Dead Girl Walking

by Linda Joy Singleton

  “Amber was my cousin, and she was a lot of fun,” he said, choking up as he went on to tell about how we’d ruined his sister’s wedding cake.

  When he was done, I glanced back a few rows to my Aunt Suzanne. Through her tears, she was laughing at Zeke’s story. Laughing? When did she get a sense of humor? And her tears were real—as if she truly missed me.

  More people came up to share thoughts and memories. My trig teacher praised my math skills and promptness in turning in homework. My chemistry teacher told the humiliating story about my putting a combustible chemical tube on a heated Bunsen burner. He showed the burnt corner of his eyebrow that had never grown back after that small fire. He chuckled sadly and said how much he’d missed my “fiery personality.” Then my gym teacher said I was a great example—of someone with no athletic aptitude who kept trying anyway.

  I listened as if disconnected from reality. All these wonderful, sweet, funny, heartbreaking stories were about me. I began to feel sad, too, about my being dead—until I remembered that this memorial should be for Leah. She was the one gone forever. What would people have said about her? She was popular. She was pretty. She had a hot boyfriend. But did anyone know what she was really like? She played different roles and drifted in her popularity. It was Jessica who seemed to be the real force behind Leah’s image.

  Then Kat and Moniqua went to the podium together and recited a prepared speech that rang totally false to me. They acted liked we’d been best friends. Not one word about dissing me and calling the HHC members “Basket Cases.” But did it really matter?

  No—and I continued to be awed by my many genuine friends.

  Margrét came hesitantly to the podium, speaking softly with a lyrical Icelandic accent. She was slim and fragile and it seemed like a loud voice could knock her over. She held a small stuffed toy bird—the puffin from her welcome basket.

  “Amber was so sweet to me, so friendly when I knew nothing about your school and little about America,” Margrét said. “I lost this puffin for a while but Amber found it and returned it to me. So small a thing—but it was big to my heart. Amber shared her big heart and asked for nothing in return. In her honor, I’m going to join the Halsey Hospitality Club and welcome new students like she did.”

  Applause fluttered across the room like wings of an idea taking flight. This idea spread as more people stepped forward to talk about the gift baskets they’d received. Over a dozen students volunteered to join the HHC.

  Always quick to action, Dustin stepped up with a notebook to take names of the new club members. I looked around for Alyce, to see if she was excited by all the new members. But I couldn’t see her. I’d been hoping she’d come to the podium to say something—I mean, she was the closest person to me in the entire auditorium.

  But she never spoke up.

  Dustin said a few words—mostly about how I started HHC and worked hard to keep it going. He credited Alyce with the creative design of the baskets, but even then Alyce didn’t come forward. Maybe she’d left already.

  Three more classmates (all recipients of HHC baskets) came up and said nice things about me—how getting a welcome basket gave them confidence in a new school. They all said they liked how I smiled and waved whenever we passed in the hall.

  I’d made people feel good simply by being friendly and smiling?

  But that was so easy.

  Then Jessica took the podium again, thanking everyone for coming and especially for their generous contributions of canned food. “Your donations will brighten the lives of many people—like Amber brightened yours. And I’m sure that wherever Amber is, she’s watching us right now … smiling.”

  Yes she is, I thought.

  Chairs scraped the floor and voices rose as people filed out of the room. Some stayed to pay respects by lining up to view a “memorial box” that my Aunt Suzanne had brought from my family.

  “Amber’s parents couldn’t come—they’re at the hospital dealing with sad things,” I heard her tell Jessica.

  “The hospital?” Jessica asked. “I thought Amber passed … um … a few days ago.”

  My aunt seemed to hesitate. “At the last minute, my sister insisted that Amber moved her hand, so the doctors postponed everything. But it was only false hope. Everything should be over now.” She sighed. “Amber’s parents appreciate this lovely tribute, so they sent along a few mementos of Amber.”

  The box was the size of a shoe box and wrapped in silver foil with my name glitter-glued on the front. What had my parents sent? Curious, I joined everyone else in line. I managed to be the last one, so I could look without anyone watching over my shoulder.

