Just Breathe Series (Trilogy Box Set)

by Martha Sweeney

  Twelve

  Since the first weekend with Henry and Joe at Nathan’s, I haven’t had the nightmare again and the weeks become typical for me; taking care of my businesses, meetings with Nathan about expanding Nathaniel’s and the new women’s line, connecting with Maggie and Jared about business, working out, reading, being with Sadie, and hanging out with my friends, including Henry and Joe occasionally. All six of us are together most weekends, going somewhere — like mini adventures. We visit San Diego, Las Vegas, Palm Springs and Ojai when we don't stay in LA County. We eat and drink. We laugh. We surf. We dance. We see shows. We gamble. We visit spas and do anything that looks fun and interesting.

  One day of each weekend together is a relaxing day, while the other is filled with some kind of physical activity or sport. The relaxing day is more for the two couples to have bedroom time with each other, not like they don’t get enough during the week, while Joe and I find something to do away from them with Sadie.

  The relationship between Maggie and Henry has progressed rapidly. They had sex for the first time that Sunday night after we spent the first weekend at Nathan’s — just as I predicted. She’s told me all about it, of course — she didn’t leave out a single detail.

  Nathan and Jared have been seeing each other more, but they haven’t official declared that they’re dating. I’m curious to see if they take things farther this time with their relationship.

  Being the non-couple of the group, Joe and I have started to become more like friends, especially during the weekends when we’re actively avoiding the sounds of sex coming from our friends’, particularly when they don’t stay in their assigned rooms. Joe is the first straight guy that I feel comfortable around. He and I have a lot in common with our personalities and openly discuss a wide variety of topics, including business. I, of course, still leave out a lot of details about my family and past, and he doesn’t ask, which is fine by me. I’m not sure if he’s being respectful or if information has been disclosed by my friends. I’m hoping that it’s not the latter.

  Joe and I have spent some time learning each other’s level of martial arts mastery and spar. I can tell Joe is holding back when we fight, and I’m grateful. Not that I can’t handle the sparing, but there have been a few close encounters that have caused our full bodies to touch for more than just a few seconds. Whenever our bodies come into contact that much, I become a little distracted. He’s a handsome, sexy man. What woman wouldn’t get distracted being that close to him from time to time?

  Today, Maggie and I just had our monthly in-person meeting for Raven Media. Everything is running smoothly, and with needing less time to talk business, we’re able to chat more about personal stuff just between us girls. I’m excited to have my friend back — not that I really lost her, but more because she’s my only girlfriend and there are certain things I just don’t discuss with Jared — somethings you can only discuss with another woman.

  Trying to break the ice, Maggie pries, “So, what’s going on between you and Joe?”

  I look at her quizzically, first because I’m confused by her question, and second because I seriously can’t believe she’s asking. “What are you talking about?”

  “I swear there’s chemistry between you two . . . ” she nudges.

  “No. Don’t even start,” I warn.

  Looking genuinely shocked at my response, Maggie replies, “Seriously? Nothing? Why not? He’s cute. He’s available. He’s . . . .”

  “He’s . . . a . . . friend. Nothing more,” I enunciate each word for her to clearly grasp the concept.

  She tries to refute my declaration by adding, “Why can’t you be open to the possibility?”

  “There is no possibility of anything other than a friendship. You know that. We’ve been through this with several times now, Mags,” I insist, steaming a little.

  “Ok, fine. I just don’t understand why you don’t want to be happy,” she pleas with concern.

  “I am happy. I’m happy with how I choose to live my life, and I’m happy that you are happy with how you choose to live yours. I just wish that you would be happy for me too,” I explain honestly.

  “I am happy for you . . . if you are really happy.” Maggie hangs her head a little. “He likes you, you know?” she suddenly throws in to stoke the fire more.

  “Mags, please,” I whine with mild irritation at her decision to press the issue.

  “That’s all I wanted to say,” she confesses.

  Part of me wants to believe her and I’m oddly flattered knowing I’ve caught his interest.

  “I see him like I see Jared or Nathan. Just friends,” I return, hoping to seal the vault to that topic forever.

