Just Breathe Series (Trilogy Box Set)

by Martha Sweeney

  “Definitely not gay,” I answer quietly.

  For a gay man, Jared has miserable gay-dar. I’m his default detector.

  “Damn,” he states, revealing his disappointment.

  I force myself to pay attention to Maggie and Henry, but this guy’s ocean blue eyes have me mesmerized. The sound of Maggie’s voice mentioning my name brings me back to the moment and I force my gaze to meet her’s and then Henry’s.

  “This is Jared and Emma.”

  “Nice to meet you. I’m Henry,” he offers, shaking Jared’s hand and then reaches for mine, though I do not return the gesture.

  I have a thing about touching strangers.

  “This my good friend, Joe,” Henry continues politely, almost sensing and understanding my uneasiness with physical contact and does not seem offended by my rudeness.

  Crap. I have to look at his friend again. Compose yourself, Emma. I watch Joe and Jared shake hands and when Joe looks to me, I simply smile and nod. A look of disappointment appears on his face when I don’t shake his hand. Typically, I don’t care what others think of my habits. I shouldn’t care, yet for some strange reason — this time, I kind of do.

  “You’ll have to excuse Emma. She’s not very personable with strangers,” Jared cuts in before the moment becomes too awkward and squeezes my shoulder into his body.

  “Who is this?” Joe squats down to his knees to make himself eye level with Sadie, but keeps his attention on my face. His enigmatic smile has returned and he looks even yummier than before.

  Instinctually, Sadie knows to place herself between me and anyone new. I don’t like getting too close to anyone I don’t know. She sits with her eyes glued on me watching and waiting for direction.

  “That’s Sadie,” Maggie introduces for me.

  Henry is a little timid to bend down like Joe. Joe doesn’t move to touch Sadie and seems to be waiting for permission from me or her. I’m not sure.

  Looking back down to Sadie, I can tell she’s a little uneasy, which she is getting from me. I signal to her that it’s okay to greet and Joe is her first target since he’s right in front of her. He is the first person outside of Maggie, Jared and Maggie’s family whom she bares her belly to on first contact. I’m in complete shock. Joe pets her vigorously from head to toe as if he’s used to dogs and Sadie loves the attention. Sadie stays focused on Joe and keeps her body up against his like she’s hoping that he will keep petting her as she greets Henry. She senses Henry’s apprehension and goes easy on him.

  Before Henry reaches to pet her, Maggie exclaims, “Sadie won’t hurt you! She’s a big softy and is great with my niece and nephews.”

  The tension in Henry’s body relaxes a little as he reaches his hand forward to let Sadie sniff him.

  “Here,” Maggie encourages Henry and Sadie by putting her hand next to his slightly touching it. “She’ll smell me mixed with you which will make it easier for you both.”

  Sadie sniffs his hand and gladly lets Maggie guide Henry’s hand over her head.

  “See, she likes you,” Maggie says reassuringly.

  “We should walk and talk to make it back to our spots on the street,” Jared suggests.

  Everyone agree and start moving towards the parade route. I’m surprised that they are both joining us. Maggie never introduces a guy to her family this quickly.

  Maggie and Henry are in front, talking to each other. They seem very calm in the way they speak as if they’ve known each other for a long time. As we cross the street, I notice that Henry purposefully puts himself between Maggie and the street. Jared, Joe, Sadie and myself follow closely behind them not talking. Jared is closest to the store entrances as our arms are entwined, Sadie is between myself and Joe and Joe is along the curbside mirroring Henry.

  We easily find Nǎinai and the rest of the family about fifteen minutes before the parade starts. Nǎinai gleams with enthusiasm, not for the parade, but at seeing Henry and Joe. Maggie makes introductions to the whole family in English. She explains who’s related to whom and Jared adds how he and I tie into the whole family, pretty much as brother and sister to Maggie. Maggie and Henry stand side by side followed by myself with Jared behind me, then Sadie and Joe. The whole family listens intently to Maggie and then begins asking Henry a few questions.

  “My parents are somewhere here. This is our first time seeing the parade in Chinatown, usually we’re either back home in China or up in San Francisco to celebrate,” Henry answers openly.

