Because of you

by J. , Lea

  “Yes, of course it is, he’s the only man I ever slept with.”

  “I’m so sorry, I don’t even know why I asked you that. What now?” She pulls the chair to the bed and sits down.

  “I don’t know, I have no idea. I’ll finish this school year, if possible, take the tests I missed, and then I have to find a cheap apartment that I can afford with a child… God, I need to do so many things.” I raise my hands in the air in defeat.

  “Shouldn’t you tell Ryder? After all, he’s the father.”

  “NO!” I shout. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be so loud. I don’t want anything from him. I’ll tell him about the baby, but not now.”

  “You’re wrong, believe me—Ryder will take care of you two. He’s a good man and he loves you. He should know.”

  ~ * ~

  After a few weeks in the hospital and after all the therapy sessions, the day finally comes when I don’t have to see another doctor. I also had my first check-up at my OBGYN. Addison accompanied me last week and I saw my little bean growing inside me. The feelings cannot be described with words. This was one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen in my life, and it’s hard to imagine I’ll be holding a tiny baby in my hands in seven months, fully dependent on me. The happy moment was a little marred by the fact I’ll have to take care of the little one myself.

  “Oh, why did Ryder do this?” I whisper to myself. The skiing trip we were supposed to take was cancelled—well, Addison and Jackson still went, but I didn’t ask them if Ryder went with them. I spent Christmas and New Year’s Eve alone, and truth be told, I liked it that way, so I could wallow in my misery. I miss Hope and her advice. I could use some right now, in the situation I’m in. And that damn morning sickness—I don’t know why they call it morning sickness, when I’m sick all day long.

  One more hour, and then I can go home. Professor Anderson is lecturing on fundamental legal terms and regulation of family relations, but I only listen with one ear. I’m thinking about my future and how everything will be after I give birth. Will I even be able to finish college? Each day, I’m also thinking more and more about Ryder and how to tell him I’m carrying his child. How will he take the news? Will he be angry? Perhaps, he’ll be happy. What if he’ll accuse me of ruining his career, his life? Well, I can’t ruin his career, we’re not even together. His life will remain exactly the same. I am torn from my deep thoughts by the noise in the classroom. The other students are already putting away their books, some are already at the exit, and I’m still sitting here like a heap of misery, trying to find a solution for my situation. I quickly grab my books that lay untouched on the desk for the last hour, and head to the door.

  “Aaliyah, wait,” I hear someone call, and when I turn, I see Ryder running toward me. A group of people I don’t recognize is behind him, they probably have the same classes. We haven’t talked since that day in the hospital, I’ve only seen him around a few times. He respects my wish and he’s staying away from me. It’s hard, because he became an important part of my life, and I said those words with such difficulty. But this was the only way to get over him and heal my broken heart. I turn around and slowly continue my way, but he catches up with me.

  “What do you want?” I say quietly.

  “Stop for a second, please.” I obey and I look into his eyes for the first time in weeks. I am surprised to still see pain in his eyes, he is miserable. I take a deep breath, close my eyes and wait for him to continue. “I know you told me to stay away from you, and I did that with a heavy heart. Since you don’t want to hear what I have to say, I wrote you a letter. I want you to read it – that’s all I’m asking. It’s up to you to decide what to do next. I promise to stay away if you want me to, but I truly hope you’ll believe my words.” He raises my hand to his lips, kissing it gently, causing butterflies to erupt in my belly, and he puts an envelope on my palm, turns around and leaves. I brush my fingers over it and put it carefully in my purse, the touch of his lips still lingering on my skin.

  When I finally arrive home, and see I’m alone, I sit on the bed with Ryder’s letter in my hand. Brushing my fingers over it, I’m debating whether I should open it or not. Will I be even sadder after I read the letter? My fingers shake as I open the envelope and pull the letter out. I carefully open it, and his words are staring me in the face.

  My dearest Aaliyah!

  First, I want to apologize if I hurt you. This was never my intention, and I swear nothing happened between Paris and me. The rose petals and the candles—I prepared all that for you, but Paris came in unexpectedly and before I could throw her out, you showed up. Then was when it all went downhill.

