Holding On

by Sarah Hadley Brook

  “Hi. What’s going on?” My question rushed out while thoughts of my father raced through my mind. He’d escaped. He’d been in a prison fight. I wouldn’t put anything past him, no matter how crazy.

  “Do you have a minute?”

  “I’m about to start my shift, but I can talk if we need to.”

  “I’ll make this quick, then. Your father’s amenable to a deal, but I want to meet with the family before we accept it. I’d like to discuss the terms of the deal in person.”

  A deal. That meant we wouldn’t have to testify. I’d been worried about that. Especially for Pamela. I exhaled sharply. “That would be great,” I told her, hating the quiver in my voice.

  “I’ve called your grandparents and they’re coming up this weekend. Can you meet me Saturday at two?

  “I’ll be there.” After I hung up, I told Jeff what was going on.

  “Awesome!”

  “Yeah, but I don’t know what the deal is. You don’t think it could be something like five years, do you?”

  “No way. I mean, I don’t know a lot about prison sentences, but that seems awfully short for a murder charge.”

  I thought so, too, but I had trouble believing my father would accept anything too long. He was a difficult man, to say the least.

  Trying to push away the thoughts for now, I headed into the theater with Jeff to work the shift.

  I ended up manning the concession stand, which I hated, so I was glad it was a slow night. Unfortunately, being distracted, I screwed up, giving incorrect change to a man in a tropical style button-down shirt that barely fit his bulging paunch. Before I could correct my mistake, he freaked out.

  “You moron! You owe me ten more dollars!”

  When I began to apologize, he cut me off.

  “You’re a fucking idiot,” he spat as his eyes narrowed.

  He sounded like my father, and my chest tightened. Breathe, I reminded myself. Breathe. But it didn’t work and the downward spiral began.

  “Can you hear me? Fucking loser. Working in a movie theater.”

  I smelled the alcohol as he spewed his hatred from across the counter, spittle flying from his lips. His bushy gray eyebrows furrowed. “You fucking alive, kid? Or are you so stupid you can’t even answer me?”

  I gasped for air. It felt like a truck had driven onto my chest, and no matter what I did, I couldn’t breathe. The edges of my vision grayed out and blurred as the panic rose.

  Suddenly, Jeff had his hand on my back. “Breathe. Deep breath in. Let it out. Deep breath in. Let it out.”

  His voice calmed me and sweet air filled my lungs.

  “Good. Again, Aaron,” Jeff said, his hand making slow circles on my back.

  “What the fuck is wrong with this kid?”

  I blocked out the man’s voice and concentrated on my breathing. Slowly the world began to come into view and I saw Jeff giving me a smile.

  “Hi,” he said, his voice calm and soothing.

  “Hey,” I said as I breathed out again. “Thanks.” I glanced across the counter and saw that a crowd had gathered. I wanted to shrink away, but I needed to get through this, so I straightened my shoulders and faced the unpleasant asshole.

  “I apologize, sir. Let me get you a full refund and that additional ten you’re owed. Your popcorn and drink are on us tonight.” I figured it was worth paying for it myself in order to get him out of the way.

  He watched me through narrowed eyes, as if trying to decide if I was being truthful. I opened the register and handed him the money. His only response was a grunt before he left.

  “I have to get back to the ticket booth,” Jeff whispered. “I left Alicia up there alone.”

  “I’m fine.” I offered him a shaky smile. “Really.”

  He squeezed my shoulder, clearly not buying it, but he had to work so he hurried back to his station while I finished helping the rest of the customers. I was glad to be the only one manning the concession stand, because I didn’t want more staff seeing my panic attack. It ticked me off that the attacks had increased in frequency, but for the most part, I was happier than expected. I was graduating. I had a wonderful boyfriend. My father was in jail so he couldn’t hurt me. Why did the panic attacks continue?

  Once our shifts ended, Jeff met me at the glass doors and we walked into the night. This time I grabbed his hand, and he shot me a smile.

  “You okay?” he asked.

  “Yeah. But I think I need to see someone. I still have that card Laura Morgan gave me. The one for a psychiatrist. Dr. Ottinger.”

