Seeking Our Forever

by Liberty Parker

  “What can I do to make it better?” His tone is one that I think people use when they’re dealing with a crazy person.

  “You and Atticus owe him a special toy. If they go all week long without losing their gold star, they get to pick a prize out of the treasure chest. Because of you and Atticus, he lost his star for the week. You better fix this, Jonas!”

  “What kind of stuff is in this treasure chest?” His face takes on an inquisitive look. This look makes me want to reach across the island and kiss the shit out of his lips.

  “The boys have little matchbox cars and small action figures. He was hoping to get Spiderman this week.” I feel so bad for my little guy. He was really excited about his gold star.

  “I’ll take care of it,” he promises.

  “And when you talk to Mr. Vault, have him give you the fucking sight words.” This time, it’s me who raises my eyebrow in his direction.

  His eyes widen at my words but instead of saying anything, he merely nods. Hmm...interesting how I didn’t have to explain which brother it is I was speaking about. I’m gonna have to question Piper on this one. She’s so blunt and has no quarrels about telling me all of the Nelson family secrets.

  “Good. Glad we got that straight.” I continue making dinner, shutting him out. I’ve got too much shit swirling in my head to deal with him right now.

  Ten

  Raven

  Damien has been moody since last night. He hardly ate any of his dinner or breakfast. I hope we aren’t having a setback. He was doing so well until his gold star was taken from him. Once back at the house, I flop down on the couch in the family room.

  “What’s going on?” Piper asks, looking up from the baby name book she’s perusing. I remember when that was me turning the pages excitedly as I came up with Damien’s name.

  “Damien’s having a rough time right now.” I exhale the breath I’ve been holding what feels like the entire day.

  “Can I ask why? I mean, I know being here can’t be easy, but he seems like a good kid.” I know that she’s asking out of concern for him, but my husband has me on pins and needles when it comes to Damien and his exuberant behaviors. When I look into her eyes, I only see concern and worry. Wanting to ease my new friend’s anxiety, I realize I have to trust somebody sometime. Why not start with Piper?

  I sigh, thinking back to my pregnancy and then his birth. “He was born with a congenital heart defect. Plus, with how his dad treated him, he’s hypersensitive and borders on having obsessive compulsive tendencies. He pushes to be perfect in everything he does and the puppy eating his sight words has him spiraling. Even though Jonas told him he’d call Atticus and get his words so we could make new cards, he’s still upset. Plus, getting in trouble with his teacher for using a word that isn’t bad has him acting out.”

  “How bad is his heart? Will he have to have surgery to repair it? What can we do to get him to relax some?” Her heartfelt questions have me tearing up. Suddenly, I don’t feel so alone.

  “He sees his doctor every six months. Right now, he’s in a holding pattern, but at some point, surgery will be needed. As far as helping him relax, I’m trying the less is more approach.” I worry that my less is more theory may come back and bite me in the butt one day.

  “What the fuck is that?” I giggle at her words, which has the tension that’s been sitting on my shoulders ease up significantly.

  “Well, whenever he starts to get wound up, I talk calmly and redirect him to something else. With the words, I got him involved in training Scooby so that he won’t do something like that again. I also reminded him that Scooby is a puppy and puppies like to chew and if he doesn’t want to lose his stuff, he needs to remember to put it away. He bears some responsibility for them being chewed because he left them on his desk chair last night.”

  “Ah, gotcha. So, what can we do to help?” God, where has she been all of my life. I’ve always dreamed of having a friend—a trustworthy friend like her.

  “If he starts getting wound up, ask him specific questions. Tell him to slow down, because it forces him to think about what he’s saying. Sometimes, that’s enough to cause him to realize that he’s overreacting. It’s a process.” A long...exhausting process, but I don’t say that to her.

  “Raising kids isn’t easy, is it,” she muses, rubbing her baby bump. I grin because thinking of how Atticus was last night over the homework situation makes me think that she’s gonna have her hands so full, she won’t be able to carry anything else.

