Waiting on Forever

by Ashley Wilcox

  I smile and nod my head to her, agreeing that I’ll loan him my notes before she turns and heads back towards the front of the room.

  Letting out a deep breath, Matt whispers, “Holy shit, man. They were impressed in 101 that I could say my ABCs, introduce myself, and count to fifty in French. 102 doesn’t fuck around.”

  “Not feeling so advanced in the foreign language department anymore, huh?” I joke.

  “Yeah, I’d like to retract that statement. I hope you understand this crap because it looks like I’m going to need some extra help in this class.”

  Since my school district at home requires you to start a language in eighth grade, I’m no stranger to the French language. But even if it wasn’t practically my second language, I’d learn it overnight if it meant being able to tutor Matthew Jacobs.

  “Oh great, are you going to be my puppy dog in this class now?” I sarcastically respond, even though I’m crossing my fingers and toes that he says yes.

  “I swear I won’t piss on your leg as long as you help me pass this class,” Matt says with a pleading grin.

  “Well, I think I’d be attacked by every person on campus if I was partially responsible for the star wide receiver not being eligible to play because of failing this class.”

  “Thank you! Thank you, Leah!” he responds, grabbing my hands and praising me. Giving him a forced, but accepting, smile, I stare at his hands holding mine and hoping that he never lets go. Even though my stomach is in knots, my body is surging with an unbelievable warmth that is being passed from his hands to mine.

  What the hell? I’m turning into one of those annoying girls!

  Giving me another appreciative smile, he drops my hands and turns forward to focus on the lesson that’s being given up front. Swallowing hard, I slowly turn forward and try to focus on what is being taught. However, my body is still frozen, maybe even numb from the direct contact between Matt and I, and I can’t even tell you what Professor Adams is saying or what topic we’re on.

  Within less than an hour, Matt and I have gone from being online friends, to having class together three times a week, to now being study partners. My head is in overdrive and my heart is close to exploding, but I need to get a hold of myself. I can’t let Matt know how he makes me feel inside. Matt and I can never be a couple and our relationship can never be more than friends. He’s a popular jock that goes for popular girls and he is totally out of my league. So, if friends is all we can be, then I’ll be the best damn friend he’ll ever have. Taking a deep breath, and pointing my eyes up front, I open my notebook, and start taking down every added piece of information I will need to make not only myself pass this class with flying colors, but Matt as well.

  “So what class do ya have now?” Matt asks as we exit French.

  “Anthropology,” I respond with a less than enthused smirk.

  “With Professor Buzz?”

  “Yeah, why? Do you have him, too?” I ask.

  “Dude, that guys a trip! I’ve got him after this class,” he laughs.

  “I’m pretty sure he has some internal issues going on. Anyone that jumps from desk to desk, and acts like a gorilla has a few screws loose.”

  “Are you crazy? The man’s awesome,” Matt jokes a little too excitedly.

  “You would think that,” I respond sarcastically. “Well, it’s been fun, but this is my stop.” I nod my head towards the social studies building next to us.

  “Oh, yeah,” Matt says looking up at the building. “It’s cool being able to actually see ya during the day now.” He smiles, looking down at me and making my cheeks warm with what I’m sure is a few shades of pink.

  And here’s that awkward moment when you know you have to get going, but don’t want to leave because leaving means walking away and walking away means not seeing him for almost two days. Before today I was used to hardly seeing him, but being in his presence again, and actually spending over an hour together, I’m addicted and don’t want our time together to end. The fact that he’s not leaving and just standing here, looking down at me and smiling, makes me wonder if he feels the same way too?

  Seconds later...

  “There you are! Ready for calculus?”

  And here’s reality! Barbie. The perfect blonde haired, blue eyed girl, standing next to Matt, her arm now looped with his. The type of girl Matt goes for–not me.

  “Oh, hey. Hi, Brynn,” Matt awkwardly greets her. “Brynn, this is Leah and Leah this is…um, Brynn.”

