“I get that—I really do. I want both of them so much it hurts. God, maybe I really am like you,” Michael said, his mouth curved into a half smile, half sneer. “I know I ought to feel more guilt about the past. Maybe I will someday. All I can think right now is that she needs to be with me so I can take care of her and the baby. Anything else seems too wrong to contemplate. I don’t know how in the hell I’m going to convince her to marry me though.”
“Then we’re both in the same club,” Will said quietly. “Since I can’t get Jessica pregnant, I’m going to need to convince her to make the choice willingly. That’s going to be tough since she’s still in love with her dead husband. I know that for sure now. Those guys she dated were never in the running. I am, but she has a thirty-year list of reservations.”
“Maybe she still loves a dead man, but Jessica is also crazy about you. Carrie all but hates me. Emotional blackmail may be all I have,” Michael said, grinning now. “But before I go that route, I’m going to see what my clever brother thinks I should do to win her over. I’m not going to be able to hide this from him, so I might as well use his skills. I hope he’s not too disappointed in me to help.”
“Well, I don’t have a doctorate in psychology, but I suggest saving blackmail as a last resort,” Will said. “What could you possibly have on Carrie Addison to blackmail her about?”
“She wants something huge from me,” Michael said easily. “I’m willing to do a prenuptial agreement about it so long as she marries me.”
“She wants money?” Will asked, surprised and having trouble believing Carrie was mercenary.
“No,” Michael said, laughing. “Carrie doesn’t want my money. The problem is she wants nothing at all, including me or the baby. I’ll have to promise to give her freedom after the baby is born. That means I only have seven and half months to change her mind.”
“That’s a pretty big gamble if she’s not interested in a relationship with you,” Will said slowly. “I’m sorry she doesn’t want the baby, Michael.”
“She has good reasons,” Michael said quietly, “but I hope to change her mind.”
Michael saw the gold had hardened, formed the rings. He picked up the hammer and smashed the molds around them to free the gold.
“I’m only planning to do this marriage gig once,” Michael said, ruthlessly crushing the plaster casting, “and I will do my best to shape our relationship to be what we both need. I hope one day I can thank my child for helping me find a way into its mother’s heart. If that doesn’t happen, I will at least know I did my best. I’ll just have to love it enough for two parents.”
Will let the worry wash over him, but he said nothing. He’d seen Michael the morning he’d come home from Carrie’s devastated about her sending him away. It was easy to understand Michael’s determination to have the woman in his life. Will felt both admiration and concern, feelings that he experienced frequently with both his sons. Michael was a lot like him when it came to love and fidelity. Hopefully, Carrie would recognize and appreciate that trait over time.
He watched Michael inspect the gold bands and then smile as the rings clinked together in his hand. Judging from the glint of satisfaction in his son’s eyes, it seemed Michael had indeed infused the rings with his emotions. He only hoped Carrie Addison’s nature turned out to be as malleable as the gold.
Will left Michael smoothing the edges from the bands. As he headed to his room and bed, hel promised himself that he was going to stop worrying about Michael and Carrie getting married and think positively about the situation.
He decided to let himself dream for a while about what being a grandfather was going to be like.
Chapter 19
“Retirement already? Wow. Your replacement certainly didn’t last long. You’re obviously tougher than I gave you credit for, Dad,” Shane conceded, picking through the bowl of bright red apples on the kitchen table until he found one he liked.
He came back to lean on the cabinet nearest the sink where his father was loading the dishwasher. Shane preferred to look at a person’s face as they talked.
“Ray only took the job as principal because I talked him into it. He was ready to stop teaching when I left. It wouldn’t be right if I didn’t at least make an appearance at his retirement dinner,” Will said, thinking out loud more than addressing the comment to his son. “But I am not looking forward to showing up with my bald head shining.”