  I wake up every morning wishing you were next to me, hugging me and giving me one of your gorgeous smiles I miss with all my heart. I want to look into your enchanting eyes that are like the most beautiful blue sky I’ve ever seen in my life. I can still remember the warmth of your embraces, I yearn for them, miss them so much. The thought of your soft touches brings a smile to my face. Every time you touched me or even stood close to me, my heart leaped with joy. Your modesty and beauty seduced me, and I was hooked from the moment I laid my eyes on you. I know I didn’t show it to you from the beginning, I was too shocked, that is why I acted like a complete ass. You are my best friend and the love of my life, you are the best gift life has ever given to me. I love you with every beat of my heart, and I know we’re destined to be together. I will not give up on us, never. I am giving you all my love, and I promise to do everything to make you the happiest and the most loved person in the world. Please, come back to me and give my life purpose again.

  I love you,

  Ryder

  Tears are running uncontrollably down my cheeks and I don’t even try to wipe them. I squeeze the letter to my chest and keep repeating his words in my head. Addison already told me it was all just a big misunderstanding and that Paris is the one I should be mad at. Still, it is hard to believe him because I’ve been listening to lies my whole life. It’s difficult to distinguish between truth and lie. Nonetheless, my heart skips a beat at his confession of love, but doesn’t last long. When he finds out I’m pregnant with his baby, I’m certain there won’t be any love anymore. I sniff a few times. It’s time to tell him the truth. He deserves to know it, even if this means I’ll lose him forever.

  Chapter 21

  Ryder

  I’m playing console games with my roommates in the living room. The night has only begun, but we’re already running out of beer. I needed this. I need to forget about Aaliyah for some time. I gave her the letter this afternoon and in it I wrote about my deepest feelings for her, but it obviously wasn’t enough since she didn’t contact me. If it meant anything to her, she would have already come to me, but here I am, drowning my sorrows in alcohol and games, but I can’t seem to get drunk. I get fed up with this, too, so I head to my room. Nobody says anything, they know it’s best they leave me alone. I take off my shirt and throw it on the floor, followed by my pants. I go to the bathroom and take a shower.

  I towel off and put on pajama pants. Just as I’m about to turn on the television, I hear knocking on the door. Convinced it’s one of the guys, I throw the door open and rudely say: “What?” But standing in front of me is Aaliyah, prettier than ever, slightly startled by my reaction. I scratch my head. “I’m sorry, I thought it was one of the guys. What are you doing here?” My heart starts beating faster and a glimmer of hope that everything will work out between us flickers through me. She’s holding the letter in her hands, watching me.

  “I read your letter,” she says. I open the door wide and let her in. She shifts from one leg to another, uncomfortable.

  “Sit down,” I wave to the bed, she sits down, not very enthusiastically, and I join her. We sit in silence for some time. I can feel the warmth of her body and more than anything in the world I wish I could hug her. After a few minutes of uncomfortable silence I finally speak. “So, you read my letter. And what did you decide?” She op
ens her mouth, but I interrupt her.

  “I swear nothing happened between Paris and me. I would never do anything like that to you, believe me.”

  “I know, Addison told me the same thing.” She drops her gaze to my hands that are resting on my knees. She’s fiddling with the letter.

  “Then why are you avoiding me? You know I’d do anything for us to be together again. I can’t stand being away from you.” Tears pour down her cheeks and I don’t waste time—I wrap my arms around her. It feels like home. “Shh, don’t cry, baby. Please, don’t cry, my heart is breaking watching you suffer like this. Everything is going to be alright.” I feel her arms on my back as she returns the hug. She’s still crying, burying her head into my neck. “I can’t believe my surprise turned into a complete disaster. That day I wanted to surprise you, to finally tell you I’m in love with you and have been from the first day. I was the luckiest man on earth for having you in my life. And it all came crashing down in the end.” I break the hug and put my hands on her cheeks, bringing her gaze to my eyes. “I swear it was all for you. I love you and I can’t live without you.” I press my lips against hers and kiss her deeply. I taste the cold salty teardrops, and quickly wipe the tears that still haven’t stopped running. “Say something,” I beg her.