  “No, it’s not. But you’ve got Atticus to help,” I state.

  Her eyebrows shoot up before she replies, “Somehow, I think he’s gonna be worse than a houseful of kids! He’s a great guy, but I suspect our child’s first words will be, ‘motherfucker, knock it off!’ or some shit.” I can see that because he definitely utilizes his words. All of them do, actually.

  “They sure like to curse a lot.” I say my internal thoughts out loud. But knowing Piper, she’ll take no offense to that statement.

  “They were raised by their dad who was military. No woman around to soften the edges, so to speak.” Something I didn’t know, but I'm tucking away in my mind.

  “And now he’s got you.” She smiles wide at me.

  “I’m definitely more the get shit done kinda girl than the shrinking violet, though.” Something I definitely had already figured out on my own. I didn’t need anyone to tell me that tidbit of information.

  “Ah, a match made in heaven then, right?” I tease.

  Her giggles soon have me laughing and when Destiny walks into the family room and sees us, she questions, “What on earth is going on?”

  “Just talking about the Nelson brothers’ stellar command of the English language,” Piper replies.

  “You mean how they toss the word ‘fuck’ around like it’s every part of speech?” she returns.

  “Exactly. Damien already got in trouble with his teacher for using the word nitwit, for fuck’s sake!” Piper exclaims. I hate to break it to the two of them, but they’re almost as bad as the guys. I foresee many trips to the school in my near future.

  “Well, that teacher’s just an uptight twat then. That’s not a bad word,” Destiny argues. And there she goes, proving my mental point!

  “She’s an older teacher,” I interject. “I’ll be talking to Damien to make sure he knows that there are words that are inappropriate to use at school because I don’t foresee the guys changing their ways.”

  “Yeah, not happening. So, what else is going on?” Destiny asks.

  “I was just filling in Piper on Damien,” I state.

  “Do tell,” she encourages, so I quickly tell her about his medical condition and what I do to try and turn any meltdowns around. “I can get on board with that,” she muses, almost to herself. I don’t know her story, but I gather it isn’t good.

  “I appreciate it. He’s had a lot of changes recently and it has his behavior all over the place.” But if I’m being honest with myself, he’s taking everything that’s going on around us pretty well. Better than I ever thought he’d be able to. He really loves the brothers, which in itself is a shock considering the only male role model he’s ever had petrifies him.

  “So what’s the deal with your husband?” Piper asks. Ah, the million-dollar question.

  “That’s the question of the day, isn’t it? All I can say is I hope that him missing in action means that he’s six-feet underground somewhere...preferably to never be found again.” And that’s the truth if I’ve ever spoken it.

  “Don’t know what the story is, but I hope for your sake, that your wish comes true,” Destiny responds. The light in her eyes dimming as if she’s somewhere else in her mind. I look over at Piper who shakes her head at me, so I dismiss it. We spend the rest of the day cooking, lounging around and talking shit about the guys. I had a blast.

  * * *

  Jonas

  * * *

  Later that evening, we’re all sitting around the dining ro
om table eating the best damn meatloaf that’s ever entered my mouth.

  “You know,” Atticus says around licking his fingers, “it’s been a hot minute since we’ve had a crawfish boil.”

  I sit back and pat my stomach, which was full a minute ago, but is now craving everything that goes into our boils. “Damn, I wouldn’t mind eating some mud-bugs. There’s nothing like sitting around and sucking the juice out of their heads.” About this time, I notice Damien’s eyes go wide and his jaw hangs open.

  “We’re gonna eat bugs! We can do that?” he excitedly asks.

  “Yeah, bud. We sure can,” I answer his question.

  “Momma, what does sucking heads mean? And can I do it too?” he asks Raven. Silas spits out his beer, spraying us all at the table at Damien’s inquisition. Atticus chuckles out loud, then places his fist in front of his mouth and attempts to stop by clearing his throat.

