You Before Me

by Lindsay Paige

  Slowly, I come back up and take him into my mouth. Gabe's hand goes to the base of my neck. I don't need him to guide me though. With a careful ease, I lower myself more and more until I can't without gagging. He's taut and salty in my mouth. When I suddenly suck in and Gabe curses, I've never felt so good about this in my entire life. I work him with my hand and mouth until a hot squirt hits the back of my throat, causing Gabe to mutter something incoherently. Watching him watch me, I pull away, lick my lips deliberately and lazily before swallowing.

  He shakes his head slightly, but there's a faint smile on his lips. As I crawl to lay next to him, how spent I am hits me. Just as I get comfortable in his arms, my phone blares from the kitchen.

  “Damn it,” I whine. “I don't wanna get up.”

  Gabe chuckles. “I'll go get it.”

  He leaves, and I hear him answer it for me, returning seconds later with the phone held out to me. A glance at my screen tells me it's Viv.

  “Hey, what's up?” I ask as Gabe gets back into bed.

  “You've slept with him, Ryan?!” she yells and I flinch. I didn't think he'd remember, but I guess he did. Why would he mention that to her anyway? “Damn it, Ryan. How am I supposed to even get to know a guy if you've slept with half the men on campus?! I don't want him if you've had him.”

  “What are you trying to say, Viv? How did this even come up?”

  “He was buzzed and made a comment about how he fucked you and how we should have a threesome!” She calms down as she takes a deep breath. “You're my friend, Ryan. All I meant is that I would feel a lot better about seeing or sleeping with a guy if I knew you hadn't have slept with them already.”

  “Sorry. Would you like a list?” I joke.

  “No, just warn me next time, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  We hang up, and I glance at Gabe who has fallen asleep. I turn my phone on silent, set it on his bedside table, and cuddle up to him. He immediately tugs me closer. Soon, I drift to sleep.

  * * *

  This time when I wake up, I'm on my side, facing the edge of the bed. An arm suddenly lands on me, and Gabe pulls me against his chest. I try not to move or let him know that I'm awake. I don't want to in turn wake him up. A couple minutes pass before Gabe nuzzles into my neck.

  “You're awake, aren't you?” He mumbles.

  “How'd you know?”

  “You're too still.”

  I laugh. “Sorry. I was trying not to wake you up.”

  “It's time to get up anyway,” he says, and I glance at the clock. It's seven thirty in the morning. “Are you going to let me take over your Me Day? There's some place I want to take you.”

  I roll over in his arms. “Where's that?”

  Gabe shakes his head. “Not telling. You might not go if I tell you. So I'm making it a surprise.”

  A surprise? The kind where if I know beforehand, I wouldn't want to go. “Well, now I'm scared.”

  Gabe laughs, his smile a beautiful thing to see this morning. “Don't worry, Ryan. It's only going to be you and me. We'll have breakfast, showers, and then we'll head out.”

  That's just what we do too. Although, he should have just said shower because we took one together. It's around eleven thirty when we leave. Gabe takes me downtown, and I realize we're going to the art museum. This is where he wanted to take me? He glances at me, looking for a bad reaction, but I'm not going to give him one. If this is where he wanted to take me, then I'll have an open mind. Gabe reaches for my hand and leads me inside when I smile at him.

  “Why did you want to bring me here?” I ask curiously.

  “Honestly?”

  “You can lie if you want,” I laugh, bumping his shoulder. Gabe smiles. “I want to know, Gabe,” I say seriously.

  “I love seeing all the art. It's peaceful and there's just something fascinating about being able to see every stroke on the painting. You'll see what I mean.”

  I sure hope so because I don't want to disappoint him. There are a couple of people strolling around, and we come to the first painting hanging on the wall. It's an image during autumn by the colorful trees, and the sky is a bright blue dotted with clouds. Towards the right side, there is a log cabin nestled into the mountains. Gabe stands next to me, his head tilted as he examines it. I try to see what he sees.

