Loving Cara

by Proby, Kristen

  “Cara, you know I already know this stuff. I’ll ace the tests. Pleeeeeeease?”

  “I don’t think so. Where is Thor today?”

  I watch as Seth slumps dejectedly in his chair. “He’s at the vet. He has to get fixed.” He wrinkles his nose and then turns his big hazel eyes on me again. “Please, Cara? I really want to show you how good I am at casting. Dad showed me a really funner way to do it.”

  “Showed you a more fun way to do it,” I correct him, and chuckle when he rolls his eyes at me.

  “A more fun way. It’s awesome, and the creek isn’t very far away. We can totally walk to it in just a few minutes.” He can see I’m softening because he goes in for the kill with “I really want to spend some time with you at the creek. It’s my most specialest place ever.”

  “We really need to work on your grammar,” I murmur.

  “You’re gonna love it, I swear. The poles are still outside by the back door.” He points to the back door, his face is happy and hopeful, and I cave.

  “Why not?” I ask, and he lets out a whoop. “Come on.”

  We head out back, and as he gathers the poles and a bucket of worms—gross—I pull my phone out of my pocket.

  “Who are you calling?”

  “Josh. I need to let him know where we’re going. It’s not safe to walk about the ranch and not let someone know where we are.”

  “I think I hear him talking out front.”

  I stop and listen, and sure enough, I hear voices at the front of the house. “Oh, cool. Okay, I’ll run around and let them know we’re going, and I’ll be right back.”

  I saunter around the house, and as I get closer, I hear both Josh’s and Zack’s voices, and what I hear has me stopping in my tracks, right out of their sight.

  “What was I supposed to say, Z? ‘She doesn’t belong here’? It’s not like it was gonna be a forever thing anyway. I have a habit of putting my foot in my mouth, I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings by telling her she was not welcome here.”

  Josh’s words are hard and hit me like a punch to the gut.

  “She never would have fit in here. City girls rarely do.” I hear the disgust in Zack’s voice.

  “That didn’t have anything to do with it,” Josh murmurs. “Besides”—he chuckles humorlessly—“it’s not like she’s from the big city.”

  “No, but she grew up in town. What could she possibly know about this life? It’s hard for us and it’s in our blood.”

  “True. Well, it’s just a good thing it didn’t turn out to be forever.”

  I’ve heard enough.

  Before I hear another word, I turn silently and walk back around the house where Seth is waiting for me.

  What the hell was that?

  “There you are!” Seth exclaims as I join him on the back deck. “What took you so long?”

  “Nothing.” I shake my head and force a smile for him. “Ready?”

  “Let’s do it!” He lifts the poles and pulls them out of my reach when I try to take them from him. “No way, the girl doesn’t carry the poles.”

  “That’s very chivalrous of you,” I praise him, and ruffle his hair.

  “The girl carries the worms!” He laughs and dances out of my reach as I try to tickle him.

  “No way!” I cringe and stick my tongue out in disgust. “You get the poles and the worms, kid.”

  Seth laughs, grabs the bucket, and we take off through the pasture to the creek.

  “What’s chivelrist?”

  “Chivalrous,” I correct him.

  “Yeah, that.”

  “It means ‘gentlemanly.’ ”

  “Dad says that you should open doors for girls and carry stuff for them and crap like that.”

  “Yes, your dad is very chivalrous.”

  “Is Uncle Josh?” Seth swings the bucket back and forth.

  “If those worms come flying at me,” I warn him sternly, “I will beat you with that fishing pole.”

  He just laughs hard and continues to swing the bucket. “You will not.”

  “Will too. Anyway, yes, Josh is chivalrous.”

  When he’s not regretting asking me to move in with him.

  “You really like him, huh?” Seth watches me out of the corner of his eye.

  “I do.”

  “Are you gonna marry him and have babies and all that other gross stuff?”

  “It’s early days yet,” I murmur, evading the question. Until about ten minutes ago those things seemed to be a reality, and now I’m not so sure.

  “You shouldn’t.” Seth shakes his head firmly.

  “Why?”

