Because of you

by J. , Lea

“What?” I ask in surprise and open my eyes. “Huh? What is happening?” Aaliyah, completely dressed, is standing in front of me, giving me a sideways look.

  “Are you okay? You were making weird sounds in your sleep, so I woke you. You have practice in an hour anyway and you have to get going.” I blink a few times, looking at her. Shit. It felt so real. I can still feel a raging boner in my pants that dreams about her caused.

  “Damn it,” I whisper, but she still hears me.

  “Are you sure you’re okay? You look like you’re in pain. Perhaps you should skip practice today.” If only she knew. Of course I’m in pain – I’m hard as a rock.

  “No, no, practice is exactly what I need right now,” so I can clear my thoughts after those vivid dreams, “I’ll just grab a shower and then I’m out of here.” I have to make sure I won’t be too tense at practice and shower is the only way to relieve myself of the tension that’s been building inside me ever since I met her.

  Aaliyah

  It’s been fourteen days since our room has been broken into. After two weeks, they finally let us back in. Now, everything is put back in its place, and we had to buy some new furniture and things since the old ones were completely destroyed. I brought my stuff back from Ryder’s house and I’m sleeping in my own bed again. I miss his smell on my pillow that gave me a sense of security—I slept better because I knew he was near. But back in my dorm room, there’s still a danger of Caden coming back, perhaps hurting Addison if I’m not there. I now know he’s capable of anything. Until he killed Hope, I still had a sliver of hope that he could change, but he’s too far gone now. I may seem strong, happy and full of laughter, but I’m only keeping up appearances. On the inside, I’m a frightened girl, always on tenterhooks and cautious of my surroundings, looking over my shoulder and checking if I am being followed. I don’t know why I haven’t received any more of Caden’s messages, but I have a feeling this is silence before the storm.

  “Are you coming with me?” I ask Addison as I am tying the shoelaces on my white-and-black running shoes. I’ve decided to go run a lap on the track before work. And since it’s Saturday, I know the club will be full, because it’s karaoke night.

  “Have you ever seen me run?” Her voice is laced with sarcasm. “I really don’t see the point in running, I know a better way to get sweaty,” she wiggles her eyebrows and I shake my head.

  “Yuck, too much information, Addison. I’m not interested in details from your sex life.”

  “But Jackson is so yummy, I cannot resist him.”

  “As I said, TMI, though I’m happy you love each other so much.” She comes closer just as I am putting my hair in a ponytail.

  “Well, you know the feeling when you’re in love and you can’t stop thinking about that person—I am always thinking about him, and when I’m not with him, I desperately want him by my side.” She says dreamily, while I shake my head.

  “I wouldn’t know, I’ve never been in love.” Okay, I liked two guys in high school, but I was too afraid to give either of them a chance because of the situation at home.

  “What? How? You mean you’ve never had a boyfriend? You’ve never…?” I look her in the eyes, shrugging. “Oh my God, you’re still a virgin. I can’t believe it—I was sure you left at least a few broken hearts in your wake.” Nope, not me.

  “Nobody ever really caught my attention.” Until now, I should’ve said, but I bite my tongue instead. “It never got that far. Happens,” I shrug again.

  “Wow, I admire you, I’m still completely shocked by your admission, wow. That’s why you always blush when I mention sex!” I can feel a blush creep on my cheeks again. “Ha, here it is again,” she says, playfully pinching my cheek.

  I step outside where I am greeted by warm autumn air. I’m slowly increasing the tempo. Pink and her big hit Just Give Me a Reason, which I like very much, blares through my earphones. I’m running past the student campus toward the park that has a gravel path, which is great for running. A runner jogs past me, comes to a halt three feet in front of me and runs backwards. He catches my attention so I look at him.

  Ryder.

  “What are you doing here? Are you following me?” I ask, surprised.

  “Well, well, someone has a mighty high opinion of themselves,” he winks at me, and I am overwhelmed by embarrassment when I realize what I just said. Why would he follow me? I mean nothing to him.

  “Oh, sorry, you just surprised me, that’s all.”

