Simply Heaven

by Patricia Hagan

  She turned, only to cry in surprise to see Elijah pushing her father toward her as he sat in what looked like a chair with a big wheel on each side.

  Steve saw them too and laughed. "What in the world is that?"

  Ned was beaming proudly. "It was my grandfather's. He had it sent over from England. He wanted it so he could still get around the plantation in case he got old and decrepit and couldn't walk, only he didn't live that long. Neither did my father. So it's been stored ever since, but I remembered and had Elijah get it out and clean it up so I could show Raven around. I didn't realize how weak I've let myself get. I tried to walk a little and almost fell, didn't I, Elijah?"

  "You sure did, but you just keep trying and you'll be strong again." Elijah didn't really think so. Like everyone else, he was amazed that Ned had rallied so miraculously since Raven's arrival but worried that it wouldn't last. He was still a sick man.

  "Well, this is wonderful," Steve was saying.

  Ned was paying no attention to anything except Raven, marveling again over how she looked just like her mother. He held out his hand to her. "Would you like to walk beside me and make sure Elijah doesn't let me go rolling off into the river?"

  Shyly, she returned his hopeful smile. "Of course, but don't worry. If you did go in the river, which you won't, I'd pull you out." She took his hand.

  As they started to leave, Steve said, "Wait a minute, Ned. You've got to see Starfire eat out of Raven's hand. It's unbelievable."

  "No it isn't," Ned said, unimpressed. "She's got my blood, and he knows it. Who knows? Maybe one day he'll even let her ride him, when the time is right."

  Steve stood and watched them till they were out of sight. Maybe things would work out after all.

  At least for Raven and Ned, he thought with envy.

  Chapter 15

  Raven spent almost every waking moment with her father and was profoundly puzzled to discover she enjoyed his company. He was not, she had realized, the selfish, overbearing man she had envisioned all those years. With tears in his eyes, he told her over and over how he had suffered in finding out about her after it was too late to undo the tragic mistake he had made. He repeatedly described his punishment, telling her how miserable his life had been married to Edith.

  "Lord knows, I tried to push all thoughts of you and your mother out of my mind," he said again one morning as she pushed him across the lush green lawn in the wheelchair. "I even tried to drown my misery in liquor, but it made me so sick I couldn't even do a good job of getting drunk. The only thing that gave me any kind of peace was Seth's letters. But there weren't that many. I could tell he only wrote to let me know he got the money I sent. I could also read between the lines that he would really have liked for me to get out of your lives entirely, but the fact was he needed the money."

  Raven stopped the chair beneath the gently dancing fronds of a weeping willow tree. It was a beautiful spot overlooking the river. A few flatboats were lazily drifting by and, in the distance, one of the Ralston packets, bound for Montgomery. He liked for her to bring him here, every day saying how much he wished he were strong enough to walk and not need the chair, but despite his will his body was not cooperating.

  She went around to sit on the ground in front of him, spreading her skirt on the grass. Madame Bonet had provided her with an elegant wardrobe, but after Raven let her know she liked simplicity, new gowns had arrived within a few days. She was wearing one of her favorites, a soft blue muslin with plain lines and light trimming.

  Ned liked it as much as she did. "You're so much like your mother in everything you do, Raven. I remember how I tried to buy her a fancy dress the first day we went to the settlement, when I got the message about being needed here. I saw it in the window and thought it was so pretty, all lace and satin, with little pearls sewn right into the skirt. I wanted it for her so bad I didn't even care about reading the message in my hand, I was so busy trying to talk her into it. But she said no, she preferred simple things. I can see you do, too."

  "Yes, but it's also nice to have a choice." She glanced toward the house, so grand and glorious. "I think she would have thought so, too. She would have liked it here," she added.

  Ned clenched the arms of the wheelchair. "I wish I'd had the backbone to make it happen."

  "But if your parents hadn't welcomed her, she wouldn't have been happy."

