by Kai Juniper
I got Brook back. I might be going to college. Now I just need to find Jake.
Where are you, little brother? Send me a sign. Anything. I need to get you back. I'll do anything to get you back.
Chapter Fourteen
Brook
I leave Dean's room feeling like everything's going to be okay. Maybe it's too soon to think that since we still don't have any updates about Jake but I'm trying to be hopeful, and as of now, things are getting better. Dean's improving faster than the doctors expected and I feel like our relationship is back on track.
Tonight Dean opened up to me like he never has before. I even saw tears in his eyes as he explained to me why he keeps pushing me away. It really has nothing to do with me. It's about him and his fear of becoming like his father. I wish he'd told me that sooner, but now that I know, I feel like I understand him better.
Even if Dean and I hadn't gotten back together, my decision about Haverhill wouldn't have changed. I made that decision before Dean and I talked. When Haverhill called to ask when I'd be going back, I had this heavy feeling in my chest and a queasiness in my stomach. It was a feeling of dread. My head kept telling me I needed to go back there but my heart was telling me not to. I never listen to my heart but this time I did because I knew it was the right decision.
The school I'm at is old, run-down, and crowded, but I feel comfortable there, more comfortable than I ever did at Haverhill. And I have friends there—real friends that I know I can count on.
"You want to go do something?" Eve asks as I get in her car. She drove me to the hospital to see Dean, then came back to pick me up.
"Sure! What do you want to do?"
She smiles at me. "You're in a good mood."
"Because Dean and I are back together. And this time I think it'll last."
"I'll believe when I see it," she mutters as she drives out of the parking lot.
"I know Dean and I have had our problems but I'm not giving up on him." I smile as I look back at the hospital, up to the window of Dean's room. "I love him."
She sighs. "Okay, enough of that. What do you want to do? See a movie? Get something to eat?"
"Let's get some food and bring it back to your house. All this time I've known you I've never been there."
"I'm at my dad's house this week. I don't have a room there. Evan and I have to share the guest room."
"You can't go back to your mom's house?"
"I could, but she had a date tonight and I don't want to walk in on anything." She shudders. "I don't even want to think about it."
"Then let's go to your dad's house. Is he home?"
"Probably. He doesn't go out much."
We get some tacos and bring them back to her dad's house. It's a small brick house in a neighborhood of historic homes.
"Hey, Dad," Eve says as she goes in the house. A man around my dad's age with dark hair and a beard is sitting on the couch. "I brought a friend over. This is Brook."
He gives me a nod. "Nice to meet you."
"You too."
"She's the one dating Dean Sanders," Eve tells him as she sits down on the floor, setting our bag of tacos on the coffee table. "Dean's the guy with the missing brother. Brook, sit down and eat."
"On the floor?"
She shrugs. "Floor. Couch. Wherever you want. Dad doesn't have a kitchen table so your options are the floor or the couch. Or you can stand."
"I've been meaning to get a table," her dad says to me. "I just haven't. I don't really have a need for one unless the kids are over."
I sit next to him on the couch, leaning over to get my tacos from the coffee table. None of my old friends would dare eat on the couch. They wouldn't eat anywhere but the dining room table. Their parents wouldn't allow it. Everyone there was so formal. I never felt relaxed like I do here.
"So where's your brother tonight?" Eve's dad asks her.
"At the football game," she says, her mouth full of taco.
"Since when does Evan go to football games?"
"Since he started dating a cheerleader. Don't ask me how it happened. I still don't get why she'd want to go out with him."
I turn to Eve's dad. "Eve said you're a psychologist?"
"Yes, I work in a psychiatric hospital. I used to do marriage counseling but I needed a change. I've been doing this a few years now."
"Have you been following the case of Joe Sanders?"
"I've heard the stories on the news."
"Have you ever had patients who were criminals?"
"I've had many. They can be hard to counsel because of their need to rebel."
"Do you have any idea where someone like Joe would go to hide out?"
"It's hard to say, not knowing him, but if he's like other escaped convicts, he'll hit the road and try to get as far away as he can. He might try to change his identity, although a lot of those guys have tattoos that give them away."
"Now I know why you wanted to come here," Eve says, taking another taco. "You just wanted to question my dad."
"That's not why. I didn't even know he'd be home."
She smiles at me. "I'm just kidding. Fire questions at him. He doesn't care."
"I'm Rick, by the way," he says, shaking my hand. "I wish I could offer you more help but without knowing the man's history, it's hard to predict where he'll go. Does the boy have a good relationship with his father?"
"He doesn't really know him. His dad went to prison when Jake was really young. And before he went to prison, Dean said Jake was living with their grandma a lot."
"But Dean didn't?"
"No. He wanted to stay with his mom and try to protect her. His dad was abusive."
Rick nods. "Almost killed her."
"He did?"
"It was in one of the stories online. He beat her and left her for dead."
That's why Dean is so afraid of being with me. He thinks he'll hurt me like his dad hurt his mom. Why would he think that? He would never do that.
"Is that kind of violence genetic?" I ask.
"There can be a genetic tendency to violence but in most cases it's learned," Rick says.
"But it can be unlearned, right?"
