Dead Girl Walking

by Linda Joy Singleton

  He laughed. “You are so not Leah.”

  “Well, duh? What have I been trying to tell you?”

  “It’s uncanny and impossible.”

  “Yet it happened, and I have only one day to get to my real body. It’s at Community Central Hospital. Will you help me get there?”

  “On one condition,” he told me seriously.

  “What?”

  He wagged a finger and gave me a stern look. “Repeat after me: I will not try to kill myself.”

  “Oh … that.” I shrugged. “I only wanted to die a little so I could have an out-of-body visit with my grandmother. It wouldn’t have been suicide, but more like a visit to see my grandmother. I knew she would guide me back to my real body if I could just talk with her. I never meant to kill myself.”

  “For a smart girl, you have some dumb ideas. You can’t control life and death.”

  “Well … it might have worked.”

  “You’re nuts.”

  “That’s what Leah’s family and her shrink think,” I said with a sigh, gesturing back toward the house. “If I stay much longer, they’ll lock me away in a mental institution. They’ve been keeping me a prisoner in my room, only letting me come out to exercise—which is the same as torture. The whole Montgomery family is messed up. Leah’s mother drinks, her dictator-like father is beyond scary, and her little brother thinks he’s a tough street kid. If I don’t escape, I’m doomed. Let’s get out of here.”

  “Uh …” Eli hesitated, looking at me with reddening cheeks. “You’re not exactly dressed for the public.”

  “I’m slipping on my sandals now.”

  “Uh, that’s good but not enough. I mean … ” He cleared his throat and pointed. “Do you have something to cover up … uh … those.”

  I glanced down at my perky cleavage. They were kind of obvious and ripe for drawing attention. So I draped a towel around my shoulders and hurried after Eli as he went to the sprawling oak tree that towered up against the formidable concrete wall.

  Jumping up, he grabbed a sturdy branch with both hands. Swinging out with the flexibility of a gymnast, he flipped up and over to straddle the branch. His grass-stained white sneakers dangled over my head as he called down, “Your turn.”

  “Yeah, right,” I said with a dubious look at the branch, which seemed miles above my head. Gym was so not my favorite subject. Whenever I tried to climb a rope or rock wall, I usually stumbled and earned snorts of laughter from my classmates.

  “You can do it,” Eli encouraged. “I’ll give you a hand up.”

  “You can’t lift me. I’m too heavy.”

  “Heavy? At what—110 pounds?”

  “I weigh more than … oh yeah … I guess not anymore.”

  “So stop stalling and give me your hand. I may not have muscles like Chad, but I’m stronger than I look.” To prove this, he reached down and hoisted me up to the branch beside him.

  Unfortunately we still had a long way to go.

  The next step was even harder—climbing up to a higher branch. I didn’t see any footholds and had to hug the tree, digging my fingers into the rough bark and pushing myself up with my rubber-soled sandals. Somehow I made it without losing my towel. Then I balanced precariously on a shockingly narrow branch, arms straight out like an acrobat, my knees slightly bent.

  “Don’t look down,” Eli whispered.

  “Uh … too late.” Damn, it was a long way down.

  “Come on, Amber,” he urged. “You can do this.”

  “I’m trying.”

  I focused ahead to the top of the wall, where I wanted to go. I crossed slowly over the arched branch that connected the tree to the wall. My legs shook, leaves rustled, and I was afraid the branch was going to snap in two or I’d slip and fall. But that didn’t happen. Even more surprising, despite all the strenuous climbing, I wasn’t even out of breath.

  Lucky for exercise-hater me, Leah loved working out.

  “Follow me down the ladder,” Eli said as he scrambled down like he was part monkey.

  I was about to climb down, too, until I heard frantic barking. Two dark creatures burst from around a corner. Guard dogs. German Shepherds with bristling gray-brown fur and large sharp teeth—aiming toward Eli.

  “Watch out!” I shouted, but it was too late.

  The dogs sprang at Eli and attacked—with doggy kisses. They slurped his face and wagged their tails.

  “Hey, girls! Is this what you want?” Eli reached into his pocket and tossed them doggy treats. The treats must have tasted as good as chocolate because I would swear the dogs smiled as they chomped.

