Circus

by Cameron Jace

  “She is insane,” Number 7 said. “Insane people think they can save the day. If she only knew what’s in store for her.”

  Number 9 and Number 7 watched Inspector Dormouse open the main gate to the vacant Garden of Cosmic Speculation. Everyone seemed to hesitate to enter, but not the girl. Alice stepped forward, standing by the threshold.

  Chapter 37

  The Garden of Cosmic Speculation, Dumfries, Scotland

  Time remaining: 13 hours, 30 minutes

  I stand before the gate to the garden.

  I stiffen. The haze in my head returns. I am a little dizzy again. It’s as if I am about to remember something but can’t quite cross the threshold of blocked memories.

  The garden looks endless from here, with all its bumps and turns. Its grounds, mostly green, seem bright against the cloudy sky above. There is a vast land that looks like a chessboard in the distance, the one I saw in the pictures. A little farther is what looks like a huge DNA helix, made of silver. Farther beyond, I see the sparkling waters of a river.

  A sudden feeling of being seven years old again overwhelms me. I want to run the distance. Aimlessly. Irresponsibly. So happy without a specific reason to be. I want to sing all the songs, jump up and down, and declare my existence. I want to be whoever I want to be without even considering the consequences.

  I want to own the world again, to be a child all over again.

  But the place is the weirdest piece of art I have ever seen, too. It’s like an awesome roller coaster where you can’t help but wonder if it’s going to kill you. Its vastness, as beautiful as it is, scares me, though.

  I swallow hard, holding to the gate, as I remember the March Hare’s warning. He told me something was really wrong with this garden, and so has the Pillar. But the March Hare was specific about it: I have to stay away from the circus.

  “Do you know what the Snail Mound looks like?” The Pillar stands behind me, sharing my view into the garden.

  “It’s a spiral green hill, overlooking one of these rivers,” I say. “I should not waste time and start looking for it.” I turn and face him. “I want my bag with the housemaid dress, the gloves, and the fan.”

  The pillar hands my backpack over. “Want your umbrella, too?”

  “Nah, I’ll stick with what that so-called Hatter led me to collect. Let’s see what this is all about.”

  “Great,” Inspector Dormouse says. “Let’s look for the rabbit with the bomb. My men will spread all over the place.”

  “I’ll be with you as well,” the Pillar says.

  “I don’t mind, but we’ll have to spread to find it faster. And I’d prefer to take my route alone.”

  Why I don’t trust the Pillar now, I have no idea. But all the warnings must have some truth to them. I try not to think too much about it.

  I remember the so-called Hatter said only Mary Ann can find the rabbit. And I am supposedly Mary Ann.

  But why am I Mary Ann? I guess I will find out.

  I take a deep breath, as if I am about to take a dip in the ocean of the unknown, and step inside.

  Chapter 38

  The Garden of Cosmic Speculation, Dumfries, Scotland

  Time remaining: 13 hours, 06 minutes

  While Inspector Dormouse’s men spread through the garden, I take my own route, curious about a few tiger lilies over a hedge. I follow them up and down the hills, as they flare their orange hue onto the place.

  But they don’t lead me anywhere specific.

  Then there are a few other flowers with petals that look like mouths. They remind me of the roses in Lewis Carroll’s book, talking to Alice and making fun of her.

  I still can see the police flashing their lights in the distance. Deep inside, I don’t want to totally lose them. I glimpse the Pillar too. He is sitting over a hill with a bag of carrots.

  Still walking, I wish I could glimpse a memory hidden deep in my brain—maybe between the right and left part, like Professor Jittery said. I realize I really like this man.

  If parts of this garden are from the real Wonderland then I should remember something, or so I like to believe.

  But nothing comes to me. I am just a stranger in a garden I have never been too before. I am a stranger, even to myself.

  There are a few thick trees that block the view. A few hedges and turns where someone could easily hide. I begin to hear birds humming all around me. That’s when I realize I am too far from the rest.

