The Reverse Commute

by Sheila Blanchette

  “Oh really? It was this neighborhood?”

  “Yeah, just a couple blocks from here. The neighborhood was nice back then.”

  Her Mom perked up. “Remember the landlady’s name was Bea and she used to babysit for us? She lived upstairs. Sophie brought her tricycle all the way up the stairs to visit one day. I don’t know how she lugged it up there. She was a little bitty thing, only two years old. She could have fallen all the way down and killed herself. Then there was the time I was hanging clothes on the line outside and locked Sophie in the apartment by accident. I had to go next door and call the fire department to get back in.” She shook her head and laughed.

  Sophie smiled. “Yeah, I remember those stories.”

  Her father pushed the bed tray to the side, most of the food untouched. “I had two of the nurses here in school years ago. Taught them U.S. history during the seventies.”

  “Dad, remember when I was backpacking through Europe? I met two girls in Amsterdam in line at the Heineken Brewery and we somehow figured out we were all from Rhode Island and went to the same high school. I asked them if they knew you and they said they were in your history class. I sent you a postcard and wrote, Dad you’re like American Express, known the world over.”

  He smiled, patting her arm. “Remember all those family vacations we took?”

  “Of course I do. You were the one who instilled the love of travel in all of us. The original source of never ending wanderlust and restlessness.”

  “We always loved D.C. Your mother and I went there on our honeymoon. Can’t beat it, all those free museums and monuments.”

  Sophie laughed. “Like the free parking?”

  “Aaagh, parking and driving were miserable in that city.”

  “All those presidents' houses we visited, Mount Vernon, Monticello, and battlefields like Gettysburg. I remember I loved Williamsburg. What was that place in Michigan?”

  "Greenfield Village.”

  “Yeah, I loved that too.”

  Her dad laughed loudly. “Do you remember you were about fourteen and we were at Valley Forge? We were in the house Washington stayed in that awful winter when all the soldiers died from the cold. You asked the tour guide why Washington got to stay in the big house while his troops were freezing to death out in those tents.”

  Sophie laughed. “Always with an opinion, that was me, even at fourteen. I must have been the only teenager at my high school that had the U.S. Constitution hanging on my bedroom wall. I know when I brought it to college I was the only one in my dormitory. Everyone else had posters of rock bands and cannabis. It was one of those parchment paper things with the burnt edges to make it look old. Remember it was rolled up like a scroll? We’d get them in the gift shops of those historic places we visited.”

  “I don’t know what they teach kids these days. Supreme Court deciding elections.” He waved his hand at the elusive fly again.

  “My favorite part of the Declaration of Independence has always been the pursuit of happiness. I had that scroll too. What other country in the history of the world guarantees their citizens the right to pursue happiness? Sure seems hard to attain these days though, doesn’t it?”

  “Just because they give you the right to pursue happiness, doesn’t mean they guarantee you’ll find it, and they sure have made it a hell of lot harder these days. You kids have it tough. Tougher than your mother and I did, that’s for sure. No job security, no pensions, can’t afford health care. “

  Sophie’s Mom interrupted them. “Let’s not get all worked up here, Dad. You know how you two can get.”

  “I’m so glad you came, Sophie. Are you staying with your mother tonight?”

  “Yes, and on that note, I think we should get going. You need your rest. We’ll see you in the morning, Dad. I love you.”

  “Love you too. Thanks for staying with your mother tonight.”

  She kissed him. Her mother hugged him and rubbed his shoulder for a minute.

  * * *

  Sophie searched through the suitcase she hastily packed earlier that afternoon. “Sophie, do you want something to eat?”

  “Oh no, Mom. I’m fine. I had a sandwich on the way down. I’ll just have a cup of tea.”

  “Are you sure? That was a while ago.”

  “Yeah, I’m good. Come sit down. You must be exhausted.”

  Her mom brought two cups of tea over, put the TV on and sat down to watch a cable news show. The anchor was talking about the Republican primary field.

