Holding On

by Sarah Hadley Brook

  Afterward, Jeff and I dug around my sister’s room and found the items she’d listed in her text. We also grabbed a few things we thought she’d want, like clothes, books, and a pillow. Then we grabbed her bike from the garage and filled Jeff’s truck.

  I took one last look at the house. “Let’s get the hell out of here!”

  Chapter 3

  We spent the afternoon rearranging Jeff’s room to make space for my belongings. Then, once Pamela returned to town, we ran her stuff to the hotel.

  We ate dinner with my grandparents at the IHOP next door and made plans to meet at the hospital in the morning. There was still no change with Mom yet, but we all felt hopeful. Grandpa reported she had squeezed his hand earlier, definitely something to celebrate.

  * * * *

  By ten that night, I was exhausted. Jeff and I sat watching Star Trek in the living room, but I couldn’t quit yawning.

  “I’m heading to bed. Too tired,” I admitted, finally giving in to the fatigue.

  “Okay. I’ll be up soon. Don’t forget we’re getting up early tomorrow morning to go running.”

  Crap. I had hoped he had forgotten our plan to get in shape before college. We had started running about six weeks ago and wanted to begin working out, too. Well, Jeff was already working out, and yes, I saw the progress, no doubt about it. But working out was the last thing I wanted to do. Damn, I really didn’t want to run in the morning. Sleeping in sounded so much better. There was no way Jeff was going to let me do that though, I was sure.

  “Ugh, do we really have to?”

  He laughed. “Yes!”

  I grimaced as I dragged my body upstairs, putting in extra effort to groan and stomp a little in case he would take pity on me and give me a reprieve, but I got no response. I decided to take a shower, thinking it might ease some of the tension. As I let the water warm up, I stripped and took inventory of myself in the mirror.

  Sure, I was shorter than I wanted, but I still secretly hoped for a late growth spurt. My dark blond hair was a mess so I made a mental note to get a trim. My hazel eyes were nothing special, but I supposed they went with my face. All in all, I guessed I might be considered cute, but definitely not sexy. Not like Jeff.

  I had to admit, my body was starting to show some definition from the running. If I started working out consistently, I could be more toned and defined by the end of summer.

  I definitely wasn’t a hairy person. I had a light dusting of blond hair on my pecs that narrowed into a thin line down the center of my abs, and I kept my blond curly pubes trimmed, but not shaved.

  I found myself wondering if Jeff manscaped down there or let it all stay natural. I hadn’t seen him naked in a long time. Not since we were in middle school and changed into our swim trunks one afternoon. I was sure he looked different now.

  Jeff had transformed from a geeky kid to a tall, dark, and very hot man. He towered over me and he was filling out, too. Dark, curly hair covered his chest and his arms and legs were pretty hairy, too. I remembered how his chest felt pressed against me last night, and I shivered. Hair on a man was one of my triggers. My cock started getting hard and I watched myself in the mirror as I wrapped my hand around it and stroked.

  My mind drifted to Jeff again, and my balls tingled as my cock grew. What the hell? Now, Jeff makes me hard all the time? I needed to cool off!

  I stepped into the shower and let the hot water rain down on my sore muscles. What was it about stress that made a person so sore? I washed my hair, letting the scent of Jeff’s shampoo fill my nostrils. I rinsed and grabbed the body wash. As I soaped up, I once again noticed it wasn’t his normal brand and wrinkled my nose.

  I slid my soapy hand around my still-hard shaft and began stroking again. I closed my eyes, and a moan slipped from my mouth as I imagined Jeff in the shower with me. Instead of freaking out, I gave in to the fantasy, letting it play in my mind.

  Jeff knelt in front of me, watching me jerk off. Would his hands roll my balls? Would he lick the tip of my cock? Oh, God, I wanted him to. I finally admitted I wasn’t just attracted to Jeff—I was falling for my best friend. My cock swelled as I jerked harder and faster. My balls tightened and I grew close. I imagined Jeff urging me on as I braced my other hand on the wall. He told me he wanted to see me come, that he wanted to taste it.