  “What are your plans for the rest of the day once the parade concludes?” inquires Nǎinai, testing the boundaries of Maggie’s new love interest.

  She doesn’t ask if he speaks Mandarin. It’s assumed since he refers to China as back home.

  “Nothing, really. Since we aren’t familiar with the celebrations here, we figured we just follow along with what others were doing. We aren’t here with any other family members currently,” Henry replies back in Mandarin to Nǎinai.

  She’s very pleased that he speaks her native tongue. “Great! Then you, Blue Eyes here and your parents can join us for dinner,” Nǎinai insists.

  Jared chuckles at Nǎinai, knowing who she is referring to by calling him Blue Eyes. Mŭqīn and Fŭqīn are pleased that Nǎinai has invited Henry, Joe and Henry’s parents and urges them to join us. They are clearly curious about Henry and his family.

  Though she’s giddy from all of the excitement, I notice that Nǎinai is cold, so I take off my jacket to cover her.

  “Thank you, Emma,” Nǎinai says gratefully.

  I smile and nod.

  “Now Blue Eyes can get a better look at you and your voluptuous body,” she adds, grinning.

  I take a deep breath, shake my head and try not to roll my eyes at her. I know what she’s trying to do and I really hope that Joe doesn’t understand Mandarin.

  Jared does not contain his laughter as he hugs me from behind to keep me warm.

  “Not funny, Jared,” I scold him as I quickly look from him to Joe to catch Joe’s reaction.

  Maybe I can find out if Joe knows Mandarin too since he is Henry’s best friend. He just looks at me and grins like he does each time our eyes meet.

  “He doesn’t know what I’m saying, ” Nǎinai claims, slightly taunting me as she sees me studying Joe’s face. “Look at him. He’s been smiling the whole time and his face hasn’t changed. I could tell him you’re madly in love with him and want to have his babies and he’d just smile and nod.”

  I look back at Joe to find his smile hasn’t changed — at least I don’t think it has. God, I hope he isn’t just being polite and really doesn’t understand her.

  The music begins as the parade commences, interrupting Nǎinai’s goodhearted cajoling at my expense. We stand or sit watching, smiling and having a great time. After a while, Jade and Rey are running around our group playing and imitating the dancing that is taking place. Rey, who is only three, pretends that he is either a dragon or a lion. I’m not quite sure which. He’s chasing after his older sister Jade, who is six.

  Jared snatches up Rey, which Rey loves. “Uncie Jay,” Rey shouts giggling. “Shoulders!”

  Happy to fulfill Rey’s request, Jared hoists him up.

  I shiver at the disappearance of his body heat. Suddenly, I feel warmth blanketing around me. Joe has placed his jacket around my shoulders. It smells sinfully delicious and feels cozy.

  Turning my head to Joe I say, “Thank you.”

  Joe leans into my right ear. “You’re welcome.” His warm breath is refreshing against my cheek. Our eyes meet again as he slowly pulls his face away.

  “Looks like you have an admirer,” pokes Jared.

  I ignore him other than bumping him with my hip.

  Jade stays near her brother holding onto my waist. I can see it in her face that she wishes she could be held up like that too. She’s petite and I could easily holder her myself — I’ve done it before.

  I offer to hold her, but Jade declines. “You look really pretty today,
Emma,” she says. “Not that you never don’t look pretty. I just don’t . . . .”

  “I can hold you up if you’d like,” Joe offers with a smile before Jade finishes her sentence.

  Jade, though shy, immediately answers by moving over towards Joe, holding her arms up to him. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Nǎinai watching us.

  “Look Emma, he’s even great with kids. My blessing of love and marriage has come to you early this year!”

  “You’ve given me the same blessing the past two years Nǎinai,” I retort back in Mandarin. “And, it didn’t happen then.”

  There is no way her blessing is coming true anytime soon if I have anything to do with it.

  Nǎinai regards me and comments, “It will happen. I didn’t bless you with a husband and children in the past.”

  My mouth opens as I’m about to rebut, but there’s a look in her eye that I’ve never seen before. A sense of unshakeable definitiveness. It’s a little creepy and I decide not to continue this conversation by closing my mouth.

