Queenie Baby: Pass the Eggnog

by Christina A. Burke

  * * * * *

  A low growl woke me from a sound sleep. Max was standing on the bed, staring intently at the door. His fur was sticking up on his back. I looked over at the door. The clock read 3:00 a.m.

  "Whatcha see boy?" I whispered.

  Max growled louder. I thought I saw the doorknob turn. I switched on the light and scrambled for my robe.

  Max hopped off the bed and darted for the door. He sniffed around the bottom of the frame. He growled louder.

  I reached for the knob and felt some resistance as I tried to turn it. Like someone was holding it on the other side. Okay, I'll admit, at this point I was completely freaked out. I turned hard and pulled the door open with as much force as I could.

  There was a squeal on the other side, and my niece, Tiffany, tumbled into the room.

  Max gave her a lick, probably checking for cookie crumbs.

  "Tiffany! What are you doing out of bed?"

  Tiffany rubbed her eyes. "That lady won't stop talking to me, Aunt Diana. I told her I couldn't talk to strangers, but she says she's not a stranger. She says she's my great-grandma. Only she doesn't look old like The Grands." Tiffany sucked her thumb and held tight to her pink blanket.

  This was getting ridiculous. We needed to hire an exorcist or get a priest in to bless the place. "It's okay, Tiff. I think you were having a bad dream."

  She looked up at me and rolled her eyes. "It's not a bad dream. She was there talkin' to me."

  She was probably right, but I thought it better to just pretend she'd dreamed the whole thing. "Time to get back to bed."

  Tiffany shook her head. "I wanna sleep with you and Max," she insisted.

  I tried to reason with her, but she was having none of it. So we all settled into my twin bed with Max growling every time I moved my feet in the cramped space.

  "One more sound outta you, and you're off the bed!" I whispered furiously.

  Max kept quiet, and soon Tiffany was sound asleep. I stared out the window over the bed. I was wide awake now.

  I thought about Victoria and Jake. It seemed unfair that a nice couple like them couldn't have children. As Tiffany snored softly next to me, I thought about what I was missing. I wanted children eventually, but since crossing the thirty barrier earlier this year, I could hear my clock ticking more loudly with each passing day. I was worried about waiting too long and then not being able to have a child of my own. Victoria and Jake's situation only made me worry more. But Mark showed no sign of being ready to settle down, let alone have children. I sighed. Maybe I needed to give Mark an ultimatum. Commit or get off the pot! But what if he liked playing secret agent man more than playing house with me? I'd be back on the dating scene. Ugh! Maybe if I took more time off so I'd be around more when Mark was; spending weeks away on tour might be helping my career, but it was doing a number on my love life. Come to think of it, I hadn't exactly been sending Mark I'm-ready-to-settle-down-now messages. Actually, quite the opposite. I needed to take this more seriously. My future children depended on it.

  I had this sudden urge to call Mark, but he was thousands of miles away and only able to call me a few times a week. If I had an emergency I could contact his partner, but I'd sooner lose a finger before dialing her number. We weren't exactly on the best of terms after she'd stalked me, then tried to steal Mark away. I rolled over as best I could and closed my eyes.

  * * * * *

  "It's cold, Aunt Diana," Tiffany whined.

  I opened one eye to dim morning sunlight drifting through the window. I looked at the fireplace. It was off. Argh! How did that happen?

  I shifted around my niece and Max and winced as my bare feet hit the icy floors. I pressed the button on the side of the fireplace, and it roared to life. The fan kicked on, and warm air began pouring into the small room.

  "It'll only take a minute," I assured her, checking the time on my phone. Almost seven.

  Max had moved into the warm spot left when I vacated the bed. Might as well get dressed. I padded over to the dresser and pulled out sweat pants and socks. I whipped the long T-shirt I'd slept in over my head and stuffed it into a drawer. I layered a fresh T-shirt and a stylish pink and teal plaid shirt. I closed the drawer and checked myself in the mirror. The warm air from the fireplace had produced a fog on the cold surface of the mirror.

  The word H-O-P-E was visible across the mirror. Like someone had used their finger to write on the fogged surface.

