Dark Without You

by Sue Lyndon

  “Are you just in town for tonight’s show?” Andy asked. “Rich passed out before I could ask.”

  Alice’s eyes widened, and her lips parted slightly. “No, I’ll be staying with you guys for a while.” Her eyebrows narrowed, as if she were thinking. “I don’t have anything to do for a few weeks, so Rich invited me.”

  A few weeks? A flicker of hope gave Andy pause. The prospect of spending time with Alice gave him something to look forward to. She was different from the other girls on the bus, the groupie chicks who stayed for no more than two or three weeks at a time. Right now, there were five different girls between Rich, Derrick, Paul, and Aaron. Andy wasn’t even sure who belonged to whom. He never shared a room with any of them, but he didn’t doubt that they mixed and matched. But Alice’s presence brought a sense of normalcy to the whole situation. She would be his kindred spirit for the duration of her stay.

  “Welcome to the tour.” He smiled and gave her leg a squeeze.

  Alice blushed and smoothed an errant strand of hair behind her ear. “Thanks. I’m looking forward to the concert tonight.”

  Andy studied the beautiful woman he’d known as a child. Wondering if she’d outgrown her stubborn streak, he remembered all the times he’d played big brother to keep her out of harm’s way. Alice had been worse after her parents died. Since Rich had been consumed by work, Andy had kept a watchful eye on her. This added a dynamic to their relationship that Andy couldn’t help but love. Back then, their age difference was the only thing that had kept him from claiming Alice as his. He felt like a predator now as his eyes roved over her body.

  The taxi jerked to a stop inside the theater lot where the tour bus waited, drawing Andy out of his mental lapse into the past. Come 9:00 p.m., the lot would be packed full and he’d be stepping on stage for a two-hour set. He tried to remember if this venue was sold out. Rich had probably told him, but life was such a blur on the road that most things flew right in and out his ears. The taxi ride from O’Hare had moved in slow motion compared to the rest of Andy’s life though. Something about this woman heightened his senses and made him slow down to appreciate every little moment.

  Alice looked over her shoulder, her hair bouncing lightly. “You all right?” She had one leg out the door.

  Andy snapped back to reality and focused on Alice’s face…and breasts…and legs. From somewhere in the distance, a cab driver was speaking. Andy handed him some money and raced like a fool to retrieve Alice’s bags from the trunk.

  “Are you sure you’re not the one who’s drunk?” Alice teased after the taxi sped off.

  “Yes, I’m sure. Although I could use a drink right now,” he said calmly. “Everyone in the bus is probably still asleep. There’s a bar two blocks away. We could get a late lunch there too. Have you eaten yet?” He looked down at Alice with a gentle smile.

  “Just airplane food, but I didn’t actually eat it.” She wrinkled her nose in a way that made her freckles stand out. “I’d love to grab lunch—and a drink.”

  Andy’s breathed a mental sigh of relief, and he keyed open the bottom storage compartment to shove Alice’s bags inside. “Great,” he said. “Let’s go.” She accepted his arm, her sweet lavender scent teasing him all the way to the bar.

  As they walked together, the light she projected chased away the cold darkness of the past few weeks. By the time they reached the bar he was reluctant to release her arm. Before today he’d felt like he was suffocating, but her mere presence breathed new life into him as if she were the antidote to his despair.

  Chapter Two

  Alice finished her first Long Island iced tea and ordered another. Just one more. Okay, maybe two more. She didn’t drink often, but she needed the boost for bravery. All of her repressed feelings for Andy Steele were rushing back like a tidal wave crashing against the wall she’d erected around her heart. He seemed taller and different. He was a man now. He oozed masculinity and was as broad in the chest as a defensive lineman.

  Did he only think of her as the bratty kid who lived next door?

  Her mind traveled back to the first time she’d seen him. She’d been observing from the bushes as moving men carried boxes into the house next door. Her parents said an elderly couple was moving in, so it surprised her to see a tall, skinny boy step out of a station wagon that pulled up. She later learned that Andy’s mother left him as a baby to be raised by his grandparents, and he had no memory of her.

  “So, accounting? Numbers and taxes,” Andy said. “That sounds interesting. So, so interesting.”