  When I reached the box, emotions swelled in my throat. Inside the box were pictures of me as a baby, toddler, and a few recent ones that looked much better than my awful junior year picture. In one photo I was hamming for the camera at my thirteenth birthday party, posed between Dustin and Alyce, our arms around each other. But instead of a smile, there was an uncomfortable look on my face. My stomach had ached because I’d just eaten one-sixth of my double fudge strawberry cream birthday cake.

  Now my stomach ached for sad reasons. I missed me so much.

  I picked up the photo, caressing it fondly, when I noticed a bright object hidden underneath. Rainbow thread, woven by my grandmother—the bracelet I was wearing when I died.

  My lucky bracelet! Staring down at it, I thought fast. No one else cared about this bracelet. It would probably be tossed out or tucked away in a forgotten corner of the attic. No one would even remember it … except me.

  I wanted my bracelet back.

  So I glanced around furtively. Jessica was talking with the principal, Dustin was deep in a conversation with Margrét, and a small group of people I vaguely recognized were talking near the door. No one was watching me. I slowly raised my hand, acting all casual like I was going to push my bangs back. I touched my hair, then slowly lowered my hand. My fingers shot out—and I snatched the bracelet.

  I hurried away from the box, snaking down the aisle and passing the people still talking by the door, and left the auditorium. I ducked around a corner, leaned against the wall, and gazed at my precious bracelet. So many memories twined in colorful thread, binding me to my grandmother.

  I started to slip the bracelet on my wrist when I heard a shout behind me.

  “Take that off!”

  Whirling around, I saw Alyce.

  “I said to take it off!” I’d never seen her so angry.

  “Alyce!” Even though she looked angry enough to hit me, I was thrilled to be with her again. “It’s so good to see you!”

  But she was having none of me, pointing her finger in my face like she’d take my eyes out if I didn’t do what she wanted. “Take off Amber’s bracelet.”

  “Let me explain,” I said quickly as I backed away.

  “Shut up and give me that bracelet.”

  “Alyce, please listen. I’m not who you think.”

  “I know who you are and you can buy anything you want, so why bother stealing my best friend’s bracelet? You’re pathetic.”

  “I wasn’t stealing it—I was taking it back. Alyce, look into my eyes—don’t you recognize me?”

  “Everyone knows who you are.”

  “But Dustin knows who I really am. Ask him—he’ll tell you about the body switch.”

  “Body switch?” She was the one who stepped back now. “Not only a thief, but crazy.”

  I held tight to the bracelet. “Alyce, I want to tell you everything, but I’m afraid you won’t believe me. Dustin will tell you I’m not Leah. Why don’t you get him?”

  “So you can run off with Amber’s property while I’m gone? No way.” She held out her hand. “Give it to me or I’m going to walk back into the auditorium and announce over the loudspeaker that you’re a thief.”

  “Don’t, Alyce! Besides, my lucky bracelet isn’t worth anything except to me.”

  “Lucky bracelet?” Her voice dropped. “How do you know ab
out that? Did Dustin tell you?”

  “How could he? Dustin doesn’t know. I promised Grammy I wouldn’t tell anyone except you, because I always tell you everything … like when I got my period while we were on a hike and had to use an old shirt for a pad. Or when we had that water balloon fight and you threw one so hard I got a black eye but we told everyone that Chris Bundry hit me. That bully was always hitting kids, so everyone believed me.”

  “And he got grounded.” She started to smile, then gasped. “No … no way! You can’t know those things … only Amber does.”

  “That’s what I’m trying to tell you.” I glanced around cautiously, then whispered, “You know how I have such a bad sense of direction? You’re always saying, ‘Dramber, you could get lost walking out of your own bedroom.’”

  “Ohmygod,” she moaned. She sagged against the wall.

  I could tell she was listening even though it would take more to convince her. So I went on. “When I got hit by Sheila’s mail truck, I went to the light—and guess who I met there? Grammy Greta and Cola.”