“If you’re self-conscious about your shaved head, wear a cool hat,” Shane said, taking a huge bite out of the apple he snagged. “I bet Michael has some hats. All artists wear crazy hats. Remember when Michael used to pretend to be French. Man, I wish we had some of that on video.”
“I’m not self-conscious about my head,” Will denied easily, ignoring Shane’s comment about Michael. “I just don’t want to be the total topic of conversation all night with everyone who used to know me dragging everyone else over who doesn’t just to see my completely bald head. Then on top of that, some of them are still trying to hook me up with women to date.”
“Dad, you look great,” Shane said laughing. “It’s been almost two school years. People will expect you to have changed some in that time.”
“They will not expect their former principal to have a shaved head and be wearing a earring. Trust me,” Will said emphatically, gaining a laugh from Shane.
Shane grinned, undaunted by his father’s complaining. “But I was right, wasn’t I? Jessica really liked the earring, didn’t she?” he demanded, pointing the half-eaten apple at his father. “I’m rarely ever wrong when it comes to women. It’s a gift.”
Will shook his head. His youngest attracted more women than any other adult male he’d ever met. Shane oozed “good time” doing nothing more than just leaning against the counter and grinning.
“Yes. Jessica liked it,” Will admitted, placing the last of the dishes into the dishwasher. “It was one of the first things she noticed.”
“There’s the answer then to both your problems. Take Jessica along as your date,” Shane said, smiling and shrugging. “Her presence would explain everything, stop people from fixing you up, and you wouldn’t have to deal with the teasing about your head because she’d intimidate them with her presence.”
Will sighed. “I like your thinking, but I can’t ask her.”
“Why?” Shane asked incredulously, managing to swallow a mouthful of apple as he watched his father’s guilty expression get even more so. “It’s a retirement dinner. She’s a teacher too. Isn’t she the perfect date?”
“She’s perfect in a lot of ways,” Will said sincerely. “But Jessica thinks I’m only an artist. I never told her anything else.”
“So tell her,” Shane said, wrinkling his face and shrugging “What’s the big deal? It’s not like you’re ashamed of what you did for a living. I mean, you aren’t—are you?”
“No, but I’m ashamed that I waited so long to tell Jessica about something that was a big part of who I’ve been most my life,” Will said. “I’m ashamed I kept something so simple from her. I kept meaning to tell her, especially as we kept getting closer. It just never seemed to come up at the right time. I guess I’ve been waiting to work it into the conversation, but we’ve had bigger things to deal with that side-tracked me from confessing.”
Will stared out the window over the sink. This wasn’t a big deal. “No, I’m going to Ray’s dinner alone, and then I’ll tell her after. Jessica can go with me to the next one.”
“Mom’s going,” Shane said, tossing the apple core in trash. “I think she’s going by herself too. When Luke called last night, she mentioned it to him, but I think he said no. She cried for an hour after she hung up. It’s not working out so good for them.”
“Yeah. Your mother makes sure I’m fully aware that it isn’t working out for them,” Will said bitterly. “You’re not thinking she and I will get back together are you?”
“God, no,” Shane said earnestly. “Mom and Luke genuinely seem l
ike they belong together. They both enjoy the same pretentions—I mean, activities. I’m just feeling sorry for Mom. She seems hurt and confused about what Luke expects from her. I also don’t think she’s very happy with her life in general.”
Will knew Shane always had a soft spot for Ellen and her melodrama. The boy had even once seriously dated a woman that could have been Ellen’s clone in everything except hair color, complete with a negative attitude toward the boy’s art.
Will sighed again, this time with resignation. “You want me to talk to her, don’t you, son?”
“I just think that you and Mom need to continue to work on being friends,” Shane said. He punched his father lightly in the arm, still knocking him sideways from the sink, making both of them laugh. Shane was famous in the family for breaking things because of his strength.
“I read that it’s good for the children of divorced parents to know their mother and father have a solid relationship, despite their differences,” he told his father.
