THE SHAKESPEARE MURDERS

by Marshall Huffman

  “Hey Bartoni.”

  It was a nosey parker. Okay, a reporter. Liz Burton from Channel Six. Not a bad person when she wasn’t being a reporter, the trouble was you could never be sure when that was.

  “Hi Liz. I don’t suppose you just happened to be in the neighborhood,” I said almost falling on my butt as I turned to face her.

  “Not exactly. I was looking for you.”

  “I sort of figured that. Nice weather huh?”

  “Oh yeah. Great if you happen to be a polar bear.”

  “I’m not, so it sucks.”

  “Come on, I’ll buy you lunch,” she said, putting her arm through mine.

  How European of us.

  We slowly made our way to the restaurant and took a booth near the back.

  “So Liz, what do you want from me?”

  “Why so quick to clear the spouses?”

  “I covered that at the conference. We have a definite link between the two murders.”

  “But what if they were having an affair and the husband found out?”

  “Why do you think it was the husband? Why not the wife?”

  “Women don’t do that kind of stuff.”

  “Right. I thought you believed in equal rights?”

  “Give me a break. Men go around killing. Not women.”

  “Liz, we know he didn’t do it. We have proof; it’s as simple as that.”

  “What kind of proof? Do you have a witness or prints? Something solid?”

  “Something like that?”

  “What like that?”

  “Something.”

  “Darn it Bartoni, I hate trying to get information from you. You do not make my life easy, you know that?”

  “I feel so bad. Look Liz. I can’t tell you yet. If I did we would get a thousand nuts calling saying they did it. I don’t have the manpower to run down that kind of stuff. This guy will contact us sooner or later and once we establish contact I’ll let everyone know the link,” I told her.

  “That doesn’t do me much good now. Hey, I’m hungry, can we order?”

  “Sure. Dan and Eric are joining us pretty soon,” I said.

  “Oh good. Maybe I can get something out of them.”

  “Only once. If you do they will be off the case so fast they will be nothing more than a blur,” I told her.

  Just then the door opened and Dan and Eric strolled in and joined us.

  “Liz has been trying to find out the link between the murders. She wants to take a shot at you two. Of course I told her whoever talked would be off the case,” I said as they slid in the booth.

  “You rat ass,” Lisa said.

  I knew she wouldn’t get anything from Dan but Eric was another problem. I decided to let Eric know right up front if he opened his mouth he was out. Liz was a looker and if she turned on the charm poor old ugly Eric would melt like an icicle in July.

  CHAPTER NINE

  I called Ben when I got home. I knew we had some serious issues to discuss and now was as good a time as any.

  “Hi Ben. It’s Angie.”

  “Who?”

  “Oh come on, it hasn’t been that long.”

  “Sure seems that way.”

  “Look, I think we should really sit down and talk,” I told him.

  “I totally agree. The sooner the better.”

  “How about tonight then?” I asked.

  Wait. Did I just really say that? I must have because he said excellent.

  “How about I come get you at 7:30 and we can go to Nick’s Place. It’s quiet and we can talk.”

  “Sounds wonderful,” I said.”

  “See you at 7:30 then,” Ben said as he hung up.

  Well Angie old girl it’s now or never time.

  I took a long shower then just lay back in the tub thinking about how I wanted the evening to go. I had a glass of wine beside the tub to help bolster my courage. Okay, a bottle of wine if you have to know.

  I even want so far as to shave my legs and underarms. I made sure I had no unsightly hairs on my chin or anything that would make him go ‘Yuck, gross’. I critically looked myself over in the mirror and decided while I was no skinny-minny I was holding my own okay.

  I put on a pair of new hip-hugger panties and a frilly new bra that I had bought on a whim a year ago. My dress was a black knit and knee length. The neckline plunged a little too far for me but there wasn’t anything I could do about it now.

