Again and Again (Forever and Always #10)

by E. L. Todd

  Again and Again

  This is a work of fiction. All the characters and events portrayed in this novel are fictitious or used fictitiously. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the publisher or author, except in the case of a reviewer, who may quote brief passages in a review.

  Copyright © 2014 by E. L. Todd

  All Rights Reserved

  ISBN-13: 978-1497369122

  ISBN-10: 1497369126

  Again and Again

  Book Ten of the Forever and Always Series

  E. L. Todd

  “And if you were to ask me

  After all that we've been through

  Still believe in magic

  Oh yes I do

  Oh yes I do

  Yes I do

  Oh yes I do

  Of course I do “

  “Magic”

  Coldplay-

  1

  Cortland

  Scarlet came to my office the next day to have lunch with me. It was a routine we were accustomed to. She would make me a healthy lunch, the same one she made for Sean, and sit with me. Sometimes I still worked and she sat in silence, picking at her food. We didn’t always need to talk. Just having her there reminded me I wasn’t alone. That I was loved by someone.

  She sat across from me then finished her sandwich. I ate mine then moved onto the yogurt. She kept eyeing me. “So…what happened last night?”

  I wondered when it would come up. “She came to my apartment and we talked.”

  “I figured that,” she said sarcastically. “Spill it. She came home in tears so I didn’t ask her.”

  That made me sick. I didn’t like hurting Monnique. It was therapeutic to get all the resentment off my chest, but it countered the pain it caused her. “She asked me to take her back.”

  “And you said no?”

  I nodded. “I wasn’t sure if I would or not. A part of me just wanted to pull her into my arms and tell her to forget about everything. But another part of me got so angry…I told her how I felt, yelling at her. I just blew up.” I shook my head. “I felt bad afterwards.”

  Scarlet opened a bag of chips and munched on them. “So, it’s really over between you?”

  I shrugged. “It’ll never be the same. I’ll always resent her for what she did to me. I’ve always been selfless in our relationship, and I’m tired of being the one who always gets hurt. I know she loves me but…not in the way I love her.”

  She nodded but kept her silence.

  I studied her face. “Do you think I made the right decision?”

  She kept her look down. “Only you know that, Cortland.”

  “But I value your opinion.”

  “Which is why I don’t want to give it,” she said. “I don’t want you to take it literally. This is your relationship. Only you can decide what’s best.”

  “So you think I should have taken her back?”

  “No,” she said quickly. “That’s not what I’m saying.”

  “Then just tell me,” I said firmly.

  She sighed then shook her head. After a moment, she spoke again. “I know what Monnique did was wrong. Everything snowballed at the end and got out of hand. We’ve all become resentful toward her as a result. But I honestly think she loved you. Truly.”

  “So…I made the wrong decision?”

  “No. I think you did the right thing. She can’t just come back and expect everything to be okay. She hurt you so much… There was nothing else you could have done.”

  “Well, I’m surprised you forgave her so easily.”

  “I haven’t,” she said firmly. “I’ve forgiven her for the way she treated me and everything she said. I’ve consoled her during this horrific time because she’s still my friend and I still love her. But to be honest, I’m livid with her.”

  “Livid?”

  “I can’t just forgive her for what she did to you. That was just wrong. I went all the way to Seattle to talk some sense into her and it had no effect. You were completely ripped apart and shattered. None of us forgive her for what she did to you. It’ll take her a long time for us to sweep it under the rug and call it a thing of the past.”

  I was relieved by her words. I thought I was being too harsh on Monnique. Knowing my family supported my decision and felt the same way consoled me. “Thanks.”

  “Yeah.”

  “And thanks for being her friend right now. I’m glad she has someone.”

  “You know me, Cortland. I’m not cold. Now she’s going through what you went through—just three months later.”

  “I can’t believe this is happening…” I ran my fingers through my hair. “Just when I start to get better, she comes back and turns my world upside down.”

  “I know…”

  No longer hungry, I pushed my half eaten lunch aside. “Thanks for the food.”

  “Sure,” she said quietly.

  “How long is she staying?”

  “She said she’ll move out when she finds a job.”

  “So, she’s really staying here?”

  Scarlet nodded. “She said she’s going to get you back.”

  “I don’t want that… How am I supposed to move on if she’s constantly fighting for me?”

  “She’ll give up eventually and leave. Does that mean you won’t be hanging out with us? Because Monnique is around?”

  “No, not at all,” I said quickly. “I’m not that type of person.”

  “Okay. Because she’s friends with Janice too. And even though we’re all upset with her, we don’t hate her. She’s still our friend—in a way.”

  “I know.”

  “So…what does Hazel think about this?”

  I sighed in frustration. “For the final time, we’re just friends. And I haven’t told her.”

  “She’s still been very close to you. I know you tell her everything about Monnique. That’s all…”

  Now I felt bad. “I’m sorry I snapped.”

  “It’s okay. I know you’re under a lot of stress.”

