Connecting Happiness and Success_A Guide to Creating Success Through Happiness

by Ray White

  A few examples of the cues we experience daily include:

  1.Do our peers, supervisor, and colleagues say hello to us or ask about our day?

  2.Does our supervisor review and provide feedback on the work we have done?

  3.Do our peers and supervisor pay attention to our meetings and presentations?

  4.Are we given the autonomy to make decisions and use our best judgment to get the job done?

  5.Do we receive help from our supervisors or peers when we are under a tight deadline or don’t understand how to do something?

  Being aware that we are gathering cues will help bring more objectivity to our thinking process. We can use other information to validate our interpretations. By beginning with a positive mindset that includes a list of reasons why our work has meaning, rather than a list of reasons why it doesn’t, we can be more aware of the positive cues and assign positive motivations to our interpretation of them. This process of positively interpreting the cues will help us find meaning in our work and help us be happier, which will create a positive spiral of better work performance, additional positive cues, and more affirmation of our value.

  Finding your Higher Purpose at work can add happiness to a significant amount of time in your life. Jobs, Careers, Callings, Job Crafting, and Cues, are just a few of the tools you can use to identify and focus on your Higher Purpose at work. In the following chapters we’ll discuss activities to help you add more clarity and definition.

  Chapter 19

  Identify Your Higher Purpose

  “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” Howard Thurman

  Finding meaning in your life and your Higher Purpose requires you to identify it, not search for it. Quitting your job and leaving behind your obligations so you can search for meaning on a trek through the wilderness will most often result in disappointment. Search implies evaluating thousands of options to see what fits best. The assumption is you will “know it when you see it.” Evaluating thousands of options does not give you the opportunity to thoroughly explore each option, and unfortunately you might not “know it when you see it.” You may toss out the meaning that works for you because of a few minor challenges you don’t yet understand, or because of a rush to get to the next option to evaluate.

  Understanding that you are already living according to your values (with some exceptions for mistakes and errors in judgment) and that you are already attempting to do the things that bring you joy and happiness (with exceptions for lack of discipline or knowledge) can make it much easier to identify your Higher Purpose. You already have the hints and indications of your Higher Purpose embedded in what you do every day.

  Identify the values you are living by, or at least aspiring to live by. Identify the areas that are providing you happiness in the short term and long term. Give yourself a break for the mistakes and bad judgment. They are a part of your past but don’t have to be a part of your future. The hints and clues and sometimes clear answers to what your Higher Purpose is will be found in your current and past life. Make elements of how you are currently living the foundation on which you start; then you can make short, strategic explorations into unknown areas for potential clarity of your Higher Purpose.

  I was working with a mentee, Austin, who was considering a different job. He was not progressing as quickly as he would have liked and thought there might be better opportunities at other companies. He started working on his resume and interviewing with other companies, none of which seemed like a good fit. The job search was distracting him from his current job, where his performance was quickly sliding to levels that could result in his being fired. His challenge was not having a clear focus on his Higher Purpose.

  He thought he was unfulfilled because of his job, when in reality, without a clear Higher Purpose, it would be difficult for any job to give him that sense of fulfillment. With a little effort, he was able to identify and focus on his Higher Purpose and find ways to become fulfilled at his current job. His performance improved significantly, and his peers and superiors took notice of his renewed energy. He was able to switch his direction from trying to leave a situation he didn’t like to finding a good fit for his Higher Purpose. This gave him more time to find the right position, rather than just another position. Fortunately, he seems to have identified that his current work is actually a good fit with his Higher Purpose.

  “Man is capable of changing the world for the better if possible, and of changing himself for the better if necessary.” Frankl

  One of our challenges is feeling comfortable with the status quo. We know there may be another path for us. But it is scary to think about making major changes in our life. Following a path that meets the expectations of our friends and families can be very safe. Thinking about straying outside of that path to do what we really want to do can be overwhelming, especially when we are not sure what is a dream and what is a realistic assessment of the possibilities. It requires time (days, weeks, and months) to clarify our values and our purpose. Once we gain that clarity, the decisions will be much easier.

  Once we are sure that “this is what I want to do with my life,” then we can find ways in our current life to fulfill that purpose. That may include taking a new perspective on our work, finding a charity to work with, or playing in a band. Once we are clear on our values and our purpose and we can find ways to live them in our current lives, we can start looking at what obstacles we need to overcome to make our purpose an even bigger part of our lives. We can look for jobs or companies that match our values and enable us to live our Higher Purpose. We can find ways to live more conservatively and reduce our expenses so we will be ready for opportunities to pursue our Higher Purpose. We can also find creative ways to make money doing what will fulfill our Higher Purpose. We don’t have to jump off a cliff with no safety net. For some people, that may work and be a good option; but for many of us, we need to find ways to thoughtfully move toward making our Higher Purpose more prevalent in our lives. I met a friend while vacationing with my family in Wyoming. His first love was art, and his second love was surfing. The problem was, he couldn’t make enough money at either to pay his living expenses.