  At the truck, Jeff opened the door for me. “I think it’s a good idea. I lo…care about you and don’t want you to keep going through this.”

  I looked at him from half-lidded eyes. Had he been about to say he loved me? My heart slammed into my rib cage. I felt that way about him also, but I couldn’t say the words. Not yet. It seemed too soon.

  “I’ll make a call tomorrow,” I promised.

  Even though the drive home was short, I was falling asleep by the time we arrived at the house. When he turned off the engine, I opened my eyes.

  “Shit. I can’t believe I’m so tired. Although those panic attacks seem to drain me. I’m going to take a shower in the morning. Too exhausted tonight.”

  “Are you coming to my room?”

  Surprised he would even ask, I looked at him. “Of course.”

  Thankfully, his mom was already asleep. Because Judy had ordered us to stay in our rooms, we didn’t want to blatantly break her rules—but nothing could keep us apart. We’d start out each night in our own rooms, but as soon as I felt it safe, I’d sneak into his bed. If she knew what we were doing, she hadn’t said anything to us.

  We hadn’t ventured much further than jacking off together, or jacking each other, but our desire to do more was definitely ramping up. Some nights we’d sleep together naked, which I preferred. When our bodies pressed together and his cock rested against my ass, I loved it. It was the most erotic, yet comforting thing we’d ever done. We fit together so perfectly. And I loved Jeff with my whole being. I think I always had. I also knew I wanted to make love to him. But with everything going on in our lives, we barely had time to make out, let alone go further. In reality, between school, studying for finals, and working, we were exhausted each night.

  Nevertheless, his kisses had become a need. When he kissed me, I floated on air. It never got old. Some days, we kissed for hours, our hands roaming, caressing, and memorizing every dip and curve of each other’s bodies. I ached to take him in my mouth and taste him, but I was nervous and he never pushed me.

  Now, as I stripped out of my clothes, I felt him watching me. Feeling bold, I pulled down my boxers and let him see how hard I was for him. “See something you like?”

  “God, yes.” He yanked off his clothes and crawled into bed after me. His lips found mine and we became lost in a passionate kiss. Then he pulled back. “I thought you were tired.”

  “I’m never too tired for this.” I kissed him and gripped his hip, pulling him closer so our cocks rubbed together.

  “Can I try something?”

  I nodded, giving him my complete trust.

  He lined us up facing each other, then gripped our cocks in his hand. When he stroked us together, I thought I might lose my mind.

  “It’s incredible,” he admitted, stroking harder and faster. “I want us to come together.”

  I wanted that, too.

  His breath grew ragged as his hand moved up and down, our dicks pressing together. Every few strokes, he’d twist his hand, sliding across the swollen heads. It felt like a lightning storm had started in my cock. My balls felt heavy and tingled as I enjoyed all the sensations flooding my body.

  I wasn’t sure what to do with my hands, so I cupped his cheek. God, he looked at me with those blue eyes, his pupils blown and his face flushed, and I shivered.

  My balls tightened and I moaned. “I’m close.”

  “I can’t hold off much longer. C
ome with me, baby.”

  Baby. I shot over and over, painting his hand and our stomachs with my release. Through the intense pleasure rolling through me, I heard Jeff moan and felt his body tense. His hot cream spurted onto us, mingling with mine.

  I opened my eyes and stared down, stunned to see his hand dripping with our release. “That is fucking hot.” I swiped my finger through the creamy mess, brought it to my lips. His eyes widened when I sucked it clean. “We taste good together.”

  “That’s so sexy,” Jeff said, his voice rough. “Everything you do is sexy. I want…”

  “You want what, Jeff?” I licked my lips as I reached down for another taste. When I touched his still-sensitive cock, he flinched. I gathered more and tasted it again. “Tell me, Jeff. What do you want? Don’t you know I’d do anything for you? With you?”

  He watched as I lapped at my finger.

  “Do you want a taste?”

  He shook his head. “I’m…not ready.”

  I gave him a smile. “Let me know when you are.”

  He cleared his throat. “You’d really do anything with me?”

  Surprised he wouldn’t know that, I kissed his lips. “Of course. I trust you completely.”