  I looked at the time. “I should probably get back to work.”

  “Okay.” She threw her trash away then stood up. She came to me and wrapped her arms around me, letting me rest my head on her shoulder. I closed my eyes for a second and cherished the closeness. Even though I was the one who pushed Monnique away, it still hurt to do it. I needed my family right now.

  “I’ll see you later,” she said.

  “Okay.”

  She smiled then left my office.

  A few minutes later, I took my report and walked to Sean’s office. I made sure I knocked just in case Scarlet was still here…and doing something nasty to him.

  “Come in,” he said.

  I walked in, the paper in hand.

  “You’re the first person who’s ever knocked on my door,” he said with wide eyes. “You need to teach Mike how to do that.”

  I laughed. “I thought Scarlet might be in here…”

  “No. I only got a kiss before she left. But I’ll get a lot more than that when I get home.” He winked at me.

  “TMI, man.”

  Sean laughed. “What’s up?”

  “Here’s the report you asked for.” I placed it on his desk.

  He skimmed through the numbers. “Thank you.”

  “I’m sorry I’ve been taking so much of Scarlet’s time. I hope there’s no issue. The last thing I want is for you guys to fight over it when you got a baby on the way.”

  “It doesn’t bother me at all,” he said simply. “I trust my wife and my brother.”r />
  Those words relieved the stress on my limbs.

  “And I know you need her right now. Besides, she usually comes in here and gives me a treat for being so understanding.” He winked at me again.

  “Dude, TMI.”

  Sean shrugged. “Like anything among us is confidential.”

  “True.”

  He leaned back in his chair. “So…how are you holding up?”

  “I’m okay, I guess.”

  “Monnique seemed really upset last night. I’m assuming it’s really over?”

  I nodded. “Scarlet will give you all the details later.”

  “Okay,” he said. “I’m sorry it didn’t work out.”

  “Yeah. After everything she did, I couldn’t just take her back. It’s been three months…”

  “I understand,” he said. “She should have realized it sooner, not after the battle was already over.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Well, if you need anything let me know.”

  “Thanks, man.”

  Sean nodded.

  Hazel and I went to the metropolitan museum of art after work. She took a few art classes in college so she was knowledgeable about the subject, and I was always open to learning new things.

  We went through the Greek section and she told me about the paintings and the artists. It was nice to stare at a piece of artwork and feel the pain of someone else, not mine. And there was a sad beauty to it.

  When we walked out of the museum, we stopped on the sidewalk.

  “Did you like it?” she asked.

  “Yeah. It was pretty amazing.”

  “I’m glad you liked it.”

  I nodded. Having a friend outside my family was nice. I knew they would question me about Monnique and talk about her the entire time. Hazel was always a breath of fresh air.

  “So…have you thought about what I said?”

  I knew this topic would come up eventually. “Hazel, you’re a very beautiful woman and you have a great personality, but I’m just not there.”

  “Okay. That’s fine.” Judging by the tone of her voice, she meant it. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”

  “I realize this process won’t be easy, and I honestly don’t think forced intimacy with anyone will speed it up.”

  She nodded. “Well, when I said I liked you, I meant it. I may not be over my relationship, but when I am, I would like to go on a date with you, if you are willing…”

  I hadn’t considered that. Dating in general was still off the table for me. “I can’t commit to anything right now, Hazel. And I would hate to say yes only to change my mind later. I’m sorry.”

  She touched my arm. “No, it’s okay. Thank you for your honesty. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

  That was why I liked hanging out with her. She was candid and understanding. She never got upset about anything, and she was always patient with me. When she pushed me too far, she always backed off.

  “Monnique came to my apartment last night.”

  Her eyes widened. “What? What happened?”

  “She asked me to take her back.”

  “Did you…?”

  “No.”

  “Wow…” She crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m surprised you didn’t.”

  “I am too. In the moment, I realized how angry and bitter I was. I couldn’t take her back when I felt that way.”

  “Are you okay?” she asked.

  “No. It was hard to turn her away. My heart naturally wanted to pull her into my arms and forgive her for everything. And I took no pleasure in hurting her.”

  “Well, if this is what you want, I’m happy for you.”

  “Thank you.”

  We stood together on the sidewalk while people passed us.

  “So, you’re over forever?”

  “I guess.”

  “It sounds like you’re over her.”

  I shook my head quickly. “Definitely not. Believe me. It was hard to say no.”

  “Well, I’m here for you if you need anything.”

  “I know,” I said quietly.

  My phone rang in my pocket. After I glanced at the screen and saw Ryan’s name, I answered it. “Yo.”

  “Hey. I heard through the grapevine Monnique came crawling back on all fours.”

  “I wouldn’t put it that way.”

  “Well, I’m gonna. And I’m glad you told her to fuck off.”

  “I wouldn’t put it that way either,” I said.

  “She can’t just ditch you for three months then come back and expect a warm welcome. Fuck no.”