  “Fuck!” I moaned. “Jeff!” I cried as ropes of hot, white cream jetted out against the tile. I shook with the intensity of the orgasm, grabbing the shower rod to keep from slipping as the image of Jeff filled my mind. My climax was so intense, my heart thundered in my ears and colors swirled before my eyes.

  I felt unsteady on my feet, and my breath was ragged. I rinsed off and cleaned up the mess, eager to climb into bed.

  I dried off before I realized I’d left my boxers and shirt in the bedroom, so I wrapped the towel around my waist.

  Jeff was already in the room and looked surprised to see me in a towel. “Hey,” he said as he sat on the edge of the bed. “I thought you would already be asleep.”

  “Yeah, I decided I needed a shower.” I pulled out a clean pair of boxers. I almost grabbed a shirt, but noticed that Jeff wasn’t wearing one. I decided to follow suit. I began to turn away to get dressed, but paused. “Hey, we forgot to pick up your regular body wash. I used that other one.”

  “Why didn’t you use yours? Didn’t we bring it from your house?”

  “Shit.” I laughed. “Completely forgot it was even in there. I just grabbed yours.”

  A smile tugged at his lips. “Admit it, Aaron, you just want to smell like me.”

  He teased, but deep down, I knew he was right. My face heated. “Whatever, man.”

  He laughed as he climbed under the covers.

  I waited until he turned away before I dropped the towel and pulled on the boxer briefs. I climbed into bed and slid under the covers, facing away from him.

  He turned off the lamp on his bedside table, and we lay in the dark for a few minutes.

  “Aaron? Earlier today…when you said it was your fault…”

  I tensed. “Yeah?”

  He cleared his throat and the bed shuddered as he turned over. “You know that’s not true, right? I mean, this was not your fault. In any way.”

  “Yes, it was,” I whispered as I rolled onto my back. “I should have been man enough to stop him years ago.”

  “It’s not true. You were a kid.” He grasped my wrist.

  “I’m not a kid anymore, Jeff. I should have handled him before this.” My throat tightened. I was sick about failing my mom, yet Jeff’s touch sent jolts of electricity through my body.

  “But you did. Last night, you shoved him.”

  “Too late.”

  “Let me ask you something, Aaron.” He pulled my wrist. “Hey, look at me.”

  I turned on my side. We stared into each other’s eyes, our faces only inches apart. Moonlight filtered in through the blinds, giving a silvery-blue tint to his skin. My breath caught in my throat; he was gorgeous.

  Luckily, he seemed oblivious to my thoughts. “Has your dad ever been that angry?”

  “Not really. He hates my mom and hits her pretty often. She hides it. Well, she tries to hide it, but we see the bruises. But I’ve never seen him do anything like this. When I became a teenager, I wanted to fight him off, but my mom begged me over and over to let her handle it.” I closed my eyes. “I shouldn’t have listened. I was more concerned about myself, worried about being sent to a foster home with my sister. I didn’t know what to do.”

  “Why do you think he got so violent last night?”

  I sighed and opened my eyes. “He’s been drinking more. A lot more. He’s also been calling me more names than he used to.”

  Jeff looked shocked. “What does he call you?”

  I rolled my eyes. “Anything he wants. Fairy, faggot, loser, you name it, he’s said it.”

  “That’s horrible!”

  I nodded, feeling worn out. “Yeah.”

  We fell silent
for a moment, both lost in thought.

  “You are the bravest person I’ve ever met,” he whispered.

  My eyes widened. “What?”

  “You lived with a dad that was so hateful and mean, yet you went back every day to make sure your mom and sister were okay. You are old enough to move out, and a lot of kids would have done that. That’s brave.”

  “I couldn’t leave them, Jeff. They needed some protection, as little as it might be. See, years ago, I learned that while I wasn’t necessarily strong enough to fight him, and my mom didn’t want me to anyway, I could distract him enough to get him to forget what he was doing and get my mom to her room safely. Since he always seemed to hate me so much when I’d start talking, it pissed him off enough he would turn toward me.” I gave a rueful smile. “Lucky for me, I could slip into my room before he figured out where I was. By then, he would hit the sofa and pass out.”