  “That poor Mr. Obama. He is such a nice man and they are always picking on him. It's awful, he can’t do anything right. It’s ‘cus he’s black, ya know? They hate him because of that.”

  “You might be right about that, Mom. But let’s not watch this. It’s so depressing. God, these candidates are a bunch of clowns. I mean seriously? This is the best they’ve got?” She turned the TV off.

  “How are the boys?” her Mom asked.

  “They’re good. Jesse got a job at a coffee shop in Providence that has its own bakery, not far from where Sean lives. And one of Sean’s roommates moved out, so Jesse moved in with him. I’m so relieved he’s with Sean. It was really nice of him to help his brother out like this. I just hope it all works out. You and Dad will have to visit the coffee shop when Dad is feeling up to it.”

  “Oh, we don’t drink coffee. Did I tell you I met your father when I was working at the mill? He was a college boy, just like your boys. My parents made me quit high school. I was working and going to secretarial school at night. I said I graduated high school on the application. Back in those days they didn’t check anything. When I graduated from the business school the principal said ‘I found out you didn’t graduate high school. How did you do that? You’re graduating with honors.’ But he gave me my diploma anyway. Then I got the job at the mill and met your father.” She smiled proudly.

  Sophie chuckled. “Doing payroll, right?” She nodded while her mother told the story. She’d heard it many times before. Lately, her mother remembered the old stories much better than what happened just that morning. But then there were those moments of lucidity, when she really did seem to be in the present.

  Her mother laughed. “Right, how did you know that?”

  “You told me once before.”

  “I don’t know what I will do if something happens to your father. I’d be so lost without him.”

  “I know, Mom. It’s okay. He’s going to be okay. The doctor said despite the heart attack he’s in remarkable shape for a man his age. Most likely, it's all the running he’s done and that will surely help him with his recovery. Hey, let’s go to bed. You must be exhausted. You’ve had a hell of a two days.”

  “Oh, Sophie I hate when you swear like that. You’re looking good these days. Did you lose some weight? You were looking heavy for a while there.”

  “Yeah Ma, I think I have.” She rolled her eyes and thought to her self, there’s the old tactlessness. She hadn’t lost that, next she’d bring up Sophie’s hair. “I’m doing yoga these days. Come on. I’ll help you upstairs.”

  “The young kids are all doing yoga now. Are you letting your hair grow out? It’s looking a little shaggy.”

  Sophie sighed. “Some mornings I don’t have time to blow dry it. This morning was one of those days. It’s been shoulder length for a long time.”

  “I loved those pixie cuts you had when you were a kid. You should get it cut like that. But you always wanted the long hair.”

  “Mom, it was the seventies and eighties. Everyone had long hair. I just wanted to be like everyone else.”

  Sophie took her mother’s arm and helped her upstairs to her bedroom where two single beds were pushed together. “Are you sure you don’t want to sleep in your father’s bed?”

  “No, no. I’ll be fine on the couch, unless you need me. But Ray says I sometimes snore and I don’t want to keep you up. You know you’re such a light sleeper. You really need to rest. When Dad gets home it’s going to be hard at first
.”

  She gave her Mom a kiss on the cheek. “Good night.”

  As Sophie walked down the stairs, her mother called after her. “Sophie, would you like a sleeping pill?”

  “No, I’m good. I love you, Mom. Good night.”

  Sophie covered the couch in the living room with sheets and a blanket. Trying to fall asleep, she tossed and turned, wondering why she refused her mother’s offer of a sleeping pill. Feeling wired and exhausted at the same time, she finally drifted off into a restless sleep.

  A little while later, the clock on the TV blinked two a.m. Sophie woke, tossing and turning again, flipping her pillow and punching it every few minutes. She tried to relax, lying on her back in a shavasana yoga pose, arms out by her sides with her thumb and pointer finger making a circle. She stared at the ceiling, the white drop tiles with black dots that looked like constellations. She made a wish but she didn’t know what she was wishing for. She imagined The Actor was lying on a yoga mat next to her. He reached out to her open palm and held her hand. She drifted off to sleep, dreaming.

