Fever

by Carnal, MJ

  They look at each other and then Erik crosses to the bed and sits down. He scoots me over so that I’m in between Bradi and him. Taking my cold hand in his, he asks, “What happened, Lexi?”

  I just look at them. My eyes are so full of pain and my body just feels cold. Empty.

  And then it all tumbles out… I tell them about getting to the house and Clove. How beautiful she is. That she lives there with Jude. That she had no idea who I was. All of it… I scream and cry and then I’m just silent. I’d slumped over at some point and Eric has my head cradled in his lap, just smoothing my hair off of my tear streaked face.

  His hands still when I’m done. He moves them from my face and I can see him clench his fists. His knuckles are white.

  “Mother Fucker! I warned that mother fucker. How could he do this? Why would he do this to you? He swore to me that he loved you. I believed that he loved you. How the fuck could he do this again?” Erik is raging.

  Bradi’s eyes are huge and she starts ranting. “I’m going to kill him! I told him not to hurt you too! I told him! I’m going to fucking cut his dick off!”

  I listen to the two of them go on and on, both intense in their rage over it all. I should feel rage. I should be mad. But I feel nothing…

  Why don’t I feel anything? Ha. I’m broken. How pathetic am I? Not only did I let Jude Delecroix break my heart back then, but now, this time, I let him break me. And I don’t even care… I’m too tired to care.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Lexi

  I must have passed out. My head hurts and I squint as I look over at the alarm clock. It’s 5:15 in the morning. My mind goes over and over yesterday’s events and I’m still numb, but now I’m starting to get pissed.

  How dare he do this to me… Again!

  I believed him and that’s on me, but I’ll be damned if he’s going to ruin my life! I had a good life before he pushed his way back in and I will have a good life again.

  Who needs him anyway?

  My internal pep talk works. I sit up. Bradi is asleep next to me. Almost as if he heard me stirring, Erik walks into the room and hands me a cup of coffee. He smoothes my hair and kisses my forehead.

  “How are you, love?” I look at him, taking in the circles under his eyes and his unshaven face. He apparently didn’t sleep last night.

  Kissing his face, I answer him. “I’m ok.” My throat sounds like I swallowed a frog. “Thank you.”

  He smiles sadly and kisses my nose. “For what? I couldn’t stop him from hurting you.”

  “Thank you for being there for me. You’re always there for me, Erik. You’ve always been there for me. I love you.” I rub my nose against his whiskers.

  He sighs and I see he’s holding something in his other hand. He holds out his hand to me.

  My phone…

  He looks at me and says, “Jude called all night. Like forty times. And he’s texted too. What are you going to do, Lex? You didn’t see him yesterday. He’s just going to keep calling.”

  Just then my phone rings again, “Rocker Who Loves You” and the pic of us from bed pops up. I hit ignore and throw the phone down.

  “Let him call. I don’t owe him shit. I need to shower. I’m going to work today.” Then looking around my room, I ask Erik, “Can you grab all of his shit and pack it up? I’ll go drop it off at his house, along with his keys after work. I don’t want it here.”

  Erik frowns, but says he will.

  I leave him to go shower. Jude’s shampoo and body wash as well as his razor are in the shower. I sweep them all to the ground, finish my shower, and get dressed.

  When I’m done, I walk back into the bathroom and grab his toiletries. Erik has a box on the bed full of Jude’s things. All of his clothes and a few other things are in there. I add the shampoo, body wash, and razor before closing it.

  Bradi is in the kitchen with Erik and they are quietly talking, but urgently. They have my phone.

  “What’s going on, y’all?” I ask.

  They both look up and Bradi wrings her hands.

  “What? What happened?”

  Bradi points at Erik and says, “Jude called Erik. Erik told him never to call you again and if he did, he would kill him.”

  I look from one to the other. “Ok. Is that all?”

  Bradi frowns and says, “No. As soon as Erik hung up on him, Jude called your phone. Five times. I answered it and screamed at him telling him what a lying piece of shit he was, and told him to leave you alone.”

  “Is that all?”

  “Well, no… then he texted you. Here.” Bradi looks really nervous.

