Angel of Mercy (The Fallen)

by Lisa Olsen

  My name was on everyone’s lips, and my ears strained to hear what was being said, but I couldn’t make it out on the breeze. “It’s too late.” I heard Ben’s voice behind me and I turned to find him looking down at me, his soul gleaming brighter than those surrounding him.

  “What’s too late?” I asked, shielding my eyes from the sun to get a better look at him.

  “You don’t belong here anymore.”

  I stiffened at the sentiment, feeling my mouth tug down into a frown. “I’m the one who invited you here.”

  “We never had a chance.” Ben shook his head sadly, and it struck me how truly defeated he looked. His shoulders slumped and he seemed worn out as though he’d aged five years since the last time I’d seen him.

  “Ben, don’t say that…” I scrambled to my feet but he wouldn’t meet my gaze. To my growing horror, he began to grow older still right before my eyes. His dark hair became streaked with gray and deep creases lined his forehead. What was happening? “Oh my God, Ben… Are you okay?”

  Ben sank onto the park bench beside me, giving no sign he’d heard me at all. As I watched, his posture grew more stooped, his face etched with pain and sadness.

  “Ben? Ben can you hear me?” Panic sliced through me as he didn’t so much as blink an eye. Looking up in alarm, I saw my friends and family were all still there, but moving in slow motion. “Matty!” I called out, but he didn’t react either. “Ben, talk to me.” I hopped up, waving my hands in front of him.

  He lifted his face and I thought he might have heard me, but instead he raised his eyes to the sky. “We’ll miss you,” Ben said softly, his voice wizened and raspy; the voice of an old man.

  This couldn’t be happening.

  My hand reached for him but closed on open air as I found myself drifting farther away from him. In desperation I lunged for the arm of the park bench, missing it by scant inches as I floated up into the air. “No!” I screamed, flailing, but it didn’t seem to do any good as I rose up higher and higher, away from everyone I knew and lov [ knTimes New ed. Was this my punishment? Was God ticked off at me for stealing some of Sam’s Grace?

  The higher I got, the faster I started to travel, so that I had to squinch my eyes closed to keep from getting dizzy as I streaked through the clouds. Gradually I came to realize I didn’t have that same sensation of floating anymore and I cracked my eyes open to find myself standing on a cloud outside the pearly gates.

  It was just like you’ve seen it a hundred times in everything from movies to cartoons, with big golden gates and snowy clouds like fog swirling around my ankles. A line of people queued up to file in, looking bored as if they were in line at the DMV. At the front of the line, an angel with pure white wings stood at a podium deciding who could pass. Was this heaven? And more importantly, was my name on the list?

  Not knowing what else to do, I took my place at the end of the line. The errant thought came into my head - did he get his list from Santa? Was it a study of who was naughty or who was nice? Or was it more specific than that? Would I get a ‘this is your life’ montage of my past transgressions? The line seemed to be moving faster than that, and I tried to figure out if that was good or bad.

  I couldn’t help but feel that at any time I’d draw notice I wasn’t like all the other people queued up to get into heaven and I’d get booted from the line. Their souls gleamed bright against all the fluffy white up there and mine was… well… gone now, right? Or at least changed enough that I’d never pass inspection.

  I stepped up to the podium when it was my [hen in turn, swallowing back a wave of nervousness.

  “Name,” the angel asked in a bored voice. He seemed very young, but pretty in a Ken Doll sort of way. His wings rustled and I looked up to see his blue eyes narrow in impatience.

  “Oh, sorry. Mercy. Merceline Renault,” I replied, trying to see what kind of list he pored over, but I wasn’t quite tall enough to manage it.

  “Nope, sorry. Next.” He looked past me to the person behind me in line and I was moved along briskly to the side.

  That was it? A trill of laughter drew my attention and I saw Daphne through the golden bars of the gates looking gloriously happy. Dressed all in white, she truly looked as though she belonged with the angels with her perfect blond ringlets, clear blue eyes and rosy cheeks. The very picture of goodness and light, I looked to see who she laughed with and spotted her parents looking healthy and happy.