  I’m not interested in a relationship, and I still don’t think I ever be. If, and this is a really big if, I ever changed my mind, Maggie would be the first person to know aside from Jared. I just can’t bring myself to let anyone in like that.

  There is sexual tension between Joe and I, I’ll admit that, but only to myself. Yes, it seems to be building a little bit more, but it’s only lust, a physical desire. As much as I want to put out that fire, I still refuse to break any of my own rules. I’m not sure to what extent Maggie means that Joe likes me, but to whatever degree that is, it would just make things weirder if we did do anything.

  “I have a confession to make,” Maggie adds, still holding her head low, barely peeking up at me with just her eyes.

  “What?” I say, suddenly nervous about the subject of her confession.

  What now? What is it that she wants to tell me?

  “I . . . um . . . ” Maggie searches for words.

  “You didn’t hint to Joe that he might have a chance with me, did you?” I demand while trying to remain calm.

  “What? No. God, no,” she confirms.

  Her response validates it’s truth. I know she didn’t when she says it. Maggie is a horrible liar.

  “I . . . um . . .” she searches how to tell me something.

  I cringe, not knowing where she’s going.

  She obviously sees the panic in my face and blurts, “I told Henry about us.” Her face reddens and her eye bounce between my face and the floor.

  I sit frozen for what feels like hours. Did I just hear her correctly? Did she just admit that she’s told Henry about her and me? She’s never told any boyfriend about us and our sexual encounters. My eyes begin to sting a little, so I flicker my eyelids a few times. I must have stopped blinking.

  “You . . .” I pause, not knowing what I want to say. My mouth feels dry like a desert and I try to regain even a little bit of moisture by swallowing hard once before continuing. “You, what?”

  Wincing at my words, Maggie repeats herself, “I told Henry about us. Please don’t be mad at me.”

  An uncontrollable giggle leaves my mouth before I repeat her. “You . . . told Henry . . . Wh . . . Wh . . . .”

  “We’re serious, Emma. And, if he’s the one. He needs to know me, accept me and love all of me,” Maggie announces with a dignified manner.

  I completely agree with her. Any man that deserves her must love and accept her unconditionally. I’ve told her that since we became friends and she started dating.

  “He knows it stays between us. He’s not to say anything to anyone.”

  “I . . . would . . . hope . . . so,” I mutter, still trying to wrap my head around what’s occurring.

  Cheerfully, Maggie adds, “He’s completely accepting. He’s even said that if you or I ever need to, that we have his full support. He’s not looking to interact with you . . . .”

  Cutting her off, I reply, “I would hope not.”

  I would never sleep with any man she has dated, is dating, and now possibly, dare I say, eventually marrying. My body shivers at the thought. The last thing I would want to do is make our friendship awkward in any way.

  “You’re funny. You know I would never ask that of you. I know where we stand, Emma. And, I love you for that,” she pauses for a brief sec
ond and then continues. “He’s willing to do whatever we, you and I, feel comfortable with.”

  “I can’t believe you are telling me this,” I profess still dazed.

  A little surprised, she replies, “Why wouldn’t I tell you this? We are family and of course I would tell you. I wanted to tell you first that I was planning on telling him, but it just came out the other day.”

  I take a deep breath before continuing, “I’m just surprised that you’re telling me about this . . . now . . . just before we are supposed to go have lunch with him and Joe.”

  “Oh,” she bashfully states as her eyes widen. “I thought it would be weirder if he knew and you didn’t during lunch. And, if I waited, you’d kill me.”

  Another giggle escapes my mouth as I reply, “I just might kill you anyway.”

  “Emma. Come on,” she pleas.

  I hear the worried strain in her voice.

  Pinching the skin at the top of my nose between my eyes, I shake my head. Fear and dread surround me. I understand why she told Henry and I truly appreciate that she informed me. But seriously? Now? Right before we’re supposed to have lunch. Couldn’t she have given me some time to process all of this?

  “What’s done is done,” I express while trying to compose myself.

