Just Breathe Series (Trilogy Box Set)

by Martha Sweeney

  Maggie’s definitely starting to get impatient from not having sex with Henry — I saw the look last night when we had sex and again this morning. From what she told me last night, it’s been about three weeks since they met, and though I know she’s put herself out there, Henry has only made out with her. My initial reaction is to question what is wrong with him. Maggie is a beautiful and intelligent woman, and any other guy she was interested in the past would have slept with her by now. The thought that he might be a virgin comes to mind, but I can’t see how a handsome man like him hasn’t even had one fling, even if it was with a somewhat serious girlfriend.

  After our shower, we text Nathan before heading out to Santa Monica in Maggie’s Tesla. We are able to beat most of the LA traffic on Route Ten which gets us to Nathan’s in about forty minutes.

  Nathan lives in a newly purchased and renovated three bedroom and two and a half bath condo on the west side of Ocean Avenue in downtown Santa Monica. He wasn’t able to afford the penthouse, but even on the fifth level, he has breathtaking views of the beach from several rooms. The complex is very posh as well as the interior of his condo that he has yet to decorate since he bought it a few months ago on short-sale. Nathan must be ferociously working on the finishing touches for his Spring collection and his upcoming Summer line to neglect decorating his home — which is not like him.

  “I still can’t believe you bought this much space,” I comment as we step into his foyer after being buzzed in.

  Sadie bounces in excitement to see her uncle.

  “I have aspirations and I got tired of stifling them in my one bedroom with noisy neighbors,” Nathan remarks, greeting us with hugs and kisses. “Besides, I had to have the view.”

  Jared pops up from the couch behind Nathan, catching me by surprise.

  “Hey you,” I say with a slightly shocked look. “Did you stay over last night?”

  Jared’s sheepish grin gives him away.

  “Boy did he,” Nathan goads.

  I shake my head at the two of them as they help Maggie and me with our bags.

  “Do you ladies need to do any work?” Nathan checks.

  Maggie and I reply in unison that we don’t.

  “Great, follow me! I want to see what you think,” he continues, leading us up to his mezzanine above the kitchen.

  “These are stunning,” Maggie disclose with definitive awe as she walks into Nathan’s workspace before me. “I want!”

  “Wow,” I add when my eyes fall upon the fabric and pictures.

  “You think?” Nathan nudges with a hint of uncertainty in his tone.

  “Yes!” Maggie and I exclaim.

  Our lack for words substantiates our impressions of his work.

  “Really!” Nathan blurts with absolute giddiness.

  “Do you have anymore,” I inquire, hungry to see them.

  “No, but I have sketches. I didn’t want to go into a full line if I didn’t get good initial feedback,” he says cautiously. He opens his sketchbook to show me the colors and styles for the women’s line.

  Cutting to the chase, I offer what he will never ask. “Do you need more financing to get them out and noticed?”

  “Oh my God, are you serious, Emma?” Nathan’s voice has now gone up an octave.

  I shoot him a look for questioning my interest.

  “I couldn’t. You’ve already done so much.”

  “Yes, you can,” Jared endorses, knowing what I’m getting at as he pets Sadie.

  “My first round of investment in you was because I believed in you, and I still do. You know I wouldn’t offer if I honestly didn’t mean it.” I share with love and a hint of business acumen attached. “We don’t have to go over the details now. We’ll sit down and you can show me what you need and go from there.”

  “I love you!” Nathan shouts, grabbing and kissing me all over my face.

  “I love you too, sweetie,” I respond, wrapping my arms around him to get him to stop his assault of affection.

  Suddenly, Jared and Maggie are hugging us too.

  “Ooo, a four-way,” Nathan jokes.

  We all laugh.

  When Nathan was getting his boutique started in WeHo, I was able to help as a financial backer and he insisted on me being a partner. I agreed to be a silent partner and only assist with any business aspects that he didn’t understand. Nathaniel’s has been showing promise for its first year and a half. It’s in the green, which is not typical for any business within the first few years, though it’s not enough green to take on a second line. Naturally Me started openly pushing Nathaniel’s three months before the opening and Jared has been wearing some of the clothing on camera which has been a nice boost for sales each month. Maggie has had two team members from Raven Media working on the social media marketing for Nathaniel’s which has been the strongest proponent of Nathan’s fashion success.