  No doubt it's a beautiful painting. Looking closer, I can see the texture along the surface from the different brush strokes. To think that each individual flourish of the brush made the image as a whole does seem fascinating like Gabe said. We move onto the next one which is a stormy ocean and a lighthouse. This one is stunning. I want to take it home and absorb it all. To take time to appreciate all the colors and details that went into making it look like this. I almost wish I had an artistic talent, so I could create something like that.

  “Wow,” I whisper.

  “You like this one?” Gabe questions.

  “Yeah, I do.”

  He squeezes my hand. “This is my favorite.”

  We move throughout the place, seeing all different pieces of art. But when we come across a large painting that has its own wall, I'm in awe. In a way, it's simple. A painting of fire. Orange, red, white, all mixed together on a black background. I can't even begin to absorb the magnificence of it. After five minutes of me not making a move to go to the next one, Gabe stands behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist, and rests his chin on my shoulder. As if by standing like this, he can see exactly what has me captivated. I'm trying to understand it myself.

  The flames almost seem to be warring with themselves. Haphazardly going this way and that while stretching upwards. I see little flecks of white at the top of the wall, and I'm convinced that the fire is trying to reach for the sky. This one, huge inferno feels like it's battling itself while hoping to stretch to the sky. I wonder if the artist felt angry and lost at being pulled in so many different directions.

  That's what I feel as my eyes rake over each stroke. The raging flames dance with the wind as it's forced to go in whichever different it's being push towards while struggling to rise up to reach its desired destination. It's so much like me. I want to go my own way, but I'm tangled with the coercion of my parents and their hopes for my life. And like the fire battling the unseen hands of the gusts of air, I struggle against my parents. While trying to find a middle ground, I end up fighting myself as well and destroying what's around me. I want to reach the sky. Or at least be a star. It's much calmer up there than down here with the fire.

  I become overwhelmed with all there is, it's too much to take in. Faintly, I know I'll be back to see it again. It spoke to me, and I want to return later to examine it further. Maybe even find answers.

  “This is my favorite. Hands down,” I murmur, not wanting to speak too loudly. I want to tell him more, explain it to him, but I don't think I can. Instead, I turn in his arms to find those brown eyes. “Thank you for bringing me, Gabe.”

  He chuckles. “You're welcome. I'm so happy you've enjoyed yourself, but there's more to see, you know.”

  With a quick kiss, I reluctantly allow him to lead me to the rest of the art. It is relaxing, oddly enough. I never thought I would enjoy something like this. Boring is the first word that would come to mind. Not anymore. When we finish, we head outside and walk a little ways to an Italian restaurant for a late lunch.

  “If you liked that, maybe we can make a trip to Raleigh. They have a large museum up there that I'd love to see,” Gabe tells me with a hint of excitement. He really does love this stuff, and I never would have thought that.

  “Yeah, sure. That sounds like fun.”

  After we've ordered, a seriousness settles over us. I don't particularly like it or want it to be this way. Not today anyhow. Gabe has one hand under the table, his fingers dancing over my knee.

  “Are you still going to major in French?”

  Withholding a groan, I shrug. “I'm not sure if I want to do that anymore. There's too many choices. It's impossible to decide, Gabe.�
�� He gives me a stern, disapproving look, and I feel the need to continue. “French was a rash decision anyway. I made it within a couple days. You would think that after a year of college, I would have more of an idea, but I don't.”

  “Ryan,” Gabe interrupts before I keep going on and on. “Major in French.” His tone is authoritative like when we're having sex.

  “But what if I hate it? Or what if I'm terrible at it?”

  “You have to do it in order to know either of those things.”

  True. He has a point. “Why don't we talk about you?”

  It slightly irritates me when he grins and says, “Let's talk away. What do you want to know or discuss?”

  I narrow my eyes at him, taking a sip of my iced water because this place doesn't have any Sunkist. After thinking about it for a bit, I know just the thing. “Fine. Tell me what your mother was talking about last night when she said you overlook key signs that cause you to get hurt.”

  Gabe loses his smile, and I regret asking him before he even answers. The waiter brings us our dishes. It's not until we've started eating that Gabe tells me. “I sometimes have more faith in people than they deserve. I give them chances they shouldn't have. Because of that, I consequently ignore signs that show they will hurt me in the end. That's all.”