  “But they’re … dead.”

  “I couldn’t believe it either, but Grammy and Cola convinced me it was real. We talked awhile, then Grammy told me it wasn’t my time yet. She said to turn left at this Milky Way place—only I got it all mixed up and turned right. And I landed in the wrong body.”

  “But you’re … you’re Leah.” Alyce rubbed her head. “Only you’re talking like Amber. I must be sick.”

  “You’re fine. I’m the one stuck in the wrong body.”

  With her back against the wall, she sank to the floor. “I-I don’t know … it’s impossible. Prove it.”

  “Haven’t I already proven it? Who else would know everything I just told you?”

  “You’re talking with Leah’s voice and moving in her body. I don’t even know why I’m listening to you—this is impossible.”

  “I can prove it. Ask me something that only I would know.”

  She pointed to the rainbow bracelet. “You say you know that’s a lucky bracelet. But do you know the ritual to make the luck work?”

  I nodded. “Sure.”

  She narrowed her brows skeptically. “So do it.”

  “Here? What if someone walks by?”

  “Do it now.”

  “Oh all right. But it’s humiliating.”

  I looked around to make sure no one was around. Then I turned the bracelet to the right two times and to the left once. I whispered the childhood chant:

  Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear.

  Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair.

  Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn’t very fuzzy.

  Was he?

  Then I sealed the magic with a kiss. Embarrassed, I looked up to find Alyce’s powder-painted face dripping black stains of tears. She sobbed out my name, then opened her arms and hugged me.

  Eli, Dustin, and now Alyce knew.

  You’d think that would solve everything, and I could be myself again.

  But there was still the problem of Mr. Montgomery controlling my life.

  When Dustin finally spotted us together in a corner of the hallway, he raised an eyebrow. Alyce and I shared an “I know what he’s thinking” look and giggled.

  “Oh, no!” Dustin threw up his hands as if surrendering. “They’re back—the Double-Trouble A’s.”

  There was so much to talk about. Since the Montgomerys wouldn’t miss me for a few hours, we got in my car (they were both very impressed with Leah’s cool wheels) and headed for our favorite hangout, Grumpy’s Grill.

  When Alyce watched me slop through the Giant Grumpy Burger, oozing sauce all over my hands and licking it up, she joked that there was no doubt I was the real Amber.

  Of course that led to questions about Leah. Since I was in her body, why wasn’t she in mine? Where was she? Would she ever come back?

  “I have no idea,” I admitted with a twinge of guilt. “When I saw my real body, I hoped to find her there and that we’d switch back. Only it didn’t happen … and now it can’t ever.”

  “There’s always hope,” Alyce insisted, chewing on a fry. “And you had a very nice memorial. It was cool to hear people say all those nice things about you. I took notes so I could tell your family everything people said.”

  I grinned—she was such a great friend. Who else would take notes at a memorial and rush after a thief to save a mostly worthless bracelet?

  Looking down at my wrist, I wondered if the bracelet really was lucky. Well, I had my friends back—which was a great start.

  Alyce kept staring at me, as if she was still getting used to my borrowed body. But as we talked, joking about shared experiences like nothing was any different between us, it all felt so normal.

  Dustin was still worried about my staying with the Montgomerys. “You need to move out of there,” he insisted.

  “We already discussed this and agreed it’s best to wait. Don’t forget the GPS system in my car. I don’t want to be picked up by the police again.”

  “Tell your parents—your real ones,” Alyce suggested. “We’ll make them believe, and then you can move back home.”

  “Even if they believe I’m their daughter, Mr. Montgomery won’t let me leave.” I glanced at Leah’s pink leather watch and frowned. “I’ll have to go back soon.”

  “Not so soon!” Alyce objected.

  “I guess you have to,” Dustin admitted. “But it won’t be long. We’ll call when we find a way to help you.”

  “I’ll keep Leah’s cell phone close,” I promised. We got in the car and I dropped them back at school.

