by Carnal, MJ
“Earth to Lynae! You need to tell me where the hell this place is, so we can get some of this cheesecake you’ve been talking about all afternoon.”
“Oh, sorry,” I mumble, getting out of the car. “It’s just down Church Street. About a block.”
Seth places his hand on the small of my back as he comes around his side of the car to walk with me. He’s become even more touchy-feely with me lately. When we enter Mother Fluckers, the heavenly aroma of coffee and cake envelopes me. I miss coffee. I really miss coffee. But I’ll get over the craving with some sweets. I actually have an appetite this afternoon. The décor is fun and funky. The tables and chairs look like an old fifties diner, and their glass display case is loaded up with every possible cheesecake concoction possible.
I’ve tried almost all of them when Dean brought in his trials, but there are a few listed on the menu that I don’t recognize. He’s named each cheesecake something unique and “interesting,” as he puts it, to make it more of an “experience” for the customer. You’d have to really understand Dean’s sense of humor to get what he was going for. One of my personal favorites is the “Better Than Sex” chocolate chip cheesecake with a brownie crust. So freaking good!
“What the hell kind of place is this?” Seth asks, looking over the menu written on a chalkboard on the back wall. “They have one called ‘Spank My Key Lime’ and ‘Bite My Berries’? Is this one of those sex store bakeries?”
“Um, not at all.” A familiar male voice calls out from the behind the counter. “Lynae, get your ass over here and give me a hug. It’s good to see you! I keep missing you down in the OR.”
I haven’t been back down to help in the OR since I got back to work. I’m still technically on light duty, and Carmen has been trying to keep me upstairs with her. I think everyone is afraid something is going to happen to me if they let me out of their sight. I’m pregnant, not disabled, damn it. Or it could be that the one time I was alone was when Connor cornered me in the break room, which ended in me running away crying.
“Dean!” I skip around to the opening and let Dean wrap his arms around my waist in a hug that lifts me off my feet. “This place looks great!”
Dean is beaming from ear to ear. He looks so happy. I know he's worked hard to build this place, and I know that he will make it a success. I am so proud of him.
Seth comes up behind me. So close behind me that when I step back from Dean, I bump into him.
“You know what you want, Lynae?” Seth asks sounding aggravated and I’m not sure why.
“I don’t know, Surprise me.” I tell Dean.
Dean smiles at me then walks back around the counter. “Go on and sit down, I’ll bring you my latest creation.”
Seth leads me over to one of the tables by the window. I take my seat and look out at the people meandering about. My thoughts start to drift again while we wait for Dean to bring our food. My mind has been wandering all over the place today. Probably because I have a doctor’s appointment next week to have another ultrasound done, and I’m scared to go. I want to call Connor and tell him, but then I’m also afraid to call him; I’m so confused. Michelle is planning on going with me, but it hurts to think about it. I know that I’m going to walk into that waiting room and see women with their husbands or boyfriends, and I’m not going to have that. This isn’t the way things were supposed to go.
“What’s on your mind?” Seth nudges my leg under the table to get my attention. “You spaced out while we were walking, on the way here, and just now.”
“Connor.” That’s what, or should I say who, is on my mind.
Seth grunts, leans back in his chair and nods his head, a strange look fleeting across his face. He hasn’t brought him up, and this is the first time I have.
Before Seth can open his mouth to respond, Dean brings over a ginormous slice of cheesecake.
“A Happy Ending!” he declares. “Lemon-almond cheesecake with a shortbread crust. Enjoy.” He takes a bow before disappearing behind the counter again.
I pick up my fork and dig in. It is like pure heaven in my mouth. I moan in appreciation at the amazing flavor of bright lemons and rich almonds. This seriously could be the best cheesecake I have ever had. It's even better than the cashew cheesecake I had… on my first date with Connor.
“Damn baby, keep that up, and I won’t be able to walk out of here without getting arrested for indecent exposure.” Seth groans, pushing his hand down on his crotch. “I’m about to bust a nut just listening to you over there.”
