Still Rocking

by A. D. Herrick

  I flopped down in the seat across from him unceremoniously. Damon’s eyes looked up and held for just a moment before dropping back to the bottle he cradled in his hands. Noticing Damon’s bottle was empty I threw my hand in the air flagging Jeremy for another round.

  I let Damon sit in silence until Jeremy delivered the round of beers. Instead of hanging around to chat, Jeremy dropped the beers and returned to his place behind the bar.

  “She left me for someone else.” Damon said flatly. His voice was void of emotion, as though he had detached himself from the situation and the emotions involved.

  “She tell you this?” Concerned I leaned forward bracing myself on the table with my forearms.

  “Yup,” He said raising the beer to his lips.

  “When?” I asked slightly confused.

  “When I showed up at her apartment and found her and her boyfriend happily entertaining their friends while planning their vacation.” The tick in his jaw was unmistakable. He may have sounded detached but in truth he was stifling his anger, stuffing it down drink by drink.

  “How do you feel about this?” I asked trying not to push too many buttons. I could tell that he was near the end of his rope. The woman he had planned to spend the rest of his life with had been cheating on him with someone else.

  “I could care less if she goes. She has been tiptoeing out the door for some time now. Don’t pretend like you didn’t see it coming.” He hashed out nearly spitting with his disdain.

  It was true; we had all noticed the wedge that had begun to build between the two of them. I along with the others had hoped that they would be able to work things out.

  “I’m not going to pretend anything, D. It doesn’t mean I understand it.”

  Damon buried his face in his hands. “Fuck.” He roared into his hands before slamming his hands down on the table forcefully.

  “Get it all out man. It’s not good to keep that shit in.” I encouraged. I knew he needed to let it all out. Damon had been holding this all in for months. He harbored all of his emotions inside putting on a front for the rest of us. I wasn’t sure if he had done it for us or himself. If it was for us then he was disillusioned, we had known him far too long for him to be able to hide shit.

  “Man, I thought she was going to be the one. I really did. She was everything I imagined having in a partner. When I found out about Dominik I was ecstatic. It was like everything was falling in place. I had a beautiful woman on my arm and a new baby. In the beginning Alexa was just as happy. She wanted the same thing. It seemed like it was all meant to be. After the first few weeks Alexa confided in me that she was having a hard time bonding with Dominik. I listened to her and tried to reassure her that it would take time. I was instantly in love but I could understand if she needed time.” He explained.

  “As time went on she began to get resentful. She couldn’t bond with Dominik and started needing ‘time’ away.” He stopped to take a deep swig of his beer before continuing.

  “I felt it building, this distance between us. I tried to do whatever I could to fix it but nothing worked. I offered weekends away for the three of us. I even suggested counseling, but she constantly turned me down. She said she just didn’t understand how she could bond with some other woman’s kid. She couldn’t understand how I was so eager and able to accept Dominik as my own. That led her to accusing me of lying about being Dom’s biological parent. No matter how much I tried to reassure her she wouldn’t listen.” I watched helpless as tears rolled down my brother’s face. I wished there was a way for me to take away his pain. I wished more than anything that he didn’t have to go through this at all. Damon was a good man and didn’t deserve any of this.

  “Alexa moved out and got her own apartment. She said she just needed space. I watched helplessly as she packed her bags. She would come and stay a few nights a week with me but only on nights I didn’t have Dominik. She wanted nothing to do with him. I felt stuck. There was no way in hell I would give up my son for her; it wasn’t even a matter of thought. There is nothing more important to me than Dominik. I was stuck because I had no idea how to tell her that I couldn’t choose. I wouldn’t choose. The choice was made the moment Dominik was placed in my arms. I had made up my mind to go talk to her today. I was going to her apartment to lay all the cards on the table for her. I wanted her to know that there would be no choosing between her and Dom. She would have to choose between being with me and Dom or we would have to end things. But the joke was on me. Apparently she has been seeing this other guy for a few months and says she just didn’t know how to break it to me.” He threw himself back in his seat against the booth both hands stretched wide in front of him.

