The Dead Gigolo Caper (Suds and Sam Book 4)

by Stella Marie Alden

  Good God. I need a timeout to think things through.

  Am I being a prick because I don’t want a huge affair? She said her parents will pay but how is that not selfish? Shouldn’t they be worried about their retirement? Twenty thousand dollars is a hell of a lot of money and yet, she made it sound like nothing.

  Hell, I should say I’m sorry and make love to her. After, I can explain what’s important to me in a relationship.

  I love her more than life itself but I don’t have a great track record with long term relationships and neither does she. I’m thinking this is a sign we should live together for a while to see if we’re compatible.

  I ponder this for hours as I drive with my phone off. Breaking up with Sam would destroy me but if we can’t agree on a wedding, how the hell are we ever going to be partners in a business, let alone partners in life? Maybe I’m doing her a favor.

  I drive, and stop somewhere south of Albany. If I go north for another hour, I’ll hit Lake George and find a small cabin to rent.

  Chapter 25

  Sam

  All night long I wait for him to answer my calls or my b’zillion text messages. The GPS tracking app on his phone indicates he’s going north. When it becomes crystal clear he’s not going to turn around and come home, my eyes sting and I weep. Damn it. I blew it over a stupid wedding I don’t want half as much as my relatives.

  Shit. I had no idea he felt so strongly about it. Why the hell didn’t he say something?

  Maybe he did and I missed it? No, no. He doesn’t have any tells. He hides his feelings behind his southern charm and it’s damn near impossible to see through it. It’s not only me. He hasn’t been the same since we visited his parents. If he’d open up, perhaps I could better understand.

  Whatever it is, I need to fix this. He’s way more important than a big affair. Sure, I’ll be disappointed but I’ll get over it.

  After blowing my nose, and wiping my eyes, I grab my coat, then call Rose. “Is Joey downstairs?”

  “Yeah, why?” The movie in the background mutes as I tug on my winter boots.

  “I need his car. Can you get me his keys?”

  “Sure, but why not ask him for yourself?” Rose’s voice takes on a bit of suspicion and despite my best efforts, I begin to sob. “Suds. I, I… He… I got-”

  “Oh no, Sam. Slow down. Breathe.”

  Halfway down the stairs, I zip up my coat and do as she says. “S-Suds got mad because I wanted a big wedding and left.”

  “Don’t cry. Guys do shit like that all the time.”

  “Not him. He’s all the way to Albany.” Locking the outside door, I rush down the sidewalk, and bite the edge of my gloves to pull them on.

  “Wait. Don’t go running after him. If you do, this will be the story of the rest of your life. He’s being a child-”

  “I know but-”

  “No buts. You want me to come over or are you coming here?”

  Chapter 26

  Suds

  Pulling into the gas station, I note how Sam’s texts stopped hours ago. I should call but what the fuck will I say? I’m having second thoughts about the wedding? It’s better I shut the hell up.

  I blame this on my family. They mess with my head and visiting them brings up the past like it happened yesterday. To dull the pain, I stop at the liquor store and buy beer. Not hungry, but not stupid, I ask the guy at the cash register for fast food and he directs me to a convenience store. There, I pass on the hotdogs. Tonight, dinner will consist of potato chips, peanuts and a microwavable pizza slice.

  Google lady directs me to my lodging where I hand the manager my credit card.

  He yawns, eyes tiny slits. “Third cabin on the right.”

  “Thanks.” Heart heavy and too fucking sad to sleep, I trudge through the fresh snow to the small wooden structure.

  What the hell am I doing here? I miss her so much it scares the shit out me. What does it matter if I’m ass deep in debt? As long as I’m with her, nothing else matters.

  Who cares if she’s opinionated and downright pig-headed? When I’m inside her, nothing else matters. I love her smile, her hair, her smell, and the funny shit she says. Damn, that woman makes me laugh.

  Heart pounding, I punch in her number and it goes to voicemail. Shit. She turned off her phone. After a couple beers, I check her phone’s GPS tracker.

  Well, what do you know? She’s on her way to find me.