  “Wow,” I said from my perch high on the cement wall.

  “What can I say?” Eli shrugged. “Dogs love me. If your father was kind to them, they’d love him too.”

  “Mr. Montgomery is not my father,” I snapped. “And I happen to love dogs.”

  “Sorry, Amber. Momentary Leah lapse—won’t happen again. Climb onto the ladder.”

  I hesitated on top of the wall, looking down at the faraway ground. The dogs didn’t scare me but this body shivered at the sight of them, as if the cells retained some memory of Leah. I remembered Angie saying Leah didn’t like dogs.

  “Don’t just stand there, Amber. Climb!” Eli called. “Grab the next rung and lower your foot. Yeah, that’s right.”

  As I took another step down, there was the sharp slam of a door and a shout.

  Angie had returned!

  She waved her fist and shouted Leah’s name. Her dark hair flew around her furious face as she ran after me. I didn’t think she’d actually try to climb the tree to get over the wall, but I wasn’t taking any chances and reached out for the ladder.

  My legs wobbled. As I grabbed a metal rung to steady myself, the towel slipped off my shoulders. I wanted to grab for it but couldn’t risk letting go of the ladder. Instead, I watched the towel sail down to the pool side of the fence, snagging on a branch and dangling like a pale ghost.

  Holding tight to the ladder, I didn’t want to let go. I flashed back to the cemetery, when I’d landed in the nettles. The ground here seemed so far away. My vision blurred. I imagined myself falling through the air like the towel …

  Then Eli was climbing back up, offering me his hand.

  “Thanks,” I said, leaning close to Eli and liking it.

  “You okay?” he asked.

  “Very.” And I meant this in many ways.

  Eli may not have his brother’s athletic physique, but his arms were strong and secure. My skin tingled and warmed where his fingers touched. He smiled at me. I smiled back. I could get used to this, I thought. His face flamed as he caught my gaze and he pulled away. I held onto his hand and squeezed to let him know I liked what was going on with us. We did some more smiling at each other. More of this later, I silently messaged with a small nod. He nodded back.

  For the first time in days I soared with hope. Everything was going to work out. Soon I’d reunite with my real body, save Leah, and discover if I was just feeling gratitude for Eli or something real. And if it was real, Eli and I would be spending a lot more quality time together.

  I had so much to live for.

  Walking down the street in a skimpy, every-curve-revealed swimsuit was an attention grabber. Despite misconceptions about sunny California, bikinis before summer are not common. And a busty figure like Leah’s was hard to ignore. When I passed a woman watering her garden, her hose trailed off and sprayed a car tire while her mouth puckered with disapproval.

  On the next street, a paunchy, balding man backing his sports car out of a driveway smiled appreciatively. This was such a nice change from the puckered woman that I smiled back. But the smile died fast when we passed a house with a basketball hoop and some college-aged guys, shooting hoops, made obscene hoots and wolf whistles.

  “Assholes. Ignore it,” Eli said, glowering at them.

  “This is all so weird,” I admitted. “Should I be flattered or insulted?”

  “There�
�s nothing flattering about those guys disrespecting you. I don’t know how Chad puts up with it. Guys are always that way with Leah.”

  “It’s okay.” But I wasn’t sure. I walked faster, wrapping my arms around myself. I used to envy the pretty girls who attracted this kind of attention. But being reduced to a body, not a person, was embarrassing. Still, the analytical part of me flared with curiosity, so I asked, “When guys call out to Leah, how does she usually respond?”

  “Different ways,” Eli answered. “I’ve seen her flirt back and blow kisses. Once she lifted her top for a quick flash. But another time she freaked out and chased after the guys, swearing she was going to kill them. Chad and I had to pull her back, and a few minutes later she was smiling like nothing had happened.”

  So Leah had a dark side? Not a big surprise, considering her suicide attempt. Everything I’d learned about her so far proved she’d been troubled. I wanted to know more, to understand her motivations. It was like I watched from outside this body, studying and learning. For my own survival, I needed to discover Leah’s secrets.