  Alice snorted delicately and reached for another French fry. “It’s not very exciting, I’ll admit that. But I’m good at math and tax laws and I…” A shadow crossed her face. She’d almost said too much. Opening up to people wasn’t her strong suit, even if it was Andy.

  “What?” A deep line of concern appeared on his forehead.

  She sat back and studied Andy’s handsome face, taking in the lines of his strong, square jaw and a nose that was slightly crooked due to an altercation with a football. Didn’t he understand how much she had to make up for? Hell, she should’ve graduated this past spring, but she’d changed her major so many times she’d had to add summer school and an extra semester this fall. “I don’t want to depend on my brother forever. I want to make it on my own. Accounting seems like the surest thing. Everyone needs doctors, nurses, lawyers, teachers, and…accountants to keep them all in line.” She forced a smile, but it felt like poison.

  “Yes, but will it make you happy?”

  Alice shot him a wary look. “Yes!” Who was he to question her about happiness? Not everyone could be in a famous band. “I’ll be happy when I can make my own money and buy my own house. Rich worked hard after our parents died to keep us afloat. He always hated asking my uncle for help. I owe it to Rich to make it on my own. I know he’s not the most cheerful person on the face of Earth, but he’s my brother. He could’ve abandoned me a long time ago, but he worked several jobs just to pay the bills until the band got underway. He even pays for my tuition at Salisbury. I couldn’t ask for a better brother.”

  It was the truth, as painful as it was to admit. Since Rich was six years older than her, just like Andy, he’d gotten custody of her after their parents died. She doubted most of her friends’ brothers would be that responsible if the shoe were on the other foot.

  Andy reached for her hand. “It makes sense. Sorry I made you mad.”

  “I’m not mad,” Alice said, slicing the tension with a sudden wink and stealing her hand away. “You’d know it if I got mad.” They both laughed, and the waitress brought another round of drinks.

  “If it makes you feel any better, I’m not sure I want to be in a band for the rest of my life,” Andy said.

  So, Rich was right, she thought as she drank in Andy’s dark blue eyes, noticing the flecks of gold for the first time ever. He suddenly seemed like a mystery she had to decode.

  “Well, you’re still young,” she said. “You can always change your mind.” After she said it, she felt like she was betraying Rich—the brother she owed everything to. He’d called her here to keep Andy happy. He’d called her here to keep Andy in the band, or at least keep him along for the remainder of the tour. What the hell was she doing?

  “Sometimes I think about opening a music store.” He paused for a sip of beer. “I guess I’m at a crossroads right now. The others enjoy the endless flow of girls and booze, but that’s not me.”

  Alice smiled. “My grandmother always said, ‘Uncertainty is the bitch that paves the path for change.’”

  “Wow, that’s deep.”

  Alice squinted in mock anger and kicked him under the table. “This is the last time I try giving you advice, Andy Steele.” With a wicked look, Andy retaliated by wrapping his ankles around hers, holding her firmly in place until she ceased struggling. It was a dance she was well familiar with—one in which he always bested her, asserting his dominance over her whether in play or in a sharp command that l
eft her melting inside.

  Oh God, what was she doing? She wouldn’t fall for Andy again…she wouldn’t.

  She wanted to be angry for all the times he’d ruined her fun, but she couldn’t help focusing on the newly discovered gold flecks in his gorgeous eyes.

  The hours passed like easy minutes, and Alice was shocked to discover the time when Rich finally called. “You’d better get your ass to the stage. Everyone is setting up,” she told Andy, doing her best to mimic Rich’s whiny voice.

  The walk back to the parking lot was like a dream for Alice, although her mind screamed to keep Andy at a distance. This was just a favor to Rich. This wasn’t the beginning of some long-term commitment—and she certainly wasn’t going to sleep with Andy. But as she stole a shy glance at her lunch companion, desire shot down her spine like a geyser gushing hot water. How could she hope to keep Andy at arm’s length when she wanted him so much closer?

  When the bus was in eyesight, Andy shouted, “Race you!” and sprinted ahead. Alice followed clumsily. Three Long Island iced teas had been two too many. Andy, however, had had three beers and seemed as steady as a sober man after a good night’s sleep.