  Jeff threw up his hand. “See? You’re brave.”

  I searched his face, his eyes. Was he just being a good friend and trying to make me feel better? No, I knew him well enough to see he was being honest.

  “Oh, my God,” he exclaimed as he shot up in bed. “This is why you won’t go away to college with me!”

  I finally nodded. “I couldn’t leave them.”

  He fell back on the mattress. “I understand now. I get it.” His gaze dropped to my lips for a moment before he heaved a sigh. “Get some sleep.”

  “Yeah.”

  “You know that alarm is going to go off pretty damn early,” he teased.

  I had just turned onto my other side, but I reached back and tried to smack him. I missed, and he laughed.

  “Night, Jeff.”

  “Night.”

  * * * *

  I saw his face. His rage. He wanted to kill me. He lunged at me.

  I froze. I had nowhere to turn.

  “No! Dad, please! Don’t kill me!” I screamed, shaking with fear.

  But he only laughed.

  He shook me and I shivered. “No!”

  I heard my name being called from somewhere in the distance.

  “Aaron. Aaron.”

  “Where are you?” I pleaded. “Help me!”

  “Aaron. I’m here. Wake up.”

  * * * *

  My eyes fluttered open and I saw Jeff leaning over me. My whole body shook while tears ran down my cheeks.

  “Jeff?” I whispered.

  Concern filled his eyes. “Yeah, it’s me. It’s okay. It was just a nightmare. You were just dreaming.”

  My breathing was choppy, and I willed myself to calm down. “It was my da—I mean father. He was trying to…Oh, God, he was trying to kill me.”

  “You’re okay, Aaron. You’re right here with me. You were talking in your sleep.”

  “I was?” I hadn’t done that in years—well, not that I knew of—although I used to talk in my sleep a lot as a child.

  “Yeah, but you’re okay now.” With Jeff’s voice calming me, I instinctively rolled onto my side and backed up against him.

  He didn’t say a word, just wrapped his arm around me and pulled me closer, gently stroking my hair just as he had done the night before. I sighed contentedly.

  “You okay?” he whispered. I felt his hot breath on my neck and wiggled against him without really thinking. His body tensed for a second, but then he relaxed and held me tighter.

  “Yeah. I’m good, Jeff,” I whispered. “I’m really good.” I slid my arm on top of his and rested my hand on his. He didn’t pull away, so I grew braver and entwined our fingers until our hands curled into each other.

  “Aaron?” he whispered.

  “Yeah?”

  But he stayed quiet. I squeezed his hand and sighed.

  “Good-night, Aaron.”

  “Mmm.” I murmured, already drifting off. I wasn’t sure what was really going on between us. All I knew was I felt happy and safe and cared for.

  * * * *

  The alarm clock tore through the quiet. Jeff pulled away from me to turn it off. I pretended to be asleep in the hope he would abandon the idea of running so early.

  I was surprised when he rolled back against me, spooning me as he did through the night. He slid his arm around me again and sighed into my hair as he pulled me closer.

  “Aaron?” he whispered.

  I debated whether to answer when I heard him. Actually, I heard him and felt him.

  “God,” he whispered into my hair, squeezing me closer. His hard cock pressed against my ass, and a thrill slid through me.

  His hairy chest rubbed against my back, and I loved the sensation. Before I knew it, a moan slipped out of me as I wiggled my ass against his cock.

  He froze. “Aaron?”

  “Mmm?” I pretended to just be waking up. I stretched as I rolled onto my back, grimacing. “Please don’t tell me it’s already morning. Please don’t make me run.”

  Jeff must have bought my act, because he grinned at me. “Tough luck. We made a pact and besides, it’s good for our bodies.”

  “I know something else that would be good for our bodies,” I murmured as he slid out of bed.

  “What did you say?”

  Crap! I have to quit saying things out loud. “Nothing.”

  * * * *

  About ten minutes later, we were running down the block. About five minutes after that, I was begging him to let me quit.

  “No! Stop whining,” he told me. Again. “You agreed to this.”

  “I know. I know! Fine.” I pouted. “Well, maybe I can finally get sexy enough so I won’t feel so bad about my body.”