  A little blush, some pale lipstick and I pronounced myself as ready as I would ever be. I polished off my glass, make that third glass, of wine and was just rinsing it when the doorbell rang.

  I gathered my coat and my courage and went to meet Ben.

  “Well, you really do exist. I thought I might have only talked to a recording.”

  “Ha-ha. Very funny,” I said stepping out into the cold night.

  “Darn cold,” Ben said, “Watch your step, everything is turning to ice.”

  He reached out and offered his arm and I placed mine in his as we walked to the car. He had just bought a new Jaguar and this was the first time I had seen it.

  “Nice,” I said as he opened the door.

  “Yeah. It’s a ball to drive. I’ve only see one other like it since I got this one.”

  On the way to the restaurant we just made small talk about the weather, his car, and a little about the case. Nothing heavy.

  Nick’s Place is another of those eclectic restaurants that does things a little differently. We were seated immediately into a booth that I thought would take a crane to get me back out of. I felt like a kid, I sank down so low.

  “Something to drink?” the waiter asked.

  “Angie?” Ben asked.

  “You bet. A Pinot Noir.”

  “Tell you what, bring a bottle of Louis Jardot Cambolle Pinot Noir,” Ben told the waiter.

  “Yes sir,” he said disappearing to wherever waiters go.

  “Well, here we are at last,” I finally managed to get out.

  “It’s been far too long.”

  We spent a while just catching up on what had been going on. Ben had been offered another position that would require him to move to Boston. He had been giving it serious consideration and wanted my opinion. I guess you could say this was the moment of truth.

  “Gee Ben I don’t know exactly what to say. I mean it sounds like a wonderful opportunity. You have worked so hard and you deserve the position without a doubt.”

  “So I should take it?” he pressed.

  “Ben.”

  “No. Angie. Talk to me. I mean really talk to me.”

  “Alright Ben. I would be very sad to see you go. I think you are the best thing that has come into my life since I can’t remember when. Do I want you to go? Hell no, but I don’t want to be selfish either. It is a fantastic opportunity for you and I know I shouldn’t stand your way.”

  “What about me? What do you really feel about me. Not just the nice times we have together. I want to know where we stand.

  I closed my eyes. I knew I needed to say just the right thing.

  “Ben I don’t know much about love. I’ve always been afraid of it. I just want to make sure the guy I give my heart to will take care of it forever. I am a one man type woman. I need to feel safe and never have to worry about what my partner is doing. I want a commitment for life. That is the only way I can do this.”

  “And you think I don’t want the same thing?”

  “I don’t know. You tell me. Will you still want to be with me five, ten, twenty years from now? I won’t look quite the same and I have to tell you right now, I’m far from perfect. I don’t have a perfect figure and I’m a real bear when I’m on a case. You have to decide if you can handle a person like that. Look Ben, I know the difference between love and lust. Lust is for the here and now. Love has to endure. I am after love. Let’s face it, after the lust wears off if love isn’t still in the picture a relationship won’t survive,” I told him.

  “Angie, I’m going to tell yo
u something that I have kept bottled up for a long time. I do love you. I love the person inside that tough exterior. I love the real Angelina Bartoni.”

  “You’re sure?”

  “I am.”

  “Pay the bill. Let’s go back to your place,” I said.

  He just looked at me.

  “Better pay fast. I may be hard on the exterior but I’m pretty much jelly on the inside.

  Okay I was nervous as hell as we drove back to his place but I was determined to see this through. Ben was a good man and I genuinely believed what he had told me. Besides, a little lust isn’t such a bad thing.

  And no you don’t need to know the details except to say, Angie you were a blockhead for waiting so long.

  CHAPTER TEN

  Mr. Kramer was not a nice person. In fact few people liked him at all. He had swindled, cheated, stolen, and bilked his way to an enormous sum of money. He considered everyone a potential mark.

  The way he saw it was anyone stupid enough to mishandle their money deserved to be taken. For twenty years he had perfected his skills. Polished and cultured on the outside, he was dark and spiteful on the inside.

