“AVERY!” I yelled, crawling up after her sort of wounded. I followed her into the Emergency stairwell. Panicked and scared, I reached out and grabbed her wrist.
“STOP!” I yelled, holding onto her.
I’d braced myself on the railing just in the nick of time. My hand and foot caught me, and her, as she pulled away from me with almost super strength. She could’ve easily tossed me down the stairs like I was no more than a lifeless mannequin. Again, I got lucky.
But I saw it in her eyes. Fear had a hold on her. She would’ve thrown anyone just the same. I held her wrist and made her see me.
She looked back, and I fought with my expression just to keep her. “I’ve got you,” I said. Her face changed, dropping. She looked like she was ready now to cry. “Come on,” I said, approaching her carefully and putting my arm around her waist to lead her down the stairs.
Her whole body was shaking. I couldn’t ask anything of her right now. From the looks of her what had happened was exactly as it seemed.
I didn’t know he was like that.
All this time I’d been hoping it was all in my head.
I pulled her arm around my shoulders and held onto her waist until we got down to the main floor. Then I pushed the door open and walked her out to the parking lot where the valet window was.
“Let’s get to my car,” I said.
I didn’t want her to stay in the hotel, not when he was there and unpredictable. I didn’t know what to do or what to say. I couldn’t protect her. That hit me like a ton of bricks.
When the car came, I helped her into her seat and got in to drive.
“Where are we going?” She asked.
“Anywhere else,” I said, starting the engine up and moving us away from this place.
I just needed to get her away from him. I had no idea what Ben would do.
She sat there beside me looking out the window but not really seeing.
“I’m sorry,” I said, once the silence became too much. At the very least, now I was happy she hadn’t stripped me of my blazer back in the room, it would’ve made it harder for us to leave.
I drove for a long time, passing at least three towns before deciding we were probably far enough away.
There was a hotel up ahead. Lots of these towns were for tourism during winter seasons. I’d stayed in a lot of them with my parents and their friends.
I knew the perfect place for us, with a parking garage hidden behind it. Ben would never think of looking behind some hotel to find my car and we were far enough away to be an annoyance to seek out. Not that I thought he’d just chase us but I never really thought he’d attack Avery either and look where we were.
“Where are we?” Avery asked, as I pulled up to the valet and moved to grab my wallet and get out. She’d held my hand stopping me.
“He won’t look for us here,” I said. “The parking lot’s hidden and I’ll use a fake name.”
“Olivia,” she said, pursing her lips while tears hung in her eyes.
I knew that look. That was the: I can’t thank you, look.
“I know,” I said. “Come on.” I didn’t have time to feel bad about her thanking me for stopping him. I didn’t have space in my head to think about what would’ve happened if I hadn’t been in that goddamn hall right then when I was.
As I got out, the world spun. I pushed through it, pretending to feel balanced.
I got out and gave the valet my keys. I told them to put it in a middle spot to protect it from the weather. It was bullshit but it would work.
“I got you,” I said, rushing to Avery and putting my arm around her waist again to help her inside.
She was weak.
I felt terrible. My shoulder still hurt and my wrist did too but I didn’t care.
“We need a room,” I said, once we got up to the front desk.
“Sure thing.” The man smiled. “Queen, double, or suite?”
They must’ve been empty. We got lucky I guess.
“Suite, please.”
“Alright and how will you be paying?”
“Cash,” I said, pulling my wallet out and opening it up. I kept a spare checkbook in my car with some back-up cash, I always did. Mostly because I could and nothing more. But my phone case had cards in it and cards could be tracked so I’d try with cash first.
The man tilted his head a little and looked at me. Then he turned the papers around on the counter and I had to let go of Avery to fill in the gaps. This place was independent and old school.
“You’re not in any sort of trouble are you?” He was looking at us, probably noticing that we were both frazzled and also too young.
I pulled out my duplicate ID and showed it to him.
“Holbrook?” He said, recognizing the name.
“I need you to not tell anyone we’re here. Confidentiality is of the utmost importance. I can call my parents if you need them to confirm but they might become angry with me for not being able to handle this alone.”
“No worries, ma’am,” he said. I could tell he would abide. That wasn’t an uncommon request for those linked to politics or celebrity. Judges weren’t exactly safe all alone in the public eye. You make a lot of enemies in my Mom’s line of work. It was kind of like being a Sheriff in the old west. People wanting to kill you and take you out was par for the course. There was nothing suspicious about the request. Plus, I knew my parents had stayed here before. I knew they’d be known. “Here’s your keys,” the man said. I left a couple extra hundreds since I paid in cash.
“Thanks.” I slipped my arm around Avery’s waist again and helped her to the elevator doors. I was actually surprised she let me touch her. I thought for sure by now she’d push me away. Something about all that scared me more. It must’ve been really bad for her to let me help her. Avery didn’t like it when people tried to help.
Once we got inside it was quiet.
I felt like maybe I was full of it. Maybe we wouldn’t be safe at all.
“We can call the police—”
“No,” she said, cutting me off. Just as I predicted, she didn’t want to report Ben.