  Chapter 27

  Sam

  Four hours and a gallon of coffee later, I arrive at a weird place in the woods with seven log cabins. Hoping not to meet Snow White or her dwarfs, I drive past the office building and park next to Suds’ SUV.

  I knock hard but he doesn’t answer so I go around the small building pushing up on all the windows. Finding the bathroom unlatched, I shimmy in and recall the last time I squeezed through a similar window. That day, I shot someone. Today, I hope I get inside before Suds kills me.

  Sliding in more, I stretch until my fingertips reach the edge of the vanity. A little further and my knees will be free.

  “Hold it right there!”

  An overhead light switches on, blinding me. “Suds, don’t shoot. It’s me.”

  His gun lowers. “Jeee… Hell. What the fuck, Sam? Why didn’t you knock?”

  “I did.”

  The pistol’s safety clicks as he sets it down on the back of the john. Then, he grabs me around the chest, pulls me free, and his hungry lips find mine.

  When we gasp for air, I cry out, “I am so, so sorry, tough guy. We don’t have to have a giant wedding. We don’t even have to get married. I’m fine as long as we’re together.”

  He cups my cheeks and brings his face so close, our noses touch. “Baby, I want to give you the world. If we’re working to pay back wedding debt, how can I give it to you?”

  The room turns sideways, he lifts me up, and places me on the bed. “You didn’t have to drive all the way up here. I was going to catch a few z’s then head home.”

  “Why here?” I move aside, pat the mattress, and he lays down beside me.

  Head on his elbow, he tucks a lock of hair behind my ear and his knuckles brush across my cheek. “When I stopped driving, it was the closest place with a vacancy. Listen sugar, if you want a big wedding with the works, we’ll figure it out.”

  Smiling, he kisses me again until the temperature in the room rises. “Think you might want to take off your coat and stay a while?”

  Chapter 28

  Suds

  The sun wakes me through a grimy unfamiliar window.

  Where am I?

  In response, my mind downloads a montage of images into my conscious brain, the good, the bad, and the awesome. My morning wood springs to life when Sam squirms. We make love between the sheets, in the shower, and back in bed.

  “We should eat.” Sleepy eyes lift to mine as her check lies on my heart, her fingers twisting my chest hairs.

  I inhale our sex scent and kiss the blond locks under my chin. “There’s a convenience store around the corner. I’ll be back in a minute.”

  There’s not a lot of breakfast choices but I manage to score a loaf of bread, some juice, and a jar of peanut butter. At the counter, I pour two extra-large coffees and go back for a small carton of cream.

  Hungry now, I get back into my vehicle and rush to Sam, hoping for another round of hot sex before we go.

  Cutting the engine, I roll into the parking lot and study the black SUV in front of my cabin. Maybe it’s the cleaning staff but that makes no sense. We aren’t checking out until late morning and we’re the only ones who stayed the night.

  Not expecting trouble, I left my sidearm on the dresser so reach to the glove compartment and pull out my spare. Maybe there’s nothing to get all worked up about but my gut is seldom wrong.

  In the office, the same sleepy guy who answered yesterday comes to the front desk. “Can I help you?”

  “I left my key inside the room. Can I have another? And by the w
ay, do you know who parked the SUV outside my place?” I peek outside the window where everything remains quiet.

  “No idea.” Grumbling, he fumbles around inside a drawer and hands me a card. “Make sure you give them both back or there’s a charge.”

  “Thank you.” As I cross the open and exposed lot, gun tucked in my jeans, I feel a little foolish. There could be any number of reasons someone parked out in the middle of nowhere but hell if I can think of one.

  At my cabin door, I pause at the sound of a man’s voice. “Sit down. You think youz can accuse my wife of murder then walk away?”

  Sam’s steady voice responds. “Listen. We didn’t accuse anyone of anything. We’re private detectives and were hired to find a guy.”

  “Huh. You can see what a difficult position you’ve put me in. They found one of my wife’s playthings in a dump. And, while I’m not overly fond of her, I don’t want her in jail or any negative publicity. Capice?”