“Really? Are you going to expect Jessica to follow your sage advice if she becomes your stepmother, Dr. Larson? I can tell you your biological mother has already burned the friendship bridge with Jessica a couple of times,” Will said, flicking Shane sharply with the end of the dish towel and making him yelp. “If you want to help someone, talk to your mother about your theories of friendship. She’s in great need of some counseling about honoring people’s personal boundaries.”
Shane snickered. “You don’t have to use my lingo to try and soften the truth, Dad. Michael already told me Mom made a pass at you,” he said, laughing openly. “My brother is bribing me for a share of the profits from my book.”
Will snorted about the book. “Michael talks too much. He needs to worry about his own life more,” he said, staring out in the courtyard.
Shane studied the worry in his father’s gaze. He had tried really hard not to be the cause over the last couple of years. That’s why he had paid for the rest of his education himself when he saw his parents were having problems getting along. He didn’t want to be an additional burden.
“Well, I just want you to know that I use a condom every time with no exceptions just like you made me promise to do when I was a teenager,” Shane said sincerely. “You do not have to worry about me getting anyone pregnant. It’s not going to happen.”
“Michael said he and Carrie used one every time as well,” Will said quietly. “Sometimes the unexpected just happens, Shane. That’s why it’s good to be selective and only get to that level of intimacy with women you genuinely like. If it does happen, you really want it to be with a woman you care about or love, not just some random stranger you picked up in a bar.”
“I stopped picking up women too,” Shane blurted. “I mean—you don’t have to worry about me getting some random woman pregnant. I’m not doing the bar thing anymore. I haven’t been with a woman at all in almost five months now. I just wasn’t broadcasting the fact.”
Will turned and stared at his son in open-mouthed shock. “Seriously?”
Shane nodded and held his father’s gaze. “If I hadn’t already stopped, I would have when Michael told me what happened to him. I honestly don’t want that to happen to me.”
“I know waiting gets a little lonely, but being selective doesn’t mean the right one won’t come along sooner than you think,” Will assured his son. “Trust me. I just stopped by the café for coffee, and the next thing I knew I was zipping to Berea with a sexy redhead wrapped around me on the bike.”
“God, that sounds good,” Shane said, sighing. “I’d like to just have a girlfriend to do things with when I wasn’t working. That’s actually what I want.”
“Well, having a girlfriend is good,” Will said, nodding. “Having a wife is even better, but that may take a while to happen. The best relationships always seem to need the most work.”
“Well, my money is on you marrying Jessica,” Shane said, smiling. “Michael though is going to need some divine intervention because he doesn’t stand a chance in hell of making up for what he did to Carrie in college. He doesn’t even get why it still hurts her, but that kind of betrayal causes some major damage. Trust issues are probably going to come up time and again in their relationship, even if by some miracle she ends up staying married to him. Their odds are not good. I told him he needs to start planning on being a single father.”
“Maybe, but sometimes you just have to believe in what you feel and go for it,” Will told his youngest. “Screw the odds.”
“Screw the odds,” Shane repeated. “Now that sounds like a good chapter title for my book. I think it belongs on the one about the father who remarries a tall sexy redhead after his traumatic divorce from the cool sexy blond who threw him over for a younger man.”
Will flicked him sharply with the dish towel again, sending Shane dashing for the kitchen door while he laughed.
*** *** ***
“Jessica! It’s so good to see you. I’m sorry to get you in so late in the day, but I asked the office to schedule you as soon as possible. I can’t stay over, but hopefully we can still get to some of what you need to talk about. My notes said you had a new issue to discuss.”
Jessica smiled at the woman who was a decade older than her, but looked a decade younger with her trim pink suit and a fashionable haircut that a runway model would envy.
“Dr. Whitmore, are you hiding the fountain of youth somewhere and not sharing? I swear you look younger every year,” Jessica told her. “You could practically pass for my daughter.”
“Look who’s talking,” the woman replied with broad smile. “Your body still looks like it did when I met you, or at least like it did after Brooke was born. Super models would kill for your trim figure.”