  Maggie hesitantly moves towards me. I know she wants to hug me, console me and herself, so I let her. Stepping towards her, I lean in to let her know that I’m not mad or hurt. I knew this day would eventually come, but I was just hoping to have more time. Patting her on the back reassuringly, I provide comfort as she sighs with relief.

  Standing, holding each other warmly for another few seconds, we release each other and she kisses me on the cheek. Grabbing Sadie’s leash, I keep taking in deep breaths, trying to prepare my mind and body for seeing Henry. I think it would be a lot easier if Joe wasn’t going to be there, but then again, maybe he’ll be a nice distraction and keep any conversation from going in any awkward direction.

  As we walk toward Colorado Boulevard to one of my favorite restaurants, La Pain Quotidien, Maggie texts Henry that we’re leaving a little early. Seconds later, her phones chirps. Henry and Joe apparently have been in Pasadena for the last fifteen minutes and are heading over to meet us.

  The four of us and Sadie meet in front of the restaurant at the same time and exchange greetings. Luckily, since we are early, we’re able to get a seat outside on the patio. I watch and listen to Henry closely, but I don’t notice any odd behavior from him. This is comforting. Curiously, I watch Joe as well. If he and Henry are such good friends, even though Maggie told Henry not to say anything, that doesn’t mean he won’t necessarily tell his best friend. That’s how Maggie operates and I know that she’s already informed Henry of her habits.

  After ordering drinks and meals, our conversations remain light and friendly as usual for us at this point. Maggie opens up a new topic for discussion eagerly, “So, Henry and I have made arrangements for a trip for all of us next month for our three month anniversary.”

  I look to Henry when she makes this statement and he doesn’t flinch. If anything, he’s just as excited at the announcement as Maggie. Creepy. Most guys would be running by this point.

  “We’re all going to . . .” she pauses temporarily for a dramatic affect. “Hawaii!” Maggie’s bouncing in her seat as both her’s and Henry’s eyes sparkle with elation.

  “Awesome,” I respond animatedly, though a little disturbed by their equaled enthusiasm.

  “I know, right,” Maggie eagerly adds. “It’s going to be so much fun. We can hike, swim, sail, jet ski, and so much more . . . .” Her voice trails off as her eyes glaze over dreamily.

  I try really hard not to smirk at her comment and Henry’s equally enthusiastic stare. Good thing, Henry and her have their attention on each other. Bad thing, Joe catches me and restrains himself from snickering as well.

  “Does Jared know?” I inquire, forcing Maggie and Henry to break their intimate moment.

  “No, not yet. I was going to tell them later today,” Maggie confirms.

  I nod in agreement still try to suppress my smirk.

  The rest of the meal, Maggie continues to talk about Hawaii and everything she’s learned since she and Henry started planning the trip. I listen contentedly, excited to go to Hawaii. I’ve never been, but my enthusiasm does not match the level of Maggie’s, especially for a three month anniversary.

  My mind starts to wander a little as Maggie sustains the topic of her and Henry’s anniversary. I start reviewing what she told me earlier before we left for lunch and start to study Henry’s face more closely. I’m relieved after another ten minutes of coming up with nothing, no uneasiness. This completely baffles me. Other topics float in and out of my mind as I nod and hum fake responses to Maggie’s diatribe.

  The books. I have the books for Joe and Henry.

  When Maggie takes a sip of her drink, I’m allotted enough time to interject. “I’ve got something for the two of you,” I offer looking to Henry and then Joe.

  Their questioning faces are funny, including Maggie’s. I think Maggie is more in a state of shock.

  “What?” Joe questions.

  “You got them something?” Maggie adds with a puzzled look that has a hint of concern.

  What? Have I ever given her cause for concern? Would I ever give her cause for reservation? Okay, maybe. I laugh inwardly at the thought.

  “Here,” I say, handing them each packages wrapped in blue and white striped wrapping paper.

  “I didn’t realize that you cared so much,” Joe taunts wickedly. As Joe reaches for the gift, I teasingly pull my hand back just enough to keep it out of his reach while eyeing him, sparking a chuckle out of all three of them.

  Joe and Henry both take the items from my hands, confused by my actions and what the packages could be. Has Maggie said something to them at some point to have them question my intentions too? I’ve joked around on occasion, but I’ve never done anything down right mean.