  “Because getting married sucks. It makes you mean and then you fight all the time, and you mess around with strange men who like to beat your kids.”

  I stop in my tracks and stare at the boy who is almost the same height as me and is the spitting image of his dad and his uncle.

  “Come on!” he urges impatiently, and I fall back into step beside him as we walk past the edge of the pasture and into the brush. I can hear the rush of the creek now, and as we walk just about ten yards farther, I can see and smell it too.

  “It’s pretty back here,” I murmur, and take a deep breath. “Damn, Seth, your dad was right. The water is really high.” The water is rushing past us at an alarming rate, deeper than usual because it’s crested the banks, due to the snow in higher elevations still melting.

  “It’s not too bad,” he disagrees, and turns pleading eyes to me.

  “You stay on the bank, understand? No wading in. This water is too high and running too fast.”

  He flashes me his grin and my chest tightens. This poor kid has seen so much more than he ever should have.

  He strips out of his socks and shoes, rolls his pants up, and I follow suit. I’m in shorts today, so I don’t have to worry about getting my pants wet, but I tuck my phone in my bra, just in case.

  Seth baits the hooks and hands me a pole. “Okay, I’ll show you how to cast.” He sounds so mature and sure of himself as he steps into the edge of the water, just close enough to get his toes wet, pulls his pole back over his shoulder, and flings the line smoothly into the water.

  “Your dad is a good teacher,” I mutter with a smile.

  “Yeah, he’s not as bad as I thought he was.” Seth shrugs as I also cast my line, and we stand in companionable silence for a long minute until I just can’t stand it anymore and I have to ask some questions. He’s finally talking, it’s private and quiet here, and he’s doing what he loves.

  “So, you know that not all marriages are like your mom and dad’s was, right?” I ask nonchalantly.

  “I guess,” he mutters, and I can tell he’s not convinced.

  “Did a lot of your mom’s boyfriends hurt you?” I cast again.

  “Some.” I look back at him to find that he’s looking down into the water, not paying attention to his pole. He suddenly looks over at me with wide hazel eyes. “Why did she let them do that?”

  I sigh deeply and blink the tears away, determined to keep this conversation comfortable and safe for him. “I don’t know, buddy.” I shake my head and reel my line in. “Some women just shouldn’t be moms.”

  “Yeah.” He reels in his own line and casts it out again. “So, my mom is a bad mom.”

  “It sounds like she won’t be winning any mother-of-the-year awards.”

  “But not all moms are bad.”

  “Nope, they’re not.”

  He’s chewing on the inside of his cheek, watching the spot in the water where his line is sunk. “I hope she never comes back. I love it here, with Dad and Gram and Gramps and Uncle Josh.” He looks up at me. “I don’t ever have to go back with her, right?”

  “No, sweetheart, you don’t.”

  He nods and grins at me. “Maybe someday you’ll be my Aunt Cara.”

  And there goes the wind right out of me.

  “Maybe.”

  The conversation ends there and we cast and reel, cast and ree
l, for a long while without catching anything. I find my mind wandering as I settle into the rhythm of casting, listening to the wild rush of water and the wind through the trees.

  Just what did Josh mean when he said he didn’t want to hurt my feelings by telling me that I am not welcome to live here? If I’m not welcome here, why did he ask me to stay?

  I don’t get it, but one thing is certain, I’ll be damned if I’ll move in now.

  I suddenly hear an abundance of splashing and glance over at Seth, skipping through the water gleefully.

  “Seth, I told you not to go in the water! Those rocks are slippery!”

  “It’s not so slippery.” He jumps deftly from one river rock to the next. “See?”

  “Keep splashing like that, and you’ll scare all the fish away!” I laugh at him as he plays in the water, then suddenly, to my horror, he slips.

  He lets go of his pole and waves his arms frantically, trying to regain his balance, but it’s no use. He falls hard, and I can see by the angle that he’s hurt his leg.

  “Ahhhh!” he cries as he falls into the water.

  “Seth!” I throw my pole onto the bank and run as fast as I can through the rushing water to the boy, who is now sitting on his butt.

  The water is cold, biting my legs as I scramble to get to Seth. Before he can slip off the rock into the dangerous current, I grip his arm and guide him to a rock on the shoreline.

