Broken

by Monica Rossi

  “Humans are the basic building blocks of almost all other sentient beings. With very few exceptions all, other beings mutated from humans in some form. There are a few… powers? Entities? That predate humanity, but they are rare and no one really wants to fuck them anyway.”

  Sidney shook her head, and Demon sympathized. It must be hard coming from a background of absolute mundane existence and being thrown into a life full of things she hadn’t thought existed.

  “So Jessica is your sister?” he asked, realizing he knew almost nothing about her life before he’d seen her in that day in the clubhouse. She nodded without expounding on the subject, “Do you have any others? A brother maybe, who might want to break my nose for what happened in the park?” He teased her, hoping to coax a smile.

  He watched the flush travel across her cheeks, down her neck and over her chest, he was going to have to embarrass her more often because the effect was lovely.

  “No it’s just Jessica. How about you? Any siblings other than Red?”

  Demon coughed, giving her points for hitting a sore spot, “None that I’m aware of.”

  “Red never told me you were his brother you know, I figured it out on my own. I thought all that ‘brother’ talk was just because you were both in the club.”

  “Half brother actually, we had the same father, different mothers.”

  “So that’s why Glory was so rude to you the other day. You’re a younger brother, meaning Red’s father cheated on her.”

  Demon turned around on the stool and faced the bar, wishing the conversation hadn’t taken this path, “Well, that’s one way to look at it.”

  “Is there another way?”

  Demon took a sip of his beer, “There are always four sides to every story, you just have to pick which one you want to believe.”

  “I guess that’s true. But from Glory’s side, and Red’s side, your father cheated, with a witch, and caused their family a lot of pain and drama?”

  “My mother is not a witch.” There, he’d said it, the words he’d never said to Red or Glory. He let them believe whatever they wanted, whatever made life easier for them, whatever made them feel better about themselves. That didn’t mean it was true.

  Sidney looked confused, and he didn’t blame her, but he was done answering questions for the night.

  “Then what was she? I saw how you healed Red, and unless I’ve missed something, shifters don’t have those kinds of powers.”

  Demon stood up and pulled some bills out of his wallet, throwing them on the bar without counting them. “I’m going to go get some rest, it’s been a long day.”

  He turned to leave but Sidney caught his arm. “Don’t go, I’ll stop asking personal questions if you don’t want to answer them. I just don’t want to be alone right now.”

  Splattered with rust colored splotches, feeling sticky and tired Red sat that the bar in the clubhouse, alone, drinking and trying not to dwell to long on what had just happened. Because it had been horrifying even to himself, and he was the one doing it. It was horrifying now, but in the moment it had felt so good, so right, like nothing else had ever needed to be done like that had. Every scream, every time blood sprayed him as his fist connected with flesh, every time he pulled the knife out and watched the damage it left in its wake, it had felt good inside. So deeply satisfying. And that scared him more than anything.

  Demon, of all people, was right. As much as he hated to admit it, this wasn’t the way the Dogs did business. This was the way monsters did business. And he had loved it. Even now he was tempted to go do the same thing to Trainz and BillCo, watching them die slowly as he released his frustration on their frail old bodies. The thought excited him and made him want to vomit at the same time.

  He looked down at the arm holding his beer, it didn’t even feel like his own, it had done things he would never have done, as evidenced by the red speckles across his skin. He would go wash it off but then he’d have to look at himself in the mirror, and he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to do that again without seeing the reflection of something he’d never wanted to be.

  Even the rest of the guys couldn’t look at him. They’d left the room one by one, until only Donny-O remained to see it through to the end. And it hadn’t come quickly, Red was too far gone in his rage and bloodlust to care what anyone else thought about him, how they saw the cruelty with which he treated his fellow shifter. He hadn’t cared, even up to the end when, despite Red trying to draw it out, letting Big Dog heal just enough to stay alive before damaging him again, the old man had finally succumbed to his numerous wounds.