  She glares at me and I give her a wink before saying, “That’s something you’ll learn later on, little man.” I feel the glacial glares from all of the women when I say this to him.

  “Jonas!” she exclaims. Turning to Damien, she says, “There’s a food that some consider a delicacy called crawfish. To eat them, you suck the stuff out of their head.” Well, now my dick’s hard because I can imagine those pouty lips as they stretch over me and suck my head.

  “What is delicacy, Momma?” Damien asks.

  “It means a food that some people might find strange, but others enjoy a lot. Kind of like a lot of Russians enjoy caviar, which is fish eggs.”

  The look on Damien’s face has all of us laughing because he’s holding his throat and gagging. “Caviar’s not that bad, Damien,” I tell him. As long as it’s left in the fucking jar, that is. But in light of my recent screw up, I’m trying to get back on Raven’s good side. Though I have to say, when she lights up, she’s a sight to behold.

  “Well, how soon can we put one of these boils together?” Atticus asks.

  “Tomorrow?” Piper replies. “We can run and grab it and get it ready.” There’s a market downtown that has everything we need when we are in the mood. It’s a one-stop shop which makes every ingredient easier to get.

  “I get to eat bugs tomorrow,” Damien sing-songs, clapping his hands together in glee, cracking all of us up once again.

  “C’mon, bug eater, time for you to take your bath and hit the bed,” Raven says. Fuck, now I’m picturing her spread out on my bed as I feast on her. I need to get laid. The only problem is, she’s the one I want and we’re nowhere near there yet. The thought of any of my former fuck-buddies makes me cringe and my dick lay limp. “You okay, Jonas?” Raven asks when she sees the look on my face.

  “Yeah, babe, just fine.” I discreetly adjust my rock-hard dick and smile at her.

  “Sure you are,” Atticus mocks, smirking at me.

  “Fuck off, asshole,” I reply. There’s no real venom in my voice because I know he’s just being himself.

  Raven shakes her head at us and gets up from the table, grabbing hers and Damien’s plates and taking them into the kitchen. “Say good night, Damien,” she coaches.

  “Good night. I can’t wait to tell my friends we’re eating bugs tomorrow!” he exclaims, running around and giving each of us a hug. I’m not sure who’s more shocked, Raven or my brothers, at his actions.

  Once they leave, the rest of us work to get the kitchen cleaned up. “Gonna head into the cave for a bit,” I tell my brothers. “Need to see if a search I started has yielded anything yet.”

  “Gonna go tap Piper,” Atticus replies, leering at us.

  “She hears you say that and she’s liable to put a cap in yours,” Silas retorts.

  “She loves me too much. She wouldn’t kill me,” he states.

  “Are you positive about that?” I question. “I mean, you’re not the easiest guy in the world to deal with, after all.”

  “Yeah, yeah, talk your game, fuckers. You’re just jealous because I’m getting it regularly and you two only have Rosie Palmer and her five jealous sisters.” At those words my dick completely deflates, I hate my fucking brothers sometimes.

  * * *

  Raven

  * * *

  Once I get Damien into bed, I decide a nice long soak in the tub is in order. I pull the bubble bath from under the sink and as the tub fills to the brim with water and bubbles, I pull my hair up into a messy bun and undress. When I slide down into the water, I let out an exhale and let my body completely relax. When I close my eyes, visions of Jonas in here with me dance in my imagination.

  Jonas slides down in front of me, bubbles rise up to just under his pectorals. He gives me a smoldering look as he lifts up my foot and begins to massage it. I moan loudly at the feeling of bliss that overtakes my entire being. “Jonas, that feels so good,” I whimper.

  “That’s the plan, Raven,” he huskily whispers as he kisses his way up the inner arch of my right foot. My back bows from the intimacy that tingles up my spine. No one has ever paid this type of attention to me before. “Lay back and relax, beautiful.” My whimpers and moans are unintentionally loud, but as he massages his way up my legs, these feelings he evokes in me become more intense. I feel them flow through every inch of me. Both physically and emotionally.