  He seems awfully vague, so I decide to let it go. “Did you play any other sports besides football when you were growing up?”

  “Yeah, I played baseball too.”

  Mm. I could just picture him in a baseball uniform. It's even hotter than the football picture on his mantel. Wonder where that picture is because I want to see it. He's got the perfect ass for those pants.

  “Do you ever wish you hadn't quit tennis?” He asks.

  “No.” I shake my head. “It was too much pressure.”

  “But what if the pressure wasn't there anymore? Would you play again?”

  “I'm probably not that great now. It's been so long.” Why is he asking me this? “I've done a little bit of everything, remember? Tennis, softball, gymnastics, track, swimming, piano, violin, choir, Spanish, dance, theater; you name it, I've probably tried it. Even took a kickboxing class once, but that was too boyish for my parents to handle.”

  Gabe's mouth hangs open slightly. “You weren't exaggerating. Wow.” He sits back in his seat, simmering on what I said. “And you didn't love any of them?”

  I shake my head. “Not really. They all had interesting tidbits that I enjoyed, but to say I loved it? Learning Spanish was probably the closest to that.” Talking about this is bringing me down. All it's doing is making me realize how much I lack passion for any one thing in this world.

  The waiter brings the check and once Gabe has paid, we leave. I brought my things with me, so Gabe could drop me off at home since he has to head into work. The ride is oddly silent, but Gabe speaks once we pull into the parking lot of my apartment complex.

  “Don't worry so much about it, Ryan. You'll find that one thing that makes you tick. Promise.”

  I give him a half smile. “Thanks. I had fun, so thanks for that too.”

  “I'll see you sometime. I'm going to be working a lot the next couple weeks, especially with Halloween, so I'm not sure when I'll be able to see you again.”

  “Don't work too hard, Gabe. Later.” I lean over the console, give him a lingering kiss, and then head up to my place.

  I've got a lot of homework to do, and I need to make a decision on my Halloween costume.

  Chapter Nine

  Gabe

  Work has been crazy and stressful. I've been working practically nonstop for two weeks, and tonight is going to be the craziest of all thanks to Halloween. However, I do have tomorrow off. Finally. And I haven't seen Ryan since the weekend she stayed at my house. I haven't really talked to her all that much either. Not that I haven't wanted to, but because of transfers and a recent firing, we're all working overtime to make up for being without a couple of people. I'll be ready when they hire someone.

  Tonight, my partner, Fredrick, and I are patrolling downtown. Halloween brings out all the crazies. We're nearby for any fights or disturbances or anything that we may be called for. There are a couple others in the area as well. It's almost two in the morning, and we're parked along the street after getting some coffee.

  The sidewalks are filled with people in costumes, most probably bouncing from club to club. Half of them are drunk. Just as I wonder what Ryan may be doing tonight, Fredrick says something inappropriate, which he does often.

  “Holy shit. Look at her. What I would do to get with her. Man.” He shakes his head at the pair of girls walking past us.

  When I look, I see that it's Ryan. She's with Viv, who is dressed as a nurse, and it looks like she's some sort of sexy saloon girl from a western or something. There's a feather boa dangling from her neck to match her black and red outfit. The “dress” barely covers her ass or her breasts for that matter and she's wearing black stockings that stop mid thigh. They are stumbling down the sidewalk, laughing. She's obviously drunk even though she's underage. It shouldn't surprise me because when I first met her, she was hungover.

  “Damn,” he whistles as she tumbles forward, her ass showing, and Viv barely catches her.

  “Shut up,” I grit, suddenly feeling very possessive over Ryan. I do not want him to talk about her, especially not like this.

  “What?” he asks, oblivious. “She's hot. They both are, but redheads are supposedly crazy in bed.”

  “Will you stop?” I mumble before getting out. I hear him asking why, but shutting the door cuts him off. He scrambles after me.

  “Ryan,” I call out before they get too far. Her giggle is loud, but they turn.

