Paper Dolls, Book One

by Emma Chamberlain

  Meeting with Gavin was all predictable chaos. He’s always been seven steps behind the fighting few at the top of Huntington’s food chain. The second I sat down he was already behind and had to go hunt for his notes. He left me all alone at some weird table next to the music room, out in the open for all to observe. Not that I minded. It just wasn’t my style to take up a whole large table all by myself. For one: it was rude. For two: it plants a target on your head. People’s eyes always tend to find the one lonely face in the crowd.

  Naturally, that’s when Avery decided to wander in. I swear I have some keen sense of her now. It’s almost alien, my awareness. I could feel her car coming into the parking lot like it belonged to me. I saw her driver-side door open and her boots hit the ground. From over 30 feet away, I drank her body up with my eyes. I didn’t even know her and I was already feeling possessive.

  I swallowed hard.

  All I can say is I’m fucking screwed. There’s just something about this girl. No wonder I didn’t want to notice her before. Sometimes I’m too smart for my own devilish good. My eyes flickered again. As if seeing her hurt. Again. I was probably blocking her somehow that whole time I shut her out. I probably just intrinsically knew I’d fall for her if I ever let myself get within 20 feet of her actual face and her eyes. My intuition about people could definitely be intense.

  And that sounds shallow, I know it does. I never claimed to be immune to a pretty face. Natalie is gorgeous after all. That’s not in any way subjective. She’s a working model. That’s her fucking job.

  A girl can have her hidden weaknesses.

  I know it sounds stupid. I don’t know Avery yet at all. I know.

  This morning, probably because of the night, I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. And she stared back the whole time, finding me quick. So quick, I wondered if maybe she had been looking. I watched her walk by and noticed that she even looked back to see me before going away.

  She caught me I guess. What the hell is wrong with me? Talk about tactless! Talk about thirst!

  I kept replaying last night over and over in my head.

  I messaged her right away. Right after our stare-down. I didn’t want her to think I was mad at her.

  For whatever reason, I got lucky. She agreed to meet me after school. My heart kind of skipped at that. I wouldn’t agree to meet me after the last encounter we’d had. She was a lot nicer than I was.

  The rest of the day consisted of me trying not to freak out.

  I was distracted for most of the day. A lot of the teachers had special projects for me like they usually did. But when it came to Mr. Bradford’s yearbook class I found it nearly impossible to pretend I hadn’t just seen him all up on Avery Lockhart’s pleasant frame.

  “Olivia,” he said. “See me after. We have to talk.”

  I’d ditched my TA period to try and minimize my inner-turmoil. Right now though, I was stuck.

  We’d been halfway through class and I’d been spending most of it dazing off at nothing in particular and thinking of all the horrible things he’d probably done to her body.

  How’d he treat her? From the way he spoke to her I had many pictures in my mind. I couldn’t help but think about Nat and the way she decided to touch me during our last few times. I could see him being like that with Avery and I didn’t like it. I may not deserve better but she definitely does.

  “Sure,” I said, answering Ben. I pretended to be calm. I couldn’t think of why he’d need to see me. I felt a muscle in my neck twitch just a bit at his physical closeness. I stared down at my bare arm next to his. He was almost touching me in a lot of different ways. I moved my arm quickly to my lap to hide it from him. His cologne was strong today and he breathed long and loud like a content wild animal alone in a cave. I began to think on how Mr. Bradford never tried to hide the fact that he was just a man trapped in a beautiful body, no more than an animal, no less than a fine piece of work. He was so boyishly handsome it was almost a sin.

  Thirty… He couldn’t be more than thirty-five. He was old enough to have perfectly grown into his beauty.

  As he hung over me that way, spying, I thought of Avery again and clenched my fist. I thought of him hovering over her and breathing while saying menacing things. I thought of him touching her.

  Palpitations advanced inside of me; my heart raced.

  When he finally got bored and stepped away from me I could think again. Sadly, my mind raced after him never settling.