  He found several jobs where he could work enough hours to live conservatively and still make time for his art and surfing. Eventually he was able to turn his art into a business creating collectible duck decoys that sold for thousands of dollars. He found a niche that provided a healthy income and engaged his passion for art, as well as leaving time for surfing. It didn’t happen all at once, but by having clarity on his purpose and values, he was able to overcome obstacles and find creative solutions that led to a fulfilling life. As a side note, he met his wife while he was on the beach painting. Life came together for him when he pursued his passions.

  Religious and Spiritual Beliefs

  In the search for a Higher Purpose, religious or spiritual beliefs and practices may be one of the best places to start. Spirituality and organized religion provide people with perspective, hope, and a deeper sense of meaning. They provide people with an outward focus instead of an inward focus. They give people something bigger than themselves to make the center of their attention.

  They provide a perspective that there is more to life than what is impacting us at this moment; and life’s ups and downs are part of a bigger picture, so they are not as catastrophic or miraculous as they might seem at the moment. They help us understand the “Why” in our lives. They also provide clarity around values, which is a key ingredient to finding purpose and meaning in life.

  Religious and spiritual beliefs encourage many happiness-building behaviors. They provide a plan for an idealistic future and specify positive behaviors today that will ensure we attain that future. They provide hope when events in our lives are going horribly wrong and help us build resiliency. They provide an opportunity and incentives for connections and positive relationships. They provid
e direction and opportunities to be grateful and to pray, meditate, or otherwise spend time being quiet and calm. They teach us to help other people and support our community. Religious and spiritual beliefs also teach us that we are worthy. Most religions promote that even the most seemingly insignificant individual has value and is worthy of love.

  Science confirms the benefits of religious and spiritual beliefs. Religious people are happier, healthier, and recover better after trauma. People whose religious beliefs prescribe healthy diets and discourage smoking and alcohol use also live longer.

  Research with 103 seniors aged 58 and above found that an intrinsic belief in a religion gave people purpose and meaning in their lives and made them happier. A similar study with 182 people reached comparable conclusions: religious commitment helps provide meaning in life, which in turn helps people be happier. Being authentically committed to religious and spiritual beliefs can provide you with a Higher Purpose.

  Finding Purpose and Meaning in Your Current Actions

  “Hard work is painful when life is devoid of purpose. But when you live for something greater than yourself and the gratification of your own ego, then hard work becomes a labor of love.” Steve Pavlina

  In a conversation with a mentee about his internship, I was told that the work was boring because all he does is complete spreadsheets. Completing a spreadsheet lacks purpose. When we discussed how the spreadsheet would help the company significantly reduce expenses over time, the spreadsheets started to gain purpose and interest. When we connected that purpose to how his unique abilities to produce the spreadsheets made an impact on the organization, he was able to find meaning in his work and a new level of interest. Restating your current tasks to show impact on others and how your unique skills make a difference brings meaning to situations and helps them move from boring to interesting, or even inspiring.

  Activity: Find the purpose and meaning in your actions

  1.In column A, write actions you take every day at work or at home.

  2.In column B, write who they impact, and how it impacts them.

  3.In column C, write the impact of those actions over time.

  4.In column D, write why you are uniquely suited to make that contribution.

  As you can see in the first example below, the current action of “I have to make the coffee” can turn into “I contribute to the success of the company by helping my friends be more awake and get along better because I make great coffee first thing every morning.”

  Tips for Finding Your Higher Purpose

  Higher Purpose and the resulting happiness come from being connected to something bigger than yourself. It is about giving rather than receiving. Many people looking for meaning in their lives find it by losing themselves in causes greater than themselves, such as family, country, team, company, religion, or anything you can identify with and find ways to personally support.

  Start by asking, “How can I be of service or how can I help someone else? How do I help others with the talents, experiences and skills that I have? How can I make the world a better place? How do I plant seeds of greatness in the lives of those around me? How do I make an impact in the circles of influence where I find myself? How does what I do impact people?” A video game programmer helps people have fun. A food service worker helps people have a relaxing, enjoyable meal. A school janitor helps create a clean and safe learning environment for the kids. What are the positive impacts you can have on other people?