  Not too far away I found Matty looking older and more mature but with that same boyish twinkle in his eye. He put an arm around a woman who I was surprised to recognize as my own mother, looking young and beautiful as I remembered her when I was a little girl. She smiled in return and I saw something in her eyes I hadn’t seen in a long, long time. Peace.

  I didn’t even bother to look for my father, something told me I wouldn’t find him in there.

  Screw this… I grabbed a hold of the bars and gave myself a hoist up, trying to brace my feet to reach higher. All of a sudden I felt strong hands on me pulling me from the gate and I held fast, not willing to give up my purchase.

  “Mercy…”

  Stunned t [>

  The familiar smirk twisted his lips. “Sorry, sugar, that’s not for us.”

  “Oh come on, give me a boost. They’re not even looking.” I nodded my head towards the angel at the podium who ignored us in favor of his all powerful list. I backed up towards the bars again, holding on tight.

  “You don’t think they’ll spot you two seconds after you get in there? No dice, kiddo. Come on, let go of the bars.”

  Unwilling to give up that easily, I tightened my hold again. “But everyone I care about is in there, Matty, my mom… I can see them. Ben! I called out when I saw him talking to Daphne. No one gave any sign they could see or hear me except for Adam and he wasn’t being helpful at all.

  “Well, you’re not dead and you’re not an angel, genius. So good luck in getting in there.”

  He had a point. But someday I’d die right? “But eventually… eventually I’ll get to see them again right?” I couldn’t help but pin all of my hopes on his answer.

  Which never came.

  He couldn’t even look at me, his gaze dropping. [/fon>

 
  There had to be another way. “Wait…”

  “Shhhh, it’s time to go.” Adam wrapped his arms around me again, gently disengaging my hands from the cool metal bars and pulling me into his embrace.

  “But…”

  There was a sudden rush of air as we rose into the sky and he pressed my face against his chest protectively. I caught a glimpse of dark wings as I clung to him, scared to death he might let go of me and I’d plummet to the Earth. As it turned out, I didn’t have to worry at all, his strong arms held me securely, tucked in close to his body. His lips brushed against my hair, murmuring soft, unintelligible words against my temple that sounded soothing at least.

  I concentrated on the sound of his heart, taking comfort in its steady beat as he bore us steadily down. All too soon it was over and there was solid ground beneath our feet again. Adam’s hands stroked my back for a moment, holding me close until I recovered enough to tilt my head up towards his. His brilliant blue eyes were full of something other than sarcasm for once, but I couldn’t quite place the emotion.

  “Don’t w [>, Mercy. It’s not as bad as you think.” He chucked the bottom of my chin.

  “What do you mean?” My brows drew together in puzzlement.

  “It’s much more fun down here.”

  “Yeah, sure,” I scoffed. Was that sour grapes talking?

  “Trust me, it’s not the raw deal you think i
t is,” Adam insisted.

  “So, you’re saying you wouldn’t go back up there if you had the chance?” A skeptical brow rose.

  “I think I’d rather stay down here with you.” The bedroom eyes were back, and he nuzzled against the side of my face.

  “Adam…” My lips were quick to protest, but at the same time they turned towards his cheek, brushing against his smooth jaw.

  “Don’t fight it, I know you feel it too.”

  His lips found mine and whatever snappy comeback my brain formulated slipped right out of my head. It felt like we were floating again, but my eyes were closed as our mouths chased after each other, searching for something and almost finding it. It was over just as quickly as it began and my eyes popped open, surprised at his sudden withdrawal. Why had he stopped?

  “Call me when you want more than a taste.”

  Oh I wanted more alright. “Adam…” I called out, but he was already rising into the sky. His wings weren’t visible, he just seemed to float away, leaving me all alone. “Wait! Adam…” I called him, why didn’t he return to me? “Adamiel!”