  “I understand. “ Her voice gets nearer.

  “And if I do nothing, I could be perceived as weak by my enemies.”

  “Certainly.” Good girl. Now, she sounds closer.

  “So, here’s what I’m thinking. We’ll wait until your partner shows up and then take a short drive into the woods. Or, perhaps I’ll kill you now and when he walks in and sees your body, I’ll shoot him, too. Baddabing, baddaboom.”

  “You should probably wait. Nowadays, forensics are a bitch. My friend, Frankie, said it’s best to kill the person where you want them, permanently.”

  I grin at her cool head but it’s bizarre to hear her discuss disposing of our bodies as if giving a lecture at The Hitman Institute.

  It’s time to take action. “Sam, you in there? I left my key.”

  She shouts back. “Just a second. Coming.”

  Touching the metal in the small of my back, I pull down on my shirt, and Sam opens the door wide.

  “Mr. Gallo, meet Sebastian Sutcliff, my partner.

  He points his gun at her chest. “No stupid shit. Keep your hands in the air where I can seez them.”

  I do as he says, slide next to her in front of the drapes, and try to talk sense into him. “Y’all can’t shoot us here. The guy at the front desk already has your license plate.”

  “Huh. Shit. He pulls up a chair, sits, and wipes his brow. Now I’m retired, my wife handles most of the wet work. This is your fault. If she goes to prison, I have to cover. A man works hard his whole life, he should have a few years to kick off his shoes and relax. Youz guyz ruined my golden years.”

  Sam nods sympathetically. “I totally understand. We’re really sorry.”

  “Yeah. You should be. And keep those hands up.” He waves his gun and as I reach for the ceiling, he lets out a heavy sigh. “If I can’t kill you here, I could take you for a drive, kill you in the woods, and make sure your bodies are never found.”

  My partner tosses her pretty blond locks. “Hmm. No. I don’t think that’ll fly either. You were the last person seen with us. Maybe you should go home and plan this out better. I can put you in touch with Frankie. He’s got a lot more experience than we do in matters such as these.”

  “No. This is something I gotta do. I know. I’ll kill the guy in the office, first.”

  “And don’t forget to erase his video.” Sam pipes up. “And if it’s connected to the web, that’s really dangerous. You’ll need to find someone to erase it from the cloud.”

  “Cloud? What the fuck is a cloud? Shit. Offing people is not like it was ten, twenty years ago. I guess I’ll have to take my chances. After I kill the manager, we’ll get in my car, we’ll drive deep into the woods, and I’ll have you dig your own graves. I got a shovel in the trunk.”

  “Good idea, but the ground is frozen solid.” I high-five myself for my remarkable insight.

  “Oh for fuck’s sake.” Gallo stands and waves his gun around in the air. “Go outside. Both of youz. I’m tired of talking.”

  Chapter 29

  Sam

  If I hadn’t wanted a big wedding so badly, we’d be safe at home and Mr. Gallo would never have caught us so unawares.

  “What if someone finds the manager and calls the state police? They could put out an APB and nab you on the thruway. I catch Sebastian’s eye, hoping he has a plan as I stop with my hand on the doorknob.

  “Huh.” Mr. Gallo stands and scratches his head. “Why you being so helpful?”

  “Obviously, I plan on kicking your ass as soon as we get into the woods. Do you mind if I put my coat on? It’s really cold out.”

  “Sure but make it quick.” He steps back and waves the barrel of his gun at Suds. “You. Stand next to her.”

  Confident we’re far enough away to be no threat, our murderer smiles. “And how would you kick my ass, so to speak?”

  “One karate chop to the hand and you’ll drop your gun. Game over.” My stomach churns as I bend over to pick up my jacket but Suds, with his back to the gunman, winks.

  Gallo chuckles as he scratches his head. “You’re two are too much. This is the most fun I’ve had in years. I’m almost sorry I have to kill you. But, you’re right. I’ll off the guy in the office last. Then, I’ll drive down to Albany and catch a flight back to paradise.”