  “They might help with your classes,” I offer as they unwrap them at the same time.

  “Ooh, that’s a great book!” Maggie shouts. “Emma made me read it before I started managing Raven Media.”

  “Wow. Thanks, Emma!” Henry expresses with genuine appreciation.

  “Thank you. This is awesome,” Joe adds, equally grateful. “I heard one of the guys in my class mention this book the other day — said it’s been helping.”

  Maggie is beaming at my generosity, which concerns me a little. I’ve never given anything to any of her previous boyfriends, let alone their friends. Did I just openly accept Henry and Joe too soon? Damn. I should have made her sweat it out a little longer. Oh well.

  Both Joe and Henry get up from their seats and move towards me. I’m not sure what to make of their actions. Getting to me first, Joe leans down and plants a kiss on my cheek and whispers, “Thank you.”

  I temper my facial reaction to his low, sultry voice. The sexual tension has just increased ten fold. I’m pleased when he doesn’t linger and Henry offers the same gesture. To my delight, I’m glad that Henry was second. He completely squashed all of the sexual desire I had for Joe and replaces it with complete awkwardness for me. Damn Maggie for her confession. I’m still wishing she hadn’t told me.

  We continued chatting at the restaurant for a short period after we finish eating. Henry covers the check as he always does, unless Joe beats him to it. I’m not used to anyone else picking up the tab, not this much. Over the years, Maggie, Jared, Nathan and I have always altered who takes care of the bill. Now, with two other people in the mix, it’s not horrible, just awkward because they always insist on paying. I’m not sure what to make of this habit. I’ve never experienced it before with anyone. None of Maggie’s past boyfriends ever did this. Is this an ego thing or a male dominance thing? I’m still not sure I like it and sometimes I even argue with them about it, but today, I deliberately choose not to say anything.

  The guys and Mag
gie insist on a tour of Pasadena, so I begrudgingly agree since I’m outnumbered. We walk around Old Pas for about forty-five minutes before we hop on one of the local Metro buses to head east on Colorado to show them the Pasadena Playhouse and continue by foot to the South Lake Avenue section. Maggie insists on showing them some more sites including the famous Rose Bowl and local museums. That means we’ll be in a car and I brace myself for the trip. We get back onto the Metro bus to head towards Henry’s car which is parked near where we ate. Henry holds the front passenger door for Maggie at the same time Joe holds the back left passenger door for me. Well, I do need to give Maggie some credit, she did finally pick a gentleman this time around.

  Maggie knows Pasadena as well as I do, so I relinquish any navigation or sightseeing suggestions to her. Sadie lays stretched out over the middle of the back seat with her head on my lap and her rear against Joe. Joe’s hand rests comfortably on Sadie’s hip, scratching her with his fingers as I pet her head.

  My mind begins an internal conflict with itself as the car glides over the streets. Outwardly, my body typically displaces the battle my thoughts engage when one of my legs shake rapidly. With the weight of Sadie’s head, my tension is released instead by tapping my right thumb on the side of my clutch repeatedly. My eyes take turns peering between the top of Sadie’s head, where my left hand rests, and the buildings moving past us through the window. Even knowing we are driving at a leisurely city speed, it does not reduce my anxiety in the slightest bit. My brain floods with chatter and noise which adds heat to the battle brewing inside me.

  Suddenly, my attention is pulled away from its increasing dismay. My gaze finds a hand draped over mine with a thumb brushing lightly back and forth over my knuckles. Looking up, I catch a calm, soothing expression on Joe’s face adorned with a soft, gentle smile and kindness in his eyes. The discomfort inside me subsides immensely at his gesture. I turn my hand to grasp his to keep me here in reality which pleasantly distracts me from the war inside.

  I don’t want to mislead Joe and the thought presents itself temporarily. I squash it with the belief that he’s just being friendly. Joe’s large hand is warm and soft, but firm as it embraces mine. I welcome the desire that stir inside me from his touch; it’s a much more bearable sensation than the fear and thoughts of my anxiety for being in a car. I smile warmly at him in appreciation.