  With a sharp intake of breath, he trembled. “I trust you, too.”

  I cuddled against his chest, not caring we smeared our mess all over ourselves. We’d clean up in a few minutes. This seemed important to Jeff. To both of us. “Now tell me, my sexy alpha man, what is it you want?”

  He trembled. “I like that…what you just called me.” He gave a nervous laugh.

  “My sexy alpha man? You are, Jeff. I’ll confess something also…I love that you take control most of the time. I don’t mean I want to be controlled, like with whips and chains. I just like that you’re more dominant. Does that make sense?”

  His lips came down in a crushing kiss. I threw my hand around his waist, stroking his back, where I loved all the muscles.

  He rested his forehead against mine. “Sometimes I think this is all a dream. Like I’m going to wake up and find out we never admitted our feelings. That we’re still friends, but nothing more.”

  “It’s real, but I know what you mean.” I grinned. “And nice try, but you aren’t getting out of telling me what you want.”

  “Okay, I’ll be honest.” He blew a puff of air toward his forehead. “I’ve been really wanting to…finger you.”

  “I want that, too,” I admitted, glancing everywhere but his face. “More than I want to say. It’s embarrassing how much I want…want to feel you inside me. I know I’ve told you, but I want to feel you deep inside. Filling me. To feel your balls slapping against me. To feel your cream dripping from my hole.”

  “Fuck,” he whispered. “I love when you talk dirty.”

  I laughed. “So, you can’t wait to finger my ass and prepare me for your big throbbing cock? You want to fuck me? Bury yourself until you’re balls deep in my ass?”

  He swallowed hard, his eyes wide. “Yes.”

  “Again, I want that, too,” I whispered back, my bold talk suddenly making me feel vulnerable.

  He flipped me onto my back. “Then I think we need to make that happen.”

  I wholeheartedly agreed, but it would have to be another night. We had school in the morning and we were both exhausted. Of course, that didn’t mean we couldn’t keep making out. Which we did. For much longer than we should have.

  * * * *

  By the time Saturday rolled around, I was a mess. For days, I’d managed to keep from thinking about the deal my father was making, but once school let out on Friday and my mind took a break from tests, the worry set in.

  Whatever the deal, it couldn’t be as good as if he lost at trial. And I knew my father wouldn’t take a plea in order to make our lives easier. I doubted Pamela or I were even on his radar.

  What could be his reason? What would make a man like my father go for a plea deal? It wasn’t like he was being given the death penalty. Grandpa had already explained that the death of my mom didn’t qualify, and our state didn’t try too many death-penalty cases either, choosing to aim for life without parole.

  I woke early that morning to the smell of pancakes, and my stomach growled.

  Jeff threw his arm over his eyes. “Too early,” he grumbled.

  I climbed over him to get out of bed. If there were pancakes, then his mother was up. I needed to get back to my room. I donned my jeans before quietly opening his door. My heart pounded, afraid Judy would catch me.

  Her hand hovered in midair as she readied to knock on the door I’d just opened.

  Shit.

  She gave me a wry smile. “Good morning, Aaron. Sleep well?” she asked, quirking an eyebrow.

  Heat spread across my face and down my neck. “Um…y-yes.”

  “Good. Blueberry pancakes are ready. Can you let Sleeping Beauty in there know? I have to go into the office, but I know you’ve got a hard day ahead of you, so I wanted to make sure you ate a good breakfast.”

  Shocked she didn’t mention anything about me sleeping in Jeff’s room, my jaw dropped.

  “Close your mouth, Aaron.” She smiled. “I’m not stupid. I’m a mother. I should have known you guys weren’t going to follow the rule.”

  I could only nod, too afraid to speak.

  Her eyes twinkled. “Besides, you guys aren’t nearly as quiet as you believe.”

  She raced downstairs and out of the house before I remembered how to work my legs, her laughter still echoing behind her.

  I pivoted around and jumped on the bed, straddling Jeff. “You have to wake up!”

  He practically jumped. “What the hell?”

  “Your mom just caught me sneaking out of your room!”

  Jeff pulled himself up and leaned against the headboard. “What?” he asked, slow to comprehend my words. He was so not a morning person.