  I needed to stop.

  Two minutes into my panic I rushed over to him and slammed my hands down on his desk. Most of the kids in class were busy doing independent assignments, talking and laughing. Yearbook was mostly a screw-around class. As long as we got our stuff done Ben didn’t care what we did and people were loud. Plus, he liked to read. He was always reading and drinking coffee. Sometimes he was writing. The only thing that could complete his look would be a constantly smoking cigarette hanging out of his right hand as he leaned back in his chair with one foot propped up on his opposite jean-clad knee. I’d never seen him smoke before though. Why that image seemed right I may never know.

  “I can’t wait. What do you want?” I pushed.

  I wasn’t down for his bullshit. Not today.

  “I said, after class,” he whispered jokingly. He had that crooked smile. That one he used with her. But it was me he was looking at. Just as I thought, he saw me just the same. Just another target, another potential, another pretty young girl to corrupt.

  I swallowed my distaste and tried not to accuse him with my eyes. He had no idea what I knew.

  “I have to go somewhere after class,” I lied. “Some of us have lives, ya know.”

  He sighed a deep sigh and stood up. I watched as he pulled an extra chair over behind his desk and sat back down.

  “Sit,” he said, patting the empty chair that was now right by his side.

  Uncomfortably, I followed his order. What if this was how it started with her? What if she was his student in Health class? What if he was trying to-

  “You seem distracted,” he noticed. I felt my whole body slide closer to his as he used his strong hand to pull my chair from beneath me as close to him as it could possibly go. He did this with such ease. To him I was nothing more than a feather. He easily pulled me close.

  Without thinking I jumped up from the chair and stood up.

  That was so not happening.

  He started to laugh.

  “Whoa, you’re jumpy today!” He rubbed at his scruff. I tried to remember if he’d done that before with the chair.

  He had, of course. I was the one being different. It was me. It was a joke, that’s all. A stupid joke. There was physical distance between us. Ha. So funny.

  I stood nervously, forcing a smile out of thin air.

  “Mr. Bradford, did you really need to talk to me or are you just screwing with me?” I asked straight.

  “Hey,” he said, amused by me and a bit confused. He leaned his arms forward onto his desk and clasped his hands as he talked to me. “I was just going to say I talked to Avery yesterday and she said you were rude.”

  “What?!” Did she? Did she really?

  What?!

  “Um.. Well, it was weird,” I tried to cover. “She wouldn’t answer my questions. It was like she didn’t want to be interviewed or something and then I sort of snapped.”

  “You snapped?” He asked, looking up at me with a sort of light in his eyes. He always smiled while he spoke to me. I amused him. Usually we both smiled. Usually the feeling was mutual. Not today.

  “A little,” I said. “But she snapped too, right after.” I ran a hand through my hair nervously and looked around the room. I dunno why, I almost felt like she might be standing right behind me or in a corner somewhere listening. I thought of the invisibility cloak again, Draco’s foot in my face, that alien feeling.

  “Hmm,” he said. “That’s interesting.” He seemed to be enjoying the thought. “So what do you think?” I saw his eye
s graze my body with thought before snapping up to my eyes respectfully.

  “What do you mean?” I asked, shaken.

  “If she’s not into it, maybe you’re right.”

  My heart pounded. I was going to see her today. If he called it off I had no real reason to be seeing her. My mouth leapt in order to save me. “It was an off day. For the both of us,”

  I confessed. “She wants it and I- I actually think you’re right. I think the school wants this just as much as you do.”

  What the fuck was I doing?!

  “What?!” He scoffed in amused denial. He sat back in his chair and scanned the room before returning to stare at me. His eyes sparkled with joy and intrigue just as they had the night before.

  “I said, I think you’re right. She’s interesting.” I repeated it in a way he would hear. Consciously, I realized I’d been trying my best not to return his gaze, which was something I never did before, as least, not on purpose.