Again, this reminds me of that night with Connor. Of course Connor wasn’t as crude with his appreciation of my enjoyment of the cheesecake, but he made a similar statement about my dessert eating habits. How ironic is it that this cheesecake is called ‘A Happy Ending’ — it may be the only happy ending I get. I try to muster a smile, but I can’t bring myself to. This all feels so wrong now; I shouldn’t be here with Seth. It feels like I’m betraying Connor. It doesn’t feel easy and comfortable anymore, especially with the way he is looking at me. I have to go. I need to go home.
“Hey, you okay, babe?” Seth looks into my eyes. I’m sure he can see the wheels turning.
I nod my head. “Yeah. I think I need to go. I have some stuff I need to go over for work tomorrow. Need to review one of the manuals for the new computer system.” I'm totally lying but I don’t care. Something has changed with Seth. The way he's looking at me is different.
I see Seth reaching over the table. “You have a little something...” His thumb brushes over my bottom lip, taking a bit of cheesecake stuck there. “Right here.” Then sticks his thumb in his mouth and licks it off. “Mmmm.”
Yes. I need to leave. Right now. I stand up so fast that I knock my chair over in the process, quickly darting out the door and down the street. I hear Seth calling behind me, but luckily there's a trolley stopped at the corner. I hop on and ride towards the Waterfront Park parking area. That was weird and extremely uncomfortable. I can’t stop the tears from falling.
Chapter Nine
Connor
My back hurts, my neck is aching, and my head feels like it's about to split open. I've been under this damn Chevy trying to get this damn drive shaft fixed for the last couple of hours. Marcus is in the next bay doing an oil change, and Wade went to go pick up some dinner. I have no fucking clue where Seth is. He’s been disappearing every afternoon for the last few weeks. He’ll work a couple of hours in the morning, but as soon as afternoon comes around, he takes off. It’s really weird. He seems really jumpy too.
I push myself further under the car, so far that my feet are barely sticking out from the front. I hear Wade and Seth’s muffled voices echoing across the garage. Wade sounds pissed, but I can’t tell what he’s upset about.
“Dude, I fucking saw you. What the hell were you doing with her?” Wade’s voice carries.
“None of your damn business.” Seth grunts.
Their footsteps sound like they are getting closer and closer.
“Seriously. She ran off. What did you do?”
“Like I said, nothing you need to worry about.”
“Man, she was crying when she got on that trolley.”
“She was crying? Fuck!”
“Yeah, and you know, today wasn’t the first time I saw y’all together. I’ve seen you guys running together every afternoon.”
So Seth is off hanging out with some girl. I don’t get what the big deal is. Why would Wade care who Seth is off screwing around with? I know it hasn’t been Gabbi. She’s been hanging out here almost every evening. God, just having her here brings back every single memory of Lynae coming and going in the apartment. I'm just about to push myself out from under the Chevy when I hear something that makes my blood start to boil.
“If Connor finds out, he’s gonna be really pissed. And I don’t want to be around when that happens.”
“He’s not gonna find out,” Seth replies. “She was really crying? I knew something was bothering her toda
y. She seemed more distant. Why did I have to go and touch her?”
“Seth, are you still crushing on her? I thought we talked about this before all that shit went down.” Wade sounds even angrier.
Still? No. There can be no way they are talking about who I think they are talking about. No fucking way. Seth wouldn’t do that to me.
“Fuck, man, I don’t know. I saw her a couple of weeks ago out at Waterfront Park. She looked so fucking gorgeous, but so totally broken. I know I shouldn’t want her, but hell. I can’t help it. When she started crying in my arms, I had the weirdest feeling like she belonged there. Like I was supposed to be holding her. Shit! I was just trying to make things right with her. We screwed her over.”
That’s it. I can’t take it anymore. I shove myself out from under the truck so fast that I end up rolling halfway across the garage floor. I feel like I could literally rip him in two. I jump off the roller and stalk towards Seth and Wade in three long strides. My muscles are bunched tight and I'm ready to snap.