  “She was fucking us both, and was apparently engaged to us both. She told me today that she and her new fiancé are pregnant and was going on a trip before they were going to settle down and get married.” I sat there slack jawed at his revelation.

  Damon took an angry drink from his beer finishing the bottle.

  “Fuck her.” I pointed an angry finger at him. “Fuck her all to hell.” I promised with conviction.

  Damon lifted his empty bottle in the air signaling Jeremy for another round. “Fuck her in the ass.” Damon replied. I could tell he meant it. Alexa had burned every bridge imaginable with Damon by her actions.

  Like magic, Jeremy appeared with another round of beers. “Keep um coming Jer.” Damon said with a sad smile.

  “So what the hell is going on with you and don’t you dare lie or so help me God I will ram this bottle up your ass sideways.” Damon threatened. The look on his face let me know he meant it.

  “Hey don’t threaten me with a good time.” I laughed teasingly pulling a smile from Damon’s lips.

  “Seriously bro. You’re hiding something. We all know it. You’re happy one minute and spitting nails the next. What gives?” Damon was like a dog with a bone, once he got his teeth sunk in there was no way he was going to let it go. It was now or never. I needed to get this shit off my chest. I needed to unburden my secrets and rid myself of this wright that had been hanging around my shoulders. Nina’s request to keep things quiet no longer mattered.

  “I’ve been seeing someone for the past seven or so months.” I started intently at the beer in my hands like it was the most fascinating thing I had ever encountered unwilling to look up to see Damon’s response.

  “And?” Damon asked urging me to continue.

  “And she wanted to keep our relationship a secret. After six months I asked her to marry me. She said yes.” I took a deep breath before continuing. Memories of the night I asked Nina to marry we swarmed through my mind like a vivid dream.

  “Keep going.” Damon pressed.

  “She wanted to keep our engagement a secret. She swore me to secrecy and at first it was thrilling and exhilarating, having a dirty little secret. But then her family tried to marry her off. Instead of coming clean she continued to keep our secret no matter how much I begged her to come clean. She was willing to risk everything just to keep us a secret.” I sighed out in frustration. I still couldn’t get over the fact that she wouldn’t tell anyone as I waited helplessly for something to happen to save her from marrying Kiev.

  “Holy fucking shit!” Damon exclaimed loudly. “You’re engaged to Nina Mikhailov.” Damon’s face was a mask of shock and surprise. I watched as his eyes scanned my face searching for deception. I pointed a lazy finger at him. “Spot on.” I sucked my teeth.

  “Dude what the fuck? Why didn’t you tell anyone?” He asked bewildered.

  “What part of her wanting to keep it a secret didn’t you understand?” I threw my hands up in frustration.

  “So what about now? Why doesn’t anyone know?” That was the million dollar question right there.

  “She still doesn’t want anyone to know. She tells me I need to marry her soon and bring her to the states then in the next breath she is telling me I’m rushing things and smothering her only to turn around and exclaim how excited sh
e is that we’re getting married.” I slapped the table in frustration pushing myself back into my seat.

  “So what I’m hearing is that she is insane?” Damon asked sarcastically.

  “Oh fuck you man.” I shook my head in disgust. I wasn’t disgusted in Damon or his questions. I was disgusted in myself.

  “My heart says I love her and my head says I’m a fool and that she is just playing me. Anymore, I have to work to convince myself that I do, indeed, love her and that just further cements in my mind that if I have to talk myself into it then it must not be real.” I exhaled in relief. The weight on my shoulders felt a lot lighter. With each word I expelled I could feel the weight lifting off of me. The relief was palpable.

  “You know what that means don’t you?” Damon looked at me sternly, not letting me out of this realization. I couldn’t believe it myself. I felt the vice on my heart tighten smothering my chest in a dull pain. My lungs seized in my chest making it hard to breath. My vision began to tunnel as panic set in.

  “Breathe, bitch, breathe.” Damon yelled at me from across the booth. Both of his hands were locked on my shoulders as he shook me.