  He has a girlfriend? Of course he has a girlfriend. Why wouldn’t he? He’s hot, nice, athletic...and perfect.

  I smile, extending my hand. “Nice to meet you, um, Brynn.”

  “Huh?” she responds, shaking my hand with a confused look.

  Oh, geez! Her brain’s the size of Barbie’s, too.

  “Never mind,” Matt chimes in, rolling his eyes and resting his hand on the bottom of her back. “See ya Wednesday, Leah.” He pushes Brynn along towards the math building.

  Well, that was a nice smack in the face. It’s my own fault, though. I don’t know why I’ve gone all this time thinking he was single. Even if he was, it should mean nothing to me. Matt and I don’t mix in the same dating pool and we never will.

  Chapter 3

  All day I’ve been sulking, and a depressing mess. I should be on cloud nine that Matt and I now have a class together and that I’ll get to see him three times a week, but ever since I met bleached out Brynn I can’t shake this awful mood I’m in. Yeah, it was a friendly reminder of where I stand in the dating pool, but I just don’t get it. Matt seems like a smart guy and no matter how hot a girl, doesn’t it get old talking to a wall every day? I’d think so. Although, I guess some guys just want a designated booty call that they can call their own.

  {knock, knock, knock}

  Who the heck is here? If it’s one of Kayla’s booty calls, so help me…

  Matt is standing outside my door. “Hiiii…” I say, shocked and lost for words.

  “Hey, I didn’t come at a bad time, did I?” he asks, noticing my surprised look.

  “No, not all…what’s up?”

  Get it together, Leah. He’s just a guy. A. Really. Hot. Guy.

  “I, uh, forgot to get the French notes from you earlier,” he answers with his beautiful All American boy grin. You know, the one that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

  Damn his hotness.

  “Oh yeah, the notes. Come on in, I can print them out for you.” I smile and opening the door wider so he can follow me inside.

  “Print them out? You type up your notes?” Matt asks with confused look, following me to my computer.

  “Yeah, why?” What’s so strange about that?

  “I just don’t know many people who do that,” he answers, still sounding confused.

  “Well, it’s kind of a little refresher from class and it keeps my notes neat and organized,” I say, shrugging my shoulders.

  “Not a bad idea, actually,” he says, nodding his head in agreement.

  “Just get done with practice?” I ask as I click on my French file.

  “Yeah, why? Do I smell?” He lifts his arm to smell himself.

  Ugh, gross.

  “Just a little,” I joke, scrunching my nose.

  Honestly, he doesn’t smell bad at all. He’s got that outdoors fresh, salty smell to him, and if anything he looks even sexier than normal. He’s got spandex shorts peeking out from under his mesh shorts and a sweat soaked t-shirt on. His legs are well defined and the perspiration that’s glistening his face is enough to make me weak in the knees. However, he doesn’t need to know any of this so I play it off like he’s disgusting and gross.

  “Guess I should’ve stopped home and showered first,” he answers with a smirk.

  “Would’ve been nice,” I sarcastically respond, plugging my nose.

  Apparently he finds that funny, because he lets out a low chuckle.

  “Hey, did you eat dinner yet?” Matt asks as I hand him the s
tack of notes.

  “No,” I answer, even though I ate after my last class.

  “I was going to stop at the dining hall on my way home, wanna go?”

  “Sure…how can I pass up the dining hall? Yum,” I joke, rubbing my stomach.

  “Whatever. That’s some fine college cuisine right there.”

  Honestly, Cortland’s dining halls aren’t that bad at all. I’d much rather eat there than eat the staple college meal in my room–ramen noodles or easy mac. I just like busting his balls.

  “I guess I could go for some waffle fries and lemonade.”

  “Yes! Love Chick-Fil-A! How awesome is it that we have one of them in our dining hall?” he practically shouts, overly enthused.

  “Awesome,” I sarcastically reply, holding two thumbs up.