  "Did you do that?" I know it was a stupid question, but I had to ask.

  Tiffany shook her head. "It was Granny Babs."

  The word began to fade as the room warmed. "You saw her?"

  Tiffany nodded.

  "Is she here now?"

  "No. She had stuff to do. She said she was going to do something even if it's wrong." Tiffany rubbed her eyes and stretched. "I'm hungry."

  I love how kids can switch gears. Funny, I was hungry too. "Okay, let's go find some breakfast."

  CHAPTER FIVE

  We plodded down the stairs with Max fast on our heels. The kitchen smelled like heaven. Victoria was brewing coffee and baking some kind of cinnamon roll in the oven.

  "Sleep well?" she called as we entered.

  "I had a visitor." I pointed to Tiffany who waved. I thought about telling her about the message, but wasn't sure what to say. I didn't want her thinking all of us were crackpots.

  While Victoria fussed over Tiffany, I grabbed a cup of coffee and my parka and took Max for a short walk around the property.

  I felt like I was on the inside of a Christmas snow globe looking out. The wind blew the fluffy snow from the treetops and onto our heads as Max hunted for the perfect spot to poop.

  "Maybe you should consult Google Maps for the best location," I snipped.

  It's a good thing he had paws instead of fingers, I thought as he finally settled into a spot. Sometimes he looked like he'd give me the finger if he could.

  I guess if I had to do my business out here in the frozen tundra, I wouldn't want people telling me how to do it either.

  He kicked up the snow to show he was done. A rabbit wandered into his field of vision. He gave a bark and raced off in the direction of the stream that ran along side the property. My coffee was getting cold, and I wasn't dressed warmly enough for tramping through the snow.

  I looked back at the house as I waited for him to finish his futile rabbit hunt. I marveled at how it was like something out of an old movie. If ever there was a place to recapture the Christmas spirit, this was it. I stared hard. Something in the attic window of my bedroom caught my eye. A shadowy figured appeared to be waving to me. I blinked a couple of times, and the figure was gone.

  I shook my head. Probably had another message from the grave on my mirror. Why couldn't this ghost just shoot me an email?

  I rubbed my hands together and stamped my feet. Time's up buddy, I thought, and gave a whistle, trying to coax Max back to my side and beat a hasty retreat for the back door.

  Victoria had a cinnamon bun and some more coffee waiting for me when I stepped through the door. It was so warm and wonderful. I shrugged off my coat and left my wet shoes at the door. Max drank some water and then stared pointedly at his empty bowl.

  "Poor puppy," Victoria cooed. "No one got his breakfast ready. I'll get it for you and add a little treat."

  Max's ears perked up at the word "treat." He waited eagerly as Victoria put a couple of scoops of dog food in his bowl, topping it off with a crispy piece of bacon.

  "Would you like some bacon and eggs?" she asked.

  "No, I'm good with this," indicating the half-eaten roll in my hand. "It's delicious!"

  "So you're going on a hike with Kyle today?" she asked with a glance in my direction.

  "Yep. What was that look for?"

  "Oh, nothing," she said with a laugh. "It's just he's been the most eligible bachelor on the mountain for this past year since his wife left him."

  I took another sip of coffee. "Yeah, what's the scoop there?"
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  "Nothing very exciting. She wanted a life in the big city, and he didn't. I will say that I think he is very old-fashioned and stuck in his ways. If he'd have compromised a little more, he might still be married."

  I thought about that. The reason I wasn't married is because the one time I'd gotten close I'd been asked to compromise my musical ambitions. I had to respect his integrity.

  "Seems like he wanted a certain kind of lifestyle, and she knew it when she married him. Why should he be expected to change now?" I asked.

  Victoria looked surprised. "Marriage is fundamentally a contract in compromise. At least that's how I was raised," she added.

  "Well, I guess that's why I'm not married. When things start getting serious, seems like it's up to the woman to do the compromising."

  Victoria turned off the burner and loaded a truckload of scrambled eggs into a silver chafing dish. "So your Mark, he makes you do all the compromising?" she asked. "Then maybe you should give Kyle a chance."