  * * *

  Young Sophie was on a sofa in The Actor’s apartment, both of them working on laptops, her feet resting in his lap. Young Sophie leaned her head back and said, “I can’t do this. My balance sheet doesn’t balance. It’s impossible. I’m no good at this.”

  The Actor looked up. He was wearing horn-rimmed glasses and looked exceptionally cute. “I don’t know what a balance sheet is, but if you explain it to me, maybe I can help?”

  She explained what a balance sheet was while he studied her computer screen. He pointed out a few things and she got it to balance. She put her laptop down on the coffee table, leaned over and kissed him. He put his hand on her neck, leaning her back on the couch and kissed her throat. He lifted her shirt and stroked her breasts. She wrapped her legs around him, unbuckling his belt.

  * * *

  The next morning she drove her mother back to the hospital, planning to visit with her Dad for just a short time before she had to get to work. She didn’t want to lose another sick day, so she planned to work late that night, aggravated with the stingy time off policy.

  “Hey Mom, I called Jesse and Sean last night. Jesse is working at the bakery on Wickenden Street this morning and Sean said he could meet us for coffee before he goes to work. So we’re going to stop there first.”

  “I don’t know any bakery on Wickenden Street.”

  “I think it’s a new bakery. He’s training to be a pastry chef.”

  “Who is?”

  “Jesse.”

  “Oh, I thought you said the other one. What’s his name?”

  “Sean.” Sophie crossed over the Fox Pointe Channel Bridge and found a parking space not far from the bakery.

  “Where are we?”

  “This is Wickenden Street.”

  “Oh, your father and I never come here.”

  “Yeah, I suppose you never do. This is more the college neighborhood, isn’t it? The boys don’t live far from here. They have a nice apartment on the second floor of a two family off of Hope Street.”

  The bakery was full of young college age kids, drinking coffee and chai tea, working on laptops or reading. A chalkboard listed the various coffee and tea selections and pastries and muffins were on display in a large glass case. Her mother looked around confused.

  “Mom, do you want a cup of tea? Why don’t you take a seat and I’ll order for us.”

  “Okay, that menu up there is very confusing.”

  “Just look in the case and see if you like something. Maybe Jesse can bring out something he made.”

  “I just want a blueberry muffin.”

  “Oh, I’m sure they have that.”

  She got her mother settled at a little table in a corner by the window and went back to the counter to order a coffee and tea. The girl behind the counter had a spiky punk haircut, shaved on one side with the longer hair on the other side sweeping over to cover some of it. It was dyed jet black with midnight blue highlights that almost disappeared in certain light. She had a silver hoop nose ring and her left arm was completely covered in colorful tattoos. Sophie asked her, “Is Jesse here?”

  “Yeah, he’s in the back.”

  “I’m his mother. Could you tell him I’m here? He’s expecting me. But first, could I have that blueberry muffin and I’ll also have the lemon poppy seed. Thanks.”

  “Oh, you’re his mother. Hi, I’m Miranda. Sure thing.” She rang up the order. Sophie suddenly looked worried. Miranda was being awfully friendly. As Sophie brought the drinks and muffins to the table, the girl went out back to get Jesse. The little bell on the door chimed as Sean walked in.

  “Mom. Grandma.” Sean hugged the both of them. He was dressed in a white cotton shirt and blue khakis and wearing a very expensive looking charcoal gray wool coat. His blond hair was cut stylishly short.

  “Honey, you look great. How’s work?”

  “Really good. It’s a fun place to work. I’m going to L.A. next week for a trade show.”

  Out of the corner of her eye, Sophie saw Jesse come out of the kitchen in a baker’s apron. His hair was in a ponytail and he had flour on his face. He walked over to Miranda, gave her a kiss and signaled her to follow him.

  “Hey, Mom.” He bent down and kissed Sophie then gave his grandmother a kiss. “This is my girlfriend, Miranda.” She smiled shyly and waved. Sophie reached out to shake hands and said, “Yes, we just met.”