  “Only one more block,” Eli said apologetically. “Sorry I don’t have a car to drive you around. Chad would never make you walk anywhere. He’s had some kind of vehicle ever since he got his permit—several cars, and now a motorcycle. He thinks I’m nuts to refuse Dad’s offer of a new car from his dealership.”

  “So why did you refuse?”

  “I wanted to save up and earn my first car on my own. Not a handout my father chose for me. Besides, I knew the offer was a bribe to join the family business and work for him selling cars—which I’d hate. Still, a car would sure come in handy now.”

  “That’s okay. I don’t have my own car, either.”

  “Sure you do … oh, that’s Leah’s car.”

  “I would have borrowed it if Mr. Montgomery hadn’t taken the keys.”

  “Well, I know where Dad keeps his keys, so we can borrow one of his cars. He always has a few extra in our garage. We’re almost to my house.”

  “What if Chad’s there?” I asked uneasily.

  “Not today. The real Leah complained about his obsession with golf because he wouldn’t miss a lesson even to go out with her.”

  “Oh, yeah. He’s into golf.”

  Eli tensed. “I thought you didn’t know Chad.”

  “I’ve met him, but I don’t really know him,” I said cautiously. Would Eli change his mind about me if he knew it was Chad who’d taken me to the hospital yesterday?

  Being with Eli when I was supposed to be Chad’s girlfriend could get seriously awkward. If I was with both of them together, I’d trip over my own lies. Besides, what if Chad wanted to kiss me again? I couldn’t do that, not in front of Eli.

  So I had to avoid Chad. Kissing him once had been nice in an experimental kind of way—something to file under the category of New Experiences. In the book Grab Life with Both Hands, there was a list of a hundred things you should try at least once, and kissing someone you didn’t love was in the top twenty—along with climbing a snowy mountain, bungee jumping off a bridge and spending a day at a nudist colony.

  But now it was Eli I wanted to grab with both hands. And the idea of kissing someone as randomly as sampling free food at Costco seemed sleazy. When Eli and I kissed—if it ever happened—it would be for all the right reasons.

  I glanced up and caught Eli gazing at me with an unfathomable expression. Was he thinking about me like I was thinking about him? Before I worked up the courage to ask, we arrived at his house.

  It wasn’t as huge as Leah’s, but it was still about three times the size of my home.

  Eli retrieved a small electronic remote, and the garage door lifted up. “This way,” he said, glancing around furtively. We moved past two shadowy cars, but Eli told me that his parents’ cars were gone. “All clear,” he murmured

  He led me through a side garage door into the kitchen, then down a hallway. We passed a family room with a huge, flat screen TV, an L-shaped leather sectional, and several recliners arranged around a fireplace. Eli gestured for me to follow him down another hallway.

  “I’ll find something you can wear,” he said. “You can’t go to a hospital like that.”

  “Thanks, it would be good to get out of this wet suit. But if the same security guard is on duty, I won’t be able to get into the hospital no matter what I’m wearing. ”

  “If my sister still lived here, you could borrow something of hers. But Sharayah moved into a dorm and doesn’t even bother to visit anymore.”

  “Why not?” I asked, noticing his bitterness.

  “She says she’s too busy. But I think she’s just being selfish. Oh well … she’s the one missing out.”

  And you miss her, I thought, with sad understanding. Missing the people you loved hurt even more than physical pain. I tried not to think of my own parents and family.

  “Wait in my room,” Eli said as he opened a black door painted with glittery stars. “I’ll check Mom’s closet.”

  His room had dark green walls, which were the background for movie posters, and a ceiling covered with glazed puzzles of fantasy scenes. Walking underneath the dragons, turreted castles, and flying wizards was like entering a fantasy world.

  “Uh … you’re probably wondering about the puzzles,” Eli added self-consciously. “Chad says they’re childish. I guess I should take them down.”

  “Don’t. I like them.”

  “Really? Thanks. I started putting them together with Sharayah when I was little. She lost interest, but I didn’t.” He gestured for me to sit down. “I’ll be right back.”

