Adventures in Time and Space

by Raymond J Healy

  “We’re celebrating,” Jimmy said. “What made you change your mind, Silver? You said you had to work tonight.”

  “Gallegher wanted to see you. I don’t know why.”

  Elia’s cold eyes grew even more glacial. “All right. Why?”

  “I hear I signed some sort of contract with you,” the scientist said.

  “Yeah. Here’s a photostatic copy. What about it?”

  “Wait a minute.” Gallegher scanned the document. It was apparently his own signature. Damn that robot!

  “It’s a fake,” he said at last.

  Jimmy laughed loudly. “I get it. A hold up. Sorry, pal, but you’re sewed up. You signed that in the presence of witnesses.”

  “Well‌—‌” Gallegher said wistfully. “I suppose you wouldn’t believe me if I said a robot forged my name to it‌—‌”

  “Haw!” Jimmy remarked.

  “‌—‌hypnotizing you into believing you were seeing me.”

  Elia stroked his gleaming bald head. “Candidly, no. Robots can’t do that.”

  “Mine can.”

  “Prove it. Prove it in court. If you can do that, of course‌—‌” Ella chuckled. “Then you might get the verdict.”

  Gallegher’s eyes narrowed. “Hadn’t thought of that. However‌—‌I hear you offered me a hundred thousand flat, as well as a weekly salary.”

  “Sure, sap,” Jimmy said. “Only you said all you needed was twelve thousand. Which was what you got. Tell you what, though. We’ll pay you a bonus for every usable product you make for Sonatone.”

  Gallegher got up. “Even my subconscious doesn’t like these lugs,” he told Silver. “Let’s go.”

  “I think I’ll stick around.”

  “Remember the fence,” he warned cryptically. “But suit yourself. I’ll run along.”

  Ella said, “Remember, Gallegher, you’re working for us. If we hear of you doing any favors for Brock, we’ll slap an injunction on you before you can take a deep breath.”

  “Yeah?”

  The Tones deigned no answer. Gallegher unhappily found the lift and descended to the floor. What now? Joe.

  Fifteen minutes later Gallegher let himself into his laboratory. The lights were blazing, and dogs were barking frantically for blocks around. Joe stood before the mirror, singing inaudibly.

  “I’m going to take a sledge hammer to you,” Gallegher said. “Start saying your prayers, you misbegotten collection of cogs. So help mc, I’m going to sabotage you.”

  “All right, beat me,” Joe squeaked. “See if I care. You’re merely jealous of my beauty.”

  “Beauty?”

  “You can’t see all of it‌—‌you’ve only six senses.”

  “Five.”

  “Six. I’ve a lot more. Naturally my full splendor is revealed only to me. But you can see enough and hear enough to realize part of my loveliness, anyway.”

  “You squeak like a rusty tin wagon,” Gallegher growled.

  “You have dull ears. Mine are supersensitive. You miss the full tonal values of my voice, of course. Now be quiet. Talking disturbs me. I’m appreciating my gear movements.”

  “Live in your fool’s paradise while you can. Wait’ll I find a sledge.”

  “All right, beat me. What do I care?”

  Gallegher sat down wearily on the couch, staring at the robot’s transparent back. “You’ve certainly screwed things up for me. What did you sign that Sonatone contract for?”

  “I told you. So Kennicott wouldn’t come around and bother me.”

  “Of all the selfish, lunk-headed… uh! Well, you got me into a sweet mess. The Tones can hold me to the letter of the contract unless I prove I didn’t sign it. All right. You’re going to help me. You’re going into court with me and turn on your hypnotism or whatever it is. You’re going to prove to a judge that you did and can masquerade as me.”

  “Won’t,” said the robot. “Why should I?”

  “Because you got me into this,” Gallegher yelped. “You’ve got to get me out!”

  “Why?”

  “Why? Because… uh… well, it’s common decency!”

  “Human values don’t apply to robots,” Joe said. “What care I for semantics? I refuse to waste time I could better employ admiring my beauty. I shall stay here before the mirror forever and ever‌—‌”

  “The hell you will,” Gallegher snarled. “I’ll smash you to atoms.”

  “All right, I don’t care.”

  “You don’t?”