  At one point, Joe leans over to me and says something that is drowned out by all the music and noise. Since I can’t hear him, I’m forced to lean in to hear him better.

  “What?” I say, shifting towards him.

  His eyes widen and his smile opens more, showing some teeth as he repeats himself, “Did I miss the memo about wearing red today?”

  Aware of what he’s trying to do, I choose not to be rude. “In the Chinese culture, red is considered good luck.”

  I guess his best friend failed to inform him. I wonder if this is his first Chinese New Year.

  Overhearing us, Jade leans down and asks if he’s ever celebrated New Year before.

  “Yes . . .” he replies, “But, not a Chinese New Year.”

  Jade giggles and then leans over to me and whispers, “Can we get him something red? You know, for good luck.”

  I look at Joe first as if I’m considering it. He gives me an inquisitive look indicating that he didn’t hear what Jade said to me, and because there is no way I’m turning down this beautiful little girl, I smile at her, reach into my purse and give her a twenty dollar bill. “You choose. Just don’t go too far,” I instruct.

  Jade beams and asks Joe to be let down. She stays within view as she stops over at a cart that is about fifteen feet away. I notice that Joe keeps his attention on her as well. A minute or two later, Jade comes bouncing back with something. She holds out her one hand to give me the change and I tell her to keep it. Her happiness turns into a full ray of sunshine as she shoves the money into her jacket pocket before anyone sees.

  Keeping what she bought hidden in her other hand, Jade directs Joe, “I need your wrist, but no peeking.”

  Joe gladly obeys and fixes his gaze on me.

  “There . . . all done,” Jade exclaims after tying it on. “Do you like it?”

  Joe’s attention stays on me for a split second longer before looking down at his wrist. Jade found a beautiful, red beaded bracelet with a gold Chinese coin.

  “It’s perfect. Thank you,” he confirms with a full smile directed at Jade. He takes her hand and kisses the back of it. “Ready to go back up?” he asks.

  Jade nods, reaches her arms up, and in one fluid movement, she’s back up on his shoulders. For a moment, I can’t take my eyes off of him. When he starts to turn in my direction, I immediately look up at Jade to throw him off before I return my attention to the parade.

  As the parade continues on for the next several hours, we all watch in amazement. At one point, I place my arms through the sleeves of Joe’s jacket. I purposefully resist from looking in Joe’s direction other than to look up at Jade only a few times. He’s bouncing up and down as she waves her arms in the air.

  Once the parade is finished, Jade and Rey join some other children playing in the street. All of the children are picking up the pieces of paper confetti and then throwing them back up into the air. Maggie announces that she’s going with Henry to bring his parents back to the house. I ask if she wants us to join them, but she refuses my offer. She clearly wants some privacy with Henry. Kim starts to call Rey and Jade to join the family back at the house, but I tell her that I can stay with them so they can play until Maggie and Henry come back this way. Nǎinai grins deviously as she hands me my jacket and I take off Joe’s to return it to him. Everyone else heads to the house except Jared, Sadie, Joe, Rey, Jade and me. I stay near Rey as Jared starts running around with Jade and copies whatever she does. Joe stays within a few feet of me. I’m not sure why. He doesn’t strike up small talk, nor do I. Oddly, the silence isn’t uncomfortable between us. Is he quiet like me, or just doesn’t know what to say?

  Suddenly, Jade and Jared are running toward us playfully screaming as they throw confetti at Rey, Sadie, Joe and myself. We grab some that fall to the ground and throw it back at them as Sadie tries to catch them in her mouth.

  About fifteen minutes later, Maggie, Henry, and Henry’s parents arrive. Henry makes brief introductions in English after finding out that the rest of the family has gone to the house. Everyone walks quietly except Maggie and Henry who are talking with his parents. Rey is starting to fall asleep in my arms, Jared is to my right, Sadie is on my left and Jade has found her perch on Joe’s shoulders again who is standing on the other side of Sadie.

