To Break a Vow

by Chencia C. Higgins

  I made a noncommittal sound in the back of my throat. “That's crazy.”

  The sound of her sucking her teeth alerted me to her displeasure with my response. “The only crazy part is the fact that he's your age and yet not one of you boys is married yet! How is it that so many boys from you all’s graduating class are getting married or have gotten married in the past few years, and I can't get one of my children to give me a daughter-in-law? Hell, I'd even take a son-in-law at this point!”

  I snorted. “It's nice to know all you care about is your personal gain, Ma.”

  A scandalized sound came from her end of the phone. “You're trying to make me sound selfish, but all I'm saying is that I don't care about your sexual orientation and just want you to settle down, whether that's with a man or a woman. You're too old to still be out here running the streets.”

  “I'm not too old to do anything. I'm only thirty-five. Besides, I'm not even gay, Ma.”

  “Fine, Jer. Bi, pan, intersex, whatever.”

  That was the moment I realized my mother was spending entirely too much time on the internet. “Ma, chill out. Intersex isn’t sexuality, and I'm straight.”

  “Straight, gay, bisexual, transgender, his, hers, them, theirs, yours, mine, ours! I. Don't. Care! My question is: when are you getting married?”

  Oh, fuck.

  That was a direct question, one that I really couldn't deflect without knocking on the door of my conscience. The right thing to do would be to take this opportunity to let her know that I've already gotten married. To let her know that less than a year ago I’d asked a woman to be my wife and she said yes. To tell her that she had inherited another grandchild and she could stop hounding me for a newborn.

  But that wasn't the easy way because I knew exactly what would happen if I did that. I could already imagine things changing. Could already picture the exact moment when my family found out about Tonya. How my mother would swoop in and swallow her whole. How she would no longer be just mine, be something—someone—just for me. It was selfish and I knew it, but instead of telling my mother that she could stop fussing because she already had what she wanted, I deftly changed the subject in an attempt to shift her focus.

  “Wow, Ma. You’re just going to forget about the daughter-in-law you already have? So, Lisa don't mean anything now?”

  I could feel the heat from her anger, all the way through the phone when I said that.

  “Don't you dare! Don't you dare try and say that Lisa means nothing. You know how much I love that girl; however, she is just your brother's girlfriend even though they are too old to be boyfriend and girlfriend. Jeremiah hasn't achieved the level of maturity needed to propose to her. He's been stringing her along for all these years, playing house but hasn't made her a wife yet, and I'm pissed about it.”

  “Hold up, hold up!” There was no way I was going to sit there and let her bad-mouth my brother, knowing that the truth was nowhere near the way that she portrayed it.

  “Don't do my brother like that. Those two aren’t married because Lisa doesn’t want to be married. J has been proposing to her since they were in college, and she’s been shooting him down ever since. And you said he isn’t mature enough? Naw, never that. He’s the most mature dude I know. No one else is getting told no while they are down on one knee and still turn around and provide a good life for a woman.”

  I was angry and breathing heavy, but the silence on the other end let me know immediately that I had fucked up. That was information I was never supposed to share with anybody. The kind of information to take to my grave. J was going to kill me, bury me, then dig me up, and kill me again.

  “What did you say?”

  A groan was my only response to her question. Why hadn't anybody invented the time machine yet? I needed one—right now.

  “Ma...” I trailed off. I had nothing else to say. I’d already put my foot, my ankle, my calf, all the way in my mouth, and there was no way for me to undo the damage that I had just inflicted.

  “Ma,” I pleaded, “you can't tell him that you know.”

  “What do you mean I can't tell him? I'm not supposed to know that my son has been prostrating himself before an ungrateful hussy?”

  Chuckling, I drew a hand down my face. “A hussy, Ma? That's what we're going with?”

  “Well, what else could she be? My sweet baby has gotten down on one knee more than once and asked her to be his wife and she said no? Every time? And has the nerve to smile in my face when I call her my daughter-in-love?”