“My figure is an optical illusion created by quality spandex and expensive lace support bras,” Jessica teased. “My breasts have succumbed to gravity at last. It makes me sad even though the guy I’m with right now doesn’t seem to mind that they sway in the breeze. He seems to think it’s sexy. I really appreciate that about him.”
“Is that what you need to talk about today?” Dr. Whitmore asked, leaning excitedly on the desk. “I’d love to hear about a new guy. Is he as yummy as all your others?”
Jessica sighed at the old term they’d shared for all the years she’d been seeing the same therapist.
“Yes. Will is very yummy. The problem is that he reminds me of Nathan. I’ve been having dreams. Some of the memories of my time with Nathan are starting to return.”
“Really? After all this time, that’s pretty amazing. Does this seem like a good thing to you?” Dr. Whitmore asked carefully.
“I don’t know,” Jessica said honestly. “He—Will reminds me of Nathan in many ways and encourages me to remember him. I don’t get them confused, but I also don’t know how I feel about either man sometimes. Do you think I could still be grieving for Nathan after all this time? Every time I think about how I feel about Will, I start to feel guilty and think of Nathan. Is that normal?”
Dr. Whitmore laughed. “Anything can be normal. The question is does it feel normal to you? If it does, then it’s normal.”
“I’ve never cared about any other man enough to walk through your office door and talk about marrying again, so no—what I feel about Will doesn’t feel normal to me,” Jessica said, closing her eyes. “But the idea of never being with him again feels worse.”
“Are you falling in love at last?” Dr. Whitmore asked, trying not to sound as surprised as she felt. “What was his name again—Will?”
Jessica nodded. “Yes. Will—Everett Williams. I like him. I care about him. I don’t want to date other men. Do you think I’m falling in love with him? I never loved the other guys.”
“You’ve forgotten how this works,” Dr. Whitmore teased. “I’m the therapist and I get to ask the questions. You have to answer them. So what do you like about this man.”
“Will is a stone sculptor. He does nudes,” Jessica confirme
d. “They’re incredible. That’s all he does as far as I can tell, but he seems to make a good living from it.”
“Why would you care if the man is financially successful?” Dr. Whitmore asked. “Is his success important to you?”
Jessica suddenly had trouble swallowing past the lump in her throat. “It’s important to me for Will to be happy.”
Dr. Whitmore leaned over her desk and smiled at Jessica. “Do you know what would make Will happy?”
Jessica squirmed in her chair. “Being with me—being married to me. That’s what Will says he wants.”
“How about you? What do you want?” Dr. Whitmore asked, trying to settle her heartbeat as she studied the flushed face of a woman who had struggled her way out of the darkness of her past. If anyone ever deserved a happy ending and a husband who loved her madly, Jessica Daniels did.
“I don’t know what I want—other than to not be confused,” Jessica said softly.
“Do you want Will?” Dr. Whitmore asked.
“Yes,” Jessica said, breathing a sigh of relief to be able to say at least one thing with confidence.
“Do you want to keep Will in your life?” Dr. Whitmore demanded softly.
Jessica searched for that answer and found it waiting in the same place as the other one. “Yes. I want to keep him in my life. It’s been a long time since I’ve wanted to extend a relationship.”
“So start there,” Dr. Whitmore said. “Make keeping Will in your life okay for yourself and just see how it goes. Come back in about a month and we’ll talk about whether you are falling in love again.”
“What about the memories of Nathan?” Jessica asked.
Dr. Whitmore stood and walked to her bookshelf. She pulled a book and brought it back to pass to Jessica. “Take this and read it. This book offers some practical ways to deal with your grieving. I believe you’ll find it helpful. Most grieving is just a process of letting go. You’re a master at that, Jessica. So use those skills to help yourself let go of Nathan. I believe it’s time.”
Carved in Stone Page 21