  Looking back, I can’t see any of them.

  The wind swirls around as the sky above dims. Is it going to rain?

  Be brave, Alice. You have a job to do.

  But how am I supposed to spot the rabbit in here?

  It dawns on me how foolish I am, looking for a rabbit in such a huge place. Really?

  Then I hear something hopping next to me.

  When I turn to look, the sound disappears.

  Then it returns. This time I’m sure it’s an animal. I hear it nibbling on something.

  Feverishly, I follow the sound, detouring from one tree to another.

  Hot. Cold. Then hot again.

  Where is it?

  I realize I better stay put, so I can locate the sound’s source.

  When I do, I realize the animal is right next to me, only hiding behind a tree branch.

  It’s a white rabbit with black, beautiful, and curious eyes. It’s nibbling on a carrot, which isn’t good, since the Hatter told the children that carrots would expedite the bomb’s explosion. I pad toward it, ever so slowly, from behind.

  How am I supposed to catch a rabbit if it runs away?

  Slowly, I turn back, wishing a police officer were looking my way. They brought those huge nets along. I could use one of them to catch it.

  But none of them are nearby.

  And it’s not a good idea to summon them. My voice will scare the rabbit away.

  Slowly, I take my shoes off and pad closer, only to scare myself when I hear the rabbit ticking. It is the rabbit we’re looking for.

  Stupidly, a notion urges me to stretch out my hands and try to catch it.

  The rabbit’s eyes almost pop upon seeing me. It abandons the carrot and flees.

  I run like a maniac after it, memories of the Alice in Wonderland book flashing before my eyes. I find it odd that I am chasing a rabbit at the age of nineteen. But I run.

  Run, Alice, run!

  The rabbit hops in panic. I chase it like a mad girl, my back bent forward, hands stretched out.

  “I found it!” I yell, but it seems like no one’s hearing me.

  Hedge after hedge, one tree trunk after another, I chase what I came for. A rabbit with a bomb.

  I fall to my knees, not knowing what I’ve hit.

  I stand up again and look for the rabbit.

  Dammit. Where is it?

  There it is! Sly and cute little white and curvy thing. With all its innocence, it doesn’t have any idea how explosive it is at the moment.

  I follow it, but it’s still faster.

  “I found it, people!”

  Finally, someone replies, asking where I am. How am I supposed to know where exactly I am in this endless garden? Can’t they tell from my voice?

  I must be deeper into the garden. Deeper into Wonderland.

  I manage to sprint faster, bigger strides. I am about to catch the rabbit, I think. Here it is. Just right there. I spread my hands. It’s only an arm length away. Here...

  Then the rabbit suddenly disappears. Like a flash.

  How? It’s as if an alien force sucked it into space. It all happens so fast.

  I try to stand still and think. Not a good idea.

  I fall.

  The ground underneath me gives in, and I freaking fall.

  I am sliding deep down into a hole. A big one. A deep one. I’m falling forever down there. Flapping my hands and legs and looking at the rainy sky through the hole’s opening above me.

  I can’t believe this is happening. It’s a long fall. Will I bre
ak my neck and die?

  On my way down, I see the rabbit flapping its arms and legs in midair next to me. Its ears straight up, a look of surprise in those beautiful eyes.

  I realize that I want to save it. Now, why would I care about it, not knowing my own fate?

  But I do.

  I manage to catch the rabbit while I am falling. I hug it dearly, trying to assure it everything is going to be all right.

  “It’s going to be okay.” I can’t believe I am saying that. “Trust me, it’s going to be—”

  But it isn’t.

  My back hits the ground at the bottom of hole. The haze surrounds me again, and this time I remember something. Many things, actually.

  The first thing I remember is the March Hare and the Pillar telling me how wrong this chase felt. And they were right. I think whoever that Hatter is, he planned all of this meticulously to get me into the hole. Into the rabbit hole, like Alice did in the book.