  It wasn’t until Donny-O put a hand on his shoulder, and turned him around, away from the body that Red had seen himself through Donny-O’s eyes. Covered in Big Dogs blood, heaving in breaths from the effort of working over an old man, eyes wild and lost in a wrath that could no longer be traced to just one thing. It was only then that Red had come out of his trance, feeling the slightest smidgeon of shame.

  “I’ll take care of Trainz and BillCo,” Donny-O said.

  “Give me a little while, I can do it,” Red said, still panting, “It won’t be… like this.”

  “No, it won’t be, because you won’t be going near them.”

  “He was a traitor Donny-O, he deserved this,” Red tried to justify his actions, not only to Donny-O but mostly to himself.

  “Yes he was, but he was also a man, and no man deserves to die like this.” Donny-O shook his head and turned to leave, but stopped short, “How are you going to look his granddaughter in the face after this man? Killing him was one thing, a thing that had to be done. But every single person in this Club knows what you did here, soon the whole town is going to know about it. No matter what Big Dog did, he had kin who loved him, and they’re our family too. What you did here tonight… you didn’t just do it to Big Dog, you did it to every single person who loved him.”

  Red wanted to argue, to shout at him, but the fact was he couldn’t. Because in that moment he knew what he’d done was wrong. He’d let the anger and fear he’d felt when Morgan was taken drown out everything else, he’d let it consume him until he was nothing but his rage, no humanity left to stop and think about the repercussions of what he’d done.

  Regret filled him, made him wish he’d stopped just once to think things through with a clear head. Instead he’d now have to live knowing that he had this sick thing inside him. That he was capable of doing unspeakable things, and enjoy it.

  He drank the rest of his beer and stood up. He had to go shower and face himself, there was no other option, and seeing the aftermath of such merciless violence and knowing what darkness lived inside him, was a small price to pay and far less than he deserved.

  The shower felt wonderful, it felt like an absolution he’d never be able to receive. Not just because of what he’d done but because of how much pleasure he’d had while doing it. Even now, thinking back, each snapshot of pain on Big Dog’s face, every moan every sound of bone crunching, gave him a thrill. He pushed each thought away, determined not to relive each moment and savor the flavor of the pain he’d inflicted, but the thoughts kept coming and he couldn’t find it in himself to find them as disgusting as they should have been.

  He turned the shower off, wrapped himself in one of the club’s threadbare towels and decided that he was going to get as drunk as possible, maybe then he could think of something other than how nice it had been to feel Big Dog’s guts slide across the palm of his hand.

  He walked straight to the bar, there was no one there to be bothered by him dripping water all over the floor, he’d driven them all away. And he knew they’d left because of him, to find comfort with people who weren’t savage psychopaths that sliced people up just for fun.

  Beer wasn’t going to cut it, so he pulled out a cheap bottle of tequila and drank straight from the bottle, sitting it down on the bar long enough to take a deep breath before he put it back to his lips.

  The door opened and a small brown hair
ed girl popped her head inside. It was the one Sidney had brought with her to the funeral.

  The girl looked at him, her eyes going wide. She seemed to like what she saw. He took another drag off the tequila bottle, unconcerned. He didn’t care if she looked, she was the only one who wanted to look at him at the moment anyway, he didn’t even want to face himself.

  “I, uh, I was looking for Sidney?”

  “And why would you think she’d be here?” his words were slightly slurred, he could already hear the alcohol in his voice.

  “Uh, I don’t know. She took off and I don’t have a car so I asked the cab driver to take me where the bikers hang out, and he brought me here. I figured she’d be with that Demon guy.”

  He nodded, it served him right if Sidney was with Demon, “She probably is, but they’re not here.”

  “Oh, well the cab driver guy was a total dick, he wouldn’t wait on me to come in and see if she was here.”