  “Once you get the women’s line going, you’re going to need to consider a diva pet line as well,” Maggie excitedly suggests. “Can you imagine, pet’s matching their owners?”

  “That would line up perfectly with the pet division for Naturally Me with Sadie too,” Jared adds.

  “Oh, my! That’s an awesome idea. I’ve got a bunch of ideas already running through my head,” Nathan shouts with absolute delight.

  “One step at a time girls,” I politely chide. “We need to know that the current men’s line and what’s coming out for next season gets positive feedback as we dip into the women’s line before even entertaining the idea of pet fashion.”

  “She’s right,” Nathan agrees without a change in his tone. “But, I’ll start dreaming and designing it all.”

  “I wouldn’t expect anything less,” I encourage.

  “Are you girls hungry? Did you eat lunch?” Nathan asks.

  “No, we came right here,” Maggie answers.

  “Good! Jared and I just went shopping after breakfast, so we’re all stocked up for the weekend whether we go out to eat or not.” Nathan informs us, excited to entertain.

  Nathan has been vigorously following many of the nutrition topics posted on Naturally Me and he’s mentioned how different he feels. He was never fat to begin with, but Nathan’s become leaner, stronger and more energetic. He mentions how the energy helps with his clarity and focus while designing and it’s obviously evident in the women’s line he’s been creating.

  “You boys had breakfast?” Maggie mocks, finally being able to harass Jared.

  “I was so excited about this weekend that I could barely sleep,” Nathan confesses.

  “I couldn’t even tire him out,” Jared shares with a blushing grin.

  “Wow!” I say rather impressed.

  Being the two main cooks in the group, Nathan and I get to work on making lunch for the four of us while we all chat about incidental topics. We decide on making grilled cheese sandwiches with two different kinds of raw, organic cheese topped with a delicious homemade mustard mayonnaise spread I love to make, spinach, avocado, onion and tomato. Instead of butter, we use raw coconut oil on the cast iron skillet. We also have homemade lemonade with fresh peppermint leaves from Nathan’s little herb garden, a side salad with all the fixings and organic roasted red pepper and tomato soup.

  A variety of topics enter our conversations while we cooking and eating lunch. Though I’m not a complete kiss and tell kind of girl, I do give most of the juicy details about my encounter with Chris and Molly.

  “Would you sleep with him again,” Nathan asks.

  “Most likely if I saw him again, but I’d have to be careful,” I answer truthfully.

  “Because of Caleb?” Maggie inquires.

  “God no. Please, I can handle him,” I firmly insist.

  “He’s into her. Wants more than just a couple of good fucks,” Jared declares.

  “Really?” Nathan questions.

  “I saw it in his face every time we saw him since Ayana’s opening and again last night, especially after they returned from their adve
nture,” Jared confirms.

  “Yep,” I validate Jared’s statement and observation.

  “Why not just date the guy,” Nathan challenges.

  I reply with a you’re kidding me right look.

  “Yeah . . . Emma date. When Hell freezes over . . .” Jared chuckles and I quickly join his amusement.

  “You really still don’t want to date,” Nathan says with a slightly worried tone.

  “Nope,” I affirm with sternness.

  “You don’t think you’ll ever date, even when the three of us are married and with kids?” Nathan probes.

  I shake my head in response causing the mood to become a little cloudy.

  I know that anything can be possible, especially the thought of Nathan and Jared being married at some point — even if it’s not to each other. However, the thought of letting anyone in that close freaks me out. The idea of even just losing the three of them terrifies me to no end. I don’t know what I would do if I lost one of them. I’m not heartless, I just don’t want to allow any chances of my heart being broken for any reason.

  Oblivious to the shift in the mood, Maggie chimes in, “What about Joe? He’s cute and totally into you.”