  “Wow,” he sighed, allowing his hands to fall down on his leg and tug on it. “What changed your mind?” He asked.

  “She’s strong,” I said. “I didn’t expect—” I cut myself off. He didn’t deserve it. “I dunno what I expected but I like her,” I said.

  He peered at me a long time, probably trying to figure me out. His mouth hung open just a tad. It was like he was about to say something but then he stopped himself.

  “I’m just saying I wouldn’t mind pursuing this. If the story sucks we can scrap it but right now I really think it has potential.”

  “You do know she’s an actual person right?”

  Of all the people to lecture me on that...

  “I know,” I said. I felt my hand move to my stomach and hold it. “Hey, I’m not feeling well. I-I think I’m gonna check out early if that’s okay with you.”

  “It’s fine,” he said, raising his eyebrows. His voice went high at the end and he seemed shaken by the change in me. Or maybe he was shaken by my opinion of her? Or maybe it was just my taking myself out of his class that changed him. I rarely did that. I usually loved his stupid classes. If anything I usually stayed over time and snuck in around him when I wasn’t supposed to be there. Him and I usually talked a lot and actually laughed. We were super close and I was just starting to really register all of that right now.

  A normal person would be happy he felt something at all.

  I guess I was too scarred.

  What was he expecting? Was he expecting me to meet her and hate her? Was this another part of his hidden game? Was I just a toy to get her all hot and bothered for him? Was that his plan?

  I packed up my bag and made myself leave.

  It was hard enough standing before him thinking all of those things he didn’t know. I felt betrayed by my favorite person in all the world. I also felt in some way like I had betrayed him by sneaking around and changing my behavior and thinking of things so darkly when they could just be coming off wrong.

  As I left, I felt my heart sink before remembering her.

  I was going to see her. I would have her at least for a little while. As long as I didn’t screw it up.

  Ben’s yearbook class was actually my last for the day. A lot of times I would stay over and hang in the darkroom with Ben or even pop into Ms. Chavinski’s art class. With my Avery date looming, I needed to breathe. For the most part, my teachers let me do whatever I wanted to now. I made them look good with my high test scores and my presence around others. I did a lot of helping out. I got constant extra credit. I was free labor and I made their jobs easier. That was something to push away my boredom. I was sick of it now. The administration offered me Valedictorian in a closed confidential meeting at the beginning of the year. I don’t think that’s even customary for other schools but I agreed to take the title whenever they were ready to showcase it.

  This whole year has just been strange.

  For whatever reason, now, I needed to drive.

  I got in my car, drove out to the abandoned countryside behind the school and floored it, taking the turns without mercy. I needed to distract myself. I blasted my music and sped along the abandoned roads. It was so much fun I nearly lost track of time. My voice was hoarse from screaming the lyrics to songs like Demi Lovato’s Confident and Lily’s Eyes from The Secret Garden Musical.

  I’ll even confess, I cried a little. I always do that when I feel passionate and I let myself emote.

  When I noticed the time I had to race back to the school.

  I was late for Avery.

  I couldn’t even believe it. It was the first time since I met her that I actually had time to forget.

  As the minutes ticked by I was sure she’d assume I was rude and I stood her up. That thought scared me more than anything else. I drove reckless and almost hit a parked car.

  I pulled into the parking lot, my heart racing with dread. But then I saw her. She was still waiting. I let out a huge breath I’d been holding in.

  Quickly, as if she could still somehow change her mind and completely vanish, I pulled up beside her, sort of breathless, and ordered her to get inside.

  It took her a moment but she finally obliged.

  It wasn’t until she slipped into the seat beside me that I realized we were actually doing this and I had no idea what I was going to do.

  A normal person would’ve thought about this and planned something. I spent most of my day trying to psych myself out just in case it didn’t happen instead. I never planned on actually having to deliver. But now I had her and she was sitting where only Natalie ever sat.

  I fiddled with the rear-view mirror and tried to concentrate on the drive. If I thought about her body next to mine I might have to pull over just to put in some distance and breathe.