  What I remember next is more important, because it’s an actual memory. It’s of Mary Ann. I see her in my mind’s eye. She is on the floor, but I can’t see her face. Two loony figures surround her, and... they’re trying to hurt her.

  All memories end abruptly when my backpack drops straight down on my face. It hurts so much, and I think I’m going to fade into oblivion.

  Chapter 39

  Outside the Garden of Cosmic Speculation, Dumfries, Scotland

  Time remaining: 12 hours, 01 minutes

  Number 9 was still watching from his binoculars when Alice fell into the rabbit hole. A broad smile animated his face.

  “She fell?” Number 7 asked.

  “She did.” Number 9 nodded. “Deep into the rabbit hole.”

  “Finally!” Number 7 blew out a sigh. “Should we make the call now?”

  “I think so.” Number 9 lowered his binoculars and pulled out his cell phone. He dialed the number and said, “The girl is in the hall, closer to the circus. Waiting for further instructions.”

  Number 7 watched him listen to the person on the other line then hang up. “So?” he asked.

  “The Man with the Hat says our job is done. We should be going,” Number 9 said. “He’ll take it from here.”

  “Boy, if this girl only knew what she was up to.”

  Chapter 40

  Alice’s Dream

  I am in the rabbit hole, but my mind isn’t there with me.

  I am dreaming.

  Remembering, maybe?

  Jack is sitting opposite me at the table in the Fat Duck restaurant. I just told him he was a figment of his own imagination.

  How I hate myself for doing this, now that I see how shocked he is.

  “What are you talking about, Alice?” He tries to muster a smile. “No one’s a figment of their own imagination.”

  I hold back the tears. His face goes pale, and I think he’s going to throw up. The truth seems to crawl on him slowly, but he is resisting believing it.

  “You are, Jack.” I hold back the tears. “Trust me, you’re the best thing that happened to me in this world, but I can’t lie to you any longer.”

  “Lie to me about what?” He loosens his necktie, hardly breathing.

  “I killed you.”

  “Don’t be silly.”

  “In the bus accident, don’t you remember?”

  “Am I supposed to remember how I died after I supposedly died?” He lets out a painful chuckle.

  “You’ve got a point,” I say. “It’s complicated. But your name isn’t even Jack. It’s Adam J. Dixon.”

  This seems to throw him off the most. His name makes him realize he shouldn’t be here, that he should step over to the other side of this life.

  He slumps deeper into his chair, defeated, pale like the dead. “I remember,” he murmurs.

  “I’m sorry,” I say. “I’m really sorry. But if I don’t let you go, you will not have a good afterlife. You don’t have to stay in this world and be my guardian.”

  “Why, Alice?” His moist eyes look into mine. “Why did you do it?”

  “You mean the killing?”

  He nods.

  “I don’t remember.” I can’t stop the tears anymore.

  “You said I had to die. I seem to remember glimpses of it now,” Jack says. “You said all of us on the bus had to die! Why?”

  No words escape my throat. I am both crying and ashamed. I’m Alice’s frustration, mutinied by misery, repeated over and over again.

  And the irony is that I don’t even know why. “It doesn’t matter, Jack. You need to let go.”

  “I loved you, Alice,” he says. “I would have died for you.”

  I can’t comment on this. He already died for me—in a way. Who gives away a love like that? I mean, the boy died and died again for me. He loves me unconditionally, if not borderline silly. He almost thinks about nothing but me.

  “Let me stay,” he begs. “I don’t want to go. I still want to make sure you’re going to be okay.”

  “That’s not fair, Jack. You can’t stay because of me.”

  “I think I also want to stay to protect you from something.” He looks more confused than ever. “I can’t remember what it is, though.”

  “You’re dead, Jack. I killed you once, and I have to kill you twice,” I say with all the bluntness I can muster. It hurts so deep inside I feel like I’m going to tear apart, blood will spatter out of my veins, and my brains will explode like a watermelon on crack.