  Her words turned into shrieks, and I wished I was back home to calm her down.

  “Ma, please. J will kill me. It will hurt him to know that you know about his rejections. You know how sensitive he is.”

  “Of course, I do,” she snapped. “That's why I'm so upset about this. I can't believe that damn girl has sat her loose behind up in my face, knowing that she shut my baby down when all he wants to do is love her and provide for her. The nerve!”

  Oh, god. She was working herself up into a fit, and it would only be a matter of time before she went on a rampage. “Ma, seriously,” I tried again.

  “I heard you the first time, Jereth!” she shouted. “I'm not going to say anything to him but goodness, you can't drop this kind of news on me and expect me not to react to it. I'm not a robot.”

  “I know, I know. I'm just saying.”

  “Well, you don't have to say. You have said enough, actually. Now, I have to go see what's going on with that situation.”

  Panic seized me and I shot forward in my seat, knees banging against the rails of the metal table. “What do you mean? You don't have to do anything. J and Lisa are going to figure this thing out. Leave it to them.”

  She huffed. “I have left it to them. They've had all this time to make the situation right and look at them. Obviously, they're too stupid to figure it out on their own, and they need some divine intervention, so that's what I'm going to do. Don't worry, Jer; I won't tell your brother that you told me.”

  Then she hung up without saying goodbye, and I sat there, staring at the home screen of my phone, wondering what the hell I had just done. In an attempt to conceal my own secret, I threw my brother so far under the bus that he might as well have been a spare tire. Shit.

  The worst part is if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't change a thing.

  Chapter Fourteen

  When It's Time To Talk Man-to-Man

  I worked hard to put the conversation with my mother out of my mind, even going so far as to leave my phone on do not disturb so I wouldn't hear when Jeremiah inevitably called to bitch me out for spilling the beans. After a couple of weeks passed, I started to breathe a little easier and thought about it more. If Ma had decided to call him, or tell him to his face, or discuss a plan of action with him, or whatever she started to do, it was going to be what it was going to be, and there was nothing I could do about it.

  I might as well go about living my life and let the chips fall where they may.

  Lucky for me, there was plenty in Houston to keep my brain occupied. Wisdom was in every kind of sport and extracurricular activity there was available, locally and at his school. I was happy to see that he was big on baseball since the Hawkins were known to play regularly at family reunions and get-togethers.

  Wisdom's league baseball team had powered through a stretch of away games for about four weeks in cities outside of Houston and was back doing home games. I'd only been to one game so far but was finally able to attend one from the warm-up to finish, and I was looking forward to it.

  It was mid-August and this just happened to be the week that Wisdom spent at his father's home, so Tonya and I drove up to the field together about twenty minutes before the game started. She showed me around the athletic complex made up of about six different fields used for baseball and softball teams as well as four soccer fields and a large walking track. The complex was huge and I was shocked when she told me that it was only for area league youth sports,
not even for use by local schools.

  There was a nice breeze flowing; it was a beautiful day and by the time we reached the field that Wisdom would be playing on, the sun was high in the sky and I was grateful for the wide-brimmed hat that I donned before leaving the house. I followed Tonya up the steps of wide, metal bleachers where her family was seated next to a group of people that I didn't recognize. I said my hellos to her sisters, gave her mother a hug, and shook her father's hands, waiting as she introduced me to the other group of people who I learned were Wisdom's paternal grandparents, his father, and his father's fiancée.