  “Gabe! Are you my birthday present?” she yells in one big slur. Birthday present? It's Halloween. How drunk is she?

  “You know this chick?” Fredrick says as he finally catches up to me.

  “Yeah, I'm dating her.” I hear him say “oh” right before we reach the girls. “Woah, hey, Ryan.” She clumsily wraps her arms around me.

  “Best present ever!” she yells into my ear. Ryan sloppily kisses my neck. “You coming home with us?”

  “Is that where you're going?”

  “Yep! Well, we can't find my car, and we know we don't need to drive, so we were going to sleep there. See? Drunk but smart, Gabe!”

  “Fredrick and I will take you home. Come on. Fredrick, help her please,” I say, referring to Vivian.

  “Should we be doing this?” He asks skeptically.

  “Help her,” I snap. He isn't about to question me right now. Ryan's hands start to wander down my chest as she mumbles something about missing me. “Ryan,” I tell her softly, grabbing her hands. “We need to walk.”

  “Always a downer. Damn goody-good. Let's walk then!”

  Once I wrap an arm tightly around her waist, it's like Ryan gives up. She leans into me completely and lets me lead her to the car. We get them both into the back seat, Ryan mumbling to Viv about her birthday. Surely, it's not her birthday. For one, she is drunk on Halloween, so maybe she's just wanting it to be her birthday. Wouldn't she have told me that today is her birthday? I could have tried harder to get off work to do something with her or bought her something had I known before right this second.

  As we head to her apartment, the mumbles cease. I glance in my rearview mirror to see that they are leaning on each other, asleep. Great. It's going to be fun getting them up those stairs and into the apartment.

  “I'm, uh, sorry about what I said,” Fredrick tells me.

  “Don't worry about it. Just help me get them up to her apartment when we get there, and I'll forget you ever said it.”

  When we get to the complex, I wonder what Ryan was talking about. Her car is here, so they didn't drive downtown. She wouldn't have ever found her car because it wasn't there. What trouble would they have gotten into if we hadn't have seen her?

  Fredrick helps me wake them up enough to get them out of the car. He walks behi
nd me with Viv as we go up to her place.

  “So sweet,” Ryan whispers.

  “You owe me,” I tell her, although she probably won't remember tomorrow. “Is today really your birthday?” I can't help but ask.

  “Yes. That's what I said, Gabe.” She laughs softly. “Funny, right? I was born on Halloween and I'm my parents' worst nightmare. How fitting.” Ryan starts giggling like it's actually funny.

  It kills me when she says things like that, but I know what she means. I've seen it firsthand. I want to ask her why she didn't tell me about her birthday. Instead, I ask where her key is as we reach her door. She reaches into her bra and I remember how she did that when that prick had her up against her door that one night.

  “Safest place,” she says, handing it to me.

  I hold her against me and unlock the door. “Fredrick, we're just going to lay them in her bed and then we're leaving.”

  “Okay.”

  “You know,” Ryan starts. “I could have fucked four different guys tonight. Four.”

  I clench my jaw as we get the girls into bed. “Oh yeah?”

  “Yep. But I didn't,” she sings, shaking a finger at me. “I'm supposed to be behaving, and I would have felt bad. Because of you, Gabe. Are you mad?”

  We pull the covers over them. They look ridiculous in their costumes while they lay in bed. Viv has already passed out. Fredrick leaves wordlessly.

  “No, I'm not mad,” I answer.

  “I didn't tell you about my birthday. Are you mad about that?” Ryan squints her eyes, pulling her brows together as she frowns, looking worried over the possibility that I might be upset with her.

  I lean down and kiss her forehead. “No, not mad. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?”

  She nods, already drifting to sleep. I set her key down on the coffee table and then lock her door from the inside before leaving. She said she didn't sleep with anyone, her four available guys, but it still bothers me. We haven't declared exclusivity to each other or anything. The simple thought of how she had been pursued by someone other than me tonight is irritating. And not just one person. Four people. I know her better than them, right? She talks to me, tells me about the more serious things in her life. That means something, doesn't it?