“I don’t think it’s a good idea,” I complained.
“I’m not saying it’s a good idea. I’m just saying, if you’re scared, it’s definitely an option.”
“I’m not scared that he’ll try something. I just don’t know how I’m going to feel. It’s gross to think about.” What I did, what he tried to do. For so long I’d just not felt the real emotions but now it hit me. Now, that I had someone show me what real feelings were.
“We can leave,” she said. “I can drive us home… But sooner or later, if you don’t report him, You’ll have to see him again.”
“I know. We should just go back to the hotel. All our stuff is there and then we can figure it out from there. I’ll be okay.” I didn’t know that but I was so used to saying it. It had become second nature to assume that I would just survive things.
“Are you sure?” Olivia asked, worried.
“Yep,” I said, sitting up and looking around. My clothes were in the bathroom where I’d undressed yesterday. Her body was so warm next to mine. The little world we had created in this room could never last but that made it even harder to leave.
I slid my legs off the side of the bed and groaned as her hand closed over mine. “We should go,” I asserted.
“Ok,” she said nervously.
I didn’t want to address that. Dealing with what was going to happen next made me nervous enough. I padded to the bathroom and started to put on my pants and tank top. I’d been worried that they would smell but they were fine. I grabbed my hoodie off the floor and, with a long sigh, slipped it on.
She was getting dressed when I came back out. “Hey,” I called. She stopped what she was doing and looked up, her tank falling down to show that diamond of skin that teased me yesterday. “Thank you.”
I just needed her to know that I appreciated what she was doing and how she had helped me when she could have turned away.
“For what?” She asked. Sometimes she seemed so out of it, I wondered where she was in that head.
“You didn’t have to help me and you did anyway. That’s twice you did that and I don’t want you to think I don’t notice how much you’re doing for me.”
“I love you,” she said, looking over at me strangely and giving an awkward shrug. “I’d do the same for anyone though. Don’t think that I wouldn’t. You don’t have to be with me like this. I’d still want to help you Avery. You don’t owe me anything. Not even a thank you. I’d much rather you never ended up in this situation to begin with. Even if it meant it might take us extra-time to get where we are...”
“Vi, I’m not worried about owing you. I’m not going to take you for granted. People do that. They don’t bother to see how others go out of their way to help every day. I never want to forget to appreciate you.”
I skipped putting my socks on. Dirty socks weirded me out. My shoes would be fine. I slipped the socks into one of the laundry bags that were sitting next to the mini closet.
“Ready?” Vi asked. I felt her hand on my back as she came close.
I reached up, pulling my wavy hair away from my face. It was a disaster but there was nothing I could do. “I guess.”
She grabbed her wallet and keys and joined me at the door. “It’s now or never.” I was joking but she just looked at me, her vibe unfathomable. I reached for the door and held it open until she passed through. I took one last look inside before slipping out and letting the door close behind me.
When we got to the lobby it was deserted aside from the clerk behind the counter. I hadn’t even seen the place when we’d arrived. I’d seen nothing besides the rush of life passing around me. She checked out and I stood by, checking out the place.
It was nice, probably nicer than my family could afford but then I remembered again, I never saw Olivia as a rich girl or spoiled like other people might. To me, she was just Vi, a name I hadn’t even asked permission to use. She hadn’t yelled at me for it yet.
I resisted the urge to take her hand as we walked out, still unsure of the boundaries. We were technically in public but I pushed the urge back. Right now, I should be more focused on what I was going to say when I saw Ben. Her car was waiting and I got in the passenger side. It was a nice car. Not that I knew much about it. As I got in the concentrated smell of Olivia completely hit me and my eyes lolled a little in pleasure.
She got in and put the car in gear, driving us out of the parking lot and onto the highway. The last text from Ben had been him apologizing, like that would make it okay. “Has he texted you anything else?”
I’d half expected him to blow up my phone but then I’d remembered that it was back in our other hotel room probably dead by now.
“He did,” she said. I could tell though that she didn’t want me to know about it. “He said we had to be back by dinner tonight, that he couldn’t cover for us any longer than that, and that he felt bad even asking and that he’d understand if we didn’t show but he’d have to report us.” I wondered how long she’d been thinking about that, keeping that from me.
I clenched my jaw to keep the mass of obscenities from coming out. “You should have told me.” If I were in her position I wouldn’t have said anything either but I was mad at Ben. His nerve, dictating to us after what he tried to do to me. “What an asshole.”
“I hate to say it but he was probably just warning us. You’re right though... He is an asshole.”
I inched my hand over close to hers resting it on the center console, just staring down at our hands side by side. Somehow I got brave enough to put my pinky finger out and lock it around hers. Weird how shy I was about this stuff. I’d never really wanted to hold anyone’s hand before.
From the corner of my eye I could see a smile twitch up onto her face as her hand moved to fully hold mine. Her fingers entwined with my own as she completely stole my hand away, causing it to rest in her lap. Her eyes were still focused straight ahead on the road.
“You don’t have to be afraid to touch me,” she said. “I want you to touch me.” I felt her hand squeeze mine right after that.