  “You know I can’t hold my booze, Andy,” Alice complained breathlessly after she reached the bus.

  “I remember well,” he said, moving closer, invading her personal space. “And I hope you’ve behaved yourself in college, Ms. Grove.”

  Unbidden thoughts of the various parties Andy had pulled her out of during high school flashed back, along with the memories of his constant threats to take her over his knee. She’d always thought those threats to be empty, but the image caused her cheeks to flush and another tremor of wet heat shot between her thighs. She opened her mouth, but no words came out. She peered up into his smoldering eyes, lost in the conflicted memories of yesterday.

  “Alice Grove at a loss for words,” he mused. “Call the newspapers.”

  Alice recovered herself and punched his shoulder. “I’m adult now, in case you haven’t noticed.” The memory of Andy’s threats embarrassed her more than ever—and to her confusion, left her pussy aching with need. During her freshman year of college, he’d promised to finally take her over his knee the next time she cursed at him. Would he, really?

  “I have noticed.” His eyes darkened, and she squirmed under his penetrating gaze.

  But the tense moment passed as quickly as it had arrived. Alice looked away and stepped inside the bus, where it appeared a tornado had passed through. Correction, several tornados and maybe an earthquake. “How do you guys live like this?” she asked, kicking an empty beer can out of her path. It crashed into another beer can.

  “I don’t,” said Andy, moving toward a red curtained corner in the back. “This is my space.”

  The abrasive fabric of the curtain brushed against Alice’s face as she peeked inside. Andy’s space wasn’t very large, but it was utterly spotless. A few small posters dotted the walls. Books were stacked on every available surface. A matching built-in dresser and bed gave the space a modern look.

  “This is nice,” she said. “Wow, you even make your bed. Damn, Andy, I never knew you were such a nerd.”

  “Laugh it up Miss Gold Medal Runner. I hope you like sleeping on the floor with the beer cans.” His eyes twinkled like a wide lake under the midday sun. He was kidding, right?

  “What do you mean?” Despite the humor in his voice, worry began to gnaw at Alice. How could Rich invite her if space was so short? Some nights the band drove straight through the night, so they slept in this mess of bunks. Except for Andy. He had a little room sectioned off by a bright red curtain. How interesting.

  “There aren’t any extra beds, unless you want to sleep in the passenger seat while Rich and Emmet take turns driving.”

  “Well that’s just great. I’m going to kill Rich. And who’s Emmet?”

  “He’s a roadie. Our only roadie, but he’s pretty good. He has friends in every city who show up to help set up for some extra bucks.”

  “Wow, roadies and groupies,” Alice said in a voice thick with sarcasm, nodding toward the black bra on the floor outside the red curtain. “You guys really are big shots now, aren’t you?”

  “I’ll tell you what, smart ass, there’s a blow up mattress under the bus,” Andy said, stepping closer. “If you’re really nice to me, maybe I’ll set it up for you. Unless you’d rather join Aaron or Derrick or…”

  “I’ll be nice to you,” Alice quickly promised, summoning up her best mock-serious expression. The thought of sharing a bed with anyone on the bus was exceedingly unappealing. Well, anyone except for Andy.

  But she wouldn’t be doing that either. She wouldn’t.

  *

  The crowd in the arena was chanting with the ferocity of a roaring wind that grew and grew. It was 8:55 p.m. Almost time. Aaron, Derrick, and Paul weren’t nervous. Andy wasn’t nervous either, but he knew Rich was. Rich was born nervous. “Smile or we’re going to purposely fuck up the first song,” Andy said to Rich.

  The band manager seemed on the verge of sickness, but his lips moved upward into what favored a grimace more than a smile. “Happy?” Rich asked, his face falling into a frown a moment later.

  “It’s the thought that counts,” Andy replied, moving closer to the stage entrance where Alice stood. She would raise his spirits—among other things.

  Sure enough, Alice graced him with a broad smile that warmed him in an instant. “Derrick said you guys are playing some new songs tonight.”

