Broken

by Monica Rossi

  “Oh Great Brigid save me from this noob,” Cord put his hands out in a mock plea. “We’re here anyway. The lesson on creatures, myth and fact, will have to wait.”

  Sidney was blocked in on either side by trees and Cord was standing directly in front of her, so she didn’t see where ‘here’ was immediately. But when he moved and she saw what was before her she felt like she’d stepped into a tale of Irish lore.

  A lake, the deepest blue she’d ever seen stood before her, stretching across the distance. She could barely see the other shore. But the one she was walking up to was breathtaking. Grass greener than should be possible lined the lake, with huge grey rocks that seemed to sparkle in the sun randomly piled in artistic formations. She could imagine that all of the legends could come true. Selkies shedding their skin to turn into beautiful women, brownies darting between rocks and causing mischief, waterhorses luring men to their graves, even strange women distributing swords to young men could possibly live in those depths. This was a place anything was possible.

  “I felt that way the first time I came here too, there’s something special about this place. It feels… old. Like the spirits of all the witches who came before us are gathered on these shores, ready to share their ancient knowledge,” he looked at Sidney as she took it all in. “Ok, now strip.”

  “What?” she jumped, startled out of the reverie his words had created. She could well imagine those women, and men too, spending their afterlife in a place like this. And now he wanted her to strip in front of all of them.

  “If dead people are roaming around I’m pretty sure they’ve seen you in the shower,” he was already kicking off his sandals and untying the string that held his pants up. “And I’ve already seen you buck naked at the dedication ceremony the other night. Remember?”

  She remembered, but it hadn’t been just him and her. Getting naked here with him alone just felt too intimate.

  “Oh honey, you wish, now take it off or I’m throwing you in fully clothed,” he didn’t even wait and let her decide, he just began tugging her shirt off for her.

  She gave in and threw all of her clothes onto a rock, even her panties and bra. She didn’t plan on putting them back on wet and letting them chafe her for the rest of the day, so buck naked it was.

  Cord took a running start and dove in with a whoop, letting her know that there was a steep drop off somewhere near the edge. There would be no slowly wading in, as was her habit. She stuck one foot in and pulled it back out quickly.

  “Holy cow, that’s cold as ice!”

  “It’s invigorating, come on in!”

  She started shivering just thinking about it.

  “Start running and just jump in. it’s better that way, I promise.” She watched his head bob back under the water and decided that he must be right.

  Taking a few steps back, and then a few more, and then a few more, she worked up her courage.

  Deciding it was now or never she began running and screaming, waiting until the last second before she broke the water to take a deep breath of air.

  She plunged into the murky depths. The bright blue she’d seen from above was almost black from below. And cold was not the word to describe the painful feel of the water on her body. She immediately started kicking, needing air so she could scream some explicative that would indicate how truly cold she was.

  She swam up, the water getting lighter and lighter as she went until she knew she was about to break the surface, about to take a breath of air and yell at Cord. She already had some words picked out for him when she hit a wall. Something invisible was blocking her from swimming up. Her hands splayed against it, solid and cold like ice, but completely invisible. She swam over a few feet and the same thing happened. She tried the other side, and again was met with the same solid surface.

  Sidney began to panic. Her mind screaming out for Cord, she beat on the barrier that was keeping her under, pounded on it until she started feeling weak. No matter how hard she pummeled her fists against it, it wouldn’t break or even bend. Her mind raced for a solution even as her body began to tire. She knew if she didn’t find a way out that she was going to give up. She didn’t have a choice, her body wasn’t going to let her fight much longer. She wouldn’t be able to demand that her lungs not inhale. Already they burned, begging her to suck in something to appease their ache.

  She stopped beating the hard wall that kept her from the air she so desperately needed, giving in to the inevitable. What a strange way to die, locked underwater by something she couldn’t see. She looked at her hands, they were cut and bruised, and then let them float to the side. She looked around at her final resting place, at least it was beautiful, the last place she’d see. The light coming in from above made the currants underwater shimmer, like a child had sprinkled a bottle of iridescent glitter over the water.

  The light was getting darker and she knew she was about to pass out. Strangely she didn’t feel panicked anymore, this wasn’t so bad. And then a form swam up out of the darkness and swirled around her. It looked alien, snake-like, but large. Almost as large as Sidney.

  It coiled around her body, its face coming inches from hers. The panic returned.

  “Why are you here?” The sound of its voice slid through the water like oil, slick and menacing.

  Sidney shook her head, how did it to expect her to speak?

  It seemed to sniff her, its face, coming even closer. Its features were so dark she almost couldn’t see it. It was like staring into a void, except for the eyes, they burned bright turquoise, almost like underwater fire, swirling with sparks of blue flame.

  “Human, why are you here? This is not your place.”

  I DON’T KNOW, she screamed within herself. I DON’T KNOW!

  The creature held one hand-like appendage up to her face, covering her from forehead to chin and immersing her in darkness.

  “Speak,” it demanded.

  Sidney opened her mouth, powerless to do otherwise, expecting water to rush in and end this vision, instead air filled her lungs with welcome relief. She gasped again and again, the creature seemed content to let her catch her breath. Finally she spoke, “I was here to learn about water magic, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to trespass if I’m not allowed here.”