  I spoke slowly, annunciating clearly. “Your. Mom. Caught. Me.”

  His eyes widened. “Shit.” He ran a hand through his messy hair. “What did she say?”

  While I filled him in, my stomach growled again and I remembered the food. “Let’s go eat blueberry pancakes while they’re still warm.”

  His eyes lit up. “Awesome.”

  I laughed. One thing that hadn’t changed since we’d met was the fact that Jeff liked to eat. A lot. Like twice what I could eat in one sitting.

  * * * *

  In the kitchen, we piled our plates with pancakes and took seats at the table.

  “Do you think she really heard us?” I asked, more than a little mortified.

  He poured the syrup. “You can be a little loud.”

  My cheeks burned.

  “I’m kidding,” he assured me, then winked. “Sort of. Sometimes you do get loud, but it’s sexy. I can’t wait to get you alone where we can go wild and I can hear you screaming my name.”

  Me, too, but instead of answering, I shoved a forkful of pancakes in my mouth.

  Jeff laughed, then started shoveling breakfast into his own mouth.

  “When do you have to work?”

  “Gotta be there at noon.” He set down his fork. “I can always call and go in late if you want me with you at the station.”

  “No, it’s fine. They’re only talking with the family, so you’d be sitting outside alone anyway. I’ll fill you in when I get to the theater tonight.”

  The truth was, I needed to do this alone. I’d been leaning on Jeff so much. I wanted to know I could handle this. I didn’t want him to know how this rattled me, fearing he’d think me weak.

  “Um, also, I didn’t tell you, but I called Dr. Ottinger yesterday.”

  He paused, his fork in the air. “Yeah?”

  “I have an appointment next Wednesday at three, so I’ll need to cut out of school a little early to make it on time.”

  “That’s great, baby,” Jeff assured me, his whole face softening. He winked, knowing exactly what effect he had on me by calling me that.

&n
bsp; I stuck out my tongue at him. We both laughed and the heavy mood vanished.

  We finished breakfast and cleaned up the kitchen before heading upstairs.

  “If you don’t mind, I’ll hop in the shower first,” Jeff told me, “since I have to get to work.” As he began to enter the bathroom, he turned. “Unless you’d like to join me?”

  My heart froze. Hell yes, I would. I twirled to face him and laughed when he waggled his eyebrows. “Challenge accepted.” I stripped right there in the hallway.

  While his eyes slowly traveled over me, I trembled. I felt on display, and for some reason, it made me feel sexy. I stroked my growing shaft and watched his reaction. He rushed to step out of his boxers and grabbed his own cock. But I wanted more.

  I brushed past him into the bathroom and bent over as I turned on the water and adjusted it to the right temperature. I probably stayed bent over longer than necessary, but I wanted him to see. I wanted him to know I trusted him and was willing to give myself to him. Only him.

  He grabbed my hips and pulled me up, flipping me around. His eyes flashed with desire and his hard cock pressed against me.

  “I like the little show you just put on for me, baby. You’re so fucking sexy.”

  He gestured me to step inside the shower. In seconds, he pushed against the wall as his lips found mine. Our kiss grew desperate as our hands roamed and our moans increased. As he placed kisses down my neck, I reached for his cock, but he brushed away my hand.

  “Not yet.”

  He turned off the showerhead, then knelt before me with my cock in his hand. He stared up at me and darted his tongue across my slit.

  A jolt of desire ran through me. I braced against the wall with one hand and used the other to stroke his hair. He licked his lips and brought them to the bulging purple head of my cock, then he slipped it inside his mouth. Sweet mercy, I was in heaven. He took more of me into his wet mouth. My head fell back against the tile and my eyes fluttered closed. Pleasure rippled through every cell in my body.

  His moan reverberated through me, and without thinking, I thrust a little.

  But he kept going. His tongue lapped at my shaft and he cupped my ass, so I rolled my hips, letting him know I liked it. He massaged my buttocks, moving toward my hole. So lost in the sensations from his tongue, I realized what he was doing only when he pulled apart my cheeks with both hands. His finger ran across my opening. It felt so good. He did it again and again, sliding by then massaging it as he sucked my cock.