  “You and your instinct for self-preservation,” the robot said, rather sneeringly. “I suppose it’s necessary for you, though. Creatures of such surpassing ugliness would destroy themselves out of sheer shame if they didn’t have something like that to keep them alive.”

  “Suppose I take away your mirror?” Gallegher asked in a hopeless voice.

  For answer Joe shot his eyes out on their stalks. “Do I need a mirror? Besides, I can vasten myself lokishly.”

  “Never mind that. I don’t want to go crazy for a while yet. Listen, dope, a robot’s supposed to do something. Something useful, I mean.”

  “I do. Beauty is all.”

  Gallegher squeezed his eyes shut, trying to think. “Now look. Suppose I invent a new type of enlarger screen for Brock. The Tones will impound it. I’ve got to be legally free to work for Brock, or‌—‌”

  “Look!” Joe cried squeakily. “They go round! How lovely.” He stared in ecstasy at his whirring insides. Gallegher went pale with impotent fury.

  “Damn you!” he muttered. “I’ll find some way to bring pressure to bear. I’m going to bed.” He rose and spitefully snapped off the lights.

  “It doesn’t matter,” the robot said. “I can see in the dark, too.”

  The door slammed behind Gallegher. In the silence Joe began to sing tunelessly to himself.

  Gallegher’s refrigerator covered an entire wall of his kitchen. It was filled mostly with liquors that required chilling, including the imported canned beer with which he always started his binges. The next morning, heavy-eyed and disconsolate, Gallegher searched for tomato juice, took a wry sip, and hastily washed it down with rye. Since he was already a week gone in bottle-dizziness, beer wasn’t indicated now‌—‌he always worked cumulatively, by progressive stages. The food service popped a hermetically sealed breakfast on a table, and Gallegher morosely toyed with a bloody steak.

  Well?

  Court, he decided, was the only recourse. He knew little about the robot’s psychology. But a judge would certainly be impressed by Joe’s talents. The evidence of robots was not legally admissible‌—‌still, if Joe could be considered as a machine capable of hypnotism, the Sonatone contract might be declared null and void.

  Gallegher used his visor to start the ball rolling. Harrison Brock still had certain political powers of pull, and the hearing was set for that very day. What would happen, though, only God and the robot knew.

  Several hours passed in intensive but futile thought. Gallegher could think of no way in which to force the robot to do what he wanted. If only he could remember the purpose for which Joe had been created‌—‌ but he couldn’t. Still‌—‌ At noon he entered the laboratory. “Listen, stupid,” he said, “you’re coming to court with me. Now.”

  “Won’t.”

  “O.K.” Gallegher opened the door to admit two husky men in overalls, carrying a stretcher. “Put him in, boys.”

  Inwardly he was slightly nervous. Joe’s powers were quite unknown, his potentialities an x quantity. However, the robot wasn’t very large, and, though he struggled and screamed in a voice of frantic squeakiness, he was easily loaded on the stretcher and put in a strait jacket.

  “Stop it! You can’t do this to me! Let me go, do you hear? Let me go!”

  “Outside,” Gallegher said.

  Joe, protesting valiantly, was carried out and loaded into an air van. Once there, he quieted, looking up blankly at nothing. Gallegher sat down on a bench beside the prostrate robot. T
he van glided up.

  “Well?”

  “Suit yourself,” Joe said. “You got me all upset, or I could have hypnotized you all. I still could, you know. I could make you all run around barking like dogs.”

  Gallegher twitched a little. “Better not.”

  “I won’t. It’s beneath my dignity. I shall simply lie here and admire myself. I told you I don’t need a mirror. I can vasten my beauty without it.”

  “Look,” Gallegher said. “You’re going to a courtroom. There’ll be a lot of people in it. They’ll all admire you. They’ll admire you more if you show how you can hypnotize people. Like you did to the Tones, remember?”

  “What do I care how many people admire me?” Joe asked. “I don’t need confirmation. If they see me, that’s their good luck. Now be quiet. You may watch my gears if you choose.”

  Gallegher watched the robot’s gears with smoldering hatred in his eyes. He was still darkly furious when the van arrived at the court chambers. The men carried Joe inside, under Gallegher’s direction, and laid him down carefully on a table, where, after a brief discussion, he was marked as Exhibit A.