  “By all means, come in and make yourself at home, there’s more than enough room since we’re the only two here.” Red proceeded to ignore her as he nursed his bottle, intent on drowning out the fact that he was apparently a horrible person.

  “Can I just use the phone? I’ll call the cab guy back and ask him to pick me up.” The girl hadn’t even come all the way in the door, she was obviously leery of a half naked man well on his way to being drunk. Smart girl.

  He motioned toward the phone on the wall beside an old scarred dartboard that had seen better days and she tentatively made her way across the room. She made short business of calling the cab company back and letting him know she needed the driver to return.

  “I’ll just wait outside,” she said heading back towards the door.

  “Or you can come have a drink,” he held the bottle up to show her that there were a few remaining swallows left that he was willing to share, he was starting to feel really pleasantly buzzed, another drink or two and he’d be really nice and fucked up. “We’ve got some beer if you don’t want this.”

  She hesitated and gave him another once over with her eyes before she came to stand on the other side of the bar, “Sure, why not. This has been a fucked up day.”

  “Yeah, I can agree with that,” he said, swaying slightly where he stood. “I’m Red, by the way.”

  “Jessica,” she opened the beer he handed her on the edge of the bar like a pro and he re-evaluated her, there might be more to her than met the eye. Though what did meet the eye wasn’t bad at all to look at.

  “Here, have a shot since you’re not driving,” he pulled out a shot glass from under the counter and found a fuller bottle to start on. “Besides, like you said, it’s been a fucked up day.”

  “I’ll drink to that,” Jessica said before taking her shot glass and turning it up.

  ***

  “It’s getting pretty late, I guess I better head home,” Sidney took one last swallow of beer before getting up, shakily. “Thank you for staying and talking to me.”

  “Hey, you sure you can drive home?” Demon asked, he put a hand out to steady her.

  She felt a little tipsy, she’d had a little more than she usually drank, but no where near enough to get drunk. She started to tell him she was fine but stopped herself. They’d had a good time together, or as good as could be expected, considering. He’d been kind and made her laugh, which is something her life had sorely been missing. She was torn, on one hand she didn’t want to go home and face Jessica, who was inevitably waiting up for her to ask her questions, and on the other hand she felt like staying with him any longer might be dangerous. Not for her person, but for her heart. And she wasn’t ready to have feelings for anyone else just yet, especially not Red’s brother, not when the pain from having her heart ripped out and handed back to her hadn’t even had time to subside.

  He sat there waiting for her to answer him, that messy black hair making her want to brush it out of his face, those green eyes questioning.

  “I may have had one too many,” she said, hoping he didn’t see through the lie.

  “Well, come on, I’ll take you home.”

  “Haven’t you had a few too many too?”

  “Me? No, it takes a lot more than what I’ve had tonight to even make a dent. I’m an expensive drunk.” He tossed back the rest of what was in his glass and gave her a wicked grin, smiles like that should be illegal, and he started for the door.

  “Demon?” she said before they got to his bike.

  “Yeah?”

  “I don’t want to go home, Jessica is going to still be there and she’s still going to want answers. And I just want to… be.”

  “I know how that feels,” Demon looked up at the sky, seeing what position the moon was in, “It is really late, everyone has probably left the clubhouse or gone to bed, we can go there. I’ll sleep on the couch and you can have my room.”

  Sidney’s stomach flipped, “You don’t think Red will be there?”

  “Nah, he hasn’t stayed a night there since he got that little apartment over in suburbia, with the white picket fence and the swing set in the back yard.”

  She wasn’t sure, the last thing she wanted was a confrontation with Red, not after the day they’d both had, but she agreed anyway and got onto the back of his motorcycle tucking her skirt in self-consciously.

  The wind felt good in her hair and the thrumming between her and Demon was comforting, it made her feel connected to someone, like she wasn’t alone in the world.