  I could still hear the echo of his name when I startled awake. Had I yelled his name in the darkness of the bedroom? My face hot and flushed from the power of that kiss, real or imagined, I let out a shaky breath, both relieved and disappointed to find it had all been a dream. It took me quite a bit longer to fall asleep that time.

  Chapter Eleven

  Do you ever have those dreams where everything is so realistic you swear it’s actually happening? Not me. Invariably my dreams included the fantastical liberally mixed with the mundane. ^es ; Like the dream I had about the talking sharks in the swimming pool at the gym. Or the one where the public transit bus turned into a hot air balloon and people had to jump for it at their stop. For whatever reason, my mind liked to throw in a bit of craziness on a regular basis. Daphne wasn’t even fazed by it anymore when I began a conversation with, “So, I was dreaming I was on a submarine with Little Orphan Annie…”

  Strangely enough, with the way my life had been going lately, I couldn’t decide what was crazier, the dream or the reality?

  It wasn’t too hard to interpret what my sleeping mind conjured up - the very real possibility I might never get to see my friends and family in the afterlife was a fear that loomed in a corner of my mind.

  I was different, not quite human and not an angel. I was a new thing they kept saying. I might live forever but then again, neither Sam nor Adam were able to definitively tell me I wouldn’t die and go to heaven. Taking a deep breath, I repeated that shallow comfort to myself again. Why go borrowing trouble for something that might never come to pass?

  What I found more disturbing was how largely Adam loomed in the dream. Since when was he the hero type? It would have made more sense to have Sam there to talk me out of scaling the pearly gates like my own personal set of monkey bars. Then again Adam had visited more recently, and his presence was nothing if not memorable. Maybe that’s all it was?

  And the kiss?

  Just a harmless dream.

  Yep.

  And if you believe that, I’ve got some lovely swampland to sell you…

  * * *

  Ben was nowhere in sight when I got downstairs, and there was a note from him letting me know he’d gone in to work as usual. Left to my own devices, I packed up my things, such as they were, and loaded Mimsy up into the car.

  Mimsy loves to ride in the car, unlike any other cat I’ve ever known, as long as she’s allowed free reign of the vehicle. Put her in a cat carrier and you’d think she was being tortured for all the yowling, but let her sit in the passenger’s seat so she can look out the window? That’s a rare treat. I’m sure it wasn’t the safest thing ever if we were to get into a car wreck, but it wasn’t like I took her with me wherever I went.

  I left Ben a note of my own with the last of the jelly donuts, thanking him for his hospitality and letting him know I’d call him later. Hopefully the awkward moments in the hallway outside the bedroom door would be smoothed over the next time I talked to him.

  It was nice to be back in my own apartment. Though I do admit, the first tour through the place had me a little spooked, given the last time I’d been there alone I’d been running for my life. I made myself a mental note to have Matty install another lock on the door soon, since the one I had already was so easy for Weatie to pick. Not that I expected anyone else to b conet>

  I set some laundry going and took out the garbage that had been sitting for a week. Then it was time to get ready to head over to Sam’s place to give him that haircut. He hadn’t been exactly disapproving of my work uniform, but I decided to dress more conservatively, going with slim fitting jeans and a gray fisherman’s sweater over a boat necked t-shirt.

  For a moment I considered calling Sam over to my place instead for the haircut. I had everything I needed there, but it felt like an abuse of the power. I didn’t want to be the Girl Who Cried Angel, and not have him hear when I might really need him. So instead I swept a bunch of supplies into my big beach bag and drove over to his place.

  That time he pulled open the door almost as soon as I knocked, an eager smile on his face. “Hey,” I gave him a sunny smile.

  “Hey,” Sam replied in kind, stepping back to let me in. “You remembered.”

  “Of course I remembered, we just talked about it last night,” I snorted, heading for the kitchen counter to lay out my supplies. “I’ve been thinking about this haircut… do you trust me?”

  “Of course,” Sam nodded instantly and it warmed my heart to hear it.