  “Fucking Lying Prick

  LEXI?

  WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?

  Why are you avoiding my calls and texts?

  You HAVE to talk to me.

  Why the fuck are Erik and Bradi threatening to kill me???

  Call me back. Please.”

  I raise my eyes at the name, but then shrug. “Ok. I have nothing to say to him, so I’m good.”

  “You’re not mad at us, Lex?” asks Erik.

  “Nope. Not at all. Thank you, both. You’re good friends and I love you.” I hug both of them and then walk to my room to get my shoes.

  “Ok, I’m going to work. I have a lot I can be doing today. Erik, you can come in later if you want to. I can handle it for a bit,” I call out as I walk back out, and grab my keys before heading out of the door.

  I know I’m acting strange, but I can’t just sit here and work will keep me busy.

  I head off to Java and Sweeties.

  We’re insanely busy! It’s like everyone in town wanted a coffee or some sweets and they all came here. Erik showed up about an hour after me and he’s been watching me all day. It’s kind of making me nervous.

  Bradi has also been here most of the day. She’s set up her laptop on one of the tables, and says she’s working, but she’s watching me more than the laptop.

  It’s as if they both think I’m going to lose it.

  I talk to the customers and take orders. I even make coffee when the pots get low. But no matter how I look on the outside, my heart is broken on the inside.

  I just don’t understand. How did this get so messed up?

  A little after four the bakery display starts to run low, so I run to the back to grab some things to fill it. My eye catches the box near my office. It’s Jude’s things. I plan on dropping it off at his house once I leave here.

  I’m in the kitchen stacking cookies on a tray, when I hear a commotion out front. Putting the tray down, I run out to see what the hell is going on. My mouth drops open, as I stop and take in the scene in the shop. Erik has Jude in a headlock and Micah, Alec, Dade, and Jessie are all trying to break them apart. Bradi is screaming at them both and people are gaping openmouthed at the spectacle.

  Erik is screaming at Jude. “I warned you! I fucking warned you. I told you not to hurt her! But no you just couldn’t help it could you? I should kill you!”

  Jude is shoving against Erik’s stomach and lands a blow that loosens his hold on him. He shoves Erik, hard. “WHAT THE FUCK, MAN?”

  Both are breathing heavily. I’m still standing there in shock. What the fuck is happening? What is Jude doing here? He’s supposed to be in L.A.

  Micah and Alec are struggling to hold Erik and Dade and Jessie are near Jude. Erik is trying to get back to Jude, as he still rages at him. “Why would you do this to her, Jude? Again! Do you not care about how much you hurt her?”

  Jude looks at me. His eyes find mine. His face is strained and his jaw is clenched. “What the hell is going on, Lexi? Why won’t you answer my calls? Why are you avoiding me? And why the fuck is he attacking me?” He points at Erik.

  Bradi screams at him. “You’re a fucking liar, Jude Delecroix! How could you do that to her?”

  He ignores her and looks at me. “What exactly did I do, Lex?”

  I shake my head and tears pool in my eyes. I can’t answer him.

  “Baby,
baby why are you crying? What the fuck is going on?” He comes over to me and tries to take my hands, but I step back from him. I see pain flash across his face at my rejection.

  Erik breaks free of Micah and Alec and lunges at Jude, punching him square in the face. He stumbles and blood runs down his face from his nose and split lip. “Walk away, Jude! For God’s sake, leave her alone! Can’t you see you’re hurting her? You’ve hurt her enough. Leave her the fuck alone!”

  Jude looks shell-shocked as he holds his face and blood runs down his hands. He looks from me to Erik and back.

  “I hurt her? How the fuck did I hurt her? Someone tell me what I did. All I did… all I’ve ever done is love her.” His voice breaks at the end.

  “You cheated on her, you bastard! Again!” Bradi screams at him.

  “I WHAT?” He roars. “Bullshit! I’ve never cheated on her! Not one time. Ever! I wouldn’t do that to her.” His face is covered in shock and he stares at me. His eyes are pleading with me to believe him.

