any help. By this time, Kenny and Max, still in their jumpsuits, were in the back garden, setting up folding chairs. Bur had filled a couple of large blue-glazed pots with lobelia, pansies, and snapdragons, positioning them on either side of an undecorated white wicker arch. The mangled blueberry bushes were now obscured by a strategically positioned tent that would serve to house the small bar and hors d’oeuvres table. I felt my optimism slowly rising. We might just be able to make the Pinault-Magnusdotter wedding memorable.

  By six, the four men had everything in place for the first night of the festivities. The security team departed in their borrowed Aardvark Party Rental van. About twenty minutes later, a much thinner Kenny returned to the inn in his SUV.

  “Hello, Mr. Worman,” I greeted him at the front door. “Welcome back to the Four Acorns Inn.”

  “Where nutty is the norm?” he asked with a sly grin. I contorted my normally attractive face with a goofy smile and crossed my eyes. “Didn’t your mother ever warn you, Miz Scarlet? Do you really want to go through life looking like that? Ugh! It’s enough to give me the heebie-jeebies!”

  Kenny insisted that we keep the drapes closed in the living room and went from window to window in the dining room, pulling the shades. Laurel was rather surprised.

  “Is there something we should know, Kenneth?”

  “No, ma’am, there is not. I’d just rather not expose the residents of the Four Acorns Inn tonight. Let folks get their peep show somewhere else.”

  Lacey had a date with her silver-haired heartthrob. Wearing a chic blouse and skirt, her hai
r fluffed up, she waited for him in the living room, peeking out the window every minute or two while the rest of the gang assembled for cocktails. She went on alert as a silver-colored Dodge Ram truck pulled into the driveway. “He’s here. How do I look?”

  “Gorgeous,” my mother told her.

  “You look lovely,” I nodded.

  “You’re a knockout,” Bur agreed. “Go get him, tiger!”

  “I think I will,” she beamed enthusiastically. “He’s definitely a keeper. Toodles, people!”

  Bur, Laurel and Kenny sat on one side of the dining table. I joined Jenny and her boyfriend on the other. We settled down to a meal of linguini with white clam sauce and a tossed salad, passing Parmesan cheese and crusty rolls around the table as we chatted.

  “I’m so excited about tomorrow,” Jenny exclaimed. “It’s my first time behind the scenes at a wedding. What’s the bride like?”

  “Well, she was quite pleasant on the phone,” I acknowledged.

  “Sure, but what does she look like?”

  “I have absolutely no idea,” I admitted.

  “I’ll bet she’s going to wear something amazing,” the teen gushed. “Do you think she’ll have a long veil or a short one?”

  “We don’t even know that she’s wearing white,” my mother pointed out, “let alone a gown.”

  “Oh, that’s too bad.”

  “She and the groom didn’t seem to indicate this was a very formal wedding.” I poured myself another glass of ice water.

  “I guess that’s okay, since this is only our first wedding. If it goes well, we might just be able to work our way up to something really dazzling.” There was a wistful note in Jenny’s voice.

  “Wouldn’t that be nice?” Laurel sighed.

  It didn’t take a genius to figure out they were hooked on the idea of inn weddings. I can see it all now. To welcome guests to the Four Acorns Wedding Annex, we’ll commission a fancy sign featuring a squirrel in a lace gown, holding a bouquet of oak leaves, and another in a tux. Below would be the words “where nutty is the norm”.

  Chapter Twenty One --

  “We could offer an elopement package,” Bur piped up, sealing the deal. “I’ve been looking into it. We could attract couples from around the country. Maybe I’ll become a justice of the peace.”

  “Elopements? That doesn’t quite seem like something that is on the up and up,” my mother frowned. “Do we really want teenagers flocking to the inn in search of legitimacy?”

  “Not that kind of elopement,” Bur smiled, reaching over to pat Laurel’s hand. “Actually, the kind of folks looking for a nice, quiet inn, where they can marry and honeymoon, are typically older, with disposable income; most of the time, they’re getting married for the second or third time.”

  “Disposable income...that sounds promising,” I decided.

  “Oh, shoot,” my teenage assistant groaned. “That means we’ll get the old fuddy-duddies. They’ll probably wear granny shoes and polyester pant suits!”

  “I beg your pardon,” Laurel said, taking umbrage at Jenny’s comment. “What, pray tell, constitutes ‘granny shoes’, young lady?”

  “I just mean they won’t be looking for anything fancy. Stick a rose in the bride’s hand and she’ll think it’s a bouquet.”

  “Not necessarily,” I replied, thinking. “We could do different kinds of wedding packages. Silver, gold, platinum....”

  “Champagne.” Bur suggested. “That sounds elegant and expensive.”

  “What really says luxury,” my mother wanted to know, “without scaring off potential guests?”

  “...Margarita, Daiquiri,” Kenny kidded. “It’s ‘Jimmy Buffet time’ at the Four Acorns Inn.”

  “You mean Jimmy Boo-fay. It rhymes with boo-kay,” Bur trilled, imitating the indomitable Hyacinth Bucket from Keeping Up Appearances.

  “What if we offered a Champagne package, featuring chocolate and strawberries, Châteaubriand for two....” I countered as an alternative to Captain Peacock’s list.

  “I’ve always thought the wedding cake was the highlight of any celebration,” my mother told us. “How would you handle that for an intimate celebration for two?”