  “Hey, don’t take it so seriously, I was only joking. Do you mind if I join you?” I shake my head, suddenly too weary to respond. Ryder is wearing white basketball shorts, that are hanging low on his hips, and I can see every defined muscle on his stomach through his T-shirt. Sweat running down his neck and arms is everything my mind can focus on in this moment. Licking my lips, I think about tracing the same path with my fingers. Breathe, girl, breathe, he’s just a man, why are you overreacting? We cross the park, people are sitting on the benches, a few kids are feeding the pigeons that have gathered in the middle of the park, some people are talking on the phone and lovey-dovey couples are strolling down the path. I look to my right, to a fast food cart, and almost stop in my tracks. None other than Caden is eyeing me, piercing me with his gaze. He’s smoking a cigarette and throws it on the ground. I’m still running, but much slower, and I don’t watch where I’m going as my eyes are still fixed on Caden. I don’t notice a tree root and I stumble over it. With a cry of pain I fall down and grab my ankle.

  “Damn it,” I exclaim in anger, holding the injured ankle. Ryder immediately comes to a halt when he notices I’m not following. He kneels down, offering me his hand. I throw a glance at the cart again, but Caden is gone. Was I only imagining seeing him? Am I losing my mind? As soon as Ryder helps me to my feet, I let out a cry of pain. “Ouch,” I say when I try to stand on my leg, but the pain is still unbearable and I can’t put any weight on it yet. “Ugh, how can I be so clumsy?” I groan as Ryder sits me down on a nearby bench.

  “Sit and let me take a look at the ankle.”

  “It’s okay, my leg just buckled, I’ll be better soon, don’t worry,” I say, trying to get up.

  “I said sit down and let me see if you broke anything.” Without further protests I sit back down. He puts his big, strong hands on my ankle and studies it.

  “Ouch, that hurt!” I yell, quickly removing my leg from his hold, wincing from the pain his touch only increased.

  “It’s swelling up, we have to put some ice on it soon. I don’t think it’s anything worse than a sprain, but we have to find ice. My house is the nearest, can you walk there?” I nod. It’s embarrassing something like that happened just as he’s with me. To make a bigger fool out of myself in front of him. I put some weight on my leg and want to take a step, but pain shoots through my ankle, bringing tears to my eyes. Damn it, I can’t do it. Ryder looks at me and without warning lifts me up, one arm under my shoulder blades, the other under my knees. I let out a surprised shriek.

  “Are you crazy? You can’t carry me all the way to your apartment, it’s too far away. I’ll try to walk on my own.”

  “It’s okay, you’re not heavy,” he winks at me as he carries me through the park. I feel sorry for him for having to carry me so long, but on the other hand, I am enjoying being so close to him, pressed tightly against his chest, and feeling his biceps flex every time he makes another step. Every inch of his body is covered with muscle.

  “Oh, God,” I put a hand over my eyes, remembering how sweaty I am in his arms.

  “What is it?” he asks, his voice laced with worry.

  “I’m sorry, I probably stink from the run, I’m all sweaty. How embarrassing.” He just laughs.

  “On the contrary, pretty girl, on the contrary.” I hide my head in the crook of his neck and chastise myself.

  “How can you say something like this? You’re weird,” I playfully poke him with my finger.

  “What? You do smell nice. I don’t know why yo
u’re worrying over nothing.” Out of breath, he puts me down on the bed. “You’re heavy,” he says, rubbing his sore arms.

  “No, I’m not,” I poke him in the stomach with my elbow and pretend to be offended, but a smile on my face gives me away. “It’s not my fault you’re so weak—you’ll have to work on your muscles more, mister.” I put my hand on his bicep and squeeze it. When I realize I’m touching him, I quickly remove my hand as if it's too hot. We stare at each other for a while, and then he clears his throat.

  “I’m going to get ice, wait here.” Huh, like I could’ve gone anywhere with that ankle. A minute later a giant pack of ice is on my ankle, Ryder carefully massaging it. He’s holding my calf, with a thumb gently grazing the skin of my leg. He’s crouching and I’m sitting on his king size bed. Because he’s tall, our eyes are at the same level. I watch how absorbed he is in massaging my ankle. We’re quiet for some time, when he suddenly raises his dark eyes to mine. The hand that has been brushing my leg, stops, and Ryder focuses all his attention to my eyes. I bite my lips and his eyes drop to my mouth, then return to my eyes. There’s tension in the air, lust, longing. With the tip of his tongue he traces his lower lip before he leans toward me. He brushes his fingers against my cheek.