  I laughed. "No, Mark is definitely the compromiser in our relationship." I felt a little guilty thinking about all the compromising he'd done since meeting me. Maybe that had something to do with his lack of commitment. "Besides, Kyle's just not my type. Although, don't get me wrong, he's definitely attractive."

  "Yes, he is," she agreed. "And he does make a nice little distraction for your visit. Eh?" She wiggled her eyebrows and giggled like a school girl. I couldn't help but laugh too.

  My sister strode into the kitchen with her two boys begging for food behind her.

  "All ready, my little chicks," Victoria called good-naturedly.

  "Oh, thank you so much, Victoria," my sister said as she collapsed into the chair next to me. She grabbed my cup of coffee and took a swig.

  "Hey! Get your own."

  "I will. I just needed a quick fix." Her eyes opened wider. "Wow, that's really good. I barely slept last night."

  I latched on to her last comment. "What was bothering you?"

  She shrugged. "Just kept hearing every little creak. Oh, and there's always Dan's snoring."

  "Nothing else…out of the ordinary?" I prodded.

  She gave me a look. "No, why?"

  "No reason." If I told my sister about my mirror messages, she'd organize a séance or something. And Aunt Pearl would tell Victoria to break out her crystal ball. You had to keep an eye out for these kinds of social pitfalls when dealing with my family.

  She made a move to take another drink, and I grabbed my cup before she could get it. She gave me a beseeching look.

  "I'm just tired thinking about all the work I have to do today to get ready for the play. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve!"

  Victoria handed her a cup of coffee.

  "Why are you doing this? Don't you have enough with three kids and a husband?" I asked.

  "Do what?" she replied.

  "The play. Do you really need more stress?"

  "I'm doing it for fun," she insisted. "It's only stressful because you're not helping me."

  Somehow I knew this would all be my fault. "I don't want to do a Christmas play!" I sputtered. "You're manipulating me into it just like when we were kids."

  She glared at me. "You'll still do it right?"

  I threw my hands up and made for the door.

  "Don't be too late from your hike," she called. "We're having a screening of the White Christmas movie at three. We need to firm up the scenes for our first rehearsal."

  Jeez! What a bossy butt!

  I bounded up the stairs to change into my "hiking clothes." Okay, truth was I was more of a stroller than a hiker, but I did have some chunky looking boots that would probably suffice. I also brought a fuzzy white head band to protect my ears and a pair of leather gloves. Thankfully, as I opened the door my room showed no signs of entry or haunting. No new messages on the mirror either. I grabbed my clothes and toiletries and dashed down to the main bathroom.

  Ten minutes later I was dressed, and my hair was fluffed. I was even sporting a swipe of mascara and lip gloss. I settled into a nook of the cheery living room to practice Christmas songs—ugh!—on my guitar. How did I get talked into these things?

  A few peaceful moments passed, and then I heard the shuffling of feet and the scrape of a walker on the stairs. Followed by:

  "Git outta my way you old fart!" That would be Granddaddy, of course.

  "Don't rush me, Hacker. You have the manners of an ape!" cried Uncle Grover.

  "Now, boys, be nice," cooed Mammaw.

  "You push me Hacker, an' I'll knock your block off!" warned Aunt Pearl.

  It usually took two people to get Mammaw and Aunt Pearl up the stairs, but they did alright coming down on their own.

  They appeared in the doorway looking like a decrepit bunch of Little Rascals.

  "Where's yer sister?" Granddaddy asked. "We got bid'ness to discuss."

  The Grands nodded.

  "We have decided we'd like to be in the play. I was Romeo in my high school production of Romeo and Juliet," Uncle Grover said proudly.

  "Probably wore tights and ladies' drawers," Granddaddy snorted.

  "It was a play, not a ballet." Uncle Grover stared down his nose at Granddaddy.

  Aunt Pearl waved them off. "Shut your traps, you two," she ordered. "We want to do the Army scene. You know the one where they sing about how they miss the army and do that little dance number?"

  I really didn't and was surprised that they did.