  “This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one…” George Bernard Shaw

  Focus on what’s inside vs. outside. A paycheck is external motivation. Helping a coworker is an internal motivation. External motivation, such as getting a paycheck or recognition from our peers, is an important part of our lives; however, the key is to make sure that is not the only form of motivation. What makes you feel good inside? What makes you feel peaceful and fulfilled? Helping another person or making an impact on the goals of your company or team provide internal rewards and fulfillment that lasts.

  Another opportunity to find your Higher Purpose is to meet the people you are helping. If you work at an agency, meet and get to know your clients. At a restaurant or store, meet and get to know your customers. If you work at a large business, go sit with the customer service team and listen to customer calls or ride with a salesperson.

  Our Higher Purpose can be related to our dreams. We all have dreams of what we want to be or do, but we often ignore them or hide them away because they seem impossible or unreasonable. We should uncover them and explore them. Find out how they are related to other people. Knowing our dreams can help us define what will provide meaning in our lives.

  Don’t limit your thinking to one Higher Purpose in only one part of your life. You can have more than one Higher Purpose, and each can be related to your work, family, religion, hobbies, etc. Creating a great environment for your kids and contributing to team accomplishments at work can both fit into your life. Experiment with different types of Higher Purposes in different areas of your life.

  Your Higher Purpose can also change. Life events, like getting married or divorced, having kids, or changing jobs, can be catalysts for stopping and reconsidering your Higher Purpose or asking yourself “Why?” As your life changes, so will the ways you find meaning.

  “If you can’t figure out your purpose, figure out your passion. For your passion will lead you right into your purpose.” Bishop T.D. Jakes

  Combine your passions, strengths, and values to find meaning and purpose. Your strengths are what make you unique and what you uniquely bring to the table. Martin Seligman writes that a meaningful life includes a lot of positive feelings, the ability to amplify those feelings, the use of your signature strengths to obtain abundant gratification, and the use of your signature strengths for something bigger than yourself.

  To help you find your Higher Purpose, identify those times when you feel truly happy. When you are contented rather than excited and thrilled. What are those things you do every week that you are passionate about? What are the things that give you an almost irrational sense that you can’t give up. For what types of activities do you say “I love to do that; it gives me such joy and fulfillment”?

  Activity: (Pick Two)

  1.Pretend you are 100 years old and explaining to your great-grandchildren what is important in life. What would you tell them about your life? What lessons would you tell them you learned?

  2.Find someone who you feel has meaning in his or her life. Where does the meaning come from? How can you use that person as an example?

  3.What does your gut say? When you take the time to think deeply, what idea or concept keeps popping up and then gets buried again because it is not realistic? Who is that one person you can share this crazy idea with?

  4.Make a list of your values. What can you do that will help you fulfill those values?

  5.What are the things in your life that give you energy? How can you do more of those?

  Here are some more examples of Higher Purposes that were posted on the Internet:

  My life purpose is to live and mentor an authentic, adventurous, spiritual life, while being a catalyst for positive change.

  With friendship and affection, I will interact with others to improve my home life and obtain pleasure and recognition.

  My purpose in life is to serve others in a balanced and flexible manner in areas of health in such a manner that I get feedback on improvement.

  I want to be a spokesman for wildlife issues and help people connect their daily actions to saving the wildlife on this planet.

  My purpose is to teach under-privileged children the keys to success and how to become young and successful entrepreneurs by igniting their ambition to change their lives.

  My purpose is to grow nutritious, organic food that helps people grow and thrive and have vibrant health. I want to use my skills as a grower to build a sustainable farm that educates as well a
s feeds people, and builds a community of like-minded organic growers and consumers.

  My purpose is to build awesome custom bikes that win mountain bike and speed competitions. I will use my talent for design, prototyping and customizing to dream up, develop, test, refine, build and sell world-class cycling equipment.

  My purpose is helping distressed homeowners refinance their mortgages and become better financial consumers by understanding the real details behind home buying, credit ratings and approvals, and secured debt. I want to use my analysis and coaching skills to help people stay in their homes and keep their dream of owning their own home alive.

  My purpose is to design and build beautiful wood desks, elegant computer cabinets and amazing dining tables. I will use my eye for detail and my intuitive sense of old-world styling and craftsmanship to make custom furniture that evokes traditional styles with modern functionality.

  Remember, you are looking for your Higher Purpose and not someone else’s. You don’t have to impress anyone or get anyone’s approval. Your Higher Purpose doesn’t have to be related to your work, and you can have more than one. Most importantly, you can change it if it doesn’t feel right or if your life circumstances change. Don’t stress over it, and don’t worry about getting it perfect. Just try something and keep trying until you feel good inside and can smile when you think about it.