  “But you did, Jude.” My voice is low. “I saw you. I saw you and-and I heard you and then yesterday… oh God yesterday…” I manage to speak through my tears.

  The shop is deathly quiet and everyone is glued to the chaos happening here.

  “Lexi, what the fuck are you talking about? I have NEVER cheated on you! Ever!”

  “Why are you lying to me, Jude? Please stop. Oh God, just stop. I can’t take this. I can’t handle this again… only this time, this time it’s so much worse.” I fall to my knees on the floor and curl into myself. Bradi runs over and grabs me, cradling me in her arms.

  “Someone better fucking start explaining! LIKE FUCKING NOW!” Jude screams at no one and everyone.

  I hear Erik grate out. “Eight years ago, Jude! You’d just been signed. There was a party in New Orleans with the label. You asked Lexi to come with you… to give up college and all of her dreams to come with you to L.A. She was scared. You fought. You told her to meet you at the party if she changed her mind. And you left! Well she did come to meet you! I drove her to New Orleans that night. She decided that you were more important to her than her dreams. We went to the party and you weren’t there! She got a key to your suite from the desk and went up to see you. You were in the room, Jude! You were with a girl in the room! She SAW you. You asshole. She walked in and saw the man she loved fucking someone else! So, you want to tell us again how you never cheated on her?” He spits it out. He’s breathing heavily, and trying to get to Jude again.

  <><><>

  Jude

  “What?! No, I never! I didn’t… That’s why you left me? You thought… I didn’t… Lexi, that wasn’t…”

  I can’t complete a sentence. I can’t even breathe.

  WHAT IS HAPPENING?

  Jessie speaks up, “Wait a minute. Jude didn’t cheat on you, Lexi. That night, he wasn’t in that room. I was. We didn’t have our own rooms. Dade and I shared a room, and well, he was in ours. Jude got drunk at the party really early. He was so upset that you weren’t there. You ended things with him before he left because you didn’t want to come with him… with us to LA. He got wasted and passed out. We dragged him into Liam and Cruz’s room and he slept it off. He was there all night. Alone. If you walked into his room that night, you saw me having sex, not him. He wouldn’t have done that to you! He didn’t even talk to anyone that night. Fuck, Lexi, for SIX months he wouldn’t touch anyone after you left him! All he did was drink and act like an asshole!”

  I look up and see Lexi, staring at Jessie. What little color was left in her face drains out. “That was you? Not him? Oh God… Oh God.”

  She looks at me, she looks so frail. So broken. My heart clenches, but what the hell? How could she not trust me? How could she think I would do that to her?

  Erik says, “Ok, what about, Clove? What about the woman you have living with you in California, Jude?”

  My head whips around at Erik. “What? How did you know about that? How do you even know who Clove is, Lexi?” I look back at her. Her lip is quivering.

  Dade says at the same time I start talking, “Clove? What the hell does my sister have to do with anything?”

  Erik turns his head to Dade, “Sister? Clove is your sister?”

  Lexi sits up, “Your sister? Jude lives with your sister?”

  I’m so confused.

  “Yes, Clove is his sister. How do you know she lives in my house?”

  “I went there. Yesterday. I went to your house. I… I saw her. She’s beautiful.” Lexi is staring at the floor.

  “You went to my house? In Los Angeles? Yesterday? Wait, you’re the woman who came to the door? She said you were a fan looking for me. That was… that was you? Why the hell did you leave?”

  “Why would I stay with you and your live in girlfriend Jude? How can you be so cruel? God this hurts…” My head is reeling. What did she just say? Wait, she thinks that Clove and I, that we… she thinks I’m with Clove while I’m with her??

  “Clove is not and never has been, my girlfriend. She’s trying to be an actress and since she’s Dade’s little sister, I let her live in my house. She was dating the guy who manages my house. She lives in my house, in her own room. Shit, I’m never even there! We have never been involved.”

  Dade adds, “No way would he mess with my little sister. No way in hell!”

  Erik looks at me with compassion and apology in his eyes, but I’m so pissed. Fuck this! Fuck them! Lexi said she loved me, but this is how she shows me? Not once, but twice she’s left me, because she didn’t trust me… didn’t believe in us.