  “You’re something else, ya know that?” he jokes, wrapping his arm around my shoulder and squeezing me into his side.

  Holy shit! Breathe, Leah. Breathe!

  “After you,” Matt says, opening the door for me.

  As soon as we step foot into the cafeteria I feel like all eyes are on me. Either they’re just looking at Matt or wondering who the heck the girl with Matt is, but I’m going to go with both. Lord knows that I don’t get this response when I walk in by myself.

  Swallowing the lump quickly moving up my throat, I grab a tray and try to act as calm as possible.

  “Hungry, are ya?’ I joke, seeing Matt pile the food on his tray.

  “What? This is just my starters. Chick-Fil-A is where I’m loading up,” he winks, reaching in front of me to pick up an apple.

  “Yo, MJ! Over here!” a big guy yells from a table full of other football players and girls.

  “Nah, man. I’m gonna sit over here!” Matt yells back.

  “You can sit with them, I really don’t care,” I softly tell him, although deep down I’m hoping he doesn’t.

  “I spend at least two hours a day practicing with them, and then have to go home to those assholes, too. I’m okay not eating with them, trust me,” Matt says with a smirk.

  Trying to hold back my pathetic and overly excited grin, I respond, “K,” before following him in the opposite direction. After only taking a few steps, I hear a girl’s voice say, “Is he really ditching us for that homely looking thing?” Within seconds my mood changes from elated to pissed, and I quickly turn around to see who said it. Low and behold, I see bleached out Brynn sitting there with her arms crossed and a bitchy look on her face. Before I’m able to bite my tongue, I ask “excuse me?,” in an irritated tone.

  “You heard me,” Brynn responds with one of those god-awful duck faces.

  Just as I’m about to give it right back to her, Matt comes up beside me and interrupts the cat fight that’s brewing in front of us.

  “Is there a problem here, Brynn?” he asks.

  “I didn’t realize you were slummin’ it these days,” she snips back, running her eyes up and down my body.

  “Leah’s far from slumming it,” he points out. “You should actually pay more attention to her. You could probably learn a few things.”

  “Learn something from her?” she says, looking at me with a disgusted look. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

  “Not at all,” Matt says with a smile. “Have a good night, Brynn,” he continues, resting his hand on my lower back and guiding me in the opposite direction, indicating that this conversation is over.

  “You really didn’t have to do that,” I tell Matt once we’re seated at our table.

  “Yeah, I did. She’s was being a bitch and there’s no way I was going to let her talk to you that way,” Matt responds, giving me a serious look.

  Seeing him stare at me the way he is, and hearing him defend me to Brynn, makes my heart throb and my body warm with adoration.

  Shit! Stop swooning, Leah!

  “But, aren’t you guys a couple?” I ask, almost frightened to hear the answer.

  “Brynn? Fuck no!” Matt replies, sounding shocked. “She’s got more air than brains in that head of hers.”

  Hearing him say that, there’s no holding back my grin of pure delight. I know that he will never look at me the way I look at him, but at least he’s not with someone like Brynn.

  “So, I know it’ll be tough with football and all, but we gotta figure out when we can get together to study for French. I was totally not prepared for that shit today,” Matt continues, pulling his eyebrows together.

  “It’s really up to you. I can do whenever.”

  “We may have to play it by ear until football’s over. This whole week is shot with Cortaca Jug this weekend–coach has been riding our asses getting ready for it. How ‘bout Sunday?”

  Oh my god, I’m making plans with Matthew Jacobs!

  I try to respond like it’s no big deal, taking a sip of my lemonade. “Yeah, Sunday works.”

  “Awesome! You’re the best, Leah.” He smiles before taking a bite of his chicken sandwich.

  Oh, if he only knew what that smile does to my heart.

  Chapter 4

  After spending so much time with Matt yesterday, then missing him today, I’m doing something I’ve never done before.

  Working out.