  The only thing that seemed to make him happy was when he totally devastated his prey. Prey. Yes, that’s what he liked to think of them as, stupid animals, unsuspecting of his superior intellect and cleverness. No, it was more than cleverness, it was brilliance.

  He smiled as he took a sip of the Hennessy Ellipse Brandy. It could only be bought at Harrods in London and is made from seven eaux-de-vies dating from 1800. It comes in a bespoke decanter by Thomas Bastide, the creator/designer for Cristalleries Baccarate. The cost is astronomical and he loved the fact that it was paid for with some poor slob’s money that he had managed to swindle. Life was good.

  The knock on the door came as a mild surprise. The doorman was supposed to call when his ‘date’ arrived for the evening. He would certainly have to have a talk with him about that when he saw him next. It wasn’t enough that he paid the man to keep his mouth shut and turn his head when he had these visitors but to forgo his duties was inexcusable.

  He pulled his robe around him and opened the door. A tall man in garbed in Renaissance style clothing and carrying a sword stood there.

  “What the hell? You’re a little old for ticker-or-treat.”

  “Thou be Andrew Kramer art thou not?”

  “What the hell is this silliness all about?” Kramer demanded.

  “Andrew, thou does not mind if I call thee Andrew does thou?”

  “I most certainly do. I don’t know who you are and I don’t care to know, and you can stop talking like a twit. Now if you will excuse me,” Kramer said, starting to shut the door.

  “Not so knave,” the man said and shoved the door open violently.

  The force caused the door to hit Kramer in the face, smashing into his nose and sending him reeling back against the wall. Blood spurted from his nose and lip and he let out a yelp. The man quickly stepped into the room and closed the door pointing the sword at Kramer’s chest.

  “I don’t know who you think you are but you have no right to come into my…”

  “Be still you scourge, you maggot” the man said pushing the tip harder into Kramer’s chest. Kramer pulled back further against the wall and raised his hands.

  “Who are you? What do you want?”

  “All in good time. All in good time.”

  “If it’s money, I only keep a small amount here. I’ll give it to you; you don’t have to get physical.”

  “Money? Money is vile. Creatures of evil feast on money. You take my house, then you take the prop that doth sustain my house. You take my life when you do take the means whereby I live.”

  “I don’t understand a thing you are saying. I’ve never seen you before. You have the wrong person.”

  “I think not. Mr. Kramer,” the man said no longer speaking in an actor’s voice, “You have caused six divorces, two suicides and countless people to lose their businesses and homes. Of course I have the right person. This is how you get your kicks Andrew. You enjoy causing that kind of pain. It lasts much longer than a bloody nose. I may be cruel but I am nothing compared to you.”

  “Look, those people were stupid. If I hadn’t have done it someone else would have. Anyone like that gets what they deserve. What else could I do? They practically gave me the money. This wasn’t my fault. What I did wasn’t technically illegal. Not technically. I have never been convicted of a crime. I mean, if it was really wrong I would be in jail, right?” Kramer argued.

  “So that is your justification? It’s not your fault?”

  “It’s not. They were the ones that were too dumb to hold on to their money. I gave them all a chance to back out but greed made them keep going. Anyone with half a brain would have seen it coming.”

  “I see. So they brought it upon themselves. You just happened to be in the right place at the right time.”

  “Yes. Yes. That’s right,” bobbing his head up and down.

  “Interesting. You know what? I believe in that theory as well and by the way Kramer, I was one of those people you swindled.”

  “You? I’ve never even met you.”

  “Not directly. I fell prey to one of your pyramid schemes.”

  “Well, sometimes things work and sometimes they don’t. So?”

  “So, I’m here. I happen to be at the right place at the right time. Now we can take care of business.”

  “I still don’t understand. What kind of business?”

  “Why, fishing of course.”

  “Fishing? I don’t know how to fish.”