  The courtroom was well filled. The principals were there, too‌—‌Ella and Jimmy Tone, looking disagreeably confident, and Patsy Brock, with her father, both seeming anxious. Silver O’Keefe, with her usual wariness, had found a seat midway between the representatives of Sonatone and VoxView. The presiding judge was a martinet named Hansen, but, as far as Gallegher knew, he was honest. Which was something, anyway.

  Hansen looked at Gallegher. “We won’t bother with formalities. I’ve been reading this brief you sent down. The whole case stands or falls on the question of whether you did or did not sign a certain contract with the Sonatone Television Amusement Corp. Right?”

  “Right, your honor.”

  “Under the circumstances you dispense with legal representation. Right?”

  “Right, your honor.”

  “Then this is technically ex officio, to be confirmed later by appeal if either party desires. Otherwise after ten days the verdict becomes official.” This new type of informal court hearing had lately become popular‌—‌it saved time, as well as wear and tear on everyone. Moreover, certain recent scandals had made attorneys slightly disreputable in the public eye. There was a prejudice.

  Judge Hansen called up the Tones, questioned them, and then asked Harrison Brock to take the stand. The big shot looked worried, but answered promptly.

  “You made an agreement with the appellor eight days ago?”

  “Yes. Mr. Gallegher contracted to do certain work for me‌—‌”

  “Was there a written contract?”

  “No. It was verbal.”

  Hansen looked thoughtfully at Gallegher. “Was the appellor intoxicated at the time? He often is, I believe.”

  Brock gulped. “There were no tests made. I really can’t say.”

  “Did he drink any alcoholic beverages in your presence?”

  “I don’t know if they were alcoholic bev‌—‌.”

  “If Mr. Gallegher drank them, they were alcoholic. Q.E.D. The gentleman once worked with me on a case‌—‌ However, there seems to be no legal proof that you entered into any agreement with Mr. Gallegher.

  The defendant‌—‌Sonatone‌—‌possesses a written contract. The signature has been verified.”

  Hansen waved Brock down from the stand. “Now, Mr. Gallegher. If you’ll come up here‌—‌ The contract in question was signed at approximately 8 P.M. last night. You contend you did not sign it?”

  “Exactly. I wasn’t even in my laboratory then.”

  “Where were you?”

  “Downtown.”

  “Can you produce witnesses to that effect?”

  Gallegher thought back. He couldn’t.

  “Very well. Defendant states that at approximately 8 P.M. last night you, in your laboratory, signed a certain contract. You deny that categorically. You state that Exhibit A, through the use of hypnotism, masqueraded as you and successfully forged your signature. I have consulted experts, and they are of the opinion that robots are incapable of such power.”

  “My robot’s a new type.”

  “Very well. Let your robot hypnotize me into believing that it is either you, or any other human. In other words, let it prove its capabilities. Let it appear to me in any shape it chooses.”

  Gallegher said, “I’ll try,” and left the witness box. He went to the table where the strait-jacketed robot lay and silently sent up a brief prayer.

  “Joe.”

  “Yes.”

  “You’ve been listening?”

  “Yes.”

  “Will you hypnotize Judge Hansen?”

  “Go away,” Joe said. “I’m admiring myself.”

  Gallegher started to sweat. “Listen. I’m not asking much. All you have to do‌—‌”

  Joe off-focused his eyes and said faintly, “I can’t hear you. I’m vastening.”

  Ten minutes later Hansen said, “Well, Mr. Callegher‌—‌”

  “Your honor! All I need is a little time. I’m sure I can make this rattle-geared Narcissus prove my point if you’ll give me a chance.”

  “This court is not unfair,” the judge pointed out. “Whenever you can prove that Exhibit A is capable of hypnotism, I’ll rehear the case. In the meantime, the contract stands. You’re working for Sonatone, not for VoxView. Case closed.”

  He went away. The Tones leered unpleasantly across the courtroom. They also departed, accompanied by Silver O’Keefe, who had decided which side of the fence was safest. Gallegher looked at Patsy Brock and shrugged helplessly.

  “Well‌—‌” he said.

  She grinned crookedly. “You tried. I don’t know how hard, but‌—‌Oh, well, maybe you couldn’t have found the answer, anyway.”