  I held out my hand to Evan for a friendly shake and quirked a brow under my hat when he gripped it a little tighter than necessary. What the hell was that about? His smile was friendly enough and seemed to convince Tonya that he had the ability to play nice, but there was something in his eyes that said he didn't trust me. The nod he aimed in my direction almost read like a warning, but for what? I let it be what it was because with his fiancée sitting right there next to him, thigh-to-thigh, and my marriage to Tonya, it couldn't be what it looked like although it definitely seemed to be. I sat next to Tonya on a bench and settled in for the game. Or rather, I tried to settle in for the game. There was a prickling sensation that I was being watched. I thought it would go away, but as we entered the second inning of the game, that niggling feeling was still there. Glancing around the bleachers, I turned to see Evan facing me with a hard stare. With the tilt of my chin and raised eyebrows, I tried to ask him what was up, but seeing that I was on to him watching me seemed to have snapped him out of his reverie. He shook his head and faced the field where his son had just gone up to bat.

  If that had been all, it would have been fine, except another fifteen minutes went by, and I felt that same sensation. This time, I had an idea that it was Evan, but instead of looking at him, I wrapped an arm around Tonya's waist and pressed a kiss to her temple. I didn't know dude's issue was, but I'd be damned if I let him intimidate me. An hour rolled by and before I knew it, the game was coming to an end. Wisdom’s team was leading by two runs and although the other team was at bat, it appeared that the game was in the bag. After a final strike-out, we all shot to our feet, cheering and hollering and chanting Wisdom’s name, even though he wasn't the pitcher.

  We all exited the bleachers, my hand wrapped around Tonya's as we walked around the field to where the teams emptied out of the dugout, after shaking hands with the other team, to let in the next teams come in and prepare for their game. The whole family crowded around Wisdom, hugging him and telling him how proud they were of him and what a great game he played. It brought a smile to my face to see how loved this little boy was, how involved his family was in his life. It was amazing to witness.

  I learned that it was their tradition to always go out to eat after a ball game, and today's restaurant of choice was apparently Wisdom's favorite place. It was a fast-casual local pizza parlor called Pie Hi. They had pizza, desserts, and arcade games, similar to the type of places I grew up on back home like the Big Banjo. When everyone agreed to head that way, we all dispersed to our respective vehicles and drove into town. Wisdom elected to ride down with Cyrus and Cynthia, so Tonya and I climbed into my Benz and left the same way we came—alone. She gave me directions to the restaurant, and I tried to think of a way to broach the subject that had been going through my mind since the baseball game has begun. Finally, I just spit it out.

  “Hey, do you think it's possible that old dude is still in love with you?”

  Tonya gave me a crazy look from the passenger seat. “Who, Evan? What? Hell no!”

  She sounded sure but I knew the vibe I got from him at the field, so I pressed on. “Not even a little bit?”

  “Not even,” she said, now sounding amused. “I told you that he divorced me while I was pregnant, remember? I was big and pregnant with his child, yet he cut me loose. That was more than eleven years ago, so there's no way that he's still in love with me. Not only that, but he has a whole-ass fiancée that he's been living with for years. Since Wisdom was a baby! There's no possible way that he could still be in love with me; that doesn't even make any sense.”

  I nodded even though I didn't agree, and didn't say anything else. After a few minutes, her hand slid onto my thigh and she squeezed.

  “What made you ask that question?”

  “The way dude acted at the park made me think he felt a way about me. That's why I asked.”

  She made a short humming sound but that was it. I glanced at her.

  “You don't have anything to say?”

  “Say about what?”

  “I just told you that your ex was acting like he’s still in love with you and you don't have anything to say about that?”

  She laughed. Actually opened her mouth wide, tonsils showing, and laughed. “What do you want me to say?”

  What did I want her to say? “I don't know. Anything would be better than the nothing that you gave me.”

  Reaching across the center console, she squeezed my thigh even as she shrugged. “Nothing is all I got, baby.” I felt a little warmth in my chest from her calling me baby, and I tried not to smile and change the subject. “You have a thought about something, and I can't change the way you think, so there's nothing for me to say.”

  That was logical. I guess there really wasn't anything that she could say about it. But, damn, I just wanted a little reassurance, anything. Was this a simple case of feeling territorial or was it jealousy? I didn’t know.