  He stopped running and turned toward me, his hands on his hips, his mouth gaping. “You don’t think you’re sexy?”

  I rolled my eyes. “Sure I am. Everybody wants a piece of this!” I waved my hands over my body. “I mean, they are lining up.”

  “They who?” he asked, watching me intently.

  “Lots of hot, sexy me—people. Lots of hot, sexy people are lining up to date me.” I laughed nervously. I wondered if he’d noticed my near slip-up. But, maybe it was time. I wasn’t even sure anymore why I wasn’t telling him.

  His eyes widened. Yup. He’d heard me. I could read it all over his face. Just as I was about to spill the beans, though, he took off running.

  “Come on, slow-poke!” he hollered as he left me in his dust.

  I caught up with him and we spent the rest of the run keeping quiet. It wasn’t awkward, just companionable.

  * * * *

  At home, he hopped into the shower first while I started the coffee. When I heard the water turn off upstairs, I headed up to grab some clothes. He was still in the bathroom and I swore I heard him say something. I walked up to the door and started to ask what he’d said, but I heard him talking again. I wondered if he was on his phone and waited for him to come out.

  “Oh, yeah, that’s it, baby. Suck my cock. Lick it, baby.” His voice was low and hoarse.

  Oh, my God! He’s jacking off. I can’t be hearing this. But I couldn’t move. Wow, he’s pretty vocal. I thought it was hotter than hell.

  “That’s what I like, baby. Mmm, that feels so good. I’m going to slide so deep inside you.”

  I was so fucking turned on, I wanted to strip and enter that bathroom—which couldn’t happen, of course. I felt like I was intruding, so I went to our room and waited on the bed, willing my dick to go down. Yeah, that didn’t work.

  A few minutes later, he came in, dressed and ready for the day. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes seemed to sparkle. “Your turn,” he offered.

  “Wow. You look really…refreshed,” I proclaimed.

  He froze and looked at me, but I headed to the bathroom.

  “I guess running doesn’t totally suck. Maybe I should stop whining like such a baby,” I said teasingly as I turned to face him from across the hall

  His mouth opened, and I grinned as I closed the door. Today could be fun. But first, I needed to go to the hospital. No one had called,
so I assumed my mom was still out.

  * * * *

  On the way to the hospital, my phone rang. I didn’t recognize the number, but answered anyway.

  “Hello?”

  “Hello. Is this Aaron Pickard?” a guy asked.

  “Yes. Who is this?” I asked, shrugging at Jeff’s furrowed brow.

  “I’m calling on behalf of the fire station. I work in the administrative office and a claim was turned in for a Saturn that was crushed.”

  My car. “Oh, yes, sir.”

  “Yes. Well, I was calling to see if you wanted the check mailed to you or if you wanted to pick it up?”

  “My what?”

  “The accident is covered under our insurance, so we have a check for you for five-thousand dollars. It’s a little more than the value, but the station wants to take care of this quickly because we know you’re dealing with a difficult situation and we wanted to make sure and cover any other issues you may need to get a new car ready to drive.”

  “Um, thanks. Wow. Yeah, I guess I can come pick it up.”

  I listened for a few more minutes and hung up after the guy said he would text me the address.

  “What was that about?”

  “You are not going to believe this.” I beamed at him. “The fire department is giving me five-thousand dollars for my car!”

  His jaw dropped. “No way! That’s incredible!”

  “I know! Now I can get a used car and you won’t have to drive me everywhere.”

  He frowned. “Hey, I don’t mind. I like taking care of you.” He paled. “I mean…I mean I like…”

  I squeezed his arm. “Hey, it’s okay. I know what you meant.”

  He blushed and raised an eyebrow. I turned back to the window and let my hand fall to the side, sort of hoping he would grab it, even though I knew I was being crazy.

  I was disappointed he didn’t, but I didn’t let it get me down.

  * * * *

  During the short hospital visit, Mom was still sleeping, although she was doing better. The doctor explained they were keeping her sedated. The goal was to allow her body to heal without all the pain. I understood, but really wanted to talk to her. I had so much to share.