Cool Bananas

by Christine Harris

  Claudia’s mum hardly mentioned Grandpa. And, apart from the nose-picking story, he hadn’t spoken about her much either. He had lots to say about everything else though.

  Claudia had received postcards from Grandpa. Forty-three of them. She kept them in a box. Twice a year, on her birthday and at Christmas, Grandpa rang up. But the calls were brief. Claudia never knew what to say to him. She was always relieved to hang up.

  Other kids that Claudia knew were often at their grandparents’ houses. But not her. She wanted to know why.

  Eight

  Claudia sat on the swinging chair on the balcony. It was raining lightly. She had a book on her lap, but she hadn’t started reading.

  Grandpa stepped onto the balcony. ‘I’m going next door to light Mrs Chang’s incense. She has arthritis, so I help her out sometimes. Want to come with me?’

  ‘Can’t she get up?’

  Grandpa scratched his head. His hair sprung up untidily. ‘Yes, but she can’t reach her toes.’

  Claudia frowned. ‘What does that have to do with incense?’

  ‘Mrs Chang has high blood pressure. So she burns incense between her toes.’

  Great. Two crazies, living right next door to each other.

  Anyone who had something on fire so close to their feet was sure to have high blood pressure.

  ‘Are my teeth clean?’ Grandpa stretched his lips.

  She gave him a two-second glance. ‘They’re okay.’ Some things, like Grandpa’s false teeth, were better at a distance.

  ‘Good. Mrs Chang might want to suck face.’

  Nine

  Mrs Chang was small, dainty, and bright-eyed.

  She took Claudia’s hand. ‘Welcome to my home. Are you hungry?’

  ‘No, thank you.’

  Claudia’s cereal had digested hours ago, but she was shy about eating here. And if Mrs Chang stuck burning sticks in her toes, what sort of food would she serve?

  Mrs Chang shook Grandpa’s hand.

  So the teeth checking was wasted. Was he disappointed? Claudia wondered if Grandpa had been teasing her. She couldn’t work him out. He laughed when he shouldn’t. Then kept a totally straight face when he made a joke.

  ‘I will prepare something to eat, little one.’ Mrs Chang toddled into her kitchen as if Claudia hadn’t spoken.

  Claudia looked around. Mrs Chang’s flat was decorated with waterfall drawings and sheets of Chinese writing. There was a chirpy bird in a bamboo cage.

  Mrs Chang returned carrying a tray with three glasses of orange juice and a plate of flat, round cakes.

  ‘Moon cakes,’ she said. ‘They have bean curd in the middle. Many years ago, rebels hid secret messages inside them and passed them to their friends.’

  Secret messages were cool, but bean curd? Claudia hadn’t heard of making cakes from vegetables.

  Gingerly, she bit into a moon cake. It was sweet and moist. I’d better have another one to make sure, she thought. Three moon cakes later, she was certain. They were delicious.

  Grandpa licked his fingers. ‘Cool bananas.’

  ‘No, it’s bean curd,’ said Claudia.

  Grandpa grinned. ‘Do I detect a sense of humour under that thoroughly-brushed hair?’

  Claudia shrugged.

  ‘My dear Mrs Chang,’ said Grandpa. ‘That was a magnificent feast.’

  Mrs Chang took off her sandals.

  Grandpa picked up an incense stick from the sideboard and slipped it between Mrs Chang’s toes. He lit it with a match. A thin stream of smoke drifted upwards.

  Maybe that sweet smell relaxes her, thought Claudia.

  ‘Do you know that a quarter of your bones are in your feet?’ said Grandpa. ‘Now, please allow me to carry your rubbish downstairs, Mrs Chang.’ He tilted his head to one side. ‘Never put off till tomorrow…ah…anything you might forget.’

  ‘Anything you can do today,’ said Claudia.

  ‘That’s right. If you don’t do it today, you might forget.’ Grandpa carried Mrs Chang’s rubbish downstairs.

  Claudia looked at Mrs Chang through a thickening cloud of incense smoke.

  Mrs Chang smiled. ‘I am so happy you are here. Your grandfather is a kind man. But he is lonely. Sometimes he is sad.’