  Ryan was more upset than I was. “I’m hanging out with Hazel right now. I’ll talk to you later.”

  “Come over for dinner. Janice made enchiladas.”

  “Um…I’ll ask Hazel. Hold on.” I put the phone against my chest. “You want to go to Ryan’s for dinner?”

  “Sure.”

  I put the phone back to my mouth. “We’re on our way.”

  “Cool.” Ryan hung up.

  When we came into the apartment, Ryan clapped me on the shoulder. “You alright?”

  “I’m fine, man.”

  “Good.” He turned to Hazel. “Thanks for coming.”

  “I wouldn’t turn down Janice’s food for anything,” she said.

  Ryan gave me a firm look. “I like her.” He clapped me on the shoulder again then walked into the kitchen.

  We all sat down and Janice placed the food on the table. Wine and rice was served as well.

  Ryan shoveled the food into his mouth. “I can’t believe Scarlet is letting Monnique stay at her place. I’d throw her out on her ass.”

  I didn’t like saying mean things about Monnique. Even though she deserved it, I loved her too much to speak ill.

  Janice kept her silence and looked down at her food.

  Ryan turned to Hazel. “This is a winner right here. She’s nice, pretty, sweet, in the same boat as you, and pretty damn awesome. Fuck Monnique.”

  Hazel blushed at his words.

  “Hazel and I are just friends,” I said firmly. “How many times do I have to say that?”

  “Don’t give me that shit,” Ryan said. “A guy and a girl are never just friends.”

  “I’m friends with Scarlet.”

  “And you fucked her,” Ryan snapped.

  “But I’m friends with her now and I’m not fucking her,” I countered.

  “I’m just saying Hazel is way better than Monnique. Just keep that in mind.”

  Janice glared at Ryan. “Knock it off.”

  He flinched. “What?”

  “Monnique made a mistake and she admitted it. She apologized and she meant it. Give her a break.”

  I could tell a fight was about to break out. Ryan and Janice hardly ever argued, but when they did, they butted heads. They were both extremely headstrong and vocal.

  “So, now everything is okay?” Ryan asked incredulously. “She dumped Cortland then took off, both based on a fucking stupid reason. She’s a bitch.”

  Janice’s face turned red. “Don’t talk about her like that! She’s still my friend. We all do things we regret. Don’t act like you never have, Ryan Sisco.”

  Damn, Janice was pissed.

  Janice continued. “Don’t push Hazel on Cortland if he doesn’t want her. He belongs with Monnique. She’ll prove how sorry she is and they’ll get back together. Don’t try to manipulate Cortland.”

  “Get back together?” Ryan asked incredulously. “How could you possibly defend her? Isn’t Cortland your friend?”

  “Of course he is,” she said. “And I hated watching him suffer as much as you, but don’t throw Monnique under the bus. We were there when they were together and we saw how happy they were. If there’s any possibility that they might work it out, wouldn’t you want that?”

  Ryan glared at her. “Nobody fucks with my friend like that. That’s all I know. And to be frank, if you pulled that shit I wouldn’t take you back either.”

/>   Hazel and I were getting more uncomfortable by the minute.

  “Oh really?” Her eyes breathed fire. “Ryan, I have you wrapped around my damn finger. You would take me back in a heartbeat. I could do anything to you and get away with it. And not because you’re weak, but because you love me so fucking much. How do I know that? Because if you acted like Monnique, I would do the exact same thing. So shut your fucking mouth and stay out of Cortland’s business.”

  Ryan held her gaze but his lips were shut.

  “I’m not saying Monnique’s actions were okay. Believe me, they weren’t. But I know she loves Cortland and regrets everything she did. And she deserves a second chance if Cortland still feels the same way. But let him decide that. Don’t talk shit about Monnique when their relationship is none of our business. She’s still a member of this family.”

  Ryan didn’t look at her. He picked up his fork and continued to eat like they hadn’t just screamed at each other.

  Hazel and I glanced at each other then continued to eat. A heavy silence settled on the room. The sound of our chewing was loud in our ears. Hazel was the first one to speak.

  “We went to the Met today…”

  “Cool,” Janice said. “See anything interesting?”

  “We saw a statue of Greek Fire. It was a weapon they used during the wars,” Hazel said. “It was pretty cool.”

  We settled into a calm conversation about art. Ryan didn’t speak. He ate his dinner and didn’t look at Janice. I knew part two of their fight would commence once we were gone.

  2

  Ryan

  As soon as our guests left, I turned on Janice. She had the same look of fire in her eyes, not backing down. “Don’t talk to me like that when people are over.”

  She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at me. “I wouldn’t have to if you didn’t act like an ass.”

  “How was I being an ass?” I demanded. “I’m supporting Cortland’s decision. Monnique is a stupid—”

  “Shut your mouth!”

  My mouth shut but I still clenched my fists.

  “You need to start acting like an adult. I love Cortland like my own family, but talking shit about Monnique is not being supportive. He still loves her so we should owe her some respect.”