  “Who is that girl?” Sophie whispered something in her mother’s ear. “His girlfriend?” Sean covered his mouth, trying not to laugh as Jesse poked Miranda and smiled at her.

  Jesse asked, “How is Grandpa doing?”

  “He’s doing well. He might be able to come home in a few days.”

  “That’s good news. Sorry I can’t hang around and shoot the shit. I’ve got some scones in the oven. I’ll call you.”

  “Do you have to talk like that, Jesse?” Sophie nodded her head towards her mother. “Okay, it was good to see you and it was nice to meet you, Miranda. Call me Jesse, we hardly hear from you. Your Dad would like to hear from you, too.”

  After the two of them went back behind the counter, Sophie turned to Sean. “When did this happen?”

  Sean shook his head. “About a week after he got here. She’s actually not as wild as she looks. She goes to RISD and is a pretty talented sculptress. He’s moving in with her this weekend.”

  “What?”

  “It’s not really working out. The rest of us have regular jobs with Monday through Friday hours. He was waking everyone up and partying on weeknights. She lives with a group of kids over on Federal Hill. He’ll be fine.”

  Sophie puckered her lips and let out a big sigh. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Probably best to not say anything. When you tell Dad, you don’t really need to mention the tattoos and nose ring. Knowing Jesse this won’t last long.”

  “Then where will he go?”

  “He’s got some other friends who go to Johnson and Wales. He’s talking about taking some cooking classes, so that’s a good thing. I’ll keep an eye on him.”

  “Thanks, honey.” She gave her son a big hug.

  “I’m planning to visit Grandpa tonight and Jesse says he’s coming too.”

  “That’s sweet. Just make sure he doesn’t bring Miranda. Your grandfather did just have a heart attack.”

  “I’ve got it covered, Mom.”

  “At least someone does.”

  * * *

  Annie was already at the hospital when they arrived. Before Sophie left Rhode Island, the two sisters decided to grab a cup of coffee in the cafeteria. The unseasonably warm weather came to an end. It was a blustery, gray November day with a chill in the air. They got a table by the window.

  Sophie carefully placed her coffee on the table and leaned over to sip it. It was filled to the brim after she added cream. “I’ve got a long drive back.”

  “Are you going to work from here?’r />
  “Oh, yeah. I only have one and a half sick days right now. We get a half a day a month for a total of six days a year. You earn them as you go. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten six in the bank. It’s impossible. I lost a half a day yesterday.”

  Annie shook her head and sipped her coffee, staring out the window as it began to rain. "You don't get personal days or family emergencies?" Annie asked. Sophie laughed.

  “Are you kidding me? Hey Annie, what’s up with Mom? Does she seem worse to you? With the confusion and repeating herself? Last night she was telling me the same stories she always does.”

  “Sorry, I meant to tell you. They heard on Monday. She went for a physical and they gave her the test.”

  “The Test? For Alzheimer’s?

  “Yes.”

  “She failed, didn’t she?”

  “Yes, it looks that way. They’re sending her to the clinic at R.I. Hospital for follow up.”

  “Oh no, parking’s going to be a problem.” They laughed half-heartedly.

  “I’m so sorry, Annie. You’re the one who is going to bear the brunt of this, especially now with Dad’s heart attack. You’re the one who still lives here.”

  “It’s okay. My girls are grown.”

  “But still, it’s going to be a lot. Wow. Now the shit begins.” She shook her head. “I don’t mean that the way it sounds. Not shit for us, but for them. I mean this is the end of their story. Here comes for better or worse. This is what they mean by the worse. And whoever goes first, the other one will be so lost. I don’t know. I’m so confused these days.”

  “Sophie, it’s the cycle of life. Until death do us part.”

  Sophie’s eyes were tearing up. She wiped them with the back of her hand. “They did have so many good times. Traveling around in that conversion van when Dad retired. They got to see most of Europe, too. He was lucky he could retire so young. They saw their grandkids graduate from college and your oldest get married.”