  “I was thinking we’d go quite a bit shorter. With some product we can control that curl and bring you into the twenty-first century, what do you think?”

  “Okay,” he agreed, though from the expression on his face I wasn’t sure he knew what I meant exactly. But he said he trusted me, and that was good enough for me.

  “Can you bring that office chair into the bathroom? I’ll bring this other stuff.” He didn’t have much counter space in the bathroom, so I left some things on the kitchen counter and brought the essentials. “Have a seat,” I instructed him once he crowded the chair into the small space. Sam obediently sat down, watching me in the mirror.

  “I’ve cut my brother’s hair lots of times, so you don’t have to be nervous at all,” I reassured him, neglecting to mention that it had been some time since I’d worked with the clippers as Matty started wearing his hair longer.

  “I am not nervous,” he replied with perfect aplomb.

  “First thing we do is put this sucker on you.” Drawing out a big black garbage bag, I poked holes in for his head and arms and helped it onto him, while he obliged me. “That’ll keep the worst of the hairs off of you,” I explained, securing the neck with a hair clip.

  “It is bad to have hairs on me?” Sam asked with mild curiosity.

  “They can itch like crazy, but you could always take a shower I guess if it gets bad. You do um, shower, don’t you?”

  “Yes, I bathe.” The corner of his mouth tugged up into a smile and I felt my cheeks grow warm.

  “Well, I didn’t know,” I admitted, filling up the spray bottle with tap water. While my knowledge of angels did seem to be growing with each day that passed, I hadn’t learned much about their personal habits.

  It was almost a crime to snip off his blonde locks, but it was for the best, I tried to remind myself as I started to cut his hair. “When did you get the new chair?” I asked conversationally, to fill the silence as the scissors worked in my hand.

  “Yesterday. I thought you might like to… visit with me.”

  It was a sweet gesture, and a step in the right direction as far as I was concerned. “I’d like that sometime,” I smiled faintly, trying to concentrate on the task at hand.

  “A place to sit would make you want to say longer, would it not?”

  “That’s true, I suppose it would make me more likely to stay longer,” I allowed, smiling over the hop
eful note I heard in his voice. “How come you don’t have a bed?” I remembered the question suddenly.

  “I do not sleep.”

  “Ever?” My scissors paused in mid air. That had to get old after a while.

  “There is no need.”

  “Huh.” I digested that, no wonder he had so many books. “What about eating, do you ever eat?” He shook his head. “Hold still,” I chided him lightly, my fingers pressing firmly against his skull until he stilled. “But you could eat if you wanted to?”

  “Why would I want to?” Sam seemed genuinely puzzled over the idea. “I have eaten before, fish and bread, many, >many years ago. It did not seem as though I missed much.” He didn’t make an attempt to mask the dissatisfaction in the memory and I wondered how long ago that had been. It was a cinch he wasn’t talking about a filet-o-fish sandwich from McDonald’s.

  “Because it tastes good? There are so many delicious things in this world, much more than bread and fish. So many different flavors and spices and chocolate! You’ve really never tried chocolate before?” It seemed incredible for someone who had lived as long as he had.

  “No.” A pucker of worry appeared on his forehead and I felt bad for making him fret over it. But come on, no chocolate? What kind of an existence was that?

  “Maybe you should sometime. You might find you like what you’re missing,” I suggested, thinking it applied to more areas of his life than eating.

  “I could eat. If I wanted to,” he allowed, deep in thought.

  “Lean down a little.” I nudged his head and he gave me free reign to move him as I would. Already he started to look different without the mass of hair hiding his features, and the new style was starting to take shape. I went fairly short around the sides and back but a little longer on the top.

  Just adding a spritz ofJuan"> water I was able to tell his hair would go into the style I had in mind. Not quite a faux hawk, but suggestive of it, just a little more mature. Grabbing the clippers, I worked at cleaning up the back. In the mirror I saw his eyes had fallen shut, his expression relaxed.