  “I love you, too,” she looks me straight in the eyes. I exhale in relief, hearing the words I wanted to hear for a long time.

  “Then why are you avoiding me and pushing me away? I don’t understand. Please, don’t do that anymore.” She takes a deep breath and wants to say something, but she stops and simply shakes her head. “What is it, baby? Tell me, I’m sure it’s not that bad.”

  Aaliyah

  I shake my head. “I don’t know how you’ll take the news when I tell you.”

  “Whatever it is, you can tell me, it’s going to be okay.”

  I raise my gaze to his and study his face. I walk my fingers across his cheek and he closes his eyes for a second as he grabs my hand and stops me. “Tell me.”

  “I’m pregnant.” I turn away, walk to the other side of the room. As I turn back to him again, he is still standing in the same spot, completely shocked. The room is inundated in silence. Ryder is staring at the floor, rubbing his hand nervously across the back of his neck. He is still quiet, so I break the silence. “I’m sorry, I know you’re surprised, I was surprised, too, still am. I found out when I was in the hospital. Yesterday was nine weeks.” His silence is killing me and I wipe a stray tear from my face. I knew he would be surprised by the news, even shocked, but I still expected a different reaction. I wouldn’t mind him yelling at me or accusing him of wanting to catch him with a pregnancy, I even had a sliver of hope that he would be happy, but I did not expect silence. Tired of it, I move to the door and grab the door handle. “I see you’re not even capable of looking me in the eye anymore, I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean for it to happen, but it is what it is. When the semester is over, I’m leaving. I found an affordable apartment and you’ll never see me again. I don’t expect anything from you, but it is fair that you know I’m expecting your baby.” I open the door and step out into the hallway, but Ryder’s strong hand stops me and pulls me back into the room.

  “You’re pregnant?” I nod. “I’m going to be a dad,” he whispers and I nod again. He puts both his hands on my cheeks and a wide grin appears on his face, a sincere grin then he kisses me passionately. As our lips break apart and I finally get some air, I wipe my teary eyes. “Why are you leaving? You know I will never let you do that.”

  “I’m going to take a year off, so I won't be entitled to live in the dorm anymore, that is why I had to find an apartment. It was the only one cheap enough for me to afford, so I grabbed the opportunity.”

  “No, no, you’re going to live with me, I want you by my side, I want to see our child growing in your belly and I want to take you to the doctor’s appointments. Please, don’t go. We can find an apartment, so it’s just going to be the three of us after you give birth.”

  “You’re not mad?” I ask hesitantly.

  “Mad? Why would I be mad? This is the best news you could ever tell me. I’m only angry you didn’t tell me this before. You know I’d be with you every step of the way.”

  “I know you’re shocked by the news, I didn’t imagine becoming a mother so soon either, but it is what it is.”

  “So we have a deal—you’ll move in with me?” I smile at him and nod. Ecstatic, he puts one arm under my knees and the other one on my back, lifting me high in the air and spinning us around. “Thank you, I will not let you two down.”

  “It’s going to take some effort to coordinate this with your studying, and your dreams about basketball and playing in the NBA… You can still play basketball, I would never demand that you give up your dreams. I won’t let you give up your dreams.”

  “Aaliyah, I love you more than anything in the world, I’d rather give up basketball than live without the two of you. You mean the world to me and I’ll never let you go again.” He kneels, sliding his hand under my shirt and gently caresses my belly. His fingers move up, to my bra hook and he has it undone in seconds. I raise my arms, so he can take off my shirt, and my bra lands on the floor. He lifts me up effortlessly, as if I’m light as a feather, and carries me to the bed. He kisses my neck, my breasts, my belly. “I missed you so much,” he whispers, our noses almost touching. He lowers his lips to mine and gives me a soft, tender kiss. The passionate, yet soft, kiss lasts a couple of seconds, but it is forever imprinted in my heart. I run my fingers across his hard chest that I’ve been admiring ever since I came into the room. I hear him groan quietly and he closes his eyes.