  “Magic, human? You can do no magic.”

  “That’s what I TOLD them!” If she weren’t in water she was sure there would be tears streaming down her face, “I TOLD them that I was just an average person but they insisted and now I’m drowning and my brain is making last minute horrible hallucinations as my oxygen runs out.”

  She gurgled out the last few words as the thing removed its hand. It seemed to consider her, to sniff at her again through a slit in its onyx face.

  “Not human. Witch, but blocked,” it uncoiled from around her, letting her arms and legs move freely again. “Do not come back here until you’ve healed yourself.” It swam away, looking back over its shoulder to level a final warning, “or I will kill you.

  Rough hands grabbed Sidney pulling her out of the water and onto the shore, where sunlight and air greeted her like old friends. She gulped the air like she’d never breathed before and it tasted like heaven. The pain in her chest loosened and her vision gradually cleared, letting her see a frantic Cord above her. He was saying something but she couldn’t hear anything over the ringing in her ears.

  She put her hand up to his mouth to stop whatever he was saying. She had something she wanted to say to him instead, her voice felt gravelly, her throat swollen and sore.

  “Next time, we go to the pool.”

  Red paced the small kitchen of his new apartment. He’d sent Morgan over to Glory’s, indefinitely. He didn’t know when he’d be getting back from Asheville, and even then, he didn’t know how long this job as President would last. He hoped not long. He was tired as fuck, of everything. He and Morgan needed a new start. Until then Glory and Morgan’s grandparents could take care of her, hell, they’d done it up until the last month or so
. A little longer wouldn’t hurt. Just until he could get out and get them settled. No Dogs, no Three Rivers, and no fucking Sidney.

  He didn’t have time to think about her and her lies. He had to plan. He wanted everything to go perfectly so there wouldn’t be any questions when he came back. But he needed back up. Trainz was old but he’d been the muscle for the Dogs for years before Red had even been born. He might be past his prime, but let him shift and he was still dangerous as fuck. Not to mention he had Big Dog and BillCo there, and they sure as shit wouldn’t just let him waltz in and kill them all without a fight.

  He needed Donny-O. His oldest and closest friend, but he didn’t know if he could trust him anymore. It seemed like every time something came up that he needed to keep quiet, Donny-O turned around and told Demon or somebody about it. He needed someone who he knew without a shadow of a doubt was loyal and who could also keep a secret. He ticked off each of the guys in turn but couldn’t come up with one he was one hundred percent sure of. Then it hit him.

  Tinker. Tinker probably held more loyalty towards him than he did the rest of the group. It was Red who’d given him a second chance after all. It was Red who hadn’t killed him and had allowed Sidney to heal him… with magic. But he wasn’t thinking about that. He also wasn’t going to think of the wounded look on her face when he’d left. An act, that’s all it was. Witches were liars from the very core of their beings. They couldn’t help it, it was a way of life for them. Taking things that wasn’t theirs, making people feel things they didn’t really feel, causing pain and heartbreak every where they went. It was just in their shitty nature. Sidney couldn’t help be what she was, a user, but Red didn’t have to let himself be sucked in by her. No matter how good of an actress she was.

  Oh and she’d been good. Those soft eyes looking at him like he was perfect, like she’d never want to look at anyone else, like he mattered to her. All an act. He didn’t know why she’d chosen him as a victim and he didn’t care, he wouldn’t be a part of it. He slammed his beer on the table a little too hard and it cracked, the golden brown liquid seeping down the bottle to pool on the table. That was enough thinking about Sidney, he scolded himself. She wasn’t worth all this.

  He picked up his phone to see if he’d programmed Tinker’s number in there, and was relieved to find he had. After a brief conversation, Tinker was a man of few words, they’d come to an agreement. He’d do this for Red if Red patched him in as a full member of the Dogs. Conveniently, he’d just become president, and while there would be a vote, not many would vote against someone the president wanted to be patched in. It was bad mojo.

  Yes, Tinker was his man. And he’d take Squirt and Squint too, just as cover. He’d leave them outside and they could corroborate his story of hearing a fight. And there would be a fight, but no simple death during a fight was going to kill Big Dog, he deserved much much worse. And he was going to get it.

  Sidney lay on her couch. Not watching TV. Not reading a book. Not day dreaming about winning the lottery. She just lay there.

  Or that’s what she was trying to do. No matter how hard she tried to push every thought out, her mind tumbling over and over everything. With so much crap going on it was hard to pick a situation to agonize over. As soon as she made herself stop thinking about one thing, another popped up to take its place.

  She couldn’t even deal with what had happened at the lake, she would wait until someone got around to explaining it to her. And that didn’t seem like it was going to happen anytime soon. She’d been dropped off at her house and told to rest. Which was what she was doing even though she wasn’t tired.

  Instead she lay there thinking about Red. She hadn’t cried since right after he left. She knew there was some problem with him that was causing him to react this way. Some history that made him distrust her simply for who she was. It couldn’t be just some stupid laws written in a book. Surely he wasn’t a religious fanatic, or at least he hadn’t seemed to be. He hadn’t mentioned that book of laws to her once, and if it was that important to him he would have said something.