  "I'd like to have given her the chance. She sure wasn't happy thinking I lied about how much I loved her."

  Raven knew that was so, and there had been a time when she would have said as much and not cared how it hurt him. Now it was different, for she had come to believe him and knew how he had suffered.

  "But at least I've gotten to know you," he said. "You're a living symbol of our love. I like to think your mother is looking down from heaven, happy to know you're going to have what should have been hers... if you will stay."

  Raven plucked a blade of grass and began to twine it absently about her fingers, aware of how he yearned to hear her promise that she would. She was beginning to wonder if she dared, for as much as she wanted to be around Steve, she knew it would only mean heartache.

  "I have to be honest and say I'm tempted, because Halcyon is truly the most wonderful place I've ever seen in my whole life, but I'm just not sure I could ever fit in. And while Lisbeth and Julius try to be nice about it, I know they resent the thought of me taking what they've always thought would one day be theirs." She was not about to divulge how stupid Lisbeth made her feel, or how the way Julius looked at her sometimes made her terribly uncomfortable.

  "And they'll get it all if you go," he said bluntly, sadly. "It would only be right. But that's not how I want it, because even though they've always treated me with respect, I know they don't really give a damn about me, thanks to their mother. I never knew just how much Edith hated me for running off like I did, but once we got married, she sure let me know it.

  "At first," he went on, "when we still spoke to each other often enough to argue, she accused me of being in love with somebody else. I guess my silence was as good as an admission, so she hated me even more. It got so we didn't have anything to do with each other. She went her way, I went mine. All she cared about was my money, and she raised her children to be the same way."

  "I'm sorry you've had such an unhappy life," Raven said, for she could see the misery etched in every line of his face.

  "It will be better once I'm with Lakoma again, but I don't want her mad at me for not doing right by you. She's got enough to fuss at me about." He winked. "So you think about it, girl."

  Raven's heart was warmed. He was such a charming man. She could understand why her mother had been taken with him. Seth had been kind, but he was a serious, no-nonsense man, occupied with surviving in a world not given to making survival easy. There was seldom laughter in their home, and no one worried about whether or not they were happy. Food in their bellies, clothes on their backs, a roof over their heads: That was all they had ever been concerned with.

  He broke into her reverie. "I've told Julius I want to have a party for you."

  Raven did not know what to say. She'd never been to a party in her life. She'd seen some at the fort, when she peeked through a window, wondering what it would be like to dress so fine and whirl around the floor in a man's arms while music played. But never had she dreamed of actually being a part of it. "Why would you want to do that?" she asked.

  "Because I'm proud of you, that's why. And I want everybody to know it. I want them to know you"—he emphasized the word with a big grin—"so I've told Julius to plan a weekend celebration. I want a fancy ball one night, and the next day the menfolk can go hunting while the ladies have tea and get to know you. Then there will be a barbecue on the lawn, like my mother and father used to have when I was a boy. Edith never entertained outside. Said she hated bugs. But I love the outdoors, and I can tell you do, too.

  "I told him to invite all the bachelors around," he continued enthusiastically, "and who knows
? If I can't talk you into staying to claim my fortune, maybe some young man can do it by claiming your heart."

  Her protests fell on deaf ears. His mind was made up. She would have argued further, but he looked beyond her to grumble. "Here comes the old soothsayer. All he does is nag me to take that foul-tasting elixir he brews, which doesn't do me a bit of good."

  Raven saw Dr. Sawyer's buggy coming up the drive. When she had first met him, he was taken aback, like everyone else, to learn she was Ned's daughter. But he had been nice to her, and she liked him.

  She got up and began to push her father toward the house, watching as Dr. Sawyer reined up his horse at the stables. Steve came out to talk to him. He was shirtless, and she feasted on the sight of his muscular chest, bronzed from the sun. He certainly had a magnificent body. Hot waves moved over her as she remembered what each and every inch of it looked like. She would never forget seeing him naked—and, shamelessly, she did not want to forget.