"Dean thinks he might hurt her," Eve casually says as she takes another taco from the bag.
"Eve!" I say, wishing she hadn't said that. I told her what Dean said tonight but I assumed she knew she wasn't supposed to tell anyone.
"What?" she says, like it's no big deal. "You have an expert here. Why not ask him?"
Maybe she's right. Her dad seems to know what he's talking about.
"Seeing violence in the home doesn't mean a child will repeat it," Rick says. "But it does happen. A person can promise themselves they'll never be like their abusive parent and then turn out to repeat those patterns just because it's all they know. It's all they've seen."
"So how do you stop it?"
"The first step is being aware of it and accepting it. Next is counseling and behavior modification. You learn what triggers you to react in a violent way and you stop it before it happens."
"Dean said he leaves the house when his brother makes him angry."
"That's one technique. It removes him from the situation, but that's not always an option. He needs to find other ways to cope with his anger. Imagery. Deep breathing. Other relaxation techniques. If he saw a counselor, he could learn what works best for him."
"He can't afford counseling."
"There are free or reduced price options. I could help him find something if he's interested."
"I think he'd definitely be interested, but not until we find his brother. That's all Dean can think about right now."
"Want the last one?" Eve asks, handing me a taco. "I can't eat any more."
I take it from her.
Rick gets up. "I'll be in my office. You girls have fun. Let me know if you need anything."
"Gas money?" Eve says.
"I thought you got a job."
"I did, but I don't get paid until Friday. Brook doesn't have a car. I have t
o drive her home and my car is empty."
He sighs as he gets his wallet out. He hands her a couple twenties. "Be home before midnight."
"Yes, Daddy," she says, smiling at him.
"Good luck with everything," he says to me. "Let me know when you want to find a counselor. Eve can give you my info."
"Okay, thanks."
When he's gone, Eve gets up from the floor and joins me on the couch. "Want to watch a movie?"
"Sure." I finish my taco as she flips through the channels. Her dad's TV is huge. It takes up half the room. "Does your dad have a girlfriend?"
"Not that I know of. Why?"
"He's good looking. I'm surprised he isn't dating someone."
She looks at me in horror. "Did you just say you think my dad's hot?"
"Not hot, but good-looking for someone his age. He's a lot better looking than the guy my mom's dating. If it wasn't weird, I'd set her up with your dad."
"Uh, no, not happening. It's weird."
I laugh. "Okay, I won't." I smile. "But if I did, and they got married, we'd be sisters. Wouldn't that be fun?"
"No!" she says, pushing me away. "Stop talking about my dad dating. It's bad enough watching my mom date."
"I had to watch my dad get married, to someone not much older than me. That's way worse."
"Yeah, that would suck." She turns to me. "Did you tell your dad you're not going to Haverhill?"
"Not yet. I'll call him tomorrow. He'll be mad, but at least I have my mom on my side."
We find a movie to watch, and by ten, I'm falling asleep on the couch. It's been a long stressful week and I'm exhausted. Eve takes me home around eleven and I go straight to bed. For the first time all week, I fall asleep right away, and stay asleep all night.
When I wake up, my phone is full of texts from Dean, telling me he loves me and asking if I'll come see him today. I text back that I'll be there. I just don't know when. I have to find a ride.
"Mom?" I say, knocking on her bedroom door.
She doesn't answer. I open the door. She's not there.
When I get to the kitchen, she's not there either. I hope she didn't stay with that guy last night.
I see a note on the counter that reads, Had to go into the office. Should be home by noon. Call if you need anything. Mom.
I was hoping she could give me a ride to the hospital. I can take the bus but it takes forever with all the stops and the transfers. Eve has to work today so she can't take me.
Going to the fridge, I take out the orange juice and the last container of yogurt. We need to go grocery shopping. Mom could've gone on her lunch break yesterday but instead she went dress shopping for her date. She sent me a picture of the dress she bought. It was a dark blue evening gown that probably cost over a thousand dollars, paid for by her new boyfriend. As long as he keeps buying her stuff, she'll keep going out with him. Unfortunately, money is love to her.
Someone knocks on the door, startling me. Nobody ever knocks on the door, except for maintenance, but we didn't call them. The knocks continue. I run over to the door and look through the peephole.
It's Chad. What is HE doing here? And how did he get in? He has to call up here to get us to unlock the building door.
"Brook?" He knocks again. "Brook, it's Chad. Open up."
I back away from the door. If I'm quiet, maybe he'll think I'm not here and leave.
"Brook, I know you're there. I called your mom and she said you're home. Open the door. I just want to talk."
Why would my mom tell him I'm home? She knows I don't want to see him.
"Brook, please, I came all the way here. Just open the door."
Maybe something happened, something he needs to tell me in person. Maybe something happened to his parents. Our families have always been close. His mom and dad have been like second parents to me. I hope they're okay.
I open the door. Chad's standing there, looking just like I remembered; his blond hair parted on the side, his face pale with a hint of pink on his cheeks, those baby blue eyes. Eve was so right with her description of him. He looks like a little boy, not a man. He's wearing light tan dress pants with a blue button-up shirt that's been starched and pressed. It's Saturday but he looks like he's going to an office job.