  We arrived at the pizza parlor along with everyone else and went inside to find a set of tables had already been set up for us. With Wisdom planted in the middle, we all sat, fanning out alongside him. Tonya sat next to him on his right with me next to her while Evan sat directly across from him with his fiance in front of Tonya. Wisdom’s grandparents were on his left-hand side with his aunts next to me and Alicia respectively.

  A teenage server came over to bring us menus and take our orders for drinks before disappearing. Buzzing with energy, Wisdom rattled off his order to Tonya then asked Evan for some money before scrambling out of his seat and heading for the arcade, quickly followed by a couple of other little boys who wore identical uniforms to the one he was wearing. I noticed that other families from Wisdom's team had also chosen Pie Hi as their post-game wind-down spot.

  “So, what is it that you do, Jared?”

  I looked up from my menu, and my eyes collided with Evans. He was sitting forward in his seat, leaning on the table with his arms folded in front of him. Conversations were going on around us, but nobody but Ava and Tonya seemed to be even paying attention to the two of us.

  “The name’s Jereth. With a T-H. And I'm in real estate.”

  “Oh,” he nodded slowly. “Yeah, man. I've been seeing a lot of people jump on that real estate bandwagon lately. Those seminars advertised on social media got you too, huh?” He chuckled and I noticed how his fiancée touched his arm and rubbed lightly. Could she also tell that he was bullshitting? Was she attempting to calm him down and shut him the fuck up?

  “Nah, I don't know what seminars you're talking about. I was born into real estate; my parents started an agency before I was even born. No bandwagon over here man, sorry to tell you.”

  “I feel that; I feel that. Well, let me get your card man. You know, me and Ava have been thinking about buying a house once we get married and you know, maybe you can help us find something and secure a little nice commission for yourself, something like that.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh. This guy was really irked by my presence, and not just here in the pizza parlor, but my presence here in Tonya's life. He was exhibiting too much animosity for this to just be about Wisdom. I’d understand some suspicion and even a flatout warning about his son, but posturing was never about the kids. Acting as if he were throwing me a bone with his business had nothing to do with Wisdom. If I'd had any doubt earlier that this dude was still in love with Tonya, this just eliminated it right here
.

  “I rarely negotiate residential sales, and even then only as a favor to my parents or brother. But since we're basically family, I guess we can talk about it.” Digging my wallet out of my inside shirt pocket, I retrieved a sleek, chrome business card and handed it to him. Ava snatched it out of my hand before Evan could even lift a finger, and it disappeared inside of her purse before he could even open his mouth.

  “Thanks, Jereth. We’ll be sure to give you a call when we reach the home-buying stage.”

  I nodded, praying that was the end of Evan’s mess. Leaning to my left, I pressed a soft kiss just below Tonya's earlobe, reveling in how she still smelled so good after baking in the sun for three hours.

  “You good?” I whispered into her ear so that only she could hear me.

  She nodded.

  “Good.” I kissed her a second time, not to put on a show but just because I could, because I wanted to, because I couldn't be this close to her and not constantly have some part of my body on hers.

  After we gave our orders and menus to the server, I excused myself to go to the restroom. I was washing my hands when Evan walked in with a mug on his face. Chuckling, I shook my head. This dude was really bothered. Even his piss hit the side of the urinal aggressively. Leaning against the counter, I took my time drying my hands on a paper towel, removing each of my rings and drying them individually before replacing them on my fingers.

  The urinal flushed and Evan turned toward the sinks, freezing for a second when he noticed that I was still standing there. He was quick to school his features into a blank expression, but I saw the moment that he noticed me and recognized the shock on his face.

  “You good, bruh?”

  He didn't look up from his hand washing session. “Yeah, man, I'm good. You good?”

  “Eh, I would be if I didn't feel like you had a problem with me. So, let's talk about it. What's really good?”

  His shoulders stiffened, and he reached for a paper towel, pulling harder than necessary and ripping the thin fabric in half. It was two more tries before he had a viable piece of paper with which to dry his hands.