  “It is very simple. I will teach you. I think you will really enjoy this. It’s exceedingly simple. You just need the right bait.”

  * * *

  I cringed as Eric came up the stairs and headed for my desk. He pulled up a chair and leaned in close like he had some secret for me.

  “They found a body at the River View Terrace Condos. A guy named Andrew Kramer. Some rich guy that had a lot of enemies I understand,” he said looking around.

  I caught myself looking around and wanted to slap me for it.

  “And I need to know this why?”

  “It could be related to the other murders.”

  “Why do you think that?”

  “He was in a fish bowl.”

  “A fish bowl?”

  “You know. A big fish tank. Half in. Someone had pushed the upper part of his body into one.”

  “And the goldfish ate him?”

  “He had a lot of exotic fish. They did a number on his face according to the officers on the scene.”

  “Any note?”

  “Not that anyone has found so far.”

  “CSI and the ME on site?” I asked.

  “They have been called and are on their way.”

  “Good job. Thanks,” I said grabbing my coat and gloves and heading out.

  I could hardly believe it. Eric actually did something right.

  **

  The streets were better but still treacherous. It took twenty minutes to get to the condo. It was one of those inter-urban things that the city had rescued from the slums a few years ago and it had done well. It was quite trendy now. Yellow crime scene tape was isolating a body in the lobby. I stopped to talk to the officers who were milling around drinking coffee.

  “What’s this all about? I thought the murder was in the penthouse.”

  “This is a bonus killing. A two for one deal,” one of the young guys quipped.

  “Who is he?”

  “Night doorman. He was stabbed. Looks like right through the heart.”

  “Whose shoe prints?” I asked, pointing.

  “Mine,” said an older gentleman who was standing off to one side.

  “You are?” I asked.

  “Homer Scruggs. I came in to relieve Oscar and found him like that. I checked to see if he was alive. Poor Oscar. He was a real peach, you know what I mean?”

  “Yeah. Sal
t of the earth.”

  “That’s Oscar alright,” he said.

  “Oscar have a last name?”

  “Pyle.”

  “Any family you know of?”

  “Nah, old Oscar was all alone like me. No wife, no kids. Lived over on Kentucky Avenue.”

  “Thanks Mr. Scruggs. Has anyone taken your statement yet?”

  “We got it,” one of the cops said.

  “Make sure I get a copy,” I replied and handed him my card.

  I took the elevator up to the penthouse and the CSI techs were setting up as I walked in.

  “At least this time it’s inside,” one of the team members said.

  “Remind me to send a thank you card to the killer when we catch him,” I replied.

  The condo was opulent to say the least. There was lots of marble, fancy artwork that didn’t mean a thing to me, and expensive electronic gear all over the place. Mr. Kramer was naked, his lower body hanging out of a huge aquarium, with his butt in the air. Gross. It was less than dignified to say the least. Eric had been right. The fish had done a number on his face. One of his eyes was gone and the other was hanging out, bobbing in the water. Part of his upper lip was gone and a nasty looking slug like creature was making a home in his right ear. It was way more than I needed to see. Just when I thought I had seen enough a spiny creature crawled out of his left nostril. Double yuck.

  “Like fish do you?” Sorenson said. I jumped back, startled. I hadn’t heard him come up behind me.

  “Damn.”

  “Nasty little boogers,” he said, trying not to laugh at the look on my face.

  “I sure don’t want them up my nose thank you very much.”

  “Think this is related?” he asked.

  “Oh, I suspect so. The crap about the fish eating on someone. Yeah, I think it’s related. So where do you think the note is?”

  He pointed at the tank.

  “It will be all wet.”

  “I doubt he would put it in his mouth and take a chance of it being damaged before we could read it. He might have put it elsewhere.”

  “That sounds like a job for the ME,” I said, smiling.

  “This is when I wish I had an assistant,” he said, slipping on a pair of latex gloves.