  Jared cracks up at her suggestion as I just eyeball her and remind her of my habits. “Seriously, Maggie? You know my rules.”

  With a confident smile, she throws at me, “Well, rules are made to be broken. Besides, Nǎinai has blessed you with love, a husband and children.”

  I cringe at the memory.

  “That’s right,” Jared adds, proud of Maggie’s moment as he hugs her.

  “Nǎinai is never wrong, Emma,” Maggie affirms while getting more laughs from Jared and Nathan.

  “End of discussion,” I instruct, a little miffed at their statements.

  I know they mean well overall, but I’ll decide my love life.

  The rest of the day, the four of us and Sadie go out to spend some time at the park before shopping. When we eat dinner back at the condo, we curl up together to play some board games and then watch a movie. I am surprised at the three of them wanting to keep it low key for the evening as the night progresses. I’m more surprised with Nathan and Jared than Maggie. They must really want to be on their game tomorrow for volleyball — that or they plan on having more sex.

  Jared joins Nathan in his room after the movie and Maggie and I move to the bedroom that we’re sharing. I wonder if things are starting to change between Nathan and Jared again. They’ve always been so cool and calm around each other, but there’s something different. I don’t know how to explain it. Regardless, I’m happy for them.

  While Sadie falls asleep in the middle of the bed, Maggie and I sit up for another hour before turning off the lights. She’s trying to recount all of her conversations with Henry for me. I’m not really in the mood, but I know it’s more because she’s trying to see if there’s anything that I might pick up. I do my best to counsel her regarding his actions and what he has said directly to her, in person or in text messages. Compared to all of the other guys she’s met and dated, Henry seems legit. I think he genuinely cares for her which I share with her openly.

  Inwardly, I keep my concern for what a relationship between her and Henry means for our friendship. She’s been elated when dating a guy before, but with Henry she’s different. I’m just worried that things between us will change too much. I know we won’t engage sexually over time, which is fine. I’ve been able to manage in the past. But, what if they do get married and have kids? Will she move away? Will we still see each other as much? The one thing I’m not willing to accept is that these are all things in my life that I can’t control and it pisses me off while simultaneously scaring the living daylights out of me.

  Eight

  As I attempt to lift my heavy eyelids, I discover a hazy darkness surrounding me. Blinking slowly several times, my half-opened eyes won’t focus to give me any clear indication of what’s around me and where the blurry, flashing lights above are coming from. My body feels heavy. Still unable to open my eyes all the way, I perceive that I’m laying down somewhere. A cool dampness near my left cheek reveals itself as a slight gust of air brushes past my face. Sliding my right arm up the side of my body like a snake, my fingers creep to my lips. Drool — or, at least I hope so.

  Two large and oddly shaped figures materialize in front of me. They are so close, only a foot or two away. Voices suddenly emanate from the now more defined silhouettes. Their speech sounds muffled and trails off into the distance even as I try to concentrate on their words. Who are they? What are they saying? Why can’t I understand them? One of the voices almost sounds feminine.

  Another indistinguishable sound gradually becomes more apparent as it grows louder and the ringing in my ears subsides. It’s the engine of a car. My brain finally starts to put the fuzzy pieces of evidence together. I must have fallen asleep in the back seat. A familiar smell creeps into my nose that reassures me — my mother’s perfume.

  “Mom?” my throat squeezes out in a raw, breathy, hoarse tone.

  “We’re almost home, dear,” her voice replies in a low sluggish tone.

  I internally smile at her comforting words, though her voice sounds peculiar.

  A sudden rush of nervousness enters my belly. The car feels as if it’s flying down the road like a rocket ship as the speed of the flashing lights zooming above my head all blur into one.

  “Mom,” I try to shout, but not a single sound escapes my mouth this time. Confused, I try again. “Mom!”

  She doesn’t hear me. I don’t hear me.

  A single, bright white light races towards us, growing larger by the second. My mother turns her head towards me smiling. Why doesn’t she hear me? How does she not see the light?