  He motions to the door. “Outside, move it.”

  Single file, we exit. In front of me Suds raises his hands higher in the air. Holy shit, my partner’s got a gun tucked into his waistband.

  An idea forms as Gallo points toward a small break in the pine trees. “There. Boyfriend first. You next. And buddy, if you try anything, she dies.”

  Sebastian grunts and slows his walk until I’m almost on top of him. Then, with the cold barrel of the mobster’s gun pressed into my side, we cross the open space.

  In the woods, I wait for a sign from Suds and when it doesn’t come, I figure it’s up to me. I stumble on a root, and as I fall forward, grab my partner’s gun.

  On the ground, I turn and shoot.

  Mr. Gallo’s eyes go wide as he falls back staring at a blossoming red stain in his chest. Then he aims his gun and fires.

  Strangely calm, I wait for a shining staircase to descend or my shimmering grandmother to point the way to heaven but no one comes.

  I’m so screwed.

  “Sam. Are you okay?” Squatting beside me, Suds unzips my coat, searching for the deadly wound.”

  “Suds, you’re dead, too?” At least I won’t be alone for eternity.

  “Huh? No, sugar and neither are you.” When he lifts my head and fingers a bump, real live pain shoots throughout my nervous system.

  Suds carefully unthreads the warm gun from my hand. “Give it here. You do know I had a plan, right?”

  “No. I did not.”

  “I winked.” He takes off his jacket, rolls it into a pillow, and sticks it under my head.

  “I thought that meant, take my gun and do something.”

  “Of course, you did.” He puts a palm to Mr. Gallo’s neck and closes his eyes. “He’s gone.”

  “Too bad. For a killer, he was a fairly nice guy.” I sit and moan as the intense throbbing grows worse.

  “Can you walk? We need to get back to the cabin and call the police.”

  “Promise me one thing.”

  He puts his arm around my waist. “What’s that?”

  “No long, ridiculously drawn out, rambling.”

  He laughs. “No promises.”

  Chapter 30

  Suds

  Three weeks later...

  “Sugar, I got something to ask you.”

  “Sure, but can it wait?” She types away in her computer, answering a ton of emails requesting our services.

  “Not really.” I drop down onto one knee beside our multipurpose table and hand her a fuzzy box. “Will you marry me?”

  “Of course I will.” Laughing, she drops onto her knees beside me and kisses me.

  “Good.” I grab the box out of her hand.

  “Indian giver.” Tickling m
e under my pits, she tries to take it back but I hold both her wrists and kiss the tip of her nose.

  “It’s empty.”

  “What? No way.”

  “Yes way. We’re going to pick it out together. I’m going to tell you how much I have to spend, you’re going to say okay, and then you’re gonna find a ring that makes you so damn happy, you’ll never take it off.”

  “I already know what I want.” She sits down, clicks a bookmark on her browser, and this beautiful ring pops up on her screen. “It has a low profile so it doesn’t get caught when I slip my hands into my jeans pocket or grab my revolver.”

  I stare at the diamond surrounded by a ring of smaller ones. The overall effect is one of luxury and yet if falls well within my price range. “I can go a little higher, if you’d like.”

  “Nope. This one is perfect and I know a guy who knows a guy who can get us a great deal.”

  “Not Vinny, right?”

  “Nope.”

  “Frankie?”

  “Not him either.”

  “Done.” We get in the car and drive to the diamond district in Manhattan. There, she knocks on a door and a young Hasidic man with a yarmulke answers.

  “Sammy, sweetheart. Come on in.”

  She haggles happily with my money while I sit back and chuckle.

  “See you next week. Okay?”

  I’m a little disappointed we need to wait but she explains they need time to put it in a setting. “You’re worse than a little kid.”

  She kisses me hard on the lips as we make our way home. Next door, there’s a bright new sign of condominiums for sale and the huge dumpster is gone.

  I’m not sure how the carpenter did it, but our front door is a rectangle again. Inside, instead of the vacant shop filled with old sewing machines, we wave at the barista and grab two cappuccinos to go.