  “Jonas, I’ve dreamt of you touching me like this since the day we met in the parking lot. I never realized your touch would feel so damn good.”

  “If my hands have this effect on you, imagine what my tongue and dick will do to you.” My eyes pop open when I feel his breath on my neck, and I notice that he’s leaning directly over the top of me. My hands reach up and grab the back of his neck, as I pull him down to where our lips brush each other’s, I slip down under the water and reality slaps me in the face. I pop back up from under the water and move my hair from my face. I spit water from my mouth and place my elbows on my knees and wrap my arms around me as far as they can go. Laying my head down on my arms, I sigh in frustration at my situation.

  “Fucking hell, why do I let this man affect me so much?” I berate myself. My husband may be ‘missing’ but I’m still a married woman, and as much as I hate the son-of-a-bitch, I’m not a cheater or a hussy. I won’t cheapen myself to that level. As soon as he’s found, dead or alive— which I’m assuming it’s the first, I can move forward with my life. All of it. I can’t wait to finally be free and able to make my own decisions. Not only for myself, but for Damien, without being scared of the consequences of those choices.

  Lifting my head up, I finally look down at my fingers, I see they’ve begun to prune. “How long have I been here anyways?” Lost in fantasies of a man that isn’t mine isn’t the way I need to conduct myself as a mother and grown-ass woman. The water cooling grabs my attention and I loosen the plug and turn the hot water back on. I need warm water to bathe and shave. Shaking my head at myself for my teenage girl crush, I turn the tap off and clean and groom myself.

  The next morning, I wake hearing whispers above me. “Little man, I think we should let your mom sleep in,” I hear Jonas whisper. I crack my eyes open in time to witness Jonas rushing Damien out of the room.

  “But why’s she naked, Mr. Jonas?” my curious kiddo asks. I look down and notice that I was so tired after getting out of the tub that I collapsed in bed as naked as the day I was born, and I have a boob happily peeking out from under the covers. I let out a squeak and pull the blanket over my head where I can die in humiliation by myself.

  “We’ll let you get dressed in peace,” I hear Jonas croak. I lift one corner of the blanket to where a single eye is present to see him adjusting himself. I moan in embarrassment and pull the blanket all the way back over my head.

  “I’ll be down in a minute,” I squeal out, then clear my throat. “I’m sorry.”

  “Nothing to be sorry about, beautiful. Let’s just say my dreams were nowhere near as perfect as you are.” I hear the door close as soon as the last word leaves his mouth and I throw the blankets back and beat the bed with my
feet.

  “Fuck! Shit! I’ve probably scarred my kid for life. I’m a horrible mother!” Great, now I’m talking to myself. My hands fly up over my eyes as I attempt to hold the tears at bay. “This will be a story I pray he never shares with others. He finds everything so interesting and thinks everything is a good story for storytime to share with his fellow friends and his bitch of a teacher.”

  Fearing that someone may come back into my room, I jump up and rush to the closet and grab a pair of jeans and shirt from the hangers and then grab my intimate items from the dresser. I sprint to the bathroom and close the door. Leaning against it, I say a silent prayer that things aren’t awkward when I make it downstairs.

  Eleven

  Jonas

  It’s been a week since I walked into Raven’s room to wake her at Damien’s insistence. Since then I’ve jacked off to the image of her exposed breast more times than I care to count. At first, she was distant and shy with me, thankfully it only took a couple of days for that to subside.

  The land of the world wide web is what broke the tension. One night after dinner, I talked her into spending some time with me. She and I took up residence on the back porch swing, sipping on Jack and coke, the topic came up, and I once again am amazed with the woman she is. Now, we spend every waking moment alone together, exploring the internet. We’ve begun digging up everything we can on her husband's business dealings and the people he did those with.

  “I can’t believe I was so gullible that I didn’t even realize how much of a slimeball he really was.” She shakes her head as her fingers dance on the keyboard of her laptop.