  “Can I kiss you?” What?

  “Why?” I ask him. Why? Seriously, Aaliyah?

  “Because my heart and mind are telling me I need it.” I nod shyly, and his lips touch mine. I feel like I’m floating. His kiss is like fireworks on the 4th of July, like a bomb that just went off. It’s magical—that’s all I can say—the way his warm and soft lips connect with mine, like it’s the only thing they needed. I feel something shift inside me. This is something nobody will ever be able to take away from me. One kiss that marked me forever. I close my eyes, and just as I am about to open my mouth inviting his tongue inside, the door screeches open.

  “Yo, dude, you got any condoms?” We quickly jump apart as Jayden barges into the room, coming to a halt when he notices us. “Whoops, I’m sorry, didn’t mean to disturb,” he turns around and he’s gone. I bow my head in embarrassment, and I believe I’m as red as a tomato.

  “Okay,” Ryder gets up and scratches his neck. “That’s just like Jayden, to come in at the wrong moment.” His smile indicates he was also affected by our kiss.

  “Umm…ugh… I think I should leave.” I forget the pain in my ankle and step on my leg with full weight. “Ouch,” I blush, his kiss completely bewitched me. I cautiously limp to the door, careful not to step on the injured leg with too much force.

  “Wait, I’ll drive you, you can’t walk like this.”

  Chapter 12

  Ryder

  Wow, is everything I can say after our kiss. I’ve longed for it for so long I couldn’t allow the opportunity to slip through my fingers. And that jerk Jayden chose the wrong moment to barge in, and asking for condoms, no less. God knows what Aaliyah thought when he asked me that. She probably thinks I’m banging a different chick every weekend. In reality, I don’t want anyone other than her. Yes, I have girls throwing themselves at me all the time, and I gladly took some of them home with me sometimes, but now that all of them only see my money and influence, I am careful so I don’t get burned. Shaking my head, I laugh at the memory of her blushing at his question. She looked adorable. She’s sitting beside me, playing with the hem of her shirt. She’s quiet, looking through the car window, and I’m watching her face and her lips that she seductively licks every now and then. I instantly get hard and I discreetly fix the bulge that’s bothering me. Shit, I’m so turned on every time I’m around her. I only need to look at her and I’m already thinking about lifting her up on a counter and …

  “…to Mirage?” I turn to her and realize she’s asking me something. She’s watching me expectantly, waiting for my response.

  “I’m sorry, did you ask me something? I was just thinking about something and didn’t hear you.” She frees her hair from the ponytail and it falls to her shoulders. She combs through it with her fingers, head tilted slightly backwards. Shit, that was sexy as hell.

  “I asked you if you’re planning to go to Mirage tonight. Addison mentioned you’re all going.” I nod, drooling a little from the daydream about her. We say goodbye and I hurry home to take a cold shower.

  We’ve just finished our practice and Noah is still giving me nasty looks, more or less avoiding me. He’ll just have to get used to it. I understand how difficult this must be for him—he liked Aaliyah very much—and I know I’d feel terrible if she told me she only wants us to be friends. What if she only sees me as a friend, too? I shake my head. No, I’m sure that’s not the case. Her kiss assured me she wants me as badly I want her. I still have a couple of hours before we go to Mirage, so I go home and take a nap. It’ll be good for me because it’s going to be a long night.