  Brock staggered over, wiping sweat from his round face. “I’m a ruined man. Six new bootleg theaters opened in New York today. I’m going crazy. I don’t deserve this.”

  “Want me to marry the Tone?” Patsy asked sardonically.

  “Hell, no! Unless you promise to poison him just after the ceremony. Those skunks can’t lick me. I’ll think of something.”

  “If Gallegher can’t, you can’t,” the girl said. “So‌—‌what now?”

  “I’m going back to my lab,” the scientist said. “In vino veritas. I started this business when I was drunk, and maybe if I get drunk enough again, I’ll find the answer. If I don’t sell my pickled carcass for whatever it’ll bring.”

  “O.K.,” Patsy agreed, and led her father away. Gallegher sighed, superintended the reloading of Joe into the van, and lost himself in hopeless theorization.

  An hour later Gallegher was flat on the laboratory couch, drinking passionately from the liquor bar, and glaring at the robot, who stood before the mirror singing squeakily. The binge threatened to be monumental. Gallegher wasn’t sure flesh and blood would stand it. But he was determined to keep going till he found the answer or passed out.

  His subconscious knew the answer. Why the devil had he made Joe in the first place? Certainly not to indulge a Narcissus complex! There was another reason, a soundly logical one, hidden in the depths of alcohol.

  The x factor. If the x factor were known, Joe might be controllable. He would be. X was the master switch. At present the robot was, so to speak, running wild. If he were told to perform the task for which he was made, a psychological balance would occur. X was the catalyst that would reduce Joe to sanity.

  Very good. Gallegher drank high-powered Drambuie. Whoosh!

  Vanity of vanities; all is vanity. How could the x factor be found? Deduction? Induction? Osmosis? A bath in Drambuie‌—‌Gallegher clutched at his wildly revolving thoughts. What had happened that night a week ago?

  He had been drinking beer. Brock had come in. Brock had gone. Gallegher had begun to make the robot‌—‌Hm-m-m. A beer drunk was different from other types. Perhaps he was drinking the wrong liquors.

  Very li
kely. Gallegher rose, sobered himself with thiamin, and carted dozens of imported beer cans out of the refrigerator. He stacked them inside a frost-unit beside the couch. Beer squirted to the ceiling as he plied the opener. Now let’s see.

  The x factor. The robot knew what it represented, of course. But Joe wouldn’t tell. There he stood, paradoxically transparent, watching his gears go around.

  “Joe.”

  “Don’t bother me. I’m immersed in contemplation of beauty.”

  “You’re not beautiful.”

  “I am. Don’t you admire my tarzeel?”

  “What’s your tarzeel?”

  “Oh, I forgot,” Joe said regretfully. “You can’t sense that, can you? Come to think of it, I added the tarzeel myself after you made me. It’s very lovely.”

  “Hm-m-m.” The empty beer cans grew more numerous. There was only one company, somewhere in Europe, that put up beer in cans nowadays, instead of using the omnipresent plastibulbs, but Gallegher preferred the cans‌—‌the flavor was different, somehow. But about Joe. Joe knew why he had been created. Or did he? Gallegher knew, but his subconscious‌—‌ Oh-oh! What about Joe’s subconscious?

  Did a robot have a subconscious? Well, it had a brain‌—‌ Gallegher brooded over the impossibility of administering scopolamin to Joe. Hell! How could you release a robot’s subconscious?

  Hypnotism.

  Joe couldn’t be hypnotized. He was too smart.

  Unless‌—‌ Autohypnotism?

  Gallegher hastily drank more beer. He was beginning to think clearly once more. Could Joe read the future? No; he had certain strange senses, but they worked by inflexible logic and the laws of probability. Moreover, Joe had an Achillean heel‌—‌his Narcissus complex.

  There might‌—‌there just might‌—‌be a way.

  Gallegher said, “You don’t seem beautiful to me, Joe.”

  “What do I care about you? I am beautiful, and I can see it. That’s enough.”

  “Yeah. My senses are limited, I suppose. I can’t realize your full potentialities. Still, I’m seeing you in a different light now. I’m drunk My subconscious is emerging. I can appreciate you with both my conscious and my subconscious. See?”