  It was weird that neither the shifters nor the witches cared about mixing with humans. It was like humans were the universal breeding partners. Too bad she wasn’t human.

  Sidney shook her head. That sounded crazy. Not human, blocked witch. She rolled her eyes. This was too much for a person to be expected to handle. She was going to break into a thousand pieces of madness one of these days. And it wouldn’t be a false alarm like it had been when Red revealed himself. It was going to be a full blown mental meltdown. And she was going to enjoy it. They’d give her the good meds, a nice padded room to bounce around in, and a comfy jacket that’d keep her warm with the constant hug she’d be giving herself. Yes, she was going to enjoy her trip to cuckooville.

  She rolled over to her side and stared out the window with dry blank eyes.

  She didn’t want to be confused or hurt or angry or sad or scared anymore. She wanted to live a normal life where she worked as a vet and felt insecure about how people felt about her. She was even starting to miss being ignored by her family.

  But it was easy to say that now, before she’d seen every thing clearly she’d been a wreck of childhood baggage and insecurities.

  But at least she’d still had Red.

  She closed her eyes and let her mind go back and play over the brief time they’d had together. Reliving the feel of his arms around her, the way he’d looked at her, the way she’d felt lying in bed with him at night. She could almost feel the phantom touch of his kiss on her neck as she thought about it and it made her feel even more empty and alone that it wasn’t real.

  She’d even loved him when she’d thought he was an overgrown domesticated house wolf. She’d run her hands through his fur and felt like she’d met a kindred, someone she could tell all her worries to who would love her without judgment. And when she’d found out he was a shifter, she’d put that aside and loved him regardless, and he hadn’t been able to do the same for her.

  Couldn’t he see that she was exactly the same person as she’d been before she found out she was a witch? Well, maybe not exactly the same. She felt stronger, more sure of herself, less like a broken toy from the dollar store that had been set aside by every single person she’d ever loved. But those changes were good, they made her a better person. She wanted to share that new better person with Red, but because of his unreasonable objection to what she was, he was going to miss out.

  And that’s what it was, unreasonable. How could a logical person in this day and age be such a bigot based on someone’s circumstances of birth. Red wouldn’t have reacted that way if he’d found out she’d been born poor in a trailer park, or if she were a mixed ethnicity, so why react so poorly because she just happened to be a witch? It was illogical and down right… racist.

  Sidney sat up on the couch, pushing her hair back and out of her face with both hands. That’s exactly what it was, racist and stupid. How dare he judge her for something she had no control over? How dare he say that she should get an abortion if she got pregnant because her child would be an ‘abomination’. How dare he treat her less than because she was different than him.

  The more she thought about it the angrier she got. And the angrier she got the more she felt the need to say a few things to Red’s face. She got up off the couch and started cleaning, throwing a discarded shirt towards the laundry bin, shoving an empty bag into the trash, slamming her purse into the side chair.

  On second thought, she picked up her purse. No, she wasn’t going to stay at home and waste this energy on an already mostly clean house. She was going to go use it. To tell Red exactly what she thought of him.

  ***

  Sidney made a sharp turn into the Dogs clubhouse parking lot, gravel flying and tires squealing in the most satisfying way. She stopped on the brakes, not bothering to find a space to park in, just pulling up close to the door. She didn’t have time for parking, she had words to say.

  She sl
ammed the Jeep’s door and strode into the club, fully intending to slam that door behind her too.

  But instead of a room full of guys playing pool and drinking beer, she found Glory and Morgan sitting on the rug in front of the fireplace playing with Barbie dolls.

  “Sidney!” Morgan screamed and jumped to her feet, running and launching herself into Sidney’s arms. “Where have you been? I missed you.”

  All of the anger went out of her in an instant, “I’ve missed you too, silly. What have you been doing?” Her heart wrenched in her body as she held the small form, the chubby little arms wrapping around her neck. She really had missed her. Not a day had gone by that she hadn’t thought about that smile and those long blonde curls and the guilt she’d ignored surfaced that she hadn’t made more of an effort to see her.

  “Me and Glory is playing Barbie, you come play too!” Morgan grabbed her hand and marched her over to the rug where Glory sat, big hair, full make up, and skin tight pants, with a little blonde doll in her hands.

  “Are,” Sidney corrected.

  “Are what?” Morgan asked.

  “You and Glory are playing Barbie, not is playing.”

  “Oh, okay,” she said handing a mini-skirt and high heel wearing doll that looked more like a stripper to Sidney than something a five year old should be playing with. “This is you. Your name is Purplina.”

  “Purplina?” She glanced at Glory, wondering if Red had told her anything about what had happened between them. Glory smiled at her and gave her a shoulder shrug. Sidney didn’t know what that meant.

  “Have you seen Red around,” she asked. As glad as she was to see Morgan, she didn’t want her anywhere around when she confronted Red about his ridiculous attitude.

  “No, he dropped Little Bit here off with me and told me to take her over to Jim’s when I got tired of her,” Glory, looked down at Morgan with eyes full, “which isn’t going to happen any time soon.”