I smiled into the sunlight streaming in through the windshield. Despite where we were going, and who would be there, I was okay. There were a lot of things unresolved. My family situation, Ben, and how I was going to handle it all. I just tried to find my strength in her hand holding mine. She made me believe I could face it for real and not avoid everything like I usually did.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Olivia
It’d been a mess. I tried my best but I couldn’t do much to help the fact that Avery wasn’t about to report Ben. And now I had to worry.
I was in the middle of thinking about what I was going to say to him when I felt Avery’s small pinky touch mine and then tug.
She was the most adorable person I’d ever met, addicting, so ridiculous.
I took her hand in mine and stole it away. For now she could be subtle and I’d risk it all. Given everything, that was fine, perfectly fine; our formula.
“You don’t have to be afraid to touch me,” I said. “I want you to touch me.”
When I looked over, and witnessed her, apparently content and basking pleasantly in the sun, my lips twitched and I felt myself smile more and then sigh. My smile fell a little when my own words finally registered inside of me. I had to wonder how many times I’d have to say it before she really trusted me. I wanted her to touch me. I’d already said it about six times in the span of forty-eight hours. At least, it really felt that way...
Forty minutes to the lodge. That’s all we had left.
I hadn’t intended for anything to happen while we were away but something did.
In my seat I felt my body worn in and used. Avery had done that, I was sore and I was achy.
It was good. It was a nice brand of pain simply stamped with her name. It was new and I loved it.
“What are you thinking?” She asked sweetly.
“I wish we could’ve stayed.” I told the truth.
“Me
too,” she grimaced. “It would have been nice to spend the entire rest of the week in bed.”
“We still can,” I suggested. She was the one who booked us a special room.
She laughed, squeezing my hand and turning to gift me a lopsided grin. “People would talk and we can’t have that. They might think I’m corrupting you.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I laughed. Did Avery’s people really think I was the innocent type?
“No one at school has ever seen you with anyone. Believe me, once all the swim girls found out I was rooming with you they started talking. Idiots. They think you’re a virgin prude.”
“Wow.” That was certainly interesting. “Sounds like you have some really great friends.” It was sarcasm, obviously.
“If you can call them that.” She apparently didn’t register it.
“Ahhh, that’s right, I forgot. Avery: the lone wolf.” I stared over at her with leery eyes.
With a toss of her hair, she turned, raising an eyebrow. “You kid but that’s pretty much it. I go out, have fun, but I don’t really get involved. I always wondered why people even bothered to want to hang out with me.”
“I’m scared to say this even, you know, because of how strong and violent you are, but the way you see yourself and the way others see you? It doesn’t quite add-up.” She was adorable.
“You’re smart to be careful.” She leaned over, growling a little in my ear. “But I have no idea what people see in me.”
“Mmmm,” I hummed. My eyes were suddenly too lazy to want to stay open. If I was smart I’d push her away. The sound of her voice just for me was my favorite of all sounds. “I’m sure they see what I see,” I said, focusing on the road again. It was hard to do when she was so addicting and so very close. “What if I pretend I’m sick when we get back? Would your friends talk about us then?”
I was beginning to wonder if she really did want to ski. I wasn’t planning to, not even once. I’d come to read alone and exercise in the hotel gym and get away from my stupid house and my parents. I never planned on any of this.
If things had been different last week, I would’ve taken this time to hang out with Ben…
“I don’t think anyone sees me like you do.” She pulled my hand into her lap and kept looking at my profile as I drove. “I don’t really want to ski. I just came to have something to do. And I like snow. I really don’t care what they say anyway.”
My heart beat faster in my chest.
“I’m kidding, you know,” I said. “As much as I’d love to trap you alone in the room with me I could just as easily have fun watching you ski from afar. Despite how much I love being near you, I think I can spare you a few hours if it’ll make you happy.”
My mind flooded back to the lodge and the giant living room they had set-up on the top floor overlooking at least half of the slopes. From there I could sit in a large comfy chair and work on my English essay or even just stare off into space as the large fireplace roared and the waitstaff delivered me chai tea and fancy coffee.
“Oh, so you’re going to watch me?” She pressed her lips together but they still curved up at the corners a little. “That’s kind of hot but I’ll probably just fall a lot. I’m better at snowboarding. I better do that so I don’t embarrass myself so much that you have to break up with me.”
“Do what you want. I really wouldn’t mind dressing your wounds.” No harm now in throwing it out there.
“Is that what they’re calling it now?”
“Who, the virgin prudes?” Her friends were certainly strange.
The car was filled with her laughter. It took a few seconds before she was calm enough to reply. “That was such a burn.” She sighed, putting her free hand on her stomach. “You’re good. I like the sass.”
“I love when you laugh.” It was all I could think.
“I love that you love that. And seriously don’t pay any attention to Skylar and Sarah. They’re probably just upset that I screwed up their plan about who was rooming with who by picking you.”
“I still can’t believe you did that.” It sort of baffled me.
“To be honest it was a last minute decision. Probably partially fueled by hormones and the chance to see you half naked.”