  I can’t deal with this. I explode.

  I can’t help it. I can’t even see straight through the pain, the betrayal, and the rage. “This is you loving me, Lexi? THIS? Eight years ago you left me! You broke my fucking heart! You broke ME! And for what? Because you didn’t trust me! You didn’t believe in my love for you. I would NEVER do that to you. I would NEVER cheat on you! You were, and are, everything to me. Then and now… but it’s not enough! I’m not enough! You left me, twice, because you thought I’d betrayed you. But you know what, fuck that. Fuck you! I never betrayed you. Never! I don’t deserve this. I didn’t deserve it eight years ago and I don’t deserve it now! If this is how you ‘love’, fuck you! I’m done! We’re done!”

  I can’t be in here. I have to go. The need to hurt someone is too strong.

  FUCK!!!

  I can’t do this anymore. She can’t do this to me anymore…. I’m done…

  So long Louisiana. There’s nothing left for me here.

  I walk out the door. Start my bike, and fly down the road.

  I’m gone…

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Lexi

  It’s been four days since Jude stormed out of the shop.

  Four days since Dade explained to me that Clove’s boyfriend, Jude’s property manager, took a seventeen year old fan into his home and had sex with her in his bed, where Clove walked in and found them. The girl’s parents wanted to sue Jude because of her age and because it happened in his home, but Jude’s lawyer had the case thrown out. That’s what he didn’t want to bother me with…

  Four days in my own personal hell.

  Four days since Erik scooped me up off of the floor in the middle of our place of business and brought me home.

  Four days of wondering what the hell I’ve done…

  Jude was right. I was quick to believe the worst of him, but I never even tried to talk to him. This is my fault. My heart is broken and he hates me and it’s all my fault. Bradi has stopped by a few times and Erik is running the shop, but I haven’t left my bedroom. I can’t. Why? What’s the point?

  I pushed away the only man I’ve ever loved. I beat him down with my distrust, I killed his love for me, and he left me… this time, he left me. He’s gone and he’s not coming back.

  His box of things is in the corner of my room. Erik dropped it in here three days ago.

  I haven’t showered since that night.
I haven’t even really gotten out of bed. I know Bradi and Erik are worried about me, but I just can’t seem to force myself to care. I’m pretty sure I’m disgusting.

  I walk over to the box and drop to the floor. I pull everything out. Unconsciously, I uncap the shampoo and smell it. I love this smell. Next, I open the body wash. This is my favorite scent. It smells like heaven. It smells like Jude.

  His clothes are next in the box and I snuggle into one of his shirts, breathing deeply. The scent brings tears to my eyes. At the bottom of the box is the note he left for me seven weeks ago, the keys to his house and car, and my necklace. I open the box and take out the necklace, just looking at it. How could I have ever doubted his love for me when he gave me this?

  Last, I open the note and read it. I’ve read it so many times, but I read it this time and take every word into my soul.

  Then, with newfound determination and a plan, I head into the bathroom.

  Two hours later, I’m dressed and wearing my necklace again as I pull up at the shop. As I walk in, Erik looks up and shock registers on his face. I wave and head to my office to stow my purse.

  As expected, he follows me back. “Hey, love. Um, you ok? What are you doing here?”

  I hug him. “I’m good. Time to get out of this self-pity bubble. I have things to do and a business to run. Oh and I’m getting the man of my dreams back too.”

  He looks at me and smiles. “Thank God! There’s my girl. Oh thank God. So, what’s your plan?” I fill him in and he likes it.

  We pull out the calendar and I show him the days I’ll be gone.

  He laughs and kisses me before heading back out front. As he’s walking out the door, he looks over his shoulder and growls, “Go get your man, Tiger!”

  I laugh. This feels good.

  I work a bit more and catch up on a few things I’ve fallen behind on in my depression.

  At five, Bradi pops into my kitchen. “So, you’re alive. And dressed. And you smell a shit ton better too!”

  I laugh and jump around the counter to hug her. “I am. I am. And I know. How could you let me do that to myself?”