  Except for the colorful puzzles, Eli’s room was bland: a computer desk, a four-drawer bureau, shelves, an end table. There were no piles of dirty clothes or discarded shoes. His closet was partially open, and I saw shoes stacked in a metal rack. His shirts and pants hung in an orderly way, but cords and a karaoke microphone were tangled in a corner. Math, puzzles, and karaoke—Eli continued to surprise me.

  I paced his room, pausing to study photographs arranged on a wall. There was one of a bald baby (Eli?), another of Eli in a soccer uniform posing with a ball, and a formal framed portrait of his family. His father looked exactly like Chad, while Eli had his mother’s kind eyes and lopsided smile. Sharayah was posed in the middle, with dark hair curling above her shoulders, intelligent blue eyes, and a shy smile. She didn’t look wild or irresponsible, but the picture was from a few years ago. I wondered if I’d ever get the chance to meet her.

  Lifting my gaze to the ceiling, I played a game of guessing the movies and books that matched the puzzles. Some were super easy, like the hobbit wearing a gold ring, the sword-wielding rider astride a sapphire blue dragon, and the Quidditch players flying on brooms. But I was still trying to guess the dark-haired girl riding an armored polar bear when Eli returned.

  “Here.” He tossed me a tie-dyed T-shirt, like something from the seventies, and a pair of flared jeans.

  I started to say, “No way are these skinny jeans gonna fit,” but then I remembered who I looked like. No surprise—the jeans not only fit, they were baggy.

  “You can turn around now,” I told Eli. “I’m decent.”

  “Words I never expected to hear from Leah’s lips,” he teased, then grew serious. “It’s still so freaky how you look like her. We hate each other, so I avoid her.”

  “No avoiding allowed,” I teased. “This may be Leah’s body, but she’s not home.”

  “Got it … but what’s the deal with Leah?” His forehead puckered. “Where is she?”

  “I honestly don’t know. But I’m hoping she’s in my body waiting for me to show up so we can switch back. That why I’m desperate to get to the hospital.”

  “I’ll drive you there.”

  “Thanks, but it won’t be easy.” I explained to him about Dark Lifers. “The glowing-energy thing should have almost worn off me, but I don’t want to get near that creepy security guard again. He’s probably still guarding th
e elevators.”

  “I’ll distract him.” Eli sat in his computer chair and swiveled to face me. “And if you can’t use the elevators, try the stairs.”

  “Good idea—but I’ll still have to get past the nurses and into the room.” I flipped Leah’s long hair over my shoulder as I sighed. “It’ll never work. I always have such high expectations, but then things never turn out like they should. I can’t screw up again or it’s all over.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “My body will die. It’s so hopeless, like I’m doomed to fail.”

  Instead of sympathy, Eli frowned at me. “Are you always this dramatic?”

  “Well … not always,” I admitted. “I just get overly emotional sometimes. Sorry. One of Alyce’s nicknames for me is a mix of drama and Amber: Dramber.”

  “That’s too drab and very depressing. How about ‘Amberama’?”

  “I like that—and I know Alyce would, too.” I sighed. “I miss her so much. And Dustin, too. They could come up with an amazing plan to get me into the hospital.”

  “Dustin Cole?”

  “You know him?”

  Eli nodded. “He’s in my science class. Cool dude but terminally opinionated. He can’t just listen in class, he gets in arguments with the teacher.”

  “That’s Dustin all right.” I smiled sadly. “When he has a strong opinion, you’re gonna hear about it or read it online. He goes after anyone abusing power. When he puts his mind to a project, nothing can stop him.”

  “Sounds like the guy to help us. Should we visit him?”

  “I can’t … not looking like this.”

  “Yeah, you’re so ugly,” he joked.

  “That’s not what I mean. I know what Leah looks like. But this isn’t me, and Dustin would never understand.”

  “Give the guy a chance. I believed you, didn’t I? Show him who you really are and he’ll believe you, too.”

  I bit my lip, considering this. As much as I longed to see Dustin, I was terrified about him seeing me. How could I face Dustin with this face? Alyce’s nickname for him was “Dustspicious,” because he distrusted everything until he had documented proof, video, or fingerprints. And it would take more proof than I could offer to convince him I was now residing in Leah Montgomery’s body.