  Sad? Grandpa had bounced with excitement since she arrived. He was in the swimming club. He said he had lots of friends. It was hard to imagine him sad.

  Mrs Chang leant forward to whisper, ‘He talks about you often.’ ‘He does?’

  ‘We all need family.’

  If that’s true, then why has he stayed away from us for so long?

  Ten

  The next day, Grandpa said, ‘The waves are too high down at the beach. Let’s go up to the rooftop pool and spa.’

  Suspiciously, Claudia watched him. Had he guessed?

  But his face showed nothing unusual.

  Grandpa lifted the top of the childproof gate and she followed him into the pool area. The water sparkled in the sun.

  ‘You have to be careful beside a pool in case you fall…aah.’ Grandpa pitched sideways into the water. A huge splash shot up.

  Claudia giggled. He’d fallen in on purpose. Things like that didn’t surprise her any more.

  She arranged her belongings neatly in a line on a plastic table. Then she stretched out on a lazy-boy chair. She tilted her hat forward to shade her eyes.

  ‘Come on in,’ Grandpa called from the pool. ‘Water’s perfect.’ He splashed like a whale. Deliberately.

  She shook her head.

  Grandpa climbed out, dripping water all the way to his towel. ‘You can swim, can’t you?’

  ‘Of course I can,’ she answered in a more cranky tone that she intended.

  He shook himself like a puppy. Drops of water flicked over Claudia. She sighed loudly.

  As Grandpa sat on the chair next to her, Claudia detected movement. She turned her head, but couldn’t see anyone.

  ‘Someone’s watching,’ she whispered to Grandpa.

  Eleven

  ‘Me. I’m watching. I’m not blind yet,’ said Grandpa.

  ‘No, no. Someone else.’ Claudia looked across at a row of huge potted plants. There was a flash of colour.

  ‘Yep. Reckon you’re right,’ he said. ‘Sure as eggs come out of chook’s bottoms.’

  I never want to eat eggs again, thought Claudia.

  A girl slipped out from behind the plants. She peeked at Claudia and Grandpa, then looked down.

  Her face went red.

  Claudia waved. ‘Hi.’

  The girl came closer. ‘Hello.’

  Claudia pushed her hat back so she could see the girl more clearly. She was shorter and chubbier than Claudia. Tanned and smooth, her skin was not marked by a single freckle. Her brown hair was tied back in a ponytail.

  ‘I’m thirsty. I’m going to get us a drink.’ Grandpa stood. ‘Don’t worry, ladies. Thirteen people a year die when vending machines fall on them. But I’ll be careful.’

  The new girl giggled, then said her name was Tahlia.

  ‘You talk funny,’ Claudia said.

  ‘That’s because I’m from England, yeah? Mum and I are having a holiday with Nanna.’

  ‘I’m staying with my grandpa.’

  ‘I went to Spain last year.’

  ‘My mum’s in Italy,’ said Claudia.

  ‘Want to sit in the spa?’ asked Tahlia.

  Claudia’s stomach tightened into knots.

  She tried to keep her voice strong. ‘Maybe later.’

  ‘Come on,’ pleaded Tahlia. ‘It’s fun, yeah?’

  ‘Chlorine is bad for your hair.’

  ‘So what?’ Tahlia shrugged.

  Claudia couldn’t think of another excuse. But if she got into the spa, water would cover her body up to her neck. It would splash on her face, get into her eyes and nose.

  ‘All right.’ Claudia’s legs trembled as she stood.

  She never had baths, only showers. Even then, she wouldn’t put her head fully under the
water. When she washed her hair, she tilted her head back as far as it would go. Water running over her face was the worst feeling in the world.

  Claudia never told anyone. They would laugh. She looked across at the spa. Her stomach flutters turned into a full-on ache.

  Twelve

  Caudia felt sick. There was a bitter taste at the back of her throat. Her hands were all pins and needles.

  Slowly, her mouth dry with fear, she lowered herself into the spa. The water was warm, but she still shivered. She forced a smile. Tahlia leapt straight in.

  Drops of water splashed up onto Claudia’s face. She sucked in her breath. She couldn’t see properly. Then she giggled. Pretended to be having fun.

  ‘I’ll press the button.’ Tahlia clambered out and raced towards the large round button on the pool fence.