“Fucking hell!” Wade moves to stand in front of me, pushing his hands against my chest. Over his shoulder he calls, “Marcus! You might want to get your ass over here, man!”
All I see is red. All I want to do is rip Seth’s head off his body, then break every single one of his limbs. Holding her? Touching her? Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
Seth starts shaking his head, holding his hands up in front of him. “Connor, listen, you don’t understand.”
“What I understand is that you’ve been off sneaking behind my back trying to take what’s mine! You lying piece of shit!” I snarl.
My anger has always been a problem. Once I get pissed, I lose all sense of reality. I can’t control myself. My actions and words come out without really being able to do anything to stop it.
Wade pushes against my chest some more, trying to get me to back off. “Let’s go take a breather, man. You don’t want to get into this with Seth.”
Marcus comes over and steps in front of Seth. Seth has the audacity to actually look mad too. What the fuck does he have to be pissed about? He’s the one trying to take my sweetness away.
“I’m a piece of shit? You’re the one that called her a lying whore! You’re the one that ripped her heart out!” Seth yells over Marcus’ shoulder. “If I hadn’t been down there, she would have fucking broken her neck! She would have lost the goddamned baby!”
I try to lunge at him, but somehow Wade manages to hold me back.
“Seth, man, don’t start this. You don’t want to do this,” Marcus says, pushing Seth further away from me. “We all messed up. We are all at fault for fucking things up with Nae.”
My rage filled mind doesn’t comprehend what Marcus is saying. All it knows right now is that I need to hit something. That something being Seth. I feel Wade’s hands on my shoulders pushing me away in the opposite direction; Marcus is pushing Seth back too. But my feet won’t follow my body. Seth has been one of my best friends. How could he do this to me? And he was holding her? Fucking holding her while she was crying? He made her cry?
I throw my hands against Wade’s chest and shove him out of the way. Before I know it, I’m swinging my right fist straight into Seth’s face. I feel his nose break under my force.
“Don’t you fucking touch her ever again!” I bellow. I draw my arm back for another punch, but Wade comes up behind me and locks my arms behind my back, dragging me way. “I love her! I would die for her! Don’t you fucking dare tell me that I broke her! I fucking know it, goddamn it!”
“Upstairs! Now!” Wade drags me away as Marcus helps Seth off the floor. “I will not put up with this shit again!”
~
The apartment door bounces off the wall as I toss it open. I storm through the apartment straight back to my room. My muscles are coiled tight and I really want to hit something again. The wall. That looks good. I’ll hit the fucking wall.
“You dumb ass motherfucking shithead!” Wade yells, coming in the room behind me as I’m pulling my fist out of the wall. It's bloody and already swelling. “Sit your ass down and don’t move.” He walks into the bathroom and comes out with a wet wash rag. “Damn it, you need to go to the ER. You may have broken your hand, dude.”
I flex my and move my fingers. “Nope. Not broken.”
“What the fuck is wrong with you? You’ve known Seth for years. You know damn well that he wouldn’t try to screw you over.”
Ha! Did he not just have a conversation with him about seeing Lynae behind my back? Did he not just ask if Seth was still, I repeat still, fighting feelings for her? The hell he would.
“Um, where were you just a few fucking minutes ago?”
“I was down there when you tried to knock the shit out of one of your best friends. What was that?” Wade stands over me, motioning his hand out towards the front of the apartment.
“You heard him. Hell, you were yelling at him for the same damn thing. He is trying to move in on Lynae. I’ll be damned if I let him. She’s mine!”
“And you pushed her the fuck away!”
“Don’t mess with me, Wade. I will not hesitate to beat your ass too.”
Wade shakes his head, exasperated. “You know, they say that masturbation is an excellent form of stress relief. I’m just trying to help you out. Why don’t you go fuck yourself and calm the hell down!” he growls, then leaves the room, slamming the door behind him.