  I’ve been running scenarios through my head all day of ways that I can see him, but still make it look accidental. I need to keep our run-ins purely casual–just friends. Since we don’t have any classes together today, and we live nowhere near each other, my only chance is running around the track that circles the football field. I’ve never seen the point in running and I’ve always wondered how people sought enjoyment from it, but if it gets me in viewing distance of Matt for a little while then running is what I’ll do.

  Digging to the bottom of my drawer, I pull out the only pair of running pants that I own and a long sleeve Cortland t-shirt. Since my hair is short, I’m only able to bring some of the front up in a clip. Stopping in front of the mirror, I decide this is going to have to do and cross my fingers and toes that I’m not going to make a fool out of myself.

  Figuring that I should probably save all my energy for the track, I casually walk down the hill to where the athletic complex is. As I get closer I can see all the football players practicing on the field, and I can hear the coaches whistle then the yelling that follows it. My stomach instantly knots the closer I get and I start thinking that this maybe the most ridiculous idea that I’ve ever had. Maybe I should just run like hell back to my room.

  Not letting my nerves get the best of me, I take a deep breath and make my first step onto the track. Thinking it is probably a good idea, I bend over and start stretching my legs.

  Feeling loose enough to start, I put one foot in front of the other and start a slow steady jog.

  This isn’t so bad. I can do this!

  After my first lap I’m already feeling a little winded, but I remember from my high school gym class that if you just push yourself through the first hurdle of exhaustion you will get a second wind to keep going. I decide on my second lap that I’m going to start looking for Matt. I know that he’s number twelve and the wide receiver. The problem is that I have no clue what the wide receiver is or does or where they would be standing and then there’s the small issue that the team doesn’t wear numbered jerseys during practice.

  So right now it’s like finding a needle in a haystack.

  My gym teacher is full of shit because as I finish my second lap, instead of getting another push of energy, I feel like I’m going to have a heart attack. Figuring that having a heart attack right here on the track won’t look very appealing, I decide that I should take a few minutes and slow down to just a brisk walk to try and catch my breath. My legs already feel like jello and my heart feels like it’s going to explode–the thought of doing this any longer is almost the equivalent to slitting my wrists. However, the whole purpose is to at least get a glimpse of Matt, and leaving now without even getting a glance of him would totally be defeating the purpose.

  “Need some wat
er?” a familiar voice says from behind me.

  Only one person makes my body tingle and go numb. As I turn around to see the face behind the voice, I’m greeted with the smile that makes me weak in the knees.

  Standing in front of me is Matt, dripping wet with sweat and holding out a Gatorade sports bottle with the sweetest smile I’ve ever seen.

  “Would love some,” I immediately respond, realizing it probably would have been a good idea to bring some water on this excursion of mine.

  “I didn’t know you were a runner?” he asks with a grin.

  “Me neither,” I joke in response, still trying to catch my breath. Looking at me with a confused look, I continue, “but I figured I’d avoid the infamous freshmen fifteen and start working out.”

  “Well running is really good for ya, total body workout,” Matt says confidently. “I run every day. We should start going together.”

  Personally I was just about to throw in the towel with this whole running thing, but if I can add working out with Matt to my list of ways to hang out with him then it looks like running just became my favorite hobby.

  “Yeah, that’d be fun.” Even though in no way shape or form would the word fun ever be associated with running.

  “Well, I gotta get back before coach kicks my ass. I’ll see ya in the morning.” He winks before running back to the rest of the team.

  Online friends, class together three times a week, study partners, and now workout buddies.

  It looks like life just got that much sweeter.

  Chapter 5

  I was a little disappointed when I didn’t see Matt waiting for me when I stepped outside this morning. But, my spirits lifted at least ten times what they were when I see him sitting in the back of the classroom next to a steaming styrofoam cup from Dunkin Donuts on my desk.

  “Mmm, what’s this?” I ask lifting the cup to my nose and smelling it.