  “Ow!” He holds his ankle up out of the water, and I can see, even from here, that it’s broken.

  Oh, shit! “Stay where you are!”

  His eyes are wide and he’s staring at his ankle, clearly in shock. “It hurts, Cara.”

  “I know, buddy.” I grip his calf gently in my palm and hold his leg up, examining it. “I think it’s broken, kiddo.”

  “No!” He starts to cry and leans his forehead against my arm.

  “Let me call Josh.” With my free hand, I pull my phone from my bra and call Josh’s number, praying he picks up.

  “Hey, baby.”

  “I need you.” I hear the near panic in my voice, but I can’t stop it. “Seth fell in the creek. I think his ankle is broken.”

  “Where are you?” Josh’s voice is bewildered and I can hear Zack in the background.

  “I don’t know,” I choke out, full panic setting in.

  “Cara.” Josh’s voice has hardened. “Listen to me. Where are you, baby? I hear water. Are you at the creek?”

  “Yes.” I swallow hard. “Seth and I are down at the creek behind the house.”

  “We’ll be there in two minutes.”

  The line goes dead and I stuff the phone back in my bra.

  “Okay, your dad and Uncle Josh will be here in just a few minutes. I’m going to put your ankle in the water to keep it cold, okay?”

  He’s sobbing now, bracing himself back on his hands on the rock. I lower his ankle into the water, keeping his toes above the waterline.

  “You’re going to be okay, sweetie. I promise.”

  “I’m sorry,” he sobs. “I didn’t mean to.”

  “It’s not your fault.”

  “You told me not to go into the water.”

  “Seth, it’s okay. You’re not in trouble. We’ll get you fixed up.” I cup his sweet young face in my hand and smile at him, ignoring the fast beat of my heart.

  Where are they?

  “It hurts,” he cries again.

  “Okay, focus on my voice. Seth, do you hear me?” He nods and sniffs. “Okay. I’m right here, Seth. You’re going to be okay.” I make my voice low and steady, willing him to just listen to me and not focus on the pain in his ankle. “Think about how happy Thor is going to be to see you tomorrow. You and Thor can get well together. He’ll need extra cuddles too, you know.”

  “Yeah,” Seth mutters, and takes a deep breath.

  “Yeah, so just think about how great it’ll be to hang out with Thor tomorrow.” I hear the roar of the ATVs approaching and thank the good Lord above that help is almost here.

  “Your dad is almost here, buddy. Do you hear them?”

  He nods and grimaces.

  “Okay, you’re being really brave, Seth. I’m so proud of you.”

  “Will you come with me to the hospital?”

  “Of course,” I tell him firmly. “Do you think I’ll let you out of my sight? We’re in this together, kid.”

  “Okay.”

  “Seth!” Zack calls from behind the bushes at the shoreline.

  “Over here!” I call out, careful to keep Seth’s leg immobile. My arm is singing in protest at the icy water, but I ignore it and focus on Seth’s face.

  “Seth!” Zack cries again as he sees us and runs straight into the water, not even caring that he’s in jeans and work boots. Josh follows and I’ve never seen such a welcome sight in all my life.

  “What happened?” Zack asks as they approach.

  “I fell. I was jumping even though Cara told me not to.” Seth starts to cry again, but I brush his hair off his forehead.

  “Stop, Seth. It’s not your fault.” I look up into Zack’s and Josh’s concerned faces. “I’m holding the ankle elevated and in the cold water. Closest thing I had to ice.” I shrug. “I couldn’t lift him.”

  “Excellent.” Zack nods. “Okay, Uncle Josh and I are going to get on either side of you and lift you to take you to the ATV, okay?”

  Seth nods.

  “I’m not gonna lie, Son, it’s gonna hurt.”

  “Okay.” Seth nods.

  “What can I do?” I ask, and watch as the guys move to Seth’s sides.

  “You can move out of my way,” Josh snaps as he squats next to me. Zack shoots him a hard look, but Josh ignores him. “What were you thinking, Cara? You know better than to leave the house without telling someone where you’re going.”