~
I think I’ve been laying on the bed for a few hours. I’m not really sure. It’s dark outside the window, so it's past sunset. I hear thunder rumbling off in the distance signaling a coming storm. Just like my mood. I am still so pissed off at Seth and Wade that I can’t see straight. Seriously, I know I fucked everything up with Lynae, but they know I’m doing everything in my power to fix it. She won’t let me in. I look over to the bottle of whiskey on the nightstand; it’s about a fourth empty. I keep debating on drinking some more. My hand hurts like hell and so does my heart.
The front door to the apartment opens and closes quietly. Must be Gabbi. None of the assholes know how to do anything without slamming doors.
“I’m not in the fucking mood to talk about anymore of Seth’s shit! Wade can go to hell too!” I call out to her.
No response.
I get up to walk into the living room to see what the hell is going on and my steps falter. I must be seeing things. It’s not Gabbi who came through the door. There is no way she could be standing in front of me right now. God, she looks amazing.
“Lynae,” I breathe out.
“I—I should go.”
She’s standing before me in her usual running gear. Tight black pants that show off every curve of her thighs and hips that beg my hands to glide over them, and a racerback tank top. Her mass of dark curls is piled high on top of her head in a bun and there are a few stray strands framing her face. Lynae tucks a strand behind her ear nervously as she pulls her bottom lip between her teeth. She looks down towards her shoes.
“It was wrong to come here,” she mumbles.
She turns to leave, and my feet are rooted to the spot. Move! Damn it! Feet, move! I can’t let her leave. “Please, don’t go.”
When I finally get my limbs to cooperate, I walk up behind her. Lynae has her back to me, but she stopped moving towards the door. I move so I'm standing directly behind her. I’m so close I can feel the body heat coming off her. God, she smells so good. I know I probably shouldn’t, but I have to touch her. I need to make sure she is real. As soon as I place my hands on her small shoulders, she shudders. My hands grip her tightly and my heart pounds in my chest.
“Baby, you’re really here.” I breathe across her neck.
“I need to go. I shouldn’t have come.”
I wrap one of my arms across her chest and pull her back against my chest. “I have missed you so much.” I lower my head to nuzzle behind her ear. Lynae’s hands come up and grip my arm and she sags against me. Her touch sends tingles zapping through my system. “I’m so sor
ry, sweetness. Please, you have to forgive me. I need you.”
She tries to pull away, but I hold tight. I feel her back stiffen and her breathing increase. I won’t let her go this time. I won’t let her run.
“Connor, I can’t do this,” she says. Her voice is thick. I practically hear the tears lodged in her throat. “I just came to tell you about my appointment on Monday. I have to go.”
I already know about the ultrasound appointment. Gabbi told me earlier in the week. If Lynae wanted me to know about it, she could have just texted or called me. But she came here. That means something. She came over here on her own. She came into the apartment. She used her key. She wanted to see me, even if she wants to deny it.
I loosen my hold on her slightly and turn her around. She's still looking down, refusing to meet my eyes. It’s killing me that she won’t look at me. I could get lost in her eyes all damn night. I tilt her chin up so she has no choice but to look at me.
“Please. Talk to me.” The pain in her eyes is enough to rip my heart from my chest.
Lynae jerks her head out of my grasp and pulls away from me, running out the doors and down the stairs. I immediately chase after her, calling out her name. She doesn’t stop. I chase her through the garage and out into the rain now pouring from the dark clouded sky. Thunder echoes loudly. Lynae falls to her hands and knees gasping for breath.
“Lynae!”
I crouch down at her side as she shakes uncontrollably. “Talk to me, baby.”
“Just let me go, Connor!” she cries, trying to stand up. “Just let me go!”
“No! I can’t! I’ll never let you go!” I grab her arm as she stands up and tries to run again. The rain has soaked her clothes and her hair is matted to her face. “You need to quit running away from me!”
Lynae steps up to me and starts pounding her fist against my chest. “I can’t make it stop! I can’t stop seeing you, feeling you, thinking about you!” She keeps hitting me and I let her. “Damn you, Connor! I can’t hate you because I fucking love you too much!”