  Again, with all my might. “Mom . . . !” my voice trails in my head like a deafening siren, stabbing my ears like a knife.

  Time stops in this very moment. I can see everything with perfect clarity as I stare in horror into my mother’s eyes. My mouth is left open, still screaming without a sound. I can’t hear anything except a piercing ring that echoes in my body. Why can’t she hear me? Why doesn’t she see the terrified look on my face?

  My body lurches backward as I attempt to scramble to grab my mother and I suddenly become paralyzed. Then, it happens all at once — I see the face of the truck driver before I hear the sound of metal hitting metal as it wraps itself around and around. Maggie? I watch my parents’ bodies hurling forward toward the oncoming truck, bouncing around like ping pong balls, getting dented with each blow.

  My heart is filled with terror as I desperately try to yell one more time, “Mom . . . !”

  Jerking up, I shout out in horror. My heart is pounding, my lungs are heaving and my entire body is shaking.

  “Emma?! Emma, are you alright?” Maggie searches for the light next to the bed as Jared and Nathan barge into the room in response to my screams.

  Sadie is whimpering and scrambling to comfort me as well.

  Wrapping his arms around me, Jared pulls me into his chest, draping my legs across his lap like a parent would for their child, “It’s okay Emma. It’s okay.” Jared’s actions are routine from the years of us living together.

  Nathan sits across from me, stroking my hair while Maggie presses her forehead into my back. Sadie wedges herself between Nathan and me, placing her head on my leg as Jared rocks us gently back and forth while repeating his soothing words, “It’s okay, Emma. It’s okay.”

  My body trembles as I recount the nightmare to myself. The vision has always been the same until now and my mind is disturbed by the image of Maggie’s face as the truck driver. I bury my face into Jared’s chest and shake my head, trying to rid the pictures from my memory. The tears just keep flowing as I keep seeing in my head the image of Maggie driving the truck.

  I must have passed out over time because I wake with all five of us spread out a little on the bed and to the sound of Jared, Nathan and Maggie talking softly.


  “Has it always been like this,” Nathan whispers with a shaky voice.

  “No,” Jared answers with fear. “It hasn’t been like this in a long time.”

  Jared has experienced the brunt of my nightmares since we met. It took months before I stopped waking up screaming from them. He’s the only one I’ve told what I see.

  “I’ve never seen her this bad,” Maggie adds cautiously with a shaky tone.

  “I thought they weren’t this bad anymore. She had one a few weeks ago, the morning of our meeting, but she seemed fine when I got there. I’m not sure why they’re happening again. She’s gone months without having them,” Jared discloses as he pulls me in tighter.

  “What’s causing them to come back?” Nathan searches.

  “I honestly don’t know,” Jared admits with a sniff like he’s been crying. “How was she last night when you two went to bed?”

  Pausing to think, Maggie responds, “Fine. Like normal. Nothing different.”

  I can feel Jared nod his response. I’m not sure why I’m having them either and I hope they don’t ask when I finally let them know I’m awake.

  I wait for what feels like ten minutes later before shifting like I’m waking up. “Since when are you guys into an orgy?” I say with my best fake groggy morning voice.

  I feel Jared breathe in and out as some tension in his body releases.

  “Only if they’re all men,” he replies with strained emotion.

  Maggie and I chuckle when I hear what sounds like a slap on skin. Nathan must have hit Jared for his comment.

  Before letting them question me, I ask, “What time is it?”

  “It’s just after six,” Maggie answers with her perky, soft voice.

  She’s clearly happy to hear me joking.

  “I’ve got to feed Sadie,” I continue, rising and trying to move on from earlier.

  Jared catches my eye and I know he’s not convinced by my little act, though Maggie and Nathan buy into it. I can tell Jared is hesitating to say anything for which I’m very grateful. If we’re going to have a discussion, I don’t want to do it now, let alone in front of Maggie and Nathan. I’ve always been able to talk to Jared about this. It’s not easy, but it’s easier than with anyone else.