  ‘It’s nice like this, without the bubbles.’ Claudia felt a little safer in smooth water.

  ‘You can’t have a spa without bubbles, yeah?’ Tahlia pressed the button.

  Claudia closed her eyes and took a deep breath. I’m going to drown. It’ll be horrible. It’ll take a long time and I’ll have chlorine bubbles in my eyes. My ears. My lungs.

  She wondered if her mother would cry at her funeral.

  Thirteen

  Then a thought sliced through Claudia’s fear. I’m not dead.

  She opened her eyes again.

  Tahlia’s face was shiny red and covered with water drops. ‘Can I tell you a secret?’

  Claudia nodded.

  ‘Sometimes I get scared of the bubbles.’ Tahlia looked embarrassed.

  Claudia didn’t usually admit it when she was scared. She just put up with her stomach ache and said nothing. People might laugh or tease.

  But Tahlia told the truth and Claudia still liked her. Maybe Tahlia wouldn’t think she was a loser if she also told the truth.

  ‘I get scared too,’ said Claudia.

  ‘Really?’

  Claudia giggled.

  So did Tahlia.

  The clang of the gate meant Grandpa had survived the vending machine. He was back with drinks.

  ‘My grandpa licked his teeth at the café,’ Claudia whispered to Tahlia.

  ‘I lick my teeth too.’

  ‘Yeah, but Grandpa took his out and waved them around first.’

  ‘Wish I had a grandpa like that.’ Tahlia shook her head. ‘My nanna’s so proper it drives me crazy. Her favourite word is “inappropriate”. When I grow up, I’m never going to use that word. It’s the worst word in the whole world.’

  If Tahlia had been to other countries, like Spain, then she was an expert in worst words. She must be right.

  ‘Okay, girls,’ called Grandpa. ‘Let’s see you swim.’

  Tahlia threw herself underwater and wriggled like a tadpole.

  Claudia stood and clutched the side of the spa pool. I’m not letting go.

  Fourteen

  Claudia’s stomach ache got worse.

  I’ll tell Grandpa I’m sick. I have to go.

  Then she thought some more. But Tahlia might guess that I’m really scared. Not just a little bit, like her. As-big-as-a-mountain scared. Grandpa will guess too.

  Grandpa wasn’t scared of anything. He wore yellow-and-red shirts out to dinner and licked his false teeth in cafes.

  He might be disappointed in a wimpy granddaughter. She imagined him looking at her like she was a worm.

  ‘Swim like a carrot,’ called Grandpa.

  Claudia glared at him. ‘That’s silly. Carrots can’t swim.’

  ‘How do you know?’ he said. ‘Ever asked one?’

  Tahlia threw herself back under the water. She looked like a fish with broken fins. For sure, she didn’t look like a carrot.

  ‘Broccoli,’ called Grandpa.

  Laughing, Tahlia curled herself into a round ball then bounced up and down in the spa. Her swimming outfit sagged with water. It hung down at the back like a funny sort of tail.

  Tahlia’s having fun, thought Claudia. She doesn’t care how she looks. She doesn’t care about drowning. Why can’t I be like that?

  Slowly, Claudia sank into the water. Now the bubbles had stopped, it was warm and smooth.

  One…two…three. Claudia took a deep breath, but froze. She couldn’t do it.

  ‘Swim like a stick,’ said Grandpa.

  Desperate not to stand out, not to look scared, Claudia bounced, her arms stiff at her sides.

  ‘That’s just like a stick, yeah,’ said Tahlia. ‘Your stick was better than my broccoli.’

  Claudia grinned. Maybe she wasn’t going to drown after all.

  She looked across at Grandpa.

  He’s guessed my secret.

  Fifteen

  The next day, Grandpa suggested a walk.

  Claudia nodded.

  ‘I’ll ask Mrs Chang if she wants us to take Peter.’

  She wondered who Peter was. Mrs Chang’s grandson? Her dog?

  While Grandpa raced next door, Claudia changed her clothes. She put on lip gloss and studied her reflection. No, I need different earrings. Carefully, she swapped her gold studs for a small pair of silver sleepers.

  One final tweak of her blonde hair and Claudia felt ready.