  “I’m sorry,” I reply, shame washing through me.

  “I begged her to come,” Seth interjects.

  “Let me steady his ankle for you,” I say.

  “Zack and I have this, Cara.”

  Josh doesn’t spare me a glance as I do my best to scoot toward the bank. Seth cries out as I let go of his leg, but when I immediately reach back to grab it, Josh yells, “Back away!”

  “Josh.” Zack’s voice is quiet. “Calm down.”

  “Mom called the ambulance,” Josh says without acknowledging Zack’s comment.

  “On three,” Zack mutters. “One, two, three.” They stand in unison, lifting the boy out of the water.

  “Ow!”

  “I know, Son, I know,” Zack croons to him as they walk briskly to the shoreline and up the bank to the four-wheelers.

  “Seth, think about Thor,” I remind him. “I’m so sorry, you guys,” I begin, but Zack cuts me off.

  “Accidents happen, honey. We’ll get him patched up.”

  They settle Seth on the back of one of the ATVs. Zack hops on and takes off toward the house.

  Josh hops on the other one and glances back at me. “Get on.”

  “Why are you so angry?” I ask as I swing my leg over and wrap my arms around his waist.

  “Because you know better than this, Cara. You knew the creek was too high, you know to never venture out on your own without someone else knowing where you are. Fuck.” he shakes his head. “We could be pulling both your bodies out of the water two miles downstream, if we ever found you at all!”

  He takes off at top speed toward the house, and I have to hold on tightly to him or fall off the back.

  He’s right.

  He comes to an abrupt stop in his driveway, right behind Zack and Seth. The ambulance is just pulling in.

  “Good timing, boys.” Josh’s mom and dad meet us as well, worry etched in their faces.

  “I’m okay,” Seth assures them.

  “You’ll be fine,” his grandma agrees, and kisses his head.

  “How bad?” Josh’s dad asks.

  “It’s broken,” Josh confirms. “But he’ll be okay.”

  Sam W
aters and his partner jump out of the ambulance and approach us. “Hey, guys.”

  “Hey, Sam.” I offer him a shaky smile.

  “We have to stop meeting under these circumstances, beautiful.” He winks at me and I flush.

  “Thanks for all you did when the tree fell.”

  “That’s my job.” Sam unfastens the straps on the stretcher that they’ve pulled out of the back of the ambulance. “Ready, Seth?”

  “It’s gonna hurt again, huh?”

  “Yeah, it is, but only for a minute. We’ll get you to the hospital fast, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  The guys lift Seth onto the stretcher, strap him in, and load him into the ambulance. Zack climbs in with Sam as Sam’s partner climbs behind the driver’s seat.

  “Are you coming, Josh?” Sam asks before he pulls the doors closed.

  “Absolutely.”

  “Josh”—I grab his arm—“what do you need me to do?”

  “You’ve done enough.” He still doesn’t look me in the eye. “I have to go take care of my family.”

  And you’re not a part of it.

  His response is a slap to the face. He climbs into the ambulance and they race out of the driveway to the highway.

  “Cara,” Nancy murmurs, and takes my hand in hers, but I just stand and numbly watch the ambulance drive away.

  “It’s not your fault, honey.” Jeff wraps his arm around me and hugs me to his side. He’s tall and broad like his sons, but he has fair hair and blue, kind eyes.

  “I know,” I whisper.

  “Come on, you can ride to the hospital with us,” Nancy offers.

  I shake my head and back away toward my car. “That’s okay. I’ll meet you there. I need to change my clothes. Go on ahead and I’ll be right behind you.”

  “Are you sure?” Jeff asks, his voice and face worried. “We’ll wait.”

  “No.” I shake my head again and offer them a wobbly smile. “I’ll see you soon.”

  I turn away and hurry into the house, grabbing my things and stuffing them into the suitcase I brought over Friday night when Josh asked me to spend the weekend with him.

  An incredible, sexy, fun weekend.

  And now, I’ve learned that he didn’t mean to invite me to live here and he blames me for his nephew’s being hurt.

  I carry my things to the car and pull out. Josh’s parents’ car is gone.