  “Aaliyah…”

  “I love you, Ryder.”

  “God, I love hearing you say that. I love you too, with all my heart.” We strip down until we are both naked. “I need you, Aaliyah. I am yours, body and soul.” I reach down and stroke his rock hard erection. He kisses me and I part my lips, allowing his tongue to wrap around mine, and we both moan in pleasure. Wrapping my arms around his hips, I let him pull me closer to him, leaving a wet trail of kisses from my shoulders to my lips. Arching my back, I dig my nails into his strong shoulders. He takes his time burying his head between my aching breasts, at the same time grabbing my left leg and putting it on his shoulder. He greedily licks and nibbles with his expert mouth, and he stops at the spot between my legs, throbbing in pleasure. Two fingers slide deep inside me and it only takes a couple of seconds for me to shudder with pleasure as my orgasm shakes me down to the soul. Before I can regain my senses, he buries his cock deep inside me.

  “Shit,” he stops working his hips.

  “What’s wrong, babe?” I ask, confused.

  “Can we hurt the baby?” His expression is deathly serious. A smile plays on my lips and I shake my head no. I hear him exhale loudly.

  “Thank God, because I don’t know if I’d be able to stop.” I giggle out lout. “I love your laughter, it’s music to my ears.” Before I can respond, his lips crash onto mine and he’s pumping into me faster and harder. Tiny beads of sweat form on our skin and we’re breathing deeply. He lifts my arms over my head and intertwines our fingers.

  “Don’t stop,” I beg. He expertly circles and grinds his hips into me and I soon feel my core spasming and squeezing around his rock hard erection. His moves become more decisive and he shoots his warm liquid into me. His nose grazes my cheek, his eyes are gleaming naughtily, and our ragged breathing slowly returns to normal. He presses tightly against me and covers us with a blanket. “I could hold you like this forever,” he whispers before snuggling even closer. “Good night, beautiful,” he says quietly, before we drift to sleep.

  Chapter 22

  Ryder

  Aaliyah is in her twenty-first week—time goes by so quickly. Today is the day we’re going to find out the sex of our baby. I am bursting with nerves and excitement. I hope everything’s okay with the baby. She is feeling much better—she hasn’t been sick in
weeks, and her cheeks are rosy, no longer pale as in the first weeks of pregnancy. I watch her brushing her silky soft golden hair. She’s only wrapped in a towel and showing her long, sexy legs. A small bump on her belly is announcing we’re going to be parents soon. Even though I was enamored with her taut creamy belly, I am now crazy about this round one. She has never looked sexier. We’ve had so many ups and downs, and our beginning was rocky, but I hope our future will be the opposite. I approach her from behind, wrapping my arms around her voluptuous curves and plant a loud kiss on her neck.

  “Hey, babe,” she smiles her white grin, which captivated me the first day I laid my eyes on her, and leans her body into mine. “Every day I look more like a whale,” she grumbles and pouts.

  “You look beautiful,” I tell her in between kisses to her neck. “I love your curves.”

  “Uh-huh, I wonder how you’ll like my curves when I won’t even be able to get through the door. I’m already huge.”

  “Don’t worry, I’ll love you even more,” I wink at her, playfully slapping her butt. She shrieks in surprise and jumps away.

  “What do you think we’re having—a boy or a girl?” she wrinkles her forehead, looking at me with her warm blue eyes.

  “I don’t care as long as the baby is healthy. It wouldn’t hurt if it looked like you.” She rolls her eyes.

  “Ugh, you’re so demanding,” she says playfully. “I’d prefer if the baby had your looks. If we find out the gender of the baby, we can start picking names. And it’s going to be easier to decorate the nursery. If it’s a girl, I’d like to paint the room purple. I don’t like pink, it’s too typical, and I think purple is ideal. If it’s a boy, I was thinking orange. What do you say?”