  "We've been watching it on Mammaw's iPad. We're off to a good start, if I do say so," added Uncle Grover.

  When did Mammaw get an iPad? And what was she using it for?

  Memories of Aunt Pearl borrowing my laptop last summer made me cringe. It had taken me a month to get all the porn sites to quit popping up.

  "We're going to lip sync to the music, so all we have to do is get the dance down right," explained Mammaw. "I used to be quite a dancer you know."

  "You did the hula. Ain't no hula's in the movie," Granddaddy said.

  "She can do the hula if she wants," said Aunt Pearl. "Don't wanna hear none of your lip Hacker."

  Before they could come to blows, I pointed them towards the kitchen and assured them Ashley would work it all out.

  Diana one. Ashley zero. Ah, sisterly love.

  * * * * *

  It had started to snow again when Kyle arrived at nine to pick me up for our hike. I was waiting on the porch, dodging my sister's attempts to measure me for the gown she hoped to find at the town's consignment shop.

  "You look like a snow bunny," Kyle said, giving me a peck on the cheek. He still looked like Grizzly Adams.

  "Thought you were shaving off your beard?"

  He smiled ruefully. "Trying to keep it just a little longer. I can't believe I let your sister talk me into shaving."

  "She's gotten the best of us. I spent the morning practicing Christmas carols." I sighed.

  He opened his truck door for me, and I climbed up into the surprisingly luxurious cabin. "This is some truck," I said looking at the leather seats and dashboard bells and whistles.

  "Lindsey bought it the month before she left. She took my paid-off Toyota and left me with this thing. My mortgage is less. But it's not worth trading in yet."

  He didn't seem bitter. More annoyed than anything. "So were you surprised when she left?"

  He pulled onto the main road that headed into town.

  "Nope," he said with a sigh. "I saw it comin' a mile away. At least it wasn't for another guy. We still talk every week. I worry about her being in Philly by herself."

  Still talking to his ex after a year? Something was a little strange here.

  "I'm surprised to hear that you're so close to your ex-wife," I said as diplomatically as possible.

  He glanced over at me. "I don't want you to get the wrong idea. We're definitely through." He nodded his head as if to confirm it to himself.

  "So when was the divorce final?"

  Silence.

  "It's not final yet, i
s it?" I asked.

  He shook his head. "I went to a lawyer and got the ball rolling, but I guess I've been dragging my feet ever since. And she doesn't do well with details, so I expect she won't file either."

  "Have you seen her since she left?"

  "Nope. It'll be a year tomorrow."

  "She left you on Christmas Eve?" I stared at him with my mouth open. Talk about a nightmare before Christmas.

  "It was tough," he said quietly.

  I sat quietly as he parked the truck in front of the tiny post office.

  Before I could open the door, he had hopped out and was pulling it open for me.

  I smiled. I liked old-fashioned guys.

  "I just want you to know that I am ready to move on with my life. Meeting you has made me realize what I've been missing out on this past year."

  Uh-oh. "Kyle, I think I should warn you that I'm already seeing someone."

  Kyle sighed. "Jake told me you were seeing someone. I just thought maybe it wasn't serious because he wasn't with you for Christmas." Wow, when you put it that way, it sure didn't sound good. I took a deep breath and followed him into the post office. It was as old-fashioned on the inside as it was on the outside. A wizened old lady of at least eighty bustled about the small iron cage of her window.

  "Well, I'll be. Looks like you've caught yourself a snow bunny Kyle!" she cried.

  I smiled politely. Kyle blushed and then introduced me, ending with why we were there.

  "Well ya don't say Brandy's back in town! An' yer her girl." She shook her head and made tsking sounds. "Now that was quite a story back in the day. Poor thing. But Babs was always a wild child. So 'course she married the craziest man she could find. Not that he wasn't handsome, and he had a certain charm I'll admit." She winked at me. "But Bab's husband had a love of the liquor, and there weren't nothing he loved better. I wasn't surprised when he high-tailed it outta here after her death. But we haven't seen him 'round these parts in over forty years. What makes you think he's here?"