Once a Week

by A. A. Milne

  AMONG THE ANIMALS

  Jeremy was looking at a card which his wife had just passed across thetable to him.

  "'Lady Bendish. At Home,'" he read. "'Pets.' Is this for us?"

  "Of course," said Mrs. Jeremy.

  "Then I think 'Pets' is rather familiar. 'Mr. and Mrs. J. P. Smith'would have been more correct."

  "Don't be silly, Jeremy. It means it's a Pet party. You have to bringsome sort of pet with you, and there are prizes for the prettiest, andthe most intelligent, and the most companionable, and so on." She lookedat the fox-terrier curled up in front of the fire-place. "We could takeRags, of course."

  "Or Baby," said Jeremy. "We'll enter her in the Fat Class."

  But when the day arrived Jeremy had another idea. He came in from thegarden with an important look on his face, and joined his wife in thehall.

  "Come on," he said. "Let's start."

  "But where's Rags?"

  "Rags isn't coming. I'm taking Hereward instead." He opened hiscigarette-case and disclosed a small green animal. "Hereward," he said.

  "Why, Jeremy," cried his wife, "it's--why, it's blight from therose-tree!"

  "It isn't just blight, dear; it's one particular blight. A blight.Hereward, the Last of the Blights." He wandered round the hall. "Where'sthe lead?" he asked.

  "Jeremy, don't be absurd."

  "My dear, I must have something to lead him up for his prize on. Duringthe parade he can sit on my shoulder informally, but when we come to theprize-giving, 'Mr. J. P. Smith's blight, Hereward,' must be led onproperly." He pulled open a drawer. "Oh, here we are. I'd better takethe chain; he might bite through the leather one."

  They arrived a little late, to find a lawn full of people and animals;and one glance was sufficient to tell Jeremy that in some of the classesat least his pet would have many dangerous rivals.

  "If there's a prize for the biggest," he said to his wife, "my blighthas practically lost it already. Adams has brought a cart-horse. Hullo,Adams," he went on, "how are you? Don't come too close or Hereward maydo your animal a mischief."

  "Who's Hereward?"

  Jeremy opened his cigarette-case.

  "Hereward," he said. "Not the woodbine; that's quite wild. The blight.He's much more domesticated, but there are moments when he gets out ofhand and becomes unmanageable. He gave me the slip coming here, and Ihad to chase him through the churchyard; that's why we're late."

  "Does he take meals with the family?" asked Adams with a grin.

  "No, no; he has them alone in the garden. You ought to see him havinghis bath. George, our gardener, looks after him. George gives him aspecial bath of soapy water every day. Hereward simply loves it. Georgesquirts on him, and Hereward lies on his back and kicks his legs in theair. It's really quite pretty to watch them."

  He nodded to Adams, and wandered through the crowd with Mrs. Jeremy. Thecollection of animals was remarkable; they varied in size from Adams'scart-horse to Jeremy's blight; in playfulness from the Vicar's kittento Miss Trehearne's chrysalis; and in ability for performing tricks fromthe Major's poodle to Dr. Bunton's egg of the Cabbage White.

  "There ought to be a race for them all," said Mrs. Jeremy. "A handicap,of course."

  "Hereward is very fast over a short distance," said Jeremy, "but hewants encouragement. If he were given ninety-nine yards, two feet, andeleven inches in a hundred, and you were to stand in front of him with aWilliam Allan Richardson, I think we might pull it off. But, of course,he's a bad starter. Hullo, there's Miss Bendish."

  Miss Bendish, hurrying along, gave them a word as she went past.

  "They're going to have the inspection directly," she said, "and give theprizes. Is your animal quite ready?"

  "I should like to brush him up a bit," said Jeremy. "Is there a tent oranywhere where I could prepare him? His eyebrows get so matted if he'sleft to himself for long." He took out a cigarette and lit it.

  "There's a tent, but you'll have to hurry up."

  "Oh, well, it doesn't really matter," said Jeremy, as he walked alongwith her. "Hereward's natural beauty and agility will take him through."

  On the south lawn the pets and their owners were assembling. Jeremy tookthe leash out of his pocket and opened his cigarette-case.

  "Good heavens!" he cried. "Hereward has escaped! Quick! Shut the gates!"He saw Adams near and hurried up to him. "My blight has escaped," hesaid breathlessly, holding up the now useless leash. "He gnawed throughthe chain and got away. I'm afraid he may be running amok among theguests. Supposing he were to leap upon Sir Thomas from behind and savagehim--it's too terrible." He moved anxiously on. "Have you seen myblight?" he asked Miss Trehearne. "He has escaped, and we are ratheranxious. If he were to get the Vicar down and begin to worry him----" Hemurmured something about "once getting the taste for blood" and hurriedoff. The guests were assembled, and the judges walked down the line andinspected their different animals. They were almost at the end of itwhen Jeremy sprinted up and took his place by the last beast.

  "It's all right," he panted to his wife, "I've got him. Silly of me tomislay him, but he's so confoundedly shy." He held out his finger as thejudges approached, and introduced them to the small green pet perchingon the knuckle. "A blight," he said. "Hereward, the Chief Blight. Beenin the family for years. A dear old friend."

  Jeremy went home a proud man. "Mr. J. P. Smith's blight, Hereward," hadtaken first prize in the All-round class.

  . . . . .

  "Yes," he admitted to his wife at dinner, "there is something on mymind." He looked at the handsome cigarette-box on the table in front ofhim and sighed.

  "What is it, dear? You enjoyed yourself this afternoon, you know youdid, and Hereward won you that beautiful cigarette-box. You ought to beproud."

  "That's the trouble. Hereward didn't win it."

  "But they said--they read it out, and----"

  "Yes, but they didn't know. It was really Elspeth who won it."

  "Elspeth?"

  "Yes, dear." Jeremy sighed again. "When Hereward escaped and I went backfor him, I didn't find him as I--er--pretended. So I went to the rosegarden and--and borrowed Elspeth. Fortunately no one noticed it was alady blight ... they all took it for Hereward.... But it was reallyElspeth--and belonged to Lady Bendish."

  He helped himself to a cigarette from the box.

  "It's an interesting point," he said. "I shall go and confess to-morrowto Sir Thomas, and see what he thinks about it. If he wants the boxback, well and good."

  He refilled his glass.

  "After all," he said, "the real blow is losing Hereward.Elspeth--Elspeth is very dear to me, but she can never be quite thesame."