  “Yes, that’s right. We’re supposed to start recording for the next album in September. Rich says singing two or three songs that aren’t released yet is good for promotion.”

  “Well I certainly can’t wait to hear them.” She glanced back worriedly at her brother. “I know he’s drinking again. Is it bad? Should I talk to him?”

  Andy placed a hand on Alice’s shoulder. “No. He goes through phases like this. The tour is finally taking its toll on him, that’s all. No need to provoke him further.”

  “If you say so.” Stray spotlights danced across her face and hair, bathing her in multicolored light. She looked radiant beyond words. Like an exotic princess in a faraway world where the stars were dancing, colored orbs. She stared up at him with a longing that stripped all his reservations away. It was then that Andy almost leaned down to capture her sweet lips, but a local radio personality was announcing the band and Aaron pulled him on the stage.

  It killed him to leave her standing there, but he had a job to do. Andy dove into the first song with more energy than usual, giving it his soul as he became lost in the rhythm of the drums. Alice was watching—and Andy felt like he was suddenly free from the darkness left by Madison. There was weightlessness in his heart, a high of forgotten joy as the band plugged through the set.

  Sweating under the spotlights, Andy became mesmerized as he played the hell out of the drums. He loved to play. It was the drama that came with touring on the road for weeks on end that he hated. He barely noticed when the bodyguards tackled two fans rushing the stage. In fact, he barely noticed the roaring crowd or his bandmates’ crazy on-stage antics at all. There was only the music—and Alice.

  *

  Andy Steele is all grown up.

  Alice followed the group backstage after the concert ended. It didn’t escape her notice that the groupies weren’t fawning over Andy like they were the other guys. Alice found that curious, but was grateful nonetheless. Andy wasn’t her possession, yet she couldn’t look away from the drummer. To her delight, he slowed so the others could walk ahead down the long hallway. Her heart skipped a beat, and her body hummed with anticipation.

  He was waiting for her.

  “So how are you enjoying life so far as a groupie?” Andy asked slyly. His white tank top was plastered to his broad, muscular chest, and his hair hung in thin waves down to his shoulders, heavy with sweat.

  “I’m not a groupie, you jerk.” She punched his shoulder for the second time that day.


  Even in the darkness of the hallway, Alice could see Andy smiling. “You’re not being very nice to me. You just lost your air mattress privileges, young lady.”

  “Ha! We’re staying in a hotel tonight, so I have until tomorrow night to earn your forgiveness.” Alice knew she shouldn’t flirt so shamelessly with Andy, but she couldn’t help it. It was thrilling and frightening all at once. His steady gaze held a power that left her feeling like she was dissolving at his feet.

  “Don’t be so sure,” Andy said. “I’m a very mean boy. I can’t imagine very mean boys easily forgive.”

  Alice almost lost herself in laughter. “I called you a very mean boy when I was six years old and you deserved it. You put a worm down my shirt! Come to think of it, I don’t recall you ever apologizing to me. Maybe we can call it even?”

  “All right. It’s a deal. You’ll forgive me. I’ll forgive you. And tomorrow night I’ll let you sleep on the air mattress. I’d shake your hand if I wasn’t so sweaty.”

  Alice looked at Andy and wrinkled her nose. “Yes, thank you. I would prefer if you didn’t touch me right now,” she said impertinently, lifting her chin high.

  Suddenly, Andy grabbed Alice’s wrist and drew her closer, so near she was almost touching his chest. Even though they weren’t pressed together, she felt the heat rising off him and fought the urge to lean against his body. He bent down and his mouth hovered over her ear. “That smart mouth of yours is going to get you in a lot of trouble with me one day, Ms. Grove.”

  He released her before she could retort and continued down the hallway as if nothing had passed between them. But Alice’s heart was threatening to beat outside of her chest. Electric heat flowed between her thighs, and she thanked her lucky stars for the darkness of the hallway. At least he wouldn’t notice her flushing pink. An ice-cold shower was in order.

  They crammed onto the bus and gathered around a small table for a round of shots. Alice hated the suspicious glances the other girls shot her way. They’d given her the cold shoulder backstage—probably afraid she was new competition. Oh well. More important matters weighed on her mind.