"Chad, why are you here?"
"I needed to talk to you," he says, going past me into the apartment. I didn't even invite him in, but that's Chad. He does what he wants.
"What is it?" I say, closing the door. "Did something happen?"
He looks me up and down. I'm wearing the clothes I slept in, a white tank top and pink pajama shorts. I'm not wearing a bra but Chad's seen me naked plenty of times so being braless is no big deal.
"You're not dressed yet?" he asks.
"It's Saturday. Why would I be dressed?"
"It's after nine. I thought you'd be dressed by now. Did you just get up?" I hear the judgment in his tone. He doesn't approve of me sleeping in and feels the need to let me know.
"I wanted to sleep in," I tell him. "I do that now. I sleep in on the weekends."
"Waste of time, if you ask me. I've already been to the club for a tennis lesson, had breakfast, and met with my dad about some investments I'm considering."
"Good for you," I say, going to the couch to sit down. "Did you just come here to tell me that?"
He walks over to the couch, staring down at me, his hands on his hips. "Why are you acting like this?"
"Like what?"
"Rude. Disrespectful. I come all the way over here and you don't even act happy to see me. You didn't even offer me anything to drink. Did you forget how to have manners?"
"There's milk and orange juice in the fridge. Or you can take water from the sink. We don't have any of your fancy bottled waters. Sorry."
He stares at me. "This is worse than I thought."
"What do you mean?"
"You." He sits beside me. "You've totally changed. You're one of them now."
"THEM? Who's them?"
"The people who live around here. People with no motivation. No manners. No desire for personal growth. Just look at you." He points to me. "It's after nine on a Saturday and you're not even showered and dressed. The old Brook would be dressed with her hair and makeup done by now, and you'd be at yoga class with Jane."
He's right. That's what I used to do. I'd get up early on Saturdays and actually get dressed up for yoga. My hair and makeup had to be perfect because that's how everyone else looked. It was hot yoga so I'd get sweaty in class and have to go home, shower, and do my hair and makeup all over again. It was such a waste of time.
"I don't do yoga anymore."
"Yeah, I can tell," he says, looking at my body.
He's such a jerk. I might've put on a couple pounds since moving here but I'm still skinny. And yet Chad's looking at me like I'm obese.
"You could use some time in the gym yourself. Maybe try to get some muscles."
It was probably a childish reply but it felt good to say it. For years I accepted Chad's criticisms with a smile and a promise to do better. But no more. I'm not letting Chad, or any guy, tell me how to look. Dean wouldn't even think to do that. He loves me for who I am.
"Oh, so now you're insulting me?" Chad says. "After everything I've done for you?"
"What exactly did you do for me?"
"I made you a better person. I pushed you to be your best. And now look at you. It's like all that work was for nothing." He sits back on the couch. "I can see why your dad was concerned."
"My dad? You talked to my dad?"
"We've been talking for weeks. He asked me to check on you but I haven't had time. Good thing I came now or it might've been too late."
I get up. "Too late for what? What the hell is going on here?"
"You need to get out of this place," he says, standing to face me. "This isn't you, Brook. You're starting to act like you belong here. You used to be well-dressed, sophisticated, your hair and makeup always done. You used to be social. You should be
out with your friends, not sitting around the house."
"Jane and those other girls weren't my friends. They only did stuff with me because I had money."
"You still have money. Your dad's giving you an allowance to spend when you get back. And he's leasing you a car until his wife agrees to let him buy you one. He's also agreed to get your membership back at the country club. We've got it all worked out. It'll be just like before."
"I can't believe this," I say, that sick feeling returning, the same one I had when Mrs. Kresly called to ask when I'd be back at school.
Chad smiles. "It's great, right? And it wouldn't have happened if it weren't for me." He yanks me into his arms. "You can thank me now."
"Thank you?" I try to push away from him but he won't let me go.
"I know you've missed me. And I know all that stuff about breaking up with me was just a ploy to get my attention. You were jealous of Tamara, but she's gone now. We can be together and go back to like it was before."
"I don't want that," I say, my muscles tightening as he holds me closer. "I'm not getting back together with you."
"You don't have a choice. You're nothing without me. Just look at what's happened to you since you left. You're a different person. Out of shape. Lazy. Your hair's a mess. Your complexion's bad. We can fix all that, but not until you come back."
I'm fuming hearing him say those things about me. How dare he come here and put me down like that! I swear he gets off on it. Telling me I'm not good enough is like a drug to him. He craves the power he has over for me, but I'm not giving him that power.
"I can't believe I ever dated you. You never cared about me. You just used me to feel better about yourself. To feel like you had power."
"Don't talk to me that way." He grabs both my arms, his fingers digging into my skin as he stares down at me. "I came here as a favor to you. And as a favor to your dad. You should be thanking me."
"Get out," I say, my eyes locked on his.
He slowly smiles, then leans down and smashes his mouth to mine.
Chapter Fifteen
Brook
When I try to push him away, Chad fights me, holding me against him so I can't move. I purse my lips when he tries to force his tongue in my mouth, which makes him finally stop kissing me but he won't let me go.