  Aaliyah

  I run my fingers over my lips that have been firmly pressed against Ryder’s only a few hours ago. It really was a perfect kiss, even though we were abruptly interrupted after a couple of seconds. I can’t wait to see him tonight. Content, I throw myself on the bed, making it squeak. What if he didn’t like my kiss? And he never wants to kiss me again? I shake my head, no, I mustn’t think like that. I quickly try to find another topic to ponder about. I think of Hope again, and the footage she left me, even though I failed her when Caden stole it. But I managed to watch the whole footage, everything she said about Caden… I’m slowly starting to realize how dangerous he is, that my life is truly in danger. I don’t know how long I’ll be able to continue without somebody’s help. She told me she followed him one day, she wanted to gather hard evidence before going to the police station, otherwise nobody would believe her. At least not about Caden, whom everybody likes and protects. She took the camera and secretly filmed him. I saw that footage, too. He sold a couple of drug packets to three teenagers, aged around 15. He stuffed the money they gave him into his jacket pocket, and a man, around 40 years old, approached him. The kids fled, and Caden and the man drove off. The next footage broke my heart. It was filmed on the day I lost Hope forever. We were filming another song and we must have forgotten to turn off the camera because we started fighting. I accused her of smothering me, of constantly being with me, that I also want to go out with my friends, not just being stuck hanging out with her. Obviously, our fight has distracted us and the camera kept recording. I said on the footage that I need to go to the bathroom and grab something to eat, because I was starving. When I left, Hope was moving things around and preparing everything for our later sessions. Not long after I left, Caden entered the room and approached her.

  “Stay away from me, I finally have evidence that will put you to jail for a very long time. I’ve had enough!”

  “Oooh, you’re feistier than usual today,” he said before grabbing her by the hair and dragging her to the table. From my perspective, I couldn’t see what they were doing, but I assumed, from the noise, that they were jostling and pushing each other.

  “I hate you! I can’t wait to see you in court, when they drag your ass away in handcuffs,” she said with hatred, and spit in his face when they appeared in front of the camera again. He wiped at his eyes and cheeks, looking at her in surprise.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Ha,” she said, shaking her head, “you’d like to know, huh? I filmed you selling drugs to kids, I have proof and I’ll send it to the police. I wonder if they’re going to trust you and protect you then.” Caden clenched his hands into fists.

  “You little bitch,” he snorted, hitting her so hard on the head she fell to the floor. He sat on top of her and asked about the footage. He was squeezing her neck so hard he didn’t even notice she stopped fighting and was just lying on the floor, motionless. He looked around him in surprise, got off her and left the room. About two minutes later, I came back and found her. I knew what happened next, so I turned off the computer and lay in my bed, crying the whole night.

  I wipe the stray te
ar, full of memories on that day, pull myself together and get ready for work. I awkwardly limp to the closet, dress in a jean skirt, a black T-shirt and a shirt with long sleeves that I’ll take off later. I put on ballet flats—no way would I be able to walk in high heels with a swollen ankle. Noah is still mad at me, so he’s no longer driving me to work. Not that I blame him. We haven’t worked together in ages, ever since I broke his heart. Today, we’ll be working side by side behind the counter again, and I hope we can manage to clear things up. I quickly call a cab, and in the meantime, I brush my hair and put on some eyeshadow and mascara. I grab my keys and go outside to wait for my ride. If my ankle wasn’t hurt, I’d walk, like I always did.

  “Hey, Noah,” I greet him as I put the purse on the bar to take off my coat. He just nods, turns around and continues to put the glasses on the shelf. I sigh and take my things to the back. I fix my skirt, straighten my shirt and return to Noah, who is still ignoring me. I’m glancing at him, trying to imagine how he feels.

  “What?” he asks indifferently.

  “Nothing, it’s just that I’m really sorry for what happened. I don’t like that we’re not talking and that you’re ignoring me, I miss your friendship.”

  “Ha,” he sneers. “You wouldn’t like it either, if someone led you on like that. I thought you liked me, that that’s why you went out with me.” He raises his arms in the air and drops them back down.

  “I’m sorry,” I say, looking at the ground. “I don’t know what else to do. I’m really sorry and I want us to be friends. Will you ever forgive me? Please.” He shakes his head, looking me in the eyes.

  “I don’t know. You really hurt me and I’m going need a lot of time to forget that. I hope you understand.” His lips form a straight line and I nod.

  “Yes, of course I understand, I just hope. Take your time, but please, don’t ignore me—it truly hurts seeing you act like this.” He nods and our conversation becomes more relaxed.