  ‘You’ve had enough time to try on everything in your wardrobe,’ called Grandpa from the front door. ‘Ready?’

  Claudia spun round. Well, at least I don’t look like someone’s lunch after they’ve been on a sideshow ride.

  Grandpa wore stripes with spots. Then spots with other spots of different colours. Everything he wore was really bright. Hadn’t he heard of brown or grey?

  She walked into the lounge room. ‘What’s that?’

  ‘That is Peter,’ said Grandpa. ‘Say hello.’

  He stood in the doorway holding a little birdcage. Grandpa waved the cage from side to side. The bird gripped its perch.

  ‘You’re taking a bird for a walk?’

  ‘No.’ Grandpa shook his head. ‘We’re taking a bird for a walk.’

  Claudia stared at him. He’s not joking.

  ‘I’m not walking along the beach with a bird in a cage,’ she said. ‘We’ll look silly.’

  Grandpa snorted. ‘We’d look sillier if we took him out and put a lead on him. He wouldn’t be able to keep up.’

  She didn’t know what to say.

  ‘Everyone deserves to get out and breathe fresh air. Anyway, Mrs Chang is from China. Over there, they eat their dogs and walk their birds. Or at least, they used to.’

  She thought about Grandpa diving into the pool, about his licking his false teeth at the table and how he didn’t mind taking a bird for a walk.

  ‘Are you scared of anything?’ asked Claudia.

  He paused. ‘Everyone is scared of something.’

  She slipped on her shoulder bag. ‘What are you scared of then?’

  ‘I’m scared of people asking me what I’m scared of.’

  ‘You are not.’ She stepped outside and Grandpa closed the door. ‘What’s the real answer?’

  ‘I have althaiophobia.’

  It was a big word. Grandpa looked serious. It sounded like a horrible disease.

  She put one hand on his forearm. ‘What’s altha…what’s that mean?’ ‘A fear of marshmallows.’

  Sixteen

  Before Tahlia came out to play, Claudia paddled in the wading pool, then the spa.

  Grandpa tried to help. ‘When you put your face in the water, breathe out lightly through your nose, then you won’t get water up there.’

  That was a good hint. She hated it when water crept up her nose. It headed straight for her brain.

  She tried it.

  Excitement shot through her. I did it! I put my face under the water.

  Claudia flopped and bobbed around like a cork. She could only submerge her head for a few seconds before panic set in. Yet it was more than she ever thought she could do.

  Grandpa, bright in an orange shirt with green swirls, knelt beside the pool. ‘Take a f
ew deep breaths before you take one for diving under the water…no, not from your chest. From your stomach.’

  ‘How do you breathe from your stomach?’ ‘Put your hands on your tummy and, when you breathe, try to make them rise up.’

  Claudia tried that. Yes, my fingers are moving.

  Tahlia arrived with her mother.

  Wow, look at that, thought Claudia.

  Tahlia’s mother had dark hair, fluffed so high that she’d have to watch out for low ceiling fans. She could get stuck on one. Her gold jewellery glinted in the sun as she waved her hands.

  Grandpa moved quickly to sit beside her.

  The girls played in the pool for a long time. Finally, Tahlia said, ‘You look like a prune, yeah?’

  Claudia checked out her hands. Her skin was wrinkled from the water. She knew her hair would be ratty. Her lip gloss had washed off hours ago. Yet she’d had more fun in the last week than she’d had in the last year.

  ‘Lunch!’ bellowed Grandpa. ‘I’m hungry enough to eat the bottom out of a low-flying duck.’

  Claudia rolled her eyes.

  Seventeen

  Claudia and Grandpa sat on the balcony, their feet propped up on the railing.

  It was late. Headlights and streetlights below them lit up the night sky. On the beach, waves scraped the sand. White caps flashed in the darkness.

  She licked her strawberry ice-cream cone. The ice-cream had melted onto her fingers and made them sticky.

  Grandpa crunched the bottom of his cone.

  Then he sucked chocolate ice-cream through the hole. ‘Ah…tastes better like that.’

  Claudia nodded.

  ‘Here, have a tissue.’ Grandpa fumbled in his pocket. A piece of paper fell onto the balcony. It had writing on it.