  Elijah was waiting at the porch steps with another manservant to lift Ned from his chair and take him up to his rooms.

  "Join me for lunch after the old fool has gone," Ned said.

  "I'd love to. I'll go to the kitchen and ask Mariah to help me fix a nice tray."

  Mariah was glad to see her. So were the other kitchen workers. They had been leery of her when she had first started going out there, wondering why she did it. Lisbeth never went; she left everything to do with meals to Mariah. But Raven had told them she loved to cook and wanted them to teach her everything they knew and she, in turn, would show them how to make some Indian dishes, so now they welcomed her.

  She took her time slicing cold chicken for sandwiches, wanting to give Dr. Sawyer time to finish his examination. Finally, she took the tray and was walking through the back door when she bumped into Lisbeth, who was in the process of fussing at one of the laundry workers for doing an unsatisfactory job on one of her gowns.

  Raven did not see her in time but managed to keep from dropping the tray as Lisbeth cried, "Oh, for heaven's sake. You could have spilled that all over me. What are you doing skulking about, anyway? Why don't you let a servant carry that for you? When are you going to learn it's ridiculous for you to do their work for them? Now take that back to the kitchen and have someone else do it."

  Innocently, Raven said, "But that doesn't make sense when I've already got it. I'll do it next time," she conceded, starting by her.

  "Do it now, please. I'm only trying to help you learn how you're supposed to act, and ladies aren't supposed to carry heavy trays."

  Raven laughed. "But it isn't heavy, Lisbeth. Honest. I can hold it with one hand, see?" She held it up, thinking Lisbeth would be impressed, but saw her expression and knew she had failed again. It seemed she just couldn't please her no matter what she did.

  "Stop that. Really, Raven, why do you have to be so stubborn? I'm only trying to help you, but you won't let me. You seem to enjoy acting like a little—"

  "What's going on here?" Julius asked, coming into the hall.

  Lisbeth felt like screaming. She could hear the muffled sounds of the laundry room workers, trying to keep from laughing over her perplexity with Raven. "Can't you see? She just won't let me teach her proper decorum."

  He took the tray from Raven and set it on a table nearby, then put a comforting arm around her as he glared at Lisbeth over her head. "She'll learn all she needs to know in good time," he said, adding the lie, "And just this morning you were saying how pleased you are that she's doing so well."

  Lisbeth wanted to strangle him. What she had said was that she wished the earth would open up and swallow Raven whole.

  "Now let's go to the parlor. I've just had a talk with Dr. Sawyer, and I want to share what he said with both of you."

  Raven was seized with apprehension. "My father isn't worse, is he? He seems to be feeling better every day."

  "Let's wait till we get to the parlor. I don't like to discuss family matters in front of the servants if it can be avoided."

  Lisbeth snapped, "That's something else you need to remember, Raven. You chatter away with them as if they are your friends, for heaven's sake."

  Julius shot her another disapproving glance, but she ignored him.

  With the parlor door closed and everyone seated, Julius recounted how Dr. Sawyer had warned that even though Ned seemed to be doing so well, the fact was he would not get any better and could go downhill fast and without warning. "He says we shouldn't get our hopes up."

  Raven felt a lump come into her throat. She had never dreamed she would learn to care for her father so deeply in such a short period of time.

  "What about the party?" Lisbeth was anxious to have it, sure that Raven would embarrass herself so terribly she would want to leave for good.

  "Let's postpone it," Raven said immediately. "It might be too much of a strain."

  "He won't hear of it. It means a lot to him," Julius said.

  "I'm looking forward to it too," Lisbeth chimed in.

  Julius knew the reason for Lisbeth's enthusiasm, but he had begun to have ideas of his own as to what to do about Raven. "Maybe you shouldn't take him out so much, Raven. Dr. Sawyer seemed to think he needs more rest. I realize you want to be with him as much as possible, but quite frankly, before you came, he slept a good bit of the day."