A fire within me silently raged. We should report him. For the sake of the possible next girl and the possible next. But Avery said no so right now that was our decision.
When the large metal doors opened before us again I led her carefully out into the hall. “Okay,” I said. It felt risky though. We were supposed to be near him all week. We could deal with it later I guess. But what if he went further? What if he really had snapped or something, gone crazy? What if he really was a safety risk, someone with the potential to do even more harm than he’d already done?
For now I just wanted to make sure Avery was okay.
The hotel seemed pretty empty. I didn’t hear anyone as we walked down the hall. The doors were all thick and made of heavy wood. I knew there’d be chain locks on them. I knew, despite my paranoia, it would most likely be fine.
Even if he did come, he’d have to break the door to get through.
Scenarios played through my head as I opened the door and helped her inside. I’d gotten a suite because I knew it would be on one of the higher floors if not the very top. Plus a suite allowed space for privacy if Avery needed and wanted that. I could see that being the case. I didn’t need to be with her, I just wanted her to know that I would be if she needed me.
It was nice in the room. I’d booked a large one that had two beds separated, one in it’s own room, and one nearest the exit to the balcony and the tinted windows. There was a sort of common room too with a couch and a TV and some unopened wine on the coffee table just in case.
“Here,” I said, leading her over to the couch.
“I don’t feel good,” Avery said as I helped her to sit down.
I leaned down and touched her forehead, wiping her hair out of her face and sizing her up.
“What can I do?” I asked. “How can I help you?” She had to think about that. At the very least I was looking to
help distract her from her thoughts.
“A shower maybe,” she said. “Maybe a bath.”
“Okay,” I said, turning back slowly and leaving her for just a moment. Of course she would feel dirty. It’d been a long day but also…
Beside myself, I shivered at my thought. The bathroom was right by the hotel door and I stopped for a moment just outside.
My first instinct was that chain on the door. I shut the deadbolt and made sure the chain was secure.
Oddly, I didn’t want Avery to know I was frightened. It was like parents with children I guess. If children don’t know you’re scared they feel safe with you. I wanted her to feel safe even if I didn’t. My heart punched and skittered in my chest. It’d been going that way the whole time since the stairs. It felt strange, a bit stunted and tarried.
The bathroom was rather large. It had its own stand-up shower with glass walls and an optional seat inside. I thought about helping her in but decided to run her a bath just in case she wanted that more. A bath was more relaxing anyway. I just knew some people didn’t like them and I didn’t know her enough yet to be able to say which she’d prefer.
As the water got warm I sat there feeling dazed and dire, staring off into space.
The hotel had a basket with all kinds of things inside. My eye caught the bubble bath. I tore the plastic off and opened it up, sparing no expense ‘cause why bother? I used the liquid liberally and felt a small change when the room filled with a new and fabulous scent. If the situation had been different I might’ve found calm.
When the tub was full enough I shut the faucet off and went out to get Avery. I was only in the next room but it already felt like too much distance. I walked over to her nervously and knelt down, taking her hands.
She’d been curled up on the couch with her legs tucked up into her chest.
“It’s ready,” I said, pulling her shoes and socks off gently and helping her to get her feet down. She let her legs fall slowly down to the ground and once I got up she took my hand and allowed me to lead her to the bath.
I led her to sit on the side of the tub and I moved to give her some privacy.
“No, stay,” she said, reaching for my hand and stopping me. “Please.”
I looked around the room. I wasn’t sure where to go.
She tugged on my hand to lead me to sit down on the ground against the tub. I was shaking now, from confusion, from anger, from everything. I hoped to God she wouldn’t notice.
To my side I could hear her taking off her clothes.
I shut my eyes and sighed, laying my head back on the tub. I’d done all I could do for now.
I heard her chuckle and felt her pat my forehead as I pulled my legs up and hugged my arms around them, resting my forehead on my knees.
The next thing I heard was the sound of her feet stepping in.
“Whoa, it’s hot,” she said.
“Yeah,” I scoffed. But it wasn’t nearly hot enough to wash away such a disaster.
Her voice was hoarse. Probably from screaming. I shut my eyes up tight and tried to act calm.
I heard movement in the water and then a long relief-filled sigh came out from Avery’s lips. I felt her wet hand come up and touch my shoulder. Lacing my fingers with hers felt nice and for a second we both just sat there, hand-in-hand not looking at each other but just knowing that we were together and okay.
“Thanks,” she said. “I don’t know what I would’ve done.” The water splashed as she laid all the way back, her damp hand sliding even further down to my collarbone. “I can’t believe this is happening.”
I felt her wet body behind me as she pulled me in and hugged me from behind.
“This shouldn’t have happened,” I said, tears finally hitting me since I had done all that I could.
I didn’t want her to see me cry...
“What?” She squeezed her arm a little tighter around me. “I’m sorry I dragged you into all of this. Well, I’m sorry… Ben dragged you into this.” His name fell out of her mouth like a heavy stone. “Hey, don’t tell anyone about what he did, okay?”