  I flung my arms out to the side breaking his hold on me. “I’m breathing man. Fuck.” I roared angrily. I was angry that I had been stupid for so long. I allowed myself to be lead down a dark tunnel with the promise of a reward, like a child lured away by a stranger in a van the promise of candy blinding them.

  “She’s just leading me on.” I muttered in my own shock at the realization. Damon sat back down, lifting his beer up to me silently suggesting we drink away our troubles. Right then I couldn’t have agreed more. I lifted my beer in salute and chugged the contents of the bottle, setting the emptied bottle on the table forcefully.

  “So now what?” Damon asked reading my mind.

  “I say we fuck shit up.” I suggested devilishly.

  Damon’s phone started going off putting a hold on our plans. Damon’s face told all. It was Katinka. “Answer it.” I encouraged.

  I waited patiently drumming my fingers on the table as Damon assured Katinka that he was alright and that I had found him. He promised we would be home tonight and that we would be safe. I chuckled to myself. I guess he was telling the truth, if by safe he meant balls deep in a new piece of ass. Finally Damon hung up the phone and stuffed it in his pocket.

  “I can’t believe you lied to her.” I ridiculed him.

  “What did I lie about?” He asked with mock sincerity.

  “Oh we’re fine, Tink. We’re just having a few drinks and unwinding. We’ll be safe.” I mocked him in a flamboyant voice.

  “Dude, I have a pocket full of rubbers. I very much intend to be safe.” Damon gave me a devilish wink.

  I raised my hand for a high five which we met by an ever enthusiastic Damon.

  “We’ll call a cab and get this party started.” Damon smirked cockily.

  “Hey Jer. Can you call us a cab and keep the shots flowing until it gets here?” I called out to Jeremy as he watched on with a disapproving look.

  “Sure Ivan. I’ll get right on it, bro.” Jeremy called back.

  A few minutes later Jeremy placed a bottle of Vodka and two shot glasses on the table between Damon and I. “Drink up boys, your ride will be here shortly.” Jeremy said with a smirk.

  Damon eagerly lifted the bottle and began to pour us shots. “Fuck yes.” I roared elatedly.

  We clinked glasses in cheers before tossing them back. The vodka burned like fire as it went down. I could feel the warmth spread through me the moment it hit my stomach. “Again.” Damon demanded as my glass hit the table top. He filled our glasses to the brim. “Let’s do it.” I cheered excitedly.

  I couldn’t tell you how many shots we took. The vodka no longer burned as it went down; instead it slid down with ease. The edges of my vision became more and more blurry. I could feel the effects of the vodka as the room began to tilt. Damon giggled like a schoolgirl in front of me. Vodka sloshing across the table as he attempted to pour us another round.

  “Cheers.” He slurred as he offered me the freshly poured shot. The clear liquid sloshed over the sides of the glass onto his outstretched hand. I tried to grab for it, my hand missing the first few tries. Damon continued to giggle, pulling me into his giddy state. “Fuck women.” I cried out tossing back the shot.

  Chapter Five

  Fuck me sideways with a rubber duck wearing a hardhat. My head was pounding. It sounded like a jackhammer was thrashing against my skull. My mouth was dry and tasted like ass, my tongue felt like thick sandpaper. Lifting my hand to my head shot agonizing pain through my body. I didn’t remember much of the night before but I hoped like hell it was worth it. I felt the contents of my stomach threaten to revolt and upheave. Sharp spasm wreaked havoc on my insides. My lids were heavy making it almost impossible to open my eyes. As I struggled to lift my eyelids I became certain they were attached to my asshole as searing pain shot through my body.

  “Need help princess?” Tosha’s voice boomed, echoing in my skull. I could only groan in response as I cringed.

  “Come on princess before Tink turns the sprinklers on.” Tosha said much softer this time. I could only grunt in response.

  I felt the world spin as Tosha lifted me up in what I could only assume was a fireman’s carry. The world twisted and spun on its axis sending the innards of my stomach propelling out of my body like the contents of a shook up soda I vomited uncontrollably. I vaguely heard Tosha shouting a string of explicative. My body fell from the sky landing roughly on the hard ground. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me as I struggled to breath between bouts of vomit. I could barely hold my head up enough to keep myself out of my own vomit. The world swam once again before I was tugged into a black hole.