  The Montgomery house was quiet when I stepped through the door. I smelled something coming from the kitchen and guessed Luis was busy cooking dinner. Otherwise, no one was around.

  Shrugging, I went upstairs and tackled the computer again.

  I managed to get into some of the programs this time, and found some games to play, but I still couldn’t read any of Leah’s personal email. One of the games looked cool, so I created a character and went off to slay some bad dudes.

  Luis showed up a while later with a hot dish of food. “Your parents and brother haven’t returned from the lawyer yet,” he explained. “I thought you’d like to eat in your room. I’m headed to my apartment but if you need something just call on the intercom.”

  I nodded, sniffing the hot covered plate appreciatively. “Thanks, Luis.”

  Dinner was delicious and since no one was checking on me, I skipped my evening exercise. When I tired of game playing, I shut down the computer and watched some TV until my eyes grew heavy and I drifted off …

  A dog was barking.

  I opened my eyes and found myself somewhere else … with clouds rather than walls and a foggy sense of unreality. I turned my head—and there was Cola, bouncing toward me with his tongue hanging out and his tail wagging.

  “Cola!” I exclaimed. “And you’re happy to see me this time!”

  He barked, and in my head I heard, You’re my mission.

  “I am?”

  I’m your escort.

  And then the scene changed. Cola was still there, but I was walking on air or bubbles or clouds. I wasn’t really sure. I knew I hadn’t died again, so this must be a dream.

  An awake dream, I heard Cola explain in my head. Come.

  I followed him from light clouds to a dark sky twinkling with endless stars. And there was Grammy Greta. I didn’t see her arrive; she was just suddenly there, smiling with those knowing eyes I loved so well.

  “Amber,” she murmured as she enfolded me in her arms. “It’s so good to hold you again. I’m sorry it’s taken this long.”

  “Am I me?” I asked, looking down at myself and hoping for chunky legs and a big booty. Instead I saw long athletic legs and perky boobs. Damn.

  “Don’t be disappointed,” Grammy told me gently. “You’re meeting me in a dream state, so just imagine anything you want to appear differently.”

  I concentrated a moment, and then looked down again.
/>   “I’m Amber! And I’m wearing my favorite butterfly pocket jeans.”

  “It’s doesn’t matter how you look—I can always see you clearly.”

  “Then why haven’t you helped?” I complained. “I tried to switch back and nothing happened. Cola was at the hospital but wouldn’t even help me.”

  Cola hung his head and tucked his tail between his legs.

  “Now don’t blame Cola,” Grammy chided. “He had a job to do and no time for you. When he returned here, he told me you needed my help.”

  “But I also wanted to tell you about the Dark Lifer.”

  Grammy gasped. “You’ve met a Dark Lifer?”

  “Yeah—the hospital security guard, Karl.” I thought about mentioning my suspicion of Mr. Montgomery, but it just seemed too crazy.

  “I’ll notify the Dark Disposal Team,” she told me. Then she apologized for not contacting me sooner. “But I’ve been busy with the Leah Montgomery situation. The switching of souls is a complicated affair, especially when suicide is involved.”

  “You mean … Leah’s really dead?” I asked, afraid.

  “No, thank God—and I do mean that literally. She decided to live. We don’t have time in this dream state for lengthy explanations so I’ll make it simple. Leah committed suicide, but thanks to your mistake, she was given a second chance.”

  “My mistake saved her?” I asked incredulously.

  “Yes. Instead of recycling into a new life, she went into a cocoon where she could consider her options. Ultimately, she asked for another chance at life. But that caused problems.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “My job as an Earthbounder Counselor involves something called Temp Lifers. These are souls who temporarily step into someone’s body when they’re in crisis. When you switched into Leah’s body, you accidentally did what Temp Lifers do on purpose.”

  I just looked at her.

  “Okay, I can see you’re still confused, so here’s an example,” Grammy continued. “There’s this young girl, Jamie, who witnessed the drive-by shooting of her father. She was so traumatized that she needed a break from her body. So a Temp Lifer lived her life for a while.”