  "I know. But he also didn't feel as good as he does now," Raven pointed out, matching his pleasant smile and demeanor. "So maybe it's just as important that he enjoy himself as it is for him to sleep."

  Without Raven's noticing, Julius was able to signal to Lisbeth that he wanted her to leave them alone. She was only too glad to oblige, because it was too much of a strain to have to try to be nice all the time.

  When his sister had gone, Julius moved to sit next to Raven and casually draped his arm across the back of the sofa. "You know," he began, "you spend so much time with Ned I never have a chance to be with you. I'd like to get to know you too, Raven."

  For just an instant, she was overjoyed, but the emotion was short-lived when she felt his arm on her shoulders.

  "Let Ned nap in the afternoons." He leaned closer. "There are some things I'd like to show you."

  When he caressed her with his fingers, she bounded to her feet. "Maybe another time. He's probably awake and waiting for his lunch."

  Julius stared after her as she rushed out. He was disappointed but undaunted. His time would come.

  Raven retrieved the tray and took it up to her father's room, but Elijah met her in the parlor and told her Dr. Sawyer had given him some laudanum, and he would probably sleep for the rest of the afternoon.

  "But he didn't say anything to me about being in pain," she worried aloud.

  "Yes'm, I know he didn't, 'cause I heard him tell the doctor he didn't want you to fret."

  Concerned and worried over how her father was obviously only pretending to feel better, Raven left the house and wandered across the road to the pasture. A ride would be nice, but Diablo was nowhere in sight. He liked to roam whenever he had the chance.

  "Crazy mustang," she muttered under her breath. Remembering how Steve had made him throw her that day by whistling, she was glad he had. Otherwise she would have gone on despising her father and never gotten to know him. And, her heart reminded her, she would not have seen Steve again either. Now she could at least worship him from afar, and that was better than nothing, wasn't it?

  She saw Steve then, riding toward the fields, and wondered if he was going to see about Selena and just how much time he actually spent with her. But it was none of her business, Raven reminded herself. She was foolish to keep brooding about a man who wasn't interested in her. If only she could find a way to stop.

  Thinking she might find a horse in the stable she could ride since Diablo wasn't available, she went there and looked around, to see only Starfire and Belle. Scooping up a handful of oats from the bucket, she climbed up on the railing and leaned so Starfire could eat out of her hand. She did that every day, and he wa
s starting to fill out a bit.

  "I wish I could ride you," she said wistfully. Then, thinking how he let her her feed him and how he no longer shied away from her, maybe it was time to try.

  First she made sure no one else was around; then she saddled Starfire, slipped on his bridle, and led him from his stall and out the back door of the stable into the training ring.

  He stood perfectly still as she mounted him. She patted his neck. "Good boy. Now we'll take a turn or two around the ring so you can get to know me, and I can get to know you, and then we'll take off for the wide open spaces. How would you like that?"

  She took a deep breath and held it.

  He did not move.

  She gave him a slight nudge with her heels, and that was all it took.

  He gave one mighty kick, then reared up and came down on his forelegs to throw his hind end up at the same time. And despite all her experience riding and handling horses, Raven found herself sailing over his head.

  She did, however, have her wits about her enough to remember what she had been taught by the Indians: She should try to go limber as she fell so that when she hit the ground the chances of anything breaking were lessened.

  She landed on her bottom with a painful thud and sat there, wondering what she had done wrong, but only for an instant, because Starfire was acting strange, and she was getting scared. Slowly she got to her feet as he began to prance around her, and each time she took a step, he would move in that direction to block her. He began to toss his head and whinny, lifting his forelegs higher with each step. Panic ripped through her to know that if he decided to charge, she would be stomped to death beneath his powerful hooves.

  "Don't, please," she said, holding up her hands in surrender. "It's all right. I understand. You don't want anybody riding you but my father. I'm not going to try again. Not today, anyway."

  Starfire drew closer.

  She decided she had to make a run for it. It was her only chance. If she could reach the fence, she could dive under it.