  When she asked where we were going I just made something up fast to make it seem like I had my shit together.

  The truth was, I didn’t know.

  I drove the normal streets and found myself retracing Mr. Bradford’s drive. When we got to the Shell I corrected my path. What if I had accidentally driven straight to her house?

  Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

  I deliberately drove past the Shell instead of turning where he turned.

  She was quiet. It scared me.

  “Have you ever acted in the park?” I asked. I wanted to be pleasant this time, less annoying, less myself.

  We’d passed the park already but my mind was still there like yesterday.

  I felt my words spill out of me too quickly. With her I always felt rushed.

  “What? Ah- oh, yeah. The last two summers. It was fun..”

  “But you like it?” I asked. I forced myself to look over at her and smile. I didn’t want her to think this meeting was going to be like yesterday’s.

  She saw my smile and she softened. I was right. She didn’t trust me yet. I got that.

  “It’s okay,” she said. I could feel her finally relaxing.

  “What plays have you done?” This was an easy way to break into the normalcy of interviewing.

  My technique had been off yesterday. I’d been expecting open-and-shut but Avery was slow to open and harder to crack.

  “Well,” she sighed. I glanced over and saw her scratch her head and push at her hair. “Last year for Summer theater Mrs. Linx wanted us to pack the seats so we did Wicked.”

  “So, you sing?” I asked. For some reason I hadn’t really thought about her singing. I knew she was in drama but drama meant you had to act, not necessarily sing.

  “Oh, yeah,” she said off-hand.

  “Were you Elphaba?” I teased, looking over at her with a look of doubt about it all.

  “No,” she said, clearing her throat with a shallow cough. “Skylar was Elphaba. I was Galinda, and they took it down a bit, sort of switched our vocal rolls, changed the arrangement,” she confirmed. I didn’t know who Skylar was but Avery’s voice was lovely and deep in its natural state, pleasing and smooth like low humming.

  “The good witch,” I said, turning
back to the road.

  I liked interviewing her like this. But something told me she was starting to realize that was exactly what was going on.

  “Hey, no offense, but are you really taking me somewhere ‘cause I’m sort of starving?”

  “I told you I was,” I said curtly. I felt myself sigh with discontent. “Need I remind you that you are in no way obligated to do this?” I couldn’t bring myself to look at her again.

  Message received: Olivia Holbrook is awkward and strange.

  “No, it’s not that at all. I want to help you- I just get grumpy sometimes if I don’t eat.” She paused a second. I still couldn’t look at her. “Hey, athlete here, remember? Exercise too much. Never eat enough?”

  “Don’t worry,” I said. “I’ll feed you.” Her voice was even higher and cuter when she was being nice.

  “You don’t have to feed me,” she laughed. “I can pay for myself.”

  “Oh no. I’m paying. My parents are rich,” I smiled and scoffed to myself. I’d seen her life and I lived in mine. My parents didn’t care about me spending their money, it gave them more excuses to ask things of me and since they were planning to do that regardless it was sort of like I had no choice but to live it up.

  The car was getting closer to a certain place I could see taking her. I was just worried she wouldn’t like it. A lot of the places I liked were boring and had older clientele, businessmen, wealthy people. I never felt like a child. That was never a choice.

  I drove up the pristine paved road to the Inn on the Hill, a fancy and exclusive hotel I rarely stayed at but often visited for lunch or a late drink and study session. The owners knew my parents. I was more than welcome, I was pampered when I came. Daddy even asked me to drop in more one time when I was busy and I’d cut back. Apparently the owners liked having a Holbrook on display. They always gave me a booth by the windows in the back so I had privacy. It was never about actually seeing me but more about mentioning me when people asked which prominent people were in attendance. Which some people apparently did? I dunno. Weird politics I don’t quite prescribe to even though I take advantage. It was all pretty gag-worthy but at the very least I had a nice place where we could go and be alone. Privacy was something I cherished.