“Oh wow, you’re really wooing me here,” I teased. “Let me check my list: Rejected me after one kiss. Didn’t want to let herself love me. Left me in bed to run away and catch a cab. Randomly decided to room with me because, you know, sex. I’m sure I’m forgetting things but we’re almost to the lodge so I think I’ll just leave it at that.”
She shrugged one shoulder and pursed her lips. “What can I say? I’m an enigma. I seem to remember implying that I was crazy somewhere in all of that.”
I groaned. It was funny how many stupid things she apologized for when there were actually VALID reasons for her to apologize. At this rate she might as well just move into Pemberley and become Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy with all the accurate wooing she was mucking up.
She was quiet for a second, lost in thought. “But you know I was just kidding about why I chose to room with you, right?” She looked over, hopeful. “I only wanted to try and be friends. I guess I was probably being dumb, thinking I could be that close to you and not want to be more than friendly.”
“You were scared. I get it,” I noted. “I never would’ve had the balls to put you inside my room or even ask you for that. You really surprised me.”
The feeling came back. For a second there I had to imagine an entire week next to Avery, an entire week where it’d be very wrong to touch her.
“Yeah, in hindsight it was kind of mean of me to do that without telling you. I’m glad I did though. I don’t think I would have stopped being an idiot about you if I hadn’t. Still, it was rude of me.”
“It wasn’t rude. It was… Nice.” People weren’t really nice to me. Well, let me rephrase. People my age weren’t often nice to me. “I was overwhelmed, at the time. Emotions. Feelings. You know, an overwhelming urge to just rush you and kiss you. But, I really did want to be your friend too.”
“I don’t know why,” she complained, ignoring my very true attempts at lightening her up. “I’d be friends with you even if we weren’t involved.”
We were nearing the lodge and I was starting to get nervous. We’d have to face him soon, have to decide. I hated the feeling, thinking everything was about to go back to normal like nothing happened like he did nothing.
“We’re almost there,” I said, a sick feeling coming over me.
Avery’s hand was warm and sweaty in my own. I didn’t want to let it go.
“Whatever happens? I’m here,” I said. I couldn’t gauge if she’d get pulled away, where she’d go, what she’d do.
All I knew was I wanted to keep her safe and I couldn’t do that if she was going to have her own very real life.
With a pained sigh, she pulled away from looking out the window, fidgeting with my hand. “Thanks. I think it’ll be okay. We should probably go back to the room and text him that we’re here.”
As we pulled up to the lobby I felt her sit up all alert right next to me.
“No need for that,” I muttered darkly. Ben was waiting on a bench, holding his head in his hands.
As we rolled up to the valet in front I nodded my head for her to look and she saw.
A dam of anger broke inside me upon seeing him again. I remembered everything and wanted to murder him still.
I couldn’t put the car in park fast enough. I was up and out and headed straight for him.
“YOU BASTARD!” I yelled. As I came close he stood to face me as if he’d been waiting. I felt my fist pound at his chest as I yelled it again. “YOU FUCKING BASTARD! YOU FUCKING SHIT!”
I wanted to hit him harder. I wanted to tear him in two.
I was pathetic. He just held at my elbows and let me try and hurt him with both of my fists.
“OLIVIA!” I heard Avery yell.
“If you EVER come near her again
I WILL tell them! I WILL!”
I yelled, but Avery was pulling me away.
She had me by the arms and I felt her leading my arms backward and pulling me away toward the lobby doors.
“Olivia! Stop!” She said, getting quieter now. “People will see,” she growled.
I didn’t care what people saw. I didn’t have to explain myself. I could make something up. I might even just say he attacked me.
Avery pulled me hard into the lobby and I felt I was shaking and sore.
I let out my fists just to feel the damage I’d done. Ben’s chest had been hard.
His face was worn. He looked like he hadn’t slept at all.
I saw red. I was starting to realize.
Avery pushed me toward the elevator and people were staring at us. Or maybe they were just staring at me.
The doors opened and she pushed me inside.
I used my hands to hold at my head. I dunno what that was. I didn’t plan that. I didn’t plan...
All this time I just thought we’d come back and I’d be fine with just seeing him.
Chapter Thirty
Avery
All I could do was watch as she advanced on Ben, screaming at him and then pounding on his chest with her fists. He was shocked too but he just took it. The few people that happened to be around stared at us but none of them were from our group.
It was a small mercy but I focused on getting her away from him. She wasn’t hearing me, like I wasn't even there. Her sole focus was on punishing him. I didn’t have time to process what was happening, I just pulled her away, through the lobby, and into the elevator. Luckily, we didn’t have to worry about the valet since the attendant reactively did his job and took her car.
Olivia fought me at first but I was stronger. Once she realized what was going on she stopped fighting me and let me lead.
“What was that?” I hit the button for our floor and crossed the elevator to stand in front of her. Her hands were around her face, hiding it from me. I reached out, gently pulling one of her hands away. “Are you okay?” Her hand was cold in mine.
Paper Dolls, Book One Page 22