  “Don’t do it, Alice.” He reaches for my hand. I pull away. I hate my hand, and I hate myself. “This Pillar... he isn’t what you...”

  I close my eyes, wishing he’d disappear when I open them again. Goodbye, Jack. I hardly remember you, but I know deep inside, somewhere between the layers of my heart and soul, somewhere in the middle of my brain, that I love you more than anything in the world.

  But I have to let you go, because you’re probably not there in the first place.

  Chapter 41

  The Garden of Cosmic Speculation, Dumfries, Scotland

  Time remaining: 12 hours, 07 minutes

  My eyes flip open to a terrible ache in my body. My back is strangely arching upward. I feel like I have landed on a bed with a thick mattress.

  I look up, but there is nothing to see. I wonder if the hole has been closed or if it’s so far away I can’t even glimpse it.

  It’s all pitch black around me, as if I am buried in a grave.

  Where am I?

  Well, I know I am underground, but where?

  One sentence comes to my mind: Alice’s Adventures Underground.

  When I try to move, my body aches harder, but it’s not that bad. I don't think I broke any bones.

  The place smells of dirt, and the rabbit I was chasing is absent. I should at least hear its voice if it is still here. Could something have happened to it? I remember holding it in my arms before I fell. If I am not hurt then the rabbit should be safe, too.

  I cough a couple of times before I reach for my phone. I get it and use its screen as a flashlight.

  I point it upward, but I still can’t see the opening of the hole. Down here, there is only dirt on both sides. I’m in what looks like a round room made of brick, maybe at the bottom of a tower. And it doesn’t look like there is a way out, unless the light from my phone isn’t reaching far enough.

  I stand up and point the light at where I fell. It is a bed, like I thought, with one hell of a thick mattress.

  I yell for help a couple of times but I get no reply.

  Then it occurs to me to check the time on my phone. It’s almost midnight. Have I been unconscious for more than two hours? Why haven’t the police picked me up yet? It shouldn’t have been hard to find the hole. It’s one big hole.

  My phone rings.

  It throws me off for a second. Then I realize it’s the Pillar. I realize I have twenty-three missed calls from him. I pick it up.

  “Where are you, Alice?” He sounds concerned.

  “I’m undergrou
nd.”

  “What does that mean? We’re looking for you all over the garden.”

  “I found the rabbit, but then followed it and fell into a hole.”

  “A hole?” The Pillar sounds skeptical. “You mean a rabbit hole?”

  “You could call it that,” I say. “I am surprised you didn’t come across it.”

  “This can’t be,” he says. “We’ve been looking for you so long. The police scanned every inch of the garden. They didn’t find you. No holes, either.”

  I point the phone’s light upward again, still unable to see the opening of the rabbit hole.

  “I have no idea what’s going on,” I say. “Wait. Let me use the GPS.”

  “Good idea.”

  I fiddle with my phone and I turn the GPS on, and try to locate my place. At first, I think there is something wrong with it. Everything showing on the map is like nothing I have seen before. There are no streets. No names. Nothing that makes sense.

  “What’s taking you so long?” the Pillar urges me.

  “You will not believe this,” I say, still looking at the GPS on my phone. “My GPS doesn’t show street addresses and coordinates.”

  “I don’t understand. What does it show?”

  “A map.” I want to scratch my head.

  “A map? Of course it shows a map. Now send me your coordinates or just activate your location, because I am not getting any useful info from your phone.”

  “Pillar,” I say firmly, “you don’t understand. It’s a map of Wonderland.”

  Chapter 42

  Time remaining: 12 hours, 05 minutes

  “Alice, that can’t be.”

  “That’s what it says.” I try to zoom out, but it’s impossible. I can’t even log in to other applications on the internet, just look at this GPS and talk to the Pillar. “It says my location is the rabbit hole.”

  The Pillar stays silent on the phone. He is as shocked as I am.

  In truth, I’m not as shocked as I am fascinated by the idea: I have a GPS map of Wonderland?