  “We could call them them ‘Sweet Weddings’, Mom; instead of a big wedding cake for a hundred guests, we’d provide a small masterpiece just for the eloping bride and groom.”

  “Tiramisu, crème brûlée...what other romantic desserts for two are there?” Jenny wanted to know.

  “I think we’re on the right track,” Laurel nodded approvingly. “We put on the ritz and make every celebration special.”

  “We could advertise the Four Acorns Inn as the place to have elegant weddings for two to twenty guests,” I decided, pondering the possibilities. “We provide everything right here at the inn. All the bride and groom have to do is show up with their wedding clothes.”

  “We’ll use Lacey’s place for larger wedding receptions and when there are extra guests to put up for the night,” Bur announced, his enthusiasm growing. “What about offering an exclusive weekend wedding package -- three days and two nights, with a Friday night welcome reception, the wedding on Saturday, and a farewell Sunday brunch?”

  “Like we’re doing for the Pinault and Magnusdotter families?” Jenny seemed enthusiastic about the idea of people flocking to the inn. “That would be fun.”

  “Hmm,” Laurel sighed. “I like the sound of that.”

  Even Kenny thought it was a good idea. “It’s a weekend to remember for a lifetime. How’s that for a slogan?”

  “It’s better than your previous suggestion of ‘where nutty is the norm’. Speaking of weddings, we’ve got a big day tomorrow. Why don’t we call it a night?” I stood up to clear the table. “I’ve got to get....”

  And then it hit me -- weekend weddings, with everything from meals to marriage vows. I suddenly knew who was stalking us and why. “Karin has to be the culprit!”

  “Maybe,” said a rather reluctant Kenny. “It makes sense, I suppose.”

  “You suppose? You know I’m right, Captain Peacock!”

  “Say what?” Bur looked at me like I had three heads and was eligible for The Guinness Book of World Records. “Where did that come from?”

  “What are you two talking about?” My mother was suddenly concerned. “Scarlet?”

  “That’s what this campaign of harassment has been all about from the beginning. Karin wants to take over the inn so she can host three-day events, complete with guest rooms and fine dining,” I announced. “We interrupted her plan to expand her own business.”

  “Oh, of course!” Jenny sighed. “She wants the inn for herself.”

  “And she can’t have it if you guys are successful with this wedding, because you’ll want to expand your business,” Shark Boy pointed out. “She’s trying to beat you to the punch, as my dad would say.”

  Bur poured himself another cup of coffee. “I’m surprised she didn’t go after Myrtle and Willow, and try to make it a trifecta. That’s a pretty nice house they have and it’s right between the two mansions.”

  “Maybe she did, Colonel, or plans to eventually.” Our eyes met as Kenny said that. There was real relief on his face. We were coming to the finish line on the big wedding race, and at the moment, the Four Acorns Inn was in the lead. “All we need now is the proof.”

  “You think you can get it?” Suddenly my brother, part owner of the inn, was more than a little interested in the answer. He had a lot riding on the outcome.

  “I’m certain of it. By the time Mercer Security wraps this up, Karin and her partners in crime will be behind bars, trying to make bail, and Lacey will be able to take possession of Wallace’s mansion once again.”

  “I do hope you’re right, Kenneth,” my mother told him, backing her wheelchair up and moving away from the table, “and preferably before the wedding guests arrive.”

  “It’s a promise, Mrs. W. You can count on me.”

  Despite all the pressure he put on me to tr
ust him, especially with that silly deal he’d made, I had to admit that I still didn’t quite believe our effort to get Annalee Pinault and Gunnar Magnusdotter down the aisle would be glitch-free. But watching him reassure my mother that she had nothing to worry about vaporized all but a few niggling doubts. He had committed to providing security for the inn and he had too much respect for Laurel to disappoint her. This would all work out in the end. We’d get the happy couple united in marriage. I just hoped we didn’t have to climb over any bodies to do it.

  After I got the kitchen cleaned up and the dogs walked, I stopped to say goodnight to my mother on my way to the third floor.

  “Scarlet, I’d like January to stay with me tonight.”

  “Sure, Mom.”

  Laurel patted her bed and the little Jack Russell terrier hopped up on the foot of the bed and settled down. This was becoming a habit, but in a good way. The little yapper would alert her to any danger. For someone stuck in a wheelchair and vulnerable, that equaled some serious peace of mind.

  “It looks like she’s content.” I told her, scooping up Huck.

  “It does.” My mother picked up her book from her nightstand. “I just hope it’s a quiet night. I’ll be glad when Kenny and Max solve this case and life goes back to normal.”

  “Those are my sentiments too, Mom.” I softly closed her door and climbed the stairs. I got into my pajamas, brushed my teeth, and washed my face. Jenny came up a short time later, Mozzie on her heels.

  “See you in the morning, Miz Scarlet,” she called out on her way to her room.

  “Sweet dreams, Jen. Sleep tight.”

  “Don’t let the bedbugs bite,” she added.

  I settled myself in bed, glad to have the little Yorkie cuddled up beside me. Picking up Little Red Riding Hood and the Secret Cookie Recipe, I read a couple of chapters. When my eyes began to have trouble focusing on the printed words on the pages, I surrendered to exhaustion and turned out the light; within a few minutes, I was drifting off to sleep.

  The sound of loud voices woke me just after two. Groggy, I reached over and turned the switch on the lamp, flooding the room with light. What was Jenny doing up at this hour, with the TV volume turned up so high? An agitated Huck pawed at my door, his whimpering drowned out by the noise.