  Back at the house, after more introductions, everyone sits down to start eating. The meal is slow and long, but entertaining. Everyone is speaking to each other in Mandarin during the entire meal but Nǎinai, Mŭqīn and Mrs. Wú are doing most of the talking with the exception of Fŭqīn, Henry and Mr. Wú on occasion.

  Mŭqīn and Fŭqīn find out that they indirectly know Henry’s parents, Lin and Nuo Wú, through mutual acquaintances and share pleasant stories of their friends and the differences between living in China and America. Later into the meal, the conversation eventually steers over to Maggie and Henry and then over to general topics for discussion. Everyone talks from time to time, even Jade and Rey except for Joe and myself. Mr. and Mrs. Wú question how Jared and I became a part of the family and all eyes turn to us.

  I know that Mŭqīn, Fŭqīn and Nǎinai are being respectful by allowing Jared and I to tell our own stories, especially me since I’m not generally one to speak about myself. If we were all more familiar with the Wú’s, I know that Nǎinai would be adding some of her own points. Jared instinctually knows to take the lead. I add in a sentence or two here and there, showing my respect to the Li family’s guests, though it’s uncomfortable for me. By the look on their faces, Mr. and Mrs. Wú seem impressed with the level of Mandarin both Jared and I speak.

  Jared explains that he and I had met on my first day in California and that we became instant friends. His lack of a full explanation as to how I came to California comes up and he only mentions that I had just traveled across the country by train from the East Coast. He left a number of details out which he knows not to disclose. There is still a bit of information Maggie’s parents don’t know about me — I should say, I don’t think they know about me, unless Maggie has filled them in.

  Jared goes into describing how I started working with him at the florist shop that is across from the Peking Wok in downtown LA and how we met Maggie. He adds to his story how I was very shy and didn’t speak much. He teases how Mŭqīn and Fŭqīn instantly fell in love with me because the first words that I spoke to them were in Mandarin. This creates smiles all around the table and Mr. and Mrs. Wú nod acceptingly of us. Jared jokes how Maggie’s family was a little suspicious of him at first, but when they found out he was gay and not interested in dating Maggie, he was instantly accepted. Jared is not in the closet, but confirms who he is to certain people who may question it as well as to see how receptive they are to his orientation. Mr. and Mrs. Wú seem pleased with Jared’s story telling and don’t pry for more details.

  Nǎinai asks how Henry and Blue Eyes know each other. I guess she feels it’s only fair for them to share their story since Jared told ours. Befo
re Henry begins his story, I look to Joe to watch for his reaction — nothing but smiles. Henry briefly explains that he and Joe had met their freshman year of college. They were roommates and have been like brothers ever since. Henry kept his story simple and short as well, obviously leaving out many details like where they went to school, what they were studying and other incidentals.

  Later, as most of us finish eating, everyone continues sitting around talking and Jade joins me by sitting in my lap. She loves everyone in her family, but she usually singles me out at some point or another when we’re all together. Her legs are on either side of my lap as she faces me and twiddles with a lock of my hair.

  “Do you think he likes his gift?” Jade asks me in Mandarin.

  “Who?” I question to make sure I know to whom she’s referring.

  “Joe silly,” She indicates with a giggle.

  “I would think so. He’s wearing it isn’t he?” I encourage, smiling back at her.

  “Yeah . . . but that doesn’t mean he likes it,” Jade states with a little disbelief.

  “Then, ask him,” I politely instruct.

  Jade turns her attention to Joe who is sitting across from me and poses her question.

  “Yes. Very much so. I’ll keep it forever and ever,” Joe replies in Mandarin with a smile.

  Everyone who hears Joe’s response stare in astonishment since he spoke Mandarin.

  Crap. He knew what Nǎinai and I were talking about this whole time. It makes sense. No one ever asked him or Henry if he spoke Mandarin let alone ask him anything in Mandarin to hear his response. Everyone who didn’t know him just assumed he only spoke English.

  I start to panic, knowing that he heard every single world Nǎinai was saying to me about him. I am mortified, but skillfully refrain from displaying my shock, other than my eyes widening momentarily. My mind races to recount everything that Nǎinai said and my responses. I’m safe with what I had said, nothing incriminating. Then, I get a little mad at how he kept himself composed and quiet the entire time.