“Why do you keep doing that?” She kept apologizing to me, kept saying sorry. So often the things that came out of her mouth were so far from the truth that they stabbed me in the chest and made me ache.
“What?” She asked.
“You keep apologizing Avery. You keep apologizing to me for things that aren’t your fault. Things that shouldn’t have—” I sucked in air to stop myself from showing my anger. My lungs drug in a shaky breath. She loosened her arm and laid back down in the tub.
I followed her lead and laid down on the bathroom tile. From the floor of the bathroom the ceiling seemed so far away. I liked that and I hated it. It was too bright. I wished the lights were off. I wished it was dark.
Normal vacation, be gone. We were supposed to have a boring, run of the mill, ski trip not some creepy lurker event.
I was so mad at him I could tie him up and burn him, I really could.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
“Now, you’re apologizing for something that’s not your fault,” she pointed out.
It shouldn’t have been funny but we both laughed.
“It’s my fault if I can’t handle these things. Not yours.” I had to say it. I was sick of her trying to cushion my fall. I wasn’t the one going through things. The only thing I was going through was her and I wanted her, I wanted her everywhere so it was fine.
“I feel like that’s what I’m always apologizing for to everyone,” she said. “Nothing’s been the same for me since my brother died.”
“What?” I asked, my eyes looking up and over at her. I could barely see her face from the ground.
I didn’t know her brother died…
“I don’t talk about it. No one in my family talks about it. That’s why my dad is always gone. We used to be a family and now it’s just me. I’m pretty sure my mom’s been drunk for two years straight.”
“Avery,” I sighed, my breath stolen. “I didn’t even know.” Why didn’t Ben…
Why didn’t Ben?! The question made me scream inside. Of course Ben didn’t tell me.
Ben is sick. Ben should be in an institution in his own padded room.
“No one knows,” she said. “I’d rather it stay that way.” It was a request more than a statement.
“Of course,” I said. I wouldn’t tell any of her secrets. I thought that was a given. I had a weird feeling and the hair on the back of my neck stood up. Could she really think this was all still information I was gathering for some stupid assignment in Ben’s class?
That ship had fucking sunk. I could still do a spread on Avery but I’d have her choose everything in it down to the font and the letter. I wouldn’t print anything she disliked, not anything.
“Thanks,” she said, pausing to move a little in the tub. “I guess I just had to figure out how to grow up as soon as he was gone. I take care of everything at home. Bills, groceries, cooking… Even my mom. Somewhere along the way I became the adult because she was just lost without Adam.”
She was rambling a little. This was new.
“It sounds like you’ve been very brave,” I said.
“Not brave. I just survived.” She laughed, letting out the stress of the last few hours. “That sounds so dramatic. Everyone does what they have to do to deal. I’m not special or brave… Or whatever word people want to use.”
I’m not people…
“You are brave and you are special. I don’t care what you say.” I wish she’d stop pretending. She didn’t need to be brave with me. She could get mad. In fact, I wanted her to.
“Okay, but I still think you’re crazy for liking me.”
“I don’t care if I’m crazy. None of that matters to me. What people think… Anything you’d want? I’d do anything for you.” My words echoed back to me and I realized I did sounds fanatical.
“I’m not used to people doing anything for me. It feels weird. Depending on someone
is dangerous because they usually just leave or don’t care after a while.” Was she talking to me? About me? “When people want to get close to me it’s usually been because they think I’m hot or cool or they want something. I’m just not used to someone actually caring is all.”
“We don’t have to talk about this,” I said feeling hurt. She was repeating them to me, all her valid reasons to stay away from me. I didn’t want them. With me they made no sense. I was going to be there. I was going to prove her wrong. No matter if we were ever romantic. I’d still want to be there for her.
I wasn’t like most people. I didn’t seek her out. I didn’t even want to know her until I did. Now I can’t stop caring, I can’t separate myself because I want to be different for her. I want to be better.
I wanted to ask about the lake and that night. How much did she remember? Was she trying to die? Was she mad when she woke up? Is that why she left?
Our conversation from our last room was so splintered and fragmented. There were so many things we both kept leaving out.
All the unanswered questions haunted me. When exactly did her brother die? Did Ben know?
I swallowed hard and tried to flush the uncertainty out.
“You should sleep,” I said. “You’ve had a hard day.”
I was talking to myself more than her. She seemed somewhat wired and in need of a friend.
But she did need to sleep, to clear her head.
Could she, at the very least, agree with me on that? I didn’t want to push her.
I took my phone from my pocket and opened a text message up to send one to Ben.
Olivia: Avery’s with me. Don’t report us or else. I know what you tried to do Ben. I saw her leaving your room. If it wasn’t for Avery asking me not to I would’ve already told my parents and the police. You’ve been warned.
That would insure, at least for now, that no one would be putting out an Amber Alert or anything like that when they did room checks and found out we were both gone.
Ben would have to do the checks. Ben would have to lie. Not that it would be a fucking problem. Not that he wasn’t already lying about too much.
Every time I thought of him now I felt so betrayed.
Paper Dolls, Book One Page 17