  “Are you ready to rejoin the world princess?” Tosha asked as he placed something cool against my forehead. I tried to speak but I couldn’t make the words come out.

  “Relax slugger. You have had one hell of a hangover and probably a concussion.” I heard Nik say from somewhere in the room.

  “Wh-“ I tried to speak. I wanted to ask what had happened but the words wouldn’t form. My entire body ached from the tip of my toes to the tallest hair on my head.

  A steady boom-boom-boom echoed in my head pulsing along with the beating of my heart. I groaned in agony.

  “Give the big baby some Gatorade while I tend to the other man child.” I heard Katinka grumble in the distance.

  Moments later a straw was pressed to my lips. Tentatively I took a sip. The cool liquid was a balm to my dry parched mouth. Eagerly I drank more momentarily choking myself on the rush of liquids going into my body.

  “Slow down slugger.” Nik chuckled good heartedly.

  “Fuck you.” I managed to choke out causing Nik and Tosha to laugh.

  “Yeah, this one will live.” Tosha boast proudly.

  I managed to crack my eyes open. Tosha and Nik sat to either side of me; I could see the lines of worry marring their faces leaving me stumped. I was sick, I wasn’t dying. Was I?

  “Wh-what happened?” I was finally able to spit out.

  “You don’t remember?” Tosha asked. I could see the amusement dancing in his eyes. He knew damn well I didn’t remember.

  “Let’s see. You and D polished off all the vodka Nick’s had to offer. Started a fight with a group of guys and got your asses handed to you. Jeremy was able to keep you both from having your teeth kicked in too bad and managed to get ahold of Kiev who drove your sorry ass’s home. The two of you dumb asses decided you wanted to crawl out of the truck and sleep out in the yard where Nik was able to drag Damon inside while you managed to toss your cookies all down my back. Finally, I was able to get you in the house where you have been sleeping for the past two weeks.” Tosha said with a laugh.

  “You fucking dropped me?” I accused faintly remembering vomiting and hitting the ground hard while Tosha swore up a storm.

  “I thought you said you di
dn’t remember?” Tosha asked skeptically.

  “Holy hell, you seriously fucking dropped me?” I yelled out instantly regretting it as the hammering in my head turned into a deep throbbing pain. I winced grabbing my head.

  “You fucking threw up on me.” Tosha yelled back accusingly.

  “Fuck off.” I muttered still nursing my head.

  “Why the hell did we sleep for two week? Did you drop me on my damn head?” I groaned in pain.

  “Dumbass, it’s only been twelve hours or so.” Nik laughed patting my shoulder.

  “So you wanna tell us what’s going on? Why were the two of you hammering shots like no tomorrow?”

  Tosha asked worriedly.

  “Alexa has been fucking around on D, left him because she couldn’t accept Little D.” I hated admitting it. It still hurt knowing Damon had to deal with the rejection of his son for months alone.

  “Fuck, that is some shit there. So what’s your malfunction?” Nik asked forcing me to come clean.

  “I’ve been seeing Nina since our last show. I asked her to marry me, she said yes, doesn’t want anyone to know. Then she gets betrothed to Kiev and still won’t say anything. Now she is playing head games and I’m just done.” It felt good to get it all out, almost therapeutic. Or it could have been the effect of the Gatorade. Either way, I felt better. I felt like I could finally breathe for the first time. I relaxed deeper into the bed; closing my eyes I allowed the cool sheets to comfort me.

  “Are you going to marry my cousin?” Tosha asked, clearly still hung up on everything I had just said.

  “No.” I had finally said it out loud and it felt fan-fucking-tastic.

  I heard the sound of skin slapping skin. Cracking an eye open I saw Katinka standing over Tosha, smacking at him as he tried to defend himself from her wildly swinging hands. I couldn’t help but chuckle at the sight.

  “Don’t worry, you’re next.” Katinka said pointing a finger at me. Her threat sobered me up instantly. Katinka was downright vicious.