  The ride to the clubhouse was a short one and she found herself wishing it had taken longer. Something about being exposed in the night air had made her feel lighter, more alive than she had in days. It also helped that it was the first time in recent memory she hadn’t been in a situation where she, or someone she was close to, hadn’t had their life on the line. Maybe she was just coming down off of an adrenaline high and that was what was making her feel so much calmer.

  They walked through the parking lot together and Demon held the door open for her. She was about to make a quick joke about him being chivalrous when her eyes landed on the bar.

  There in front of her was Red’s naked back, his body pumping rhythmically into some woman draped across the bar. Sidney froze and Demon bumped into her from behind. The sound obviously distracting Red from his carnal pleasures because he looked back over his shoulder and stopped.

  “Jesus Red,” Demon said from behind her, “What the fuck man?”

  The woman, because of either Red stopping his endeavors or because of Demon’s voice, looked over her shoulder and her eyes locked with Sidney’s.

  Jessica.

  A strangled sound escaped her throat, she was lost, trying to make sense of the scene in front of her, trying to pull the piercing sword of betrayal out of her chest. Demon put his hand on her shoulder and she felt his strength flowing into her. She straightened, and took a deep breath. This did not define her.

  “Sidney,” Jessica gasped, “I came here looking for you and…”

  “Yes I see what happened, no need to explain,” she said coldly as Jessica scrambled to find her clothes. “I would have expected as much from you. But Red,” she turned her eyes to him. “Even though you made it abundantly clear that we were over, I wouldn’t have expected you to turn right around and fuck my sister.”

  “What?” Red looked between Sidney and Jessica. Jessica’s face drained of color, her mouth forming a horrified gasp.

  “Sidney, I didn’t know. I promise you, I didn’t know you were with him. I thought you were with that guy,” she pointed a shoe at Demon while trying to keep the rest of her clothes pressed against her chest.

  Demon gently turned her back towards the door, “Come on Sids, let’s go.”

  She shrugged his hand off her and walked with steel in her steps over to where Red stood.

  She didn’t know what she wanted to say, but she needed to say something to him, needed for him to know how much she despised him in that moment. “You wanted me out of your life? Consider
your wish granted. When we saved you, you said you wish we had let you die. Well now so do I.”

  She turned and walked back out the door, not sparing a glance for Jessica who stood there naked and sobbing out apologies as she left.

  She couldn’t believe she’d been so stupid. So gullible as to believe that a man like Red could ever be just hers. She should have known from the beginning that he wouldn’t have stayed faithful. Hell, David hadn’t been able to stay true to her and he’d been a boring old veterinarian. How could she expect a hard living, motorcycle riding, gang member, werewolf to be able to keep his dick in his pants. It was downright unreasonable on her part.

  Twice. Twice she’d walked in on the men she’d loved with other women. Twice. Once was a mistake, twice was the start of a habit.

  But she wasn’t going to sit around and blame herself anymore. She might be a bad judge of character but they were the ones with the character flaws.

  She started to ask Demon where they were going, but then she decided she didn’t care. She didn’t care if they never stopped riding again. She didn’t want her feet on solid ground. She wanted to fly away and never look back. Fly away from everything she’d ever done wrong, from this new world she hadn’t wanted to discover, from everything. That’s what she’d thought she’d done when she’d come to Three Rivers, but it looked like her history was repeating.

  It didn’t matter where she went, until she got herself together she was going to keep making the same mistakes. The same errors in judgment, like trusting Red. Or Jessica.

  Sidney laughed at herself. She had really thought that this could be a new beginning for her and Jessica. That they could form the kind of bond that they hadn’t been able to when they’d been growing up. But Jessica was Jessica and she always ended up showing her true colors. Though, Sidney had to admit, it was entirely possible that she hadn’t known Sidney and Red had been together. It wasn’t like Sidney had felt like dredging up the whole screwed up history and talking it over with Jessica with so much else going on. But was it